The Space in Between
by KareNeko
Summary: Iruka reveals a painful secret and sets events in motion that bring his past to life. Character mutilation, fetishism, degredation, and more fun ouchies. Complete! Iruka/Mizuki/OC/? MaleXMale warning Observe Rating Please.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto etc.

x

x

"Because I'm not gay, damn it."

"Yes you are, I can't image why you don't know it yet. I've never seen you even speak to a woman unless it was work-related. Much less date one"

"I don't date anybody. Not guys, not women. So that means nothing."

"Look, Iruka, we've been friends a long time. If you've got gender confusion issues, you should let me help you. Because I'm free right now, and in a good position to assist you."

"Gender confusion. That's rich." Iruka sighed, shaking his head. "Because you've been such a good friend, I'm going to tell you something almost no one else knows. And I swear, if you ever tell anyone, ANBU or not, I _will_ kill you. Do you still want to hear it?"

Kakashi was even more intrigued. "absolutely. You can trust me, you of all people know that."

"You know, a long while back I was first teaching Naruto, and we had an altercation with Mizuki. Do you remember?"

"Mmm-hmm," Kakashi nodded , eye alert above his mask.

"That shot to the back wasn't the only one I 'took for the team'" he paused. "it's taken a long time to be able to face the reality of it. The truth is, Mizuki approached me under guise of an apology later, and I took the bait. I mean, he was someone I had placed a lot of faith and affection in. I was willing to believe that he was truly remorseful."

Kakashi's eye was starting to droop a little. Iruka was losing his audience.

"Never mind." Iruka broke off the story, a little relieved. What a stupid idea to tell anyone, even his best friend!

"No," Kakashi objected, "What happened, Ru? He broke your heart?"

Iruka laughed, but there was no humor in it. It sounded bitter.

"No. Not even close. He did try to seduce me though. He thought he could curry some favor I think, keep me on his side for his hearing. He got angry when I told him he was going to deserve whatever punishment they gave him. We both knew he was guilty. But I'd already made a huge mistake, underestimating him like that. He overpowered me, and he was going to rape me. I said a lot of things to try and hurt him, to make him stop…I really pissed him off. So he just pulled out his blade and sliced my balls off. And from what I understand, used my blood for lube and did the deed anyway. I was unconscious at that point, I guess there's a small favor in there somewhere…"

Kakashi's mouth was gaping under the mask. Stated so matter-of-fact from this sweet, seemingly self-assured person. He was speechless.

"So I wouldn't describe my state as gender confusion. So if you could please have some respect for my privacy, and stop with the gay thing, I'd appreciate it. It should make sense why I'm celibate, now that you've got the gist of my situation. Even if this puts a crimp in our friendship, it was something I needed to tell you. You, and a few people bound to silence by legal and medical oaths are the only ones who know. "

"Are you okay?" Kakashi asked stupidly. What the hell do you say to a revelation like that?

"I'm the same today as I was yesterday, a month ago, two years ago…it happened a long time ago, Kakashi. You know, back then I was a struggling not to be what I really was, which was a proper ass, right up to that point. Always in trouble, jerking everybody around and fighting. I was trying to be a good sensei but the example I was trying to set was a fake. Too much testosterone, I guess. Well, that was all resolved after the incident. My personality and my life were changed forever, hell maybe for the better. Regardless, it's part of who I am now."

"I…can't image you as a jerk." this is too weird.

"Well, I was, but it certainly took all the wind out of my sails. Now you know why I'm still chunin. Maybe it sheds some light for you?"

Kakashi peered at him openly

"You don't have to look at me that way," Iruka scowled. " I've had therapists and I've talked it out ad nauseum. Enough already. I've accepted it."

"You take something for it?"

"You mean hormones? Yeah, how the hell else would I keep looking like this?" he shook his head. "So I'm perfectly fine."

"So up the dose and find out if you're gay."

It was Iruka's turn to gape. "I never realized what an insensitive jerk _you_ can be."

"It was the subject that started this conversation," he pointed out. "It's not like I'm dragging it in out of context. You seriously haven't tried anything with anybody at all since then."

"Let me slice _your _balls off," he growled, "and let's see how anxious you are to offer_ your_ ass up to anybody."

Kakashi's face was getting red. Damn, he thought, this is kind of hot. Not a kink you'd normally be made aware of in a normal lifetime. It was like the ultimate unattainable goal. He'd checked out of the conversation momentarily, and decided to check back in.

"It was - mutilation." Kakashi stated oddly, almost to himself. "Did he do anything else to you?"

"You're not going to get sick, are you?" Iruka asked, taken aback. His friend look flushed and a little unfocused above the dark mask. "It's a shock to you. I guess I've just told this story to so many doctors and psych-nins, I can recite it in my sleep. I'm sorry."

"So now that I know, I should be able to help you. You're still hot, Ru. Now that I know why you've been turning me down, I think I can…"

"No. I have been, and always will be, your friend WITHOUT benefits."

Kakashi considered that. Come to think of it, Iruka was the only friend he had who would not provide him with benefits.

"Just don't mess with my head," Iruka said calmly. " It's taken a long time to get it screwed back on properly."

"I…wow…you're right, man, as secrets go, I think that tops just about anything I've heard." Kakashi pinched his mask away from his face a few times to freshen the air under it. The silence was getting a little uncomfortable. "So, look, I've got to go, how about I come back by this evening and we'll talk some more?"

"I'll probably be grading papers, but you're welcome to come by - really, Ki, I don't need to talk about it. I wasn't looking for a shoulder. Come on by and hang if you're bored, though."

Kakashi staggered off, excited and perplexed at his own reaction. What the hell, he thought with a giddy silk-hidden smile. Why do I feel like this? Hearing about by best friend's mutilation and rape? No, of course not, he would love to find that bastard Mizuki and relieve him of all of his appendages one by one after hearing that. It was curiosity? The challenge? No, close, but not quite.

He didn't even see him until he crashed into Gai, not an easy thing to do considering his height, ambient noise level and wardrobe choices.

"My worthy opponent," Gai said in gentlemanly concern, "Drinking this early?"

'Oh! Gai! No, no , just … I just heard some news…well old news, apparently, but news, and new to me…it was kind of shocking."

"Let my vast knowledge of worldly events and sociological hierarchies provide clarity in your wandering hour of confusion, my revered rival!" Looking around, Gai leaned in close. "Spill. What did you hear?"

"Ah - let's sit down. It really is a secret, so if I share this with you, you can't tell anyone. I mean this would be like a big betrayal if it got out."

This must be some secret, Gai thought. "You know I'm trustworthy."

"Mizuki cut…ah. Ok Iruka has…Wait, I have to think how to put this. I just found out. From Iruka. That a long time ago. He was …injured…by Mizuki. And it made him,uh…He castrated him."

"You lie!" Gai blurted.

"Shut the hell up!" Kakashi shushed angrily. "No, I don't lie. Sliced 'em off and then holed him while he was passed out. That's some serious shit to live with."

" My desire now is that I had opted for you not to divulge this secret," Gai croaked. "This 'serious shit' is hard to even hear. How does he maintain sanity?"

"He says he's worked through it, had therapy and he takes hormones. It - Gai, it floored me. He tells me this and I'm like, he's so much hotter like this. It spanked me hard. What the fuck is that?"

"My over-enthusiastic friend, we both know how eclectic your tastes are, but I confess this is a little shocking even for you. Maybe it's a protective thing?"

Kakashi shook his head. "I really want to see the scar."

"Okay, Kakashi," Gai grabbed his shoulder hard. "don't ever repeat that. As your sounding board, let me tell you - that is sick shit." He left go, and Kakashi rocked back.

"Yeah, I know. It feels obsessive."

"Un-obsess it. Find one of Iruka's therapist and make an appointment or I might have to kill you."

Kakashi sighed. The man knows how to cut through the bullshit.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, and I doubt this arc was coming up anytime soon...

Note: Iruka's nickname for Kakashi, "Ki" is pronounced "key".

----

"Yo, Ru,"

"Oh. Ki, c'mon in." Iruka had a toothbrush in his hand, already wearing his robe.

Disappointed, he said, "Meh. Sorry, I don't want to keep you up. Are you sick or something?"

No, it's okay, I was just getting ready for bed in case I fall asleep before I get through these creative writing assignments." He wandered back to the bathroom. "Just give me a minute."

Kakashi ceremoniously sat on the futon, then popped back up when Iruka was out of view. He crept to the door of the bathroom - it was open a bit. He crouched low and peered up, trying for the right angle. It was fruitless, even when Iruka bent over the sink to spit and rinse. 'No use ,' he lamented mentally, and slipped back to the living room to perch innocently and wait. 'I should buy him one of those short robes. When was his birthday again?'

Iruka came back out, headed for the kitchen. "Beer?"

"Sure, thanks."

He sipped it as he watched Iruka arrange himself, his papers and marking pencils, and water glass at the other end of the futon.

"Teachers work too hard," he said, smiling benevolently.

"What a nice thing to say, thank you," Iruka said, peering at him wryly. "You're sure in a civilized mood tonight."

Kakashi nodded, slouching quietly, sipping his beer.

Iruka chastised himself to get to work, started to decipher the first scrawled paper. About 5 papers into the stack, he glanced over and noted in mild surprise that Kakashi was still just sitting there, nursing the same bottle.

"Something wrong?"

"Huh? Oh, no, no…I'm good. Just, ah, you know, comfortable."

"There's more beer in the fridge. Did you forget your book?"

"Oh!" he patted his vest pocket. "No, I've got it."

I get it, Iruka though. He's such a sweetie sometimes. "It's OK, go ahead and read. I know I give you a hard time, but it really doesn't offend me. You don't have to tiptoe around me all of a sudden." He smiled to himself, turning his concentration back to the papers.

Kakashi went in and chucked his empty bottle under the sink. "You want one?"

"No, I already brushed my teeth, but thanks anyway."

Snagging another beer, he snapped off the kitchen light.

Darn, and he doesn't look sleepy at all yet. This could be a long night. He settled on the futon and pulled out his favorite book.

"I didn't do a very good job of instructing them on this, I guess," Iruka sighed a few minutes later, tapping the stack of papers on their edge to straighten them.

"Done already?"

"When I get past the tenth paper and everything's wrong so far, I know that I'm the one that gets an "F". I'll give them all credit for completion and go over the lesson for this again in class." He set the papers aside.

Kakashi saw his vision of a sleeping, naked-under-his-robe and unaware-of-his-curious-buddy-still-in-the-room Iruka waver and vanish. Double damn.

"Hey, you look kind of tired, I think I'd better shove off now." He drained his beer as he pocketed his book.

"I do? Oh, sure. Be careful, see you later." Iruka padded to the door and politely let Kakashi out into the night.

He returned to the futon and pulled his robe a little tighter, smiling. That went well, he thought. Silly, thinking that his friend, who did such desperately brutal and shocking things for a living, would be thrown much by his little secret. He breathed a little sigh of relief and curled up sideways.

The night was still relatively young, so Kakashi made his way to a local watering hole. He threw his leg over a stool at the bar, and acknowledged the high sign from the bartender. He squinted his eye in the dim light to identify the face. _Have I had that one? I think so_.

"Hey, sugar, what'll it be? It's sure been a while." _Yup, definitely had that one. Not doing it again, either_.

He ordered his beer and surveyed the handful of patrons. His eyes lit on a older guy with a shaved head and glasses, recognizing him as one of the psyche-nins. Drinking alone. Jackpot!

"Hey, how ya doin?" Kakashi asked, smacking his hand on the man's shoulder with great familiarity. "It's been how long?"

"Hatake Kakashi?" the man puzzled, well aware of his identity but no clue how they'd ever been acquainted.

It pays to be infamous.

"Hai, mind if I join you?"

"No, no problem, please, have a seat."

Kakashi raised his hand to signal for drinks. "Hey, let me get you another - what are you drinking?"

"Vodka rocks."

_Good _alcoholic, thought Kakashi. The only one better is vodka no rocks.

"So, hey, haven't seen you since, ah, that trouble we had - gosh it's been almost three years now, hasn't it? I'm sorry, it's been so long - Kai, was it?"

"Bentai."

"Oh, yeah, that's right, Bentai. Sorry, I've lost a few brain cells since then," he smiled, waggling his beer bottle in evidence.

"I hear you there."

"People say I have a tough job, but I sure couldn't handle yours." That opening line, combined with the arrival of the new drinks, worked like magic. Resisting the urge to pull his book out, he settled in to listen as his new old acquaintance launched into his favorite work stories. Kakashi was expecting to be bored, but considering that it was the locals this guy treated, he should have known better.

Three more rounds and he figured it was now or never.

"Eh, I'm still grateful for all the work you guys did on the Mizuki thing back when," he slipped in as casually as he could. "Sure made my investigation go a lot easier."

"Oh? Oh, yeah, that, geeze. That's right, I remember releasing the reports to - I see, that's it. That ANBU was you."

_Too frickin easy_, Kakashi grinned, and put a shushing finger to his silk mask. "Now, not too loud, ANBU identities are strictly confidential. These are _our_ secrets, remember? But, it's not like you'd forget an incident like that."

"It made my top ten, that's for sure."

"Confidentially, I'm still cleaning up that mess," Kakashi smirked.

"Really? I thought they closed that out in July. And frankly, other than the murdered-clan type things - I mean, this was still overly long for a non-fatal."

"Well you know, you can't be too careful when somebody works with kids. Although, I'm going to wrap it up pretty soon. Did you do the final report?"

"I approved it, but I didn't write it." He was beginning to look worse for wear, draining another glass and rubbing his eyes.

"I'll need a copy of that to associate with my report files. Takes forever to go through the archives, though. You don't by chance still have a copy at the office, do you?" bullshitted Kakashi. _Sometimes I do listen to the prattle around the assignment desk, and that sounds about right. _

"Sure, we always maintain a copy of the inactive fliel, er, file here local for two years before it's destroyed.." His voice was just a little slurry now, words a little slower.

"Of course," he nodded. Gauging carefully the inebriation level of his booth mate, Kakashi deemed him properly marinated. "Say, it's pretty warm in here, I could sure use a walk. Let go swing by the office and we can save ourselves a little work. I really just need to get the initial dates out of the file, I can just jot those down and you won't have to make all those copies."

"Hell of an idea. Hey, you're sure not the scary S.O.B. everybody makes you out to be."

_You have no clue. Thank you photographic memory, who needs copies? _He didn't dare ask if there would be photos, but _oh my_…


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Nope, Naruto is not mine He's underage anyway.

Short little chapter in keeping with my short little attention span...

Every word and image in Iruka's highly confidential medical trauma file was now a permanent part of the copy-nin's mental inbox. He found that the depth of the violation of this man's privacy was another newly-discovered kink, way beyond his run-of-the-mill voyeurism preferences. It felt like he _owned_ this guy.

Those psyche-nins are weenies, though, he thought. There wasn't anything conclusive about Iruka's "orientation" in all the pages of mumbo-jumbo . Still, as a skilled manipulator knew that the information he now had might put him in a much better position to get to the bottom of things in the long run.

--

The group courier moved through the desks, retrieving the time report folders to deliver to the timekeeper. Chucking the files into his rolling cart, he swept down the last row of desks. There were two files instead of one in the outbox marked "TIME" in the third desk down, somewhat odd, but he picked them both up and dropped them on the pile anyway. They didn't pay him enough to do this boring shit and think, too. He rolled on out to make his delivery and get on to the main event, lunch.

"Here ya go. Hey, Genma, where's Shufan?"

"Out sick," Genma grumbled, senbon twitching. "How come they don't have you do this, too? It's more your grade level." He pulled the top file out of the cart.

"Hey, man, I don't piss off with the boss-lady like you do. I'll be back at four to pick em up."

"Make it five, this'll take forever." He slapped the top file open, copied the top sheet's time charges, made the notes in the margins and signed off on the employee copy. Reassembled, closed, on the to next. What crap.

He whipped the next file open, and his brows knit in confusion at the name on the side tab.

'Iruka?' he thought. 'His time isn't charged in this group.'

On top inside the file was a manila folder stamped "EVIDENCE PHOTOS".

'Ooh, now what do we have here,' he smiled, and dumped out the pictures, and all the vivid color in the photos seemed to leech the color out of his face. He almost pierced his own hand as he slapped it over his mouth. "Is that…are these…Iruka's…oh my gods!" He slapped the file shut, crammed it in the desk drawer to hide it while he regained his composure. It took a full three minutes for him to decide to pull it back out and read it cover to cover. He snapped a rubber band around it and put it back into the cart, hiding it under the other files.

The accuracy of his time roll-up was appalling.

--

The next day, Genma was stirring the most fascinating bowl of rice and fried egg he had ever seen. Such was his concentration that he missed the chance to talk to Iruka, who passed by without comment since he was in a hurry anyway. He breathed a sigh of relief when he saw the ponytail disappear around the corner.

He wasn't ready to reconcile the man with the information he'd absorbed quite yet, and he was afraid he'd give himself away. He really wished he hadn't read the damn thing.

"Hey, Genma, wake up!" Raidou laughed, dropping into the seat next to him with his lunch plate.

"Hey, Raidou," he greeted absently.

"What's up, why the long face?"

"It's nothing. I'm just tired, I had to roll up the time for all the offices yesterday."

"That stinks. You better not tangle with Tsunade again, or you'll be doing the laundry next."

Genma nodded, running his fingers through his hair.

"You sure that's all it is? That's not like you," Raidou queried, pointing to Genma's thoroughly mixed but uneaten lunch.

"Oh, well, I found something out about somebody that's really messed up. I guess it's bugging me because I'm really not supposed to know. "

"Something bad?"

"Oh, ho, ho, yeah. It's bad."

"Is it about somebody I know?"

"Yeah, but, I shouldn't say anything,,"

"Hey, man, you know I wouldn't tell anybody. If you're worried, don't name names. What happened? "

Taking the opportunity to vent his anxiety, Genma caved in and described his find in low, quiet tones as his confidant writhed uncomfortably, fighting the urge to hold his own jewels securely against the very thought.

"I think I know who it is anyway," Raidou gasped. "So that's why his wife can whip him so easy."

"No, it's not an old married guy. He's actually pretty much a loner, which sure makes sense now." Genma could see the gears turning in the other man's head.

"I think I know who it is then," Raidou mused. "I won't tell anybody. But, technically, you didn't tell me who .." He held his hand up and pulled a fistful of his hair up into a ponytail. "Right?"

"You're good." Genma nodded with a sudden smile. "Heh, for a second there when you knew who it was from the word "loner" I thought you were gonna say Kakashi."

Raidou cracked up at that. "Shit, I known for a fact he's still slapping his set on everything in Konoha that will hold still long enough."

"Yeah, I got his "rough mission" dance just last month. You know, he's a royal pain when you try to put him off, and I've seen him lurching on Iruka big time. Maybe we should say something, you know, get him to lay off."

"You mean, tell him? Not me, man." Raidou watched as Genma stood and dumped his uneaten meal in the trash. "He'd probably feel real bad and get pissed that he didn't know sooner. I don't need that drama. Hey, I'll contribute to the cause by laying off myself. I've taken some serious runs at that poor guy."

"Me, too. Oops, it's late, I'd better go. Hey, Iwashi. See you guys later." Genma, feeling much better, headed off.

"Sit, I gotta go here in a minute." Raidou said around a mouthful of food. "We got to talking and I lost track of time."

Taking Genma's still-warm seat, Iwashi chomped on a roll and regarded him curiously. "Something interesting?"

"Can you keep a secret?" Raidou asked quietly. Iwashi leaned in close, nodding. "_Have I got a story for you."_


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer : no claim to Naruto & pals

Iruka stood in front of the scroll desk, removing a taped notice from the front of the inbox. There had been a constant flow of people in and out of the room, and he wasn't paying much attention to them.

Gai walked into the room and immediately saw the person he'd dropped by to check on. He approached the familiar figure, preparing an appropriate greeting in his mind and raising his hand to deliver a friendly clap on the shoulder, then froze in mid-reach. Maybe it would be unwise and inappropriate to make bodily contact with him. Maybe it would be too provoking and upset him in his condition. Maybe…

Iruka's senses jabbed him as he sensed someone too close, hovering. He began to turn and the first glimpse from the corner of his eye was of a towering figure with an upstretched hand, not unlike a lumbering bear preparing to swat. He startled and jumped forward, barking his hip painfully against the edge of the desk.

"Ag! Ow…Gai, what the heck?" Iruka rubbed his hip, peeling himself off the edge of the desk.

Gai swiftly withdrew his offending hand and hid it behind his back. "I mean you no harm, brave soul, never would I disturb you unbidden! My approach lacked couth, can you forgive me?"

"You just startled me, Gai. " Sheesh.

"Are you injured?" _He's so fragile! So vulnerable! He fears my manly proximity!_

"I bumped into the desk, that's all. Did you need to talk to me?" Iruka finished stripping off the tape, and made his way back around to his chair, chucking the papers in the trash.

Gai rubbed his neck. Indeed, what was I doing? "I am reporting in to advise you of my early availability for assignment."

"Sorry, I don't have any collateral assignments today. I'll add you to the list and you can check back tomorrow," Iruka offered with a smile. There'd been a lot of guys dropping by today that weren't due for assignments, and he'd had nothing for them, either.

"Then I will try your patience no more. Have you by chance seen my esteemed adversary today?"

"Nope, sorry. Haven't seen him."

So, my rival has taken the situation to heart and will leave this vulnerable creature alone. Excellent, I shall not have to kill him after all.

Iruka cleaned off the rest of the desk, shooed a couple of loiterers out of the room (what's _with_ these guys today?) and headed for home.

xxxx

"Hey, Chouza, get back in here. We're playin again." Aoba called, shuffling the deck. "Shikaku, how much longer is your hall pass?"

"Heh heh, yeah, I can't believe you even got out tonight." Ebisu laughed. "if I didn't know better I'd swear you'd been "Mizuki-ed' too. Har har har…"

"Shut it," Shikaku snapped. He flicked his large pile of red chips in annoyance. "I've got 'til eleven."

"Chouza, just bring the whole bowl in here! Aoba's waiting on you to deal." Chouza joined them, and the cards began doling out.

"That's one heck of a story, huh? You'd think a person would bleed to death," Izumo mused.

"Naw, they castrate animals all the time and they don't bleed to death." Kototsu argued.

"I don't think they do it like that though." Iwashi shook his head.

"He's a brave guy, I'll give him that. You would never know it by lookin' at him."

x

Choji and Shikamaru had slipped into the kitchen as Chouza vacated it, plundering the unattended snacks as the men returned to their card game.

"What are they talking about?" Choji whispered, plucking a handful of salami.

Shikamaru had already been listening, and he was losing interest in the food. A person…got castrated. Were they serious? Eyow! But who…?

"So that's why Umino's so frickin mellow. That's probably the only thing that keeps him from beating those kids senseless. I never could understand it before." Chouza chimed in, crunching noisily. It covered the muffled gasp in the kitchen.

"They should make it a job requirement for certain sensei; they should do Kakashi next." they howled at that.

"no, better yet - Jiraiya." more laughter.

Shikamaru counted empty beer bottles and computed. Loosened lips, perhaps, but not drunk to the point of hallucination. _Iruka Sensei_.

"Come on, Chouji, we need to get to the bottom of this. Let's go find Naruto."

xxxx

Kakashi reviewed various passages from Iruka's file in his head, rapping on the door.

"Oh hi, hey, I didn't know you were back! That was a quick one," Iruka greeted. "You're just in time for a snack, I just finished making some onigiri."

"You're always doing something constructive, aren't you?" Kakashi smiled, sauntering in with his hands shoved in his pockets. He watched out of the corner of his eye as Iruka locked the door, started to turn away, gave it a quick check again, then trekked back to the kitchen.

Okay, that fits. He recalled the notation:

_OCD - cleanliness and locking doors. Initially observed repeatedly locking and rechecking, sealing and re-sealing. This is unresolved but has been reduced in severity and is within reasonable tolerance._

He followed Iruka into the kitchen, experimentally bumping up close behind him to peer at the process of wrapping up the rice balls for storage. Iruka shrugged slightly and looked back at him. "Hey, no tailgating." he joked.

_Has made significant headway in reduction of issues with closed spaces, proximity of larger [perceived as stronger males; still exhibits an abnormally large personal space with defensive response from periphery to rear._

Hmm, he doesn't seem very defensive with me. Maybe it's because he trusts me. He went a step further, rested his chin on Iruka's shoulder in as nonchalant a manner as he could muster.

"Hey, Ki, what's up? You're acting strange today."

"You know I can't talk about it. The mission."

Iruka wiped his hands, turned worried eyes to face him. "Are you all right? Tell me the truth."

"I'll be okay. Just let me lean on you a little, it was pretty rough. And… do me a favor? Check the door locks one more time, and keep your kunai out where you can reach it. You don't have to, but it'll make me feel protected. I'm sorry to be such a bother. " Was that convincing? Too needy? How does one encourage a bit of confidence/dominance in another?

"You're not a bother!" Protect _him_? What happened to him out there? Iruka nodded, went to check the lock, locked and relocked, checked again and picked up a couple of weapons. Checked the lock again with a familiar sense of necessity.

"Why don't you sit down, I can put some dinner together for you."

"Not you?"

"I snacked a lot while I was making the rice balls."

No "ball" jokes, he reminded himself.

"I'm not hungry. Just tired. Okay if I just hang a while?"

"Absolutely, it's fine. Do you have any wounds that need attending?"

Other than my raging…okay, belay that. "No, no wounds."

He flopped on the futon and Iruka disappeared to fuss in the kitchen a while, stowing the last of the rice in packages for the next few days and cleaning up. This might get a little tricky, he thought. He recalled more of the report.

_Comfort contact items: cloth items other then day clothes representing wrap , barrier or insulation: Robes/ blankets/sleeping bags (not zipped)/ towels_

_Personal security: Anchored/power contact items including handheld piercing and throwing-type weaponry; body armor_

_Sleeping disturbances have declined. _

_Continued sexual dysfunction - refusal of reconstructive surgery, self-reduced [less that Rx dosage of medication. Converted to bi-weekly injections, but missed appointments. Fluctuations from erratic injections increased side effects. Converted to adhesive patches, patient is unable to vary dose, and consistent hormone levels currently achieved. _

_Ongoing pattern of rare arousal despite sufficient hormone levels for functionality._

Iruka sat by him, closer than usual in concern and maybe taking the "lean on me" comment at its literal meaning. Kakashi put a hand deftly in his friend's upturned palm.

Here goes nothing, he thought. He dropped his tone into a low purr, the one that always got him what he wanted, at least from the rest of the world.

"You know I get all of the sex I need , but sometimes I need to just hold somebody, you know? I don't really have anybody I can relax and be myself with. Well except for you, and you'd obviously rather have your lips sewn shut than let me near them." No protest to that, well, that was expected.

"But I have this fantasy where I just wrap you up in soft blankets and listen to you breathe, watch over you all night. Sometimes I imagine that it's after your bath, and you come out to me in your robe and let me towel-dry your hair and brush it for you until you fall asleep. I guess I'm getting soft in my old age. You're just so beautiful when you're asleep. It's my favorite image of you." _(photos notwithstanding…)_

Pause for effect…"I'm sorry, tell me if I'm out of line." he peered up. Be a bit demure…uh oh.

"When did you watch me sleep?" Iruka had one eye crinkled in doubt.

Well, that's not the mood I'm shooting for. 'Iruka, you've been asleep several times while I was here before. Are you trying to change the subject?"

"Did something happen to you on the mission? Drugs, blow to the head, what?" Iruka said unsurely, scrubbing his palms across his thighs as if they itched.. "Maybe you should just rest and get your thoughts together."

Iruka got up and checked the locks three more times. Shit, thought Kakashi, that is _not_ the behavior I'm trying to resuscitate!

"Are you really thinking someone might come here after you?" Iruka asked, rearranging the weapons on the table.

"No, it was just, I don't know. It's all right, just sit down,"

"I could seal the doors, you know, it'll just take a minute."

"I'm sorry, maybe this was a bad idea. I'm making you nervous. It's not a big deal. Can't we just talk a little?" Why wasn't this working, shouldn't he dive for the chance at some safe, platonic comforting?

"Aren't you nervous? Isn't that what…" Iruka's sentence trailed off and he looked confused, a little distraught. He stood over the futon, and it didn't look like he was going to be ready to sit down anytime soon.

I need to get the hell out of here before this gets worse. "I didn't mean to disturb you, I should probably just go get laid." Kakashi hopped up and headed for the door, more than a little embarrassed at his own fiasco.

"Oh! Of course. Probably your best bet. Maybe you need some stress relief or something." Iruka quickly showed him to the door, looking even more relieved than Kakashi that their visit was terminating.

No shit. And I guess I don't have to tell him to lock the door behind me, the copy-nin thought.

He stood on the porch and listened glumly to the lock being set and reset behind him for ten solid minutes.

Too bad I don't have a lock fetish, he mused, heading home to rethink his strategy.


	5. Chapter 5

Diclaimer: I don't own Naruto. My psyche-nin tells me over and over...

- - -

"So what brings you to my office today, Iruka? I understand that you're requesting medication?" the blond psyche-nin asked with his patented neutral smile.

"Um, I just started feeling kind of stressed again, and that OCD thing has kind of come back with the locks and all. Then I had the nightmare last night. It's been so long since I'd had it, it just really upset me. I'm worried that I won't be able to sleep again. They said you wouldn't refill the sleeping prescription unless I come in to see you first."

"I see. You know that's for your own protection. You've been off of medication for almost six months now - is that about right? For some reason I can't seem to locate your file right away. Why do you think this happened now?"

"I don't know, my friend Kakashi came over and he was freaked out about a mission he'd been on, and it somehow channeled right into me."

The psyche-nin tapped the fall of blond hair covering his forehead. "Why do you think that might be?"

Iruka shook his head, his brow creasing.

"Is this a person that's important to you?"

Iruka nodded. "Well, of course, we're very good friends."

"Do you think that might have something to do with it?"

"Uh…well, I don't sit around worrying about him, if that's what you mean."

"I see. Yet you think his visit is related to this reoccurrence of your symptoms?"

"I was fine until he showed up."

"What were you doing before he arrived?"

"Nothing. Just making some food, messing around in the kitchen, I remember just sort of enjoying the process of what I was doing. Contented."

"Then what?"

"He shows up, tells me he's had this rough mission, asks me to protect him or something like that, and keep some weapons out, very weird behavior for him."

"You felt that he was not behaving normally. What happened then?"

"well, um, just some personal stuff."

"Ah-hah. What personal stuff?"

"He, well, I'm not sure. He wanted to watch me sleep or something. It's not as weird as I'm making it sound, I think he was trying to say that he wanted to stay just for company. Because he was kind of upset about the mission he'd been on."

"Why did you think it sounded odd?"

"The whole thing was weird! He shows up all helpless-like, asks for a platonic sleepover, tells me there's nothing to worry about, then leaves because he decides he'd rather get laid!"

"How did that make you feel?"

"I don't know. I got stuck somewhere in between locking the doors and getting the weapons out. I felt like I was getting ready for something bad to happen, and I guess he's about the strongest person I know, and he talked like he was afraid."

"I see. And how did that make you feel?"

"Vulnerable, I guess."

"Ah-ha."

"Then he left, I mean, he wasn't afraid to leave and be walking around alone if it meant getting laid. It was worse to be left alone like that."

"Like what?"

"I still don't even know what I was afraid of! He doesn't tell me anything! Then he just leaves!"

"And how did you feel about that?"

"Very nervous! Restless! Anyone would feel that way."

"What did you do then?"

"I…had that feeling, and I started the ritual with the door locks. I haven't done it in so long."

"And how did that make you feel?"

"It brought back some of those feelings from before. Then I was really scared."

"What did you do then?"

"I had a couple of pills from before still, and I was tired, and so I took them to calm me down, but I fell asleep and had the dream…"

"How many pills?"

"Just two."

"The dosage is one. What have we discussed about you disregarding dosages? It's very dangerous and unwise."

"This wasn't like that. I just wanted to get a hold of myself."

"Iruka, I agree that you may need some help. I'll going to give you the pills you're requesting, but you'll need to come by here daily to pick up each dose. And you'll need to agree to make another appointment in two to three days. I think you're just having a little setback, but we need to be aggressive and keep it that way."

A familiar institutional feeling crept into his gut.

"We can start you back on your mood enhancers if the OCD symptoms don't resolve in the next day or two." Iruka sighed, hoping that wouldn't be necessary. He took the single bubble- pack dose and shoved it in his pocket.

- x - x - x -

"There you are! All right Naruto, we know about your secret. You might as well tell us everything," Shikamaru sighed.

"I don't know what you're blabbering about, what secret?" Naruto hovered in about an inch from his nose belligerently.

"Gosh, Naruto, get in his face why dontcha?" Sakura thunked him in the arm.

"Don't play dumb," Chouji chimed in. "You don't know what I had to give up last night to go looking for you."

"Yeah, we overheard the old men at the card game. You never told us about Iruka-sensei getting his balls cut off!"

"Awp!" gasped Sakura. "Iruka Sensei!"

"Liar! You liars! What's wrong with you guys! Is that supposed to be funny?"

"Cut it out, Naruto. I know you were there when Iruka fought with Mizuki. Did you just accidental forget a little detail like that?" Shikamaru regarded him sarcastically through half-closed eyes.

"It was his back, you jerk! He got stuck in the back! He has a huge scar!"

"You think he's faking, Shikamaru?" Chouji asked. They exchanged bemused looks.

"No, I doubt it. He's not that clever."

"Thanks. No, hey ,wait ,what do you mean not that clever?" Naruto scowled. "What's with all the lies about Sensei?"

"Not lies, Naruto. Maybe there was a separate battle. Mizuki cut off Iruka Sensei's," he hesitated in deference to Sakura's groan. "accessories."

"I visited him in the hospital the whole time after he fought Mizuki!! I've stayed at his house! No way!"

"So you saw him like, change his clothes, or you guys took baths together, or he wandered around in his underwear - you've seen that he's still got 'em?" Nara pressed.

"Well, no, he's a pretty private kind of guy. Shy or modest or something'." This is so none of your business, Naruto fumed.

"Maybe it's because he has a reason."

"You guys burn me up. I'll just go ask him, and then I'll make you eat those words. People shouldn't be able to go around telling a bunch of lies without him being able to defend himself."

"No! Naruto! No, wait, don't go asking him about it!" Shikamaru cried helplessly to thin air. The flash of orange was already gone.

"My dad's gonna kick my ass," Chouji mourned.

- - - - - - -

Genma smiled sheepishly and handed a fistful of wildflowers to Iruka. Iruka laughed in surprise.

"Flowers, Genma?"

"They were on your porch. Looked like somebody dropped them or something. Heck, I'll owe you more than flowers after this." He held up the binder in his other hand.

"Huh, how odd. Yeah, let see what you've got here." He took the flowers and the binder from Genma, dropping the scraggly wildflowers into the trash and flipping on the light as they went in the kitchen. They settled at the kitchen table.

"You're sure it's not a transcription error? Without the source documents, there won't be any way to reconcile this."

"I think it's in the calculations. I can't get the withholding right. The gross amounts do match the source."

"It's been a long time since I've done this. Give me a minute to get familiar with it again. I know it's a little early, but do y ou want a beer? Some tea? " He dug out blank paper and a holder that contained a collection of pens, pencils, brushes and markers, deposited them on the table.

"Beer, that'd be great. Thanks."

"I haven't had a chance to talk to you in a while, how have you been?" Iruka popped the top on two brown bottles , passed one to his guest.

"Fine. I haven't been up to anything, really. Just work and more work. I sure appreciate you helping me out."

Iruka sat and studied the figures quietly. After a while he nodded, and starting to make correction marks. "I think the problem is in the beginning here, then it just got repeated clear through in the end column."

He looks good, Genma thought. Buff, rock hard, hot. If he hadn't seen the color glossies himself he wouldn't have believed it. The way his mouth looks on the neck of that beer bottle…what a shame. A drop of beer escaped the corner of Iruka's mouth as he swallowed and his lips parted to let his tongue find the escaped droplet. Genma swallowed hard himself and grabbed a blank piece of paper and a marker. Time to look somewhere else.

He took a deep breath to compose himself and resist the urge to draw "Umino on the half-shell". Instead, he guided the marker in intricate strokes.

"Hey, that's good," Iruka noted , looking up from the binder. "Wow, you're very artistic!"

"Thanks," Genma blushed, pleased. "I'm getting better. This is second time I've taken the advanced kanji class."

"Oh I envy you. I tried to take it a couple of years ago, but I had some uh things come up and I had to drop out . Since then there hasn't been an offering of that class that meets my schedule." Iruka frowned slightly.

"Hey, how about if I teach you? It'll be good practice for me, too."

"Really? You'd do that for me? I'd really like to try it. Say, have a look here, I'll show you where the problem is." Genma got up and went to stand behind Iruka's chair, but the other man popped up quickly and stepped aside. "See where the marks are? I just recomputed those. Carry it through, it should add up."

Oh, Genma remembered. I need to be careful, I shouldn't be coming up behind him like that. We're just getting a little comfortable together, and it's really…nice.

He was glad he'd had an excuse to spend some time here, and now he had a little foot in the door as a bonus.

"That's great. I can finish this up in no time now. This would have taken me all day. Since I've got some time, do you want me to start on a lesson now?" Genma smiled as he pulled out some of the paper. Before Iruka could reply, they were interrupted by a commotion at the front door.


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, nor any of their respective huevos.

-----

Iruka hurried to the door at the insistent banging. He barely had the latch undone when an orange blur rushed him headlong.

"Sensei ,Sensei , you gotta tell me its not true!"

"What is it Naruto?" Iruka stepped back, alarmed, trying to get a better look at the troubled face.

"Some jerks are making stuff up about you, saying that you got no balls anymore. That you got …" He made a scissors cutting motion with his hand. Iruka batted his hand down hard in disbelief, staring as he gathered enough thought and breath to speak.

"Are you referring to my testicles, Naruto?" Iruka said through gritted teeth. How the hell..?

"Yeah, Sensei, I…"

"Do you think that's appropriate, Naruto? _To ask your Sensei a question about his testicles_?"

The sudden heat of his anger stopped the young nin in his tracks.

"Whoa. Well, when you put it that way," He ran his hand nervously through his hair, 'It sure don't sound like it."

"So now we've established that you may not ask me that question! Where did you hear all this? "

"Chouji and Shikamaru said it, they overheard it when the old men were playing poker!"

Iruka's mind swam with the faces of the six to eight men that would comprise that group, wondering which one had discovered his secret and how. His stomach fell as he realized that it didn't matter, because Chouji and Shikamaru and Naruto were not being discreet- it was no longer going to be a secret from anyone.

"Naruto, it's not right to ask such a blunt question!" he searched for a way to maintain his dignity.

The blond stared at him, biting his lip to hold back all the things he wanted to ask.

"You can ask if someone is well, or if something is bothering them, but you cannot bring up such personal matters unless the other person lets you know its okay!" Iruka scolded in a useless attempt to end the subject.

"How would you let me know its okay if I don't ask?" he blurted.

"You could have asked if I am well. If I wanted you to know the details, that would be up to me!"

"Are you well, Sensei?" Naruto's voice shook.

"I'm fine now! OK? _And I will be even better if you respect my privacy_!"

"Iruka, do you realize that you're shouting?" Genma asked quietly. His appearance shocked Iruka into silence.

He hadn't realized. He wasn't even seeing clearly. He'd forgotten Genma was still there.

He caught himself and really looked at Naruto. The boy looked like he couldn't decide whether to cry or run away. Iruka rubbed the scar on his nose, distraught.

"I'm sorry." he breathed. "I shouldn't have yelled at you. I'm sorry. You…" he sat heavily on the edge of the futon.

"It's okay, Iruka. Isn't it, Naruto?" Genma intervened sympathetically. Naruto looked pained. "He didn't mean to raise his voice. He was just upset about what you heard. He's not angry at you."

"You don't have to be sorry, Sensei. I shouldn't have said anything like that stuff." His throat was tight as he struggled to find some other conclusion - maybe Shikamaru _was_ telling the truth..

"It's not okay," Iruka said, subdued. "You thought people were telling lies about me, and you came to warn me. But I'm the one who's been dishonest with you. It was despicable to yell at you like that. Your friends aren't the liars, Naruto. I'm the liar, still trying to act innocent at your expense. "

Now it was official, the boy was leaning more towards crying than fleeing. But Genma saw no need to prolong the upset.

"Naruto, we were kind of busy just now, I think it might be best if you came back to visit another time." Genma put a hand on Naruto's shoulder, guiding him back out the door. He nodded sadly at Naruto's questioning look, and blond stopped short. "I want to help."

"Come back later. Give him some air."

Closing the door behind Naruto, Genma berated himself mentally. Obviously someone else must have gotten into Iruka's file. He knew it didn't belong in with the time files, but he was worried that if he brought it to anyone's attention, his transgression of reading the file would be discovered . So he'd left it in the file cart even though he knew it didn't belong there. Now, who knows where it ended up, how many people may have seen it.

The only thing left now was damage control.

"Thank you Genma," Iruka spoke into his hands. "I guess I should explain."

Genma took a hard breath. "I already know, Iruka."

Wide brown eyes stared up. "I saw your file. In the office. It was mixed up with the time files, I swear I have no idea how it got there. I was just going through those files, and this was just another one, and I opened it, and it was your file. I was shocked, and I probably didn't think clearly. I saw some of it, enough to know about your injury. I'm the one who should apologize."

"You told everybody?" he quavered.

"No. NO! Iruka, no, I knew it was confidential."

"Then it was Kakashi."

"Look, I saw your file, who knows how it ended up in my hands. Other people may have seen it, too. That's what I was thinking when I first heard Naruto. Why do you say that - did Kakashi find out, Iruka?"

"I told him."

"So…at least you were ready to let people know, huh?"

Iruka shook his head and fell silent. When Genma sat next to him , he flinched away.

"You're hurting. I'm really sorry. Tell me what I can do to help." He tentatively put his hand on the sagging shoulder, and he was truly startled when fingers touched his in return.

"I already dealt with all of this. I'm fine. I got over it. It's nothing." His cheeks were red with shame .

Genma tried to absorb the conflicting non-verbal messages. "I've been through all the therapy. I've done it to death."

"Iruka…"

"I have. I'm fine. You should probably go. You've got to finish up your corrections and get them turned in. You can't miss that deadline."

"I can stay a little while. It's all right." He encircled Iruka's upper body with his arms, pulling him in loosely for a hug. Iruka only rested against him for a few seconds and then pulled away.

"I wish I hadn't yelled at him, that's all. You don't have to do that."

He trailed into the kitchen and gripped the binder in both hands, returning it forcefully to Genma.

"Our time was a waste if you don't get this turned in. You'd better go now."

"Do you mind if I come by later?" Genma asked as he stepped out onto the porch.

The door latched slowly behind him, and his question went unanswered. For a minute he thought Iruka was going to come back out as the lock tumbled again; but then it locked again, and again, and bit his lip remembering what that meant from the file he'd read. He stepped around a potted yellow mum and headed for the offices, not sure if he should return or not.

"Stop it," he ordered his hands. "I'm not going to do this anymore. Stop it!" But his hands had a pact with a less obedient part of his brain, and they worked the lock even faster in defiance.

---------

Kakashi sat ignoring his book and concentrating on his game plan.

_Self-esteem issues, residual guilt , depression - reduced to non-clinical level_

_Continued self- imposed social/physical isolation - non-clinical level_

This is just not easy, Kakashi thought. On the one hand, you'd think that a guy with Iruka's problems would be desperately in need of a nice warm lover. Someone to comfort and protect him, accompany him to places he'd be shy about going alone, attend his every need.. Amazing, Kakashi thought, as he realized that he was getting a stiffy just thinking about 'attending his every need'. Damn, that boy is as hot as he is sweet, and the kink is just the icing on the beefcake.

Enough, try to focus.

On the other hand, he's still got to have some serious issues, it would stand to reason that he feels threatened. He did care about the guy that hurt him , that has to make it even worse in the aftermath. And the damage his body took can't be undone, so he can never truly "get over it". So how he still manages go about his life, teach and go on the occasional mission and do all the other odd jobs he does to support Konoha…no wonder I can't get him out of my head. He's just one of those rare people. But one thing was for sure, this was not a person that could be won over with seduction. The hundreds of fruitless trips Kakashi had already made down that path couldn't be wrong.

So somehow, it's his tortured mind that has to be drawn out first. We're friends, very good friends, and that's a big start. He even trusted me with his secret, and since we alone share that, maybe that's the place to begin. Get him to open up more about it. A little sake, Iruka was at his weakest when he had a few warm sakes. In a secure comfortable place. Maybe a little late at night, he's more malleable when he's tired. Then get him to talk about it, work on getting him past his monastic attitude. It wasn't risky since either party could abort the process with no particular difficulty if it went sour. Even if it failed to make headway in the big picture, it could make for a nice evening together to a point.

No time like the present. Might as well go pick up some sake and shower up. Plenty of time, maybe go over around eight. Too early and I'll get bored. Too late and he won't agree to an impromptu get-together. I know my boy.

vvvvvvvv

"Naruto?' Sakura thought she saw him slip round the corner. "Naruto, wait up!" She jogged around the corner and ran smack into the back of him.

"Oww…Naruto, where have you been? What happened, were you able to talk to Iruka-Sensei?"

His big blue eyes looked so sad her breath caught in her throat. "Oh. No!"

He thunked his head with a frustrated fist. "It was true, but it isn't anybody's business! And now he's so unhappy! He was yelling, and he called himself a liar. Just 'cause somebody hurt him! It's not his fault."

Sakura chewed her lower lip sadly.

"Stupid people, why did they have to be talking about him. I bet Shikamaru and Chouji think its real funny. " he threw a stone into the dirt bank. "It must have been awful. And I was right there, too, every day while he was in the hospital, but I never knew."

Sakura pulled on his orange-clad shoulder, drawn into his sincerity.

"He knows we care about him. He probably didn't want everybody to feel bad about it, because it's so awful to think about. I wish there was something we could do."

"He doesn't even want to see me right now. When I see those guys they better watch their mouths."

-----

Kakashi was getting a little concerned. He knew Iruka was in there - he could feel that familiar chakra, a little rough, but definitely there. He knocked again, louder,

Iruka opened the door just a little. "Hi, Kakashi. Did you want something?" he asked quietly through the partially-opened door.

"Hey, Ru, just coming by to hang out a little. You're not busy are you?" he waited for the door to swing open wider, but it didn't happen.

"I don't know, I'm pretty tired. As a matter of fact…"

Genma stepped up to the porch. "Hi, Kakashi. Iruka.. Hey, I said I'd come by later, is this a bad time?" It looked to Genma is if Kakashi was trying to get in and Iruka was not interested. He spotted the sake in the copy-nin's hand and he felt irritated that the man was obviously refusing to let up on the chase even now.

Iruka greeted Genma's arrival with dread. He reached out and took Kakashi's arm, letting the door fall open. "Sorry, I forgot that Ki was coming over tonight. Maybe some other time. Goodnight, Genma." He guided the lesser of the two evils into his home. He won't stay long anyway, he always left in no time when things got boring for him.

He was in his robe already, a little fidgety yet obviously tired. He blinked mildly as Kakashi kept going past him into the kitchen, rummaging.

"I've got some great sake here, just let me warm it up." He set the bottle in the pan of water on the stove, and noted that there were two beer bottles on the kitchen table, along with some papers.

"So…what was the deal with Genma just now?" he asked.

Iruka leaned in the doorway, watching passively. "Nothing. I helped him with some paperwork today."

"You didn't finish?" he pushed. Damn Genma, he could be competition. He has that insidious way of pleasing people and worming under their skin. He'd been one of Kakashi's favorite stops for a long time. He might just have to give him a little extra attention the next time they 'visit'and teach him a lesson.

"We finished." He waved a hand carelessly. "I don't know what he wanted just now."

Kakashi poured their small cups and handed Iruka his.

"I hope this isn't wasted on me, Ki, I'm really tired. I was just going to bed." Iruka tipped the cup and downed the drink in an uncharacteristic deep swallow. "Sorry."

Kakashi smiled and downed his own cup, then refilled them both.

"It's okay, if you fall asleep I can let myself out. You're tired but you still seem a little antsy. Sake's a pretty efficient ant killer."

A corner of Iruka's mouth turned up in a smile. He was feeing a little floaty already.

"Are we going to hover in the kitchen all night?" he smiled and wrapped the sake bottle in a towel to catch the water and slipped his arm over Iruka's shoulder.

"No, I guess not." They sat on the futon and Iruka leaned against the startled silver-haired man.

"You're okay?" he looked down, saw the back of the dark head nodding. Wow. This was going well. He refilled Iruka's cup. Okay, now, he's just pouring that down without paying any attention. Better lay off so he doesn't get sick.

Iruka let his head fall back after downing the drink, truly feeling boneless and warm. Kakashi set their cups down and experimentally took Iruka's hand in his own. It rested there easily, and he kissed it, watching for any sign of resistance.

Emboldened, he pulled Iruka in for a bear hug, savoring the warmth as the other man leaned into him.

"Please," whispered Iruka. "I just want to go to bed."

The request shocked him. It was so plaintive. "You're sure?"

"I need to." His eyes were still closed, his expression untroubled. Before he could change his mind, Kakashi scooped him up and carried him to the bedroom, butting the door open with his shoulder. In the dim light he could see that the cover was already neatly turned down and the sheets looked fresh and cool. When he settled Iruka onto the bed, his deep rumbling sigh sent his blood pressure soaring.

He kissed Iruka gently, and the handsome face turned slightly away, eyes still closed. Not a kisser, huh? Kakashi thought with surprise. There were some guys who never kiss, at least not faces, but Iruka didn't seem the type.

He trailed his hands down from that face, along his neck and widening the opening in the front of his robe. Still no protest. He untied the waist and slowly pulled the robe away, until the hard body beneath was revealed. When he traced his lips down the firm upper abdomen, Iruka curled in his direction, shivering.

"Mmmm, you're beautiful." Kakashi began purring at him, trying to contain his own excited impatience. For all that their situation entailed, there was no denying that Iruka was not physically aroused. His member was flaccid. It probably takes a long time, some direct stimulation. He reached down and guided his partner's legs apart, and leaned down, taking the opportunity to set the image he'd been craving indelibly in his mind. The strangely scarred and unusual look aroused him even more. Against his single-minded goal, it sank in that he was having to hold Iruka's leg up. He looked away finally, and at the closed eyes. "Iruka?"

There was no response. Asleep? "Iruka!" he shook him gently. One eye rolled up and tried to find him. Kakashi grudgingly refocused his attention.

"Iruka, wake up!" he was exasperated. He couldn't be that drunk. Unless he's already been drinking…he thought back to the beer bottles on the table. Damn it , he hadn't come here to take advantage of a helpless man.

"Iruka!" The brown eyes blinked heavily.

"Hey, are you okay?" he tried to sit him up, but he slid heavily away.

"I have to go to bed," he murmured, finally. "'cause I already took it."

"Took what?" his eyes darted to the half-filled glass by the bed. He snapped on the lamp, and Iruka jerked his head unsteadily away from the slash of light. He examined the empty blister pack, recognizing the drug name. They used it in the field, for abductions.

"You didn't tell me you took this! Iruka, you can't drink when you take these!" Shit, I'm talking to myself, he's already out again.

Why is he taking such a powerful sedative?, Kakashi wondered. I roofied the guy and didn't even know it.

He felt a flash of guilt as he finished removing Iruka's robe and pulled the covers up to his chin. If they'd kept drinking, they'd be in emergency by now. As it was, it was worrisome. They should never give a medication that strong to someone who's going to be alone.

He'd just noticed the time when the knock came at the door. Ten o'clock. He planned to look in on Iruka at least every twenty minutes for the first four hours. He had borrowed a pair of pajama pants and was about to change into them to camp on the futon.

He opened the door and gazed coldly at Genma.

"Oh, Kakashi. I was just…"

"We were sleeping," Kakashi half-lied. "Iruka's asleep. Is there something I can do for you?"

Genma blanched. "No, I'll come back another time." Wait - he's sleeping fully clothed?

"And if I'm here, then, too? Maybe you should just leave well enough alone."

"What's going on?

Kakashi stepped out onto the porch, pulling the door to behind him.

"Look, why don't you just step off, okay?"

'Tell him I was here, at least." Genma said, taken aback.

"No, I don't think so."

What, are you his mother now?"

"Well, we both know I'm your daddy. So be a good uke and run along now."

"Don't plan on coming by my place anytime soon. I am going to see him, whether you like it or not."

"Reaallly," Kakashi seethed. "You're starting to piss me off. That's not a position you want to be in. Is it?"

Genma steeled himself."You don't scare me, except when I think about you in there with him. He needs some space,, not some damn pervert trying to jump him."

"I'm not having this conversation out here where someone might hear, you idiot. Shut up and get going." He took a step forward, but Genma gave no ground.

"You can't watch him every minute of the day. I will talk to him about this"

"Well, he won't be going to work tomorrow, so don't try looking for him." Kakashi reined in a bit, he'd come within a hair of really starting something, and he needed to get back in and check on Iruka.

"Shit, Kakashi, what did you do to him?"

"I told you, he's asleep. Go now before I mistake you for an intruder." Kakashi went in and closed the door firmly, locking it tight. He threw a quick seal on the door, and went to check on Iruka before sealing the rest of the doors and windows.


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: Don't own Naruto, nor his hunky pals.

vvvv

Genma went early to watch for Iruka at the academy, but sure enough, a substitute showed up to take the classes out to the field about twenty minutes after the regular start time.

He debated with himself again, but the outcome was still the same. He needed to bring this to Tsunade's attention.

"I can't say as this is a surprise, Genma. Sit."

He settled in the closest chair and leaned forward with his hands on his knees. "You were expecting me?"

"Naruto spoke with me this morning. I understand that you were there when he asked Iruka about his injuries. I assume that's why you've come to me today?" she smiled patiently. "It's pretty shocking news and it seems to have traveled quickly. I've known since I became Hokage. You'll come to accept it once the first shock wears off."

"It's not that," Genma said. "I'm worried about him, about the way Kakashi's been around him."

"Well, Kakashi's Kakashi. Once he knows…"

"He does know. I think he's known for a while . Iruka told him before anyone else knew."

"What?" she startled and sat back in her chair. "Hold on a minute." She hailed her assistant. "Get Marsh in here. There's something he should hear."

When the blond psyche-nin appeared, Tsunade waved him in. "Tell him what you just old me."

"You mean, that Iruka told Kakashi about his injuries?" Genma offered, sitting up straight.

"He did?" the psyche-nin "You're sure he voluntarily told him?"

"I don't know how voluntary it was. I just know that Iruka told me that he'd already told Kakashi. He told me after Naruto left."

The psyche-nin shared a meaningful look with Tsunade.

"So why are you here, you're worried about him?" Dr. Marsh queried.

"I went by to see if he was all right last night, and I got into it with Kakashi. He wouldn't let me talk to him, said he wouldn't even give him a message. Well, wait, let me back up - I happened to come by once, earlier. Kakashi has a bottle of sake and it looked like he was having to do some convincing to get Iruka to let him in. It seemed…wrong. That was around eight. I came back at ten, that's when he got angry. He came to the door and said they'd been asleep and I woke him, but he was fully clothed. Then told me not to try contacting Iruka, that he wouldn't be going in to work tomorrow. That sounded pretty flaky. When I asked what had happened to Iruka, he'd only say that he was asleep."

"I wonder what that was all about. We need to bring Iruka in and talk to him, make sure he's doing all right. I'll talk to Kakashi myself." Tsunade was growing even more concerned.

"If you call Kakashi in, I can go get Iruka while he's gone." Genma offered hopefully.

"So be it. Shizune, go fetch Kakashi. I believe that you will find him at Umino Iruka's home." Tsunade tapped her desktop nervously. This was not going to be fun.

Genma stood and she motioned for him to sit again. "Wait to leave until he arrives. I don't want any altercations."

vvvvvvv

Kakashi gently shook Iruka's shoulder as soon as he showed signs of wakening.

"Come on, buddy, take this - you'll feel better." He had an analgesic and a glass of water at the ready. He knew from experience that the side effects of drinking with the meds were usually severe headache and lingering drowsiness.

Iruka startled hard and water sloshed on them both. Kakashi jumped up from the edge of the bed and Iruka nearly went off the other side of it, clutching the sheet to his nude body, wildly disoriented.

"No, no, stop that! You're all right, Iruka." he still held the struggling man by the upper arm and kept him in check so he wouldn't fall off of the bed. "Iruka, listen to me."

He could almost see the alarms battling for dominance in Iruka's head: Late for work! Naked! Kakashi's here! Head splitting! Let go of me!

"Stop. Hold still a minute, you're okay." he slowly let go of Iruka's arm, and the other man froze. He was naked, after all, with only the covers for protection.

"Take this. It'll make your head feel a little better." He watched as the shaking hand took the water and the pill, and a touch of reason appeared to be returning to him. "I already let them know you'd be out sick today."

Kakashi sighed, continuing. "You took a pill, Iruka, and you didn't tell me. I brought sake over, and I had no idea that you'd taken anything. So now you have a headache and I'm very sorry."

Iruka handed the glass back and twisted the sheet in his hands.

"You were in that heavy robe so I helped you out of it to get into bed. Nothing happened between us, okay? I wouldn't do that to you."

"Ooch….thanks," Iruka breathed, tipping his aching head onto one knee. "Sorry to be so much trouble for everyone." Everyone, his brain turned that word over - was this the person who has told everyone? His mind was still too foggy to reform his thoughts prior to taking that sleeping pill.

"Hey, it was a misunderstanding. I'm sorry too, if I hadn't been so set on hanging out with you this might not have happened." But better than the alternative, Kakashi thought - he suspected that Genma might not have been so principled if he'd been here instead and discovered that he had Iruka here alone and sedated. There were worse scenarios.

"Is someone at the door?" he winced.

"I'll get it, " Kakashi grumbled. Damn Genma, I'm going to have to get serious on your ass. He yanked open the door and saw Shizune regarding him with a sideways smirk.

"So you are here! Come with me immediately. The Hokage wants you to report to her right now."

"Er - just a minute." He stepped back and closed the door, making his way back to the bedroom.

"I have to run to the Hokage's. I know you're hurting, but you need to come out here and seal the door after I leave. Don't let anyone in, got it? I can let myself in." Iruka was still very motivated when it came to the locks, and took the robe from Kakashi. He slipped it on, glancing at the copy-nin's face to see if he was looking. He had turned away, and Iruka felt comforted - a little.

He followed Kakashi to the door and locked it and sealed it behind him as he left. Checked the seal, rechecked the lock - shit!. He clenched his fists and headed to the bathroom, hoping his headache would subside. If he could just stop doing stupid things like this…

He was still seated in the thinking position when another knock came at the door. Kakashi had been specific. Don't answer. He can let himself in. He ignored it, finished his business and went to wash his hands and face, He needed a shower.

The knocking grew more insistent, and he fought the urge check the lock again. Go away, damn you. He turned on the shower to drown out the noise, but as the water started he though could detect a seal break. He paled, shutting off the water and held himself tightly, listening, The locks. He could hear someone cracking the lock, and his heart froze.

"Iruka! Are you all right!" Genma shouted, pushing in through the doorway.

Recognizing the voice, Iruka sat heavily on the bathroom floor and panted, releasing the fear that had held his breath.

Genma spotted him as he swept along the hall, and crouched down to him quickly. "What's wrong? "

"You scared the crap out of me, breaking in like that !" he gasped, shaking his head. "What do you think you're doing?"

"Come on, we need to get you to the medic center." He reached down, offering a hand.

Iruka pulled his arm back. "What are you talking about?"

"Tsunade's orders. You need to go to the medic center."

I miss work one day and it's a village offense? "No. I don't need a release for one day of sick leave."

"Get dressed. Hurry, we need to go." Genma ordered urgently. He wasn't sure just how long Kakashi would be detained.

"I'm not!" He felt anger heating his neck and wasn't sure where it was all coming from.

"You ARE, Umino, it's Hokage's order. NOW, or I'll bind you and take you just like this." he stood over him and Iruka looked upset and pained. "Look, I'm not going to hurt you."

"You're already hurting my head." he stood slowly and moved carefully past Genma so their bodies wouldn't touch. He closed the bedroom door so he could change in private.

At the medic center Iruka pulled at his ponytail self-consciously, irritated, Genma hadn't allowed him what he considered proper time to do his hair, and it felt imperfect. They went past the waiting area and sat in a consultation room. Genma watched him too closely and Iruka bristled.

"You just - stop staring at me. It makes me feel uncomfortable." he shifted in the under-padded chair. "Just tell me why I'm here."

"Tsunade wants you here. Maybe she wants to talk to you and your shrink together. I'm just the gopher. You shouldn't hold this against me, I'm just doing a job." Genma protested against Iruka's very personal angry look.

"A coincidence, is it?" he grumbled. "Now you're just lying to me for the hell of it."

The psyche-nin opened the door and proffered a hand to Iruka. He shook it grudgingly, and followed him to another room.

"Have a seat." He looked like he wasn't quite prepared yet, and it irritated his surprise guest even more.

"Since when do I get dragged in here like this?" he asked angrily, his head still throbbing.

"Since you get drugs under false pretenses and fail to take the precautions to protect yourself while you take them. You weren't honest with me yesterday, Iruka. I want to know why."

"I was honest. I don't know what you mean."

"You left out a very important detail about your life recently. It's not like you aren't aware of what a big step you were taking. You can keep things from me if you choose, but don't expect me to be prescribing you medications based on selective information.. I'll have to cut you off. "

Iruka rubbed his forehead fiercely.

"Does your head hurt?"

He nodded miserably.

"Let's move you to the chaise so you can lie down." He oversaw, without touching, Iruka's transfer.

"Did you take something for it?" Iruka nodded. "Take ten minutes. Close your eyes. I'll darken the room. It would be best if we got your head clear before we go on."

vvvvvvv

Kakashi blinked at Tsunade.

"He told me very matter-of-factly. It was a complete shock. It came completely out of the blue. We were discussing other things at the time."

She puzzled over this, eying him skeptically.

"So why were you holding him in his home, not allowing him to talk to anyone?"

"I wasn't! I had some word with Genma over his weird behavior towards Iruka. He's been hovering over him and it's getting on his nerves."

"You took him some sake? Did you two get drunk?"

Oh shit, Kakashi thought.

"We were just going to hang out. But he'd taken medication, and he didn't tell me. He had a couple of drinks and I noticed that he was way too out of it. By the time I figured out what he'd taken he was completely out of it. But I kept an eye on him, he was okay. He just has a hell of a headache today."

"Is there more to this story?" Tsunade leaned forward, her face growing unpleasant. "He was completely defenseless then, was he not?"

Kakashi frowned under his mask and his tone darkened. "He was completely defenseless. I could have done anything I wanted to him... "

He leaned forward to meet her, his eye narrowing into a fierce stare. Did she think he was that low? _"...and he wouldn't even have been able to scream."_

He paused vengefully to let that sink in, then continued. "I put him in bed to sleep it off and I stayed to make sure he was all right. And, yes, it took a measure of self-restraint. But that's all that happened."

She leaned back exhaling in relief, and studied the ceiling. "Fair enough. I hope you understand that there's some significance in his confession to you, Kakashi. Six months ago he was determined to take his secret to his deathbed. Something has obviously changed, though. I hope it's a good sign."

She brought him back into focus. "You're going to continue to be a perfect gentleman until I tell you otherwise, am I clear? No more sake nights. No more catfights with Genma. If you can't do better than that, stay away from him altogether. I've got lots of boring grade-school missions I can farm you out on, and you won't see Konoha for a month. Am I understood?"

"What do you mean, tell me otherwise? You'll give me an 'all clear' at some point?"

"Don't screw with me, Hatake. You'll get whatever I judge is your due."

Shizune stepped in and signaled that she was needed in the foyer . "You wait right here until I dismiss you."

Iruka eventually relented and came clean with Marsh. Yes, he'd revealed his secret to his best friend, and yes maybe it was because there was some faint hope he had of having a relationship - maybe someday. But not now, he'd only revealed it because he wanted to be honest with somebody in his life. It made him feel vulnerable and he liked his confident self much better, so he wanted to forget about it as soon as he'd said it. Now it was far too late. He described his behavior to Naruto, Genma's confession about the file, Kakashi showing up after he'd taken the pill, his rocky start to the morning. The therapist excused himself for a moment.

Marsh returned to his desk after leaving the room to hail Tsunade and tell her about Genma's discovery of the misplaced file days ago. There would be a lot of people in hot water now. The office staff was starting to search for the file under threat of death.

He'd also been taken aside to discuss another line of treatment, 'recommended' by the micromanaging Hokage. He would have to do some convincing, but his game plan had been changed, and it was up to him to sell it to the patient.

"Iruka, we've worked together for a long while, so I have debated about offering this option to you. It appears that you're working back towards exploring your options and abilities as far as becoming active sexually. I am a registered surrogate, and there are quite a number of paths that would open up as far as developing your confidence and empowering you in your relationships. However, if you choose to have me help you in this way, it would be best if I recuse from your case and transfer you to another therapist for your regular counseling sessions."

Iruka glumly pinched his inner arm experimentally, in hopes he was having a bad dream. Ouch and oh, shit.


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto and promise that I will leave his goods intact, unlike his sensei...

xoxoxo

Surrogate..? No one needed to explain that term to a man as intelligent and well-read as Iruka. As appalled as he was at the initial thought, he involuntarily took in the blonde's overall physical attractiveness. He'd never given it a lot of thought before. He was nice-looking, a little older, late twenties to early thirties, longish sandy blond hair and clear gray-green eyes. It sort of hit him all at once. Not covered in muscle and lean from hunting and killing, different from the men he was used to being around. Fit, but a slightly softer look. He was already keenly aware of the emotional dependency he felt sometimes when he worked with him.

"What …what kind of things are you talking about?" he asked hesitantly.

"There's no set order of things really. It would be a way for you to explore without the risk of rejection or worrying about a relationship."

"I don't know. That just sounds…." he frowned pensively.

"It's a kind of support that people in difficult situations sometimes need. It's a form of teaching, in a way. There are some things that are learned best by doing, some fears that are best eased by experience . I would offer you someone else, but the only other surrogate we have here now is a woman, and she is actually not a part of the psyche team anymore. However, if you prefer a female partner, I can arrange it. I am not trying to pin a preference on you, but from our sessions…"

"No, I don't really think that a woman would be much help."

"You would have to sign some releases. I am aware of your resistance up to now in seeking help with sexual matters."

"I don't know. I don't know about seeing another therapist. I'm used to talking to you."

"We can still talk, Iruka. But you're right, you would need to do your regular therapy with someone else. Quite frankly there's only one other therapist here that I would recommend, but that person is quite good." _(and she insists on taking over…)_

"What if we try it and it doesn't work? Can you be my therapist again?"

"I can't guarantee that. If you make this decision, you should make it with the idea that it's not easily reversed."

That was a big catch. He'd come to depend on the man that had seen him through everything from the bloody beginning. Even though he knew getting attached emotionally like that was not supposed to be productive. And now…how could he touch the man without getting even more attached? And it would just be his job. Getting paid to…but dammit, he was going insane. The whole world knew about his problems now and there was no more endless time to deal with it. If he knew nothing else about public opinion, it was that once the shock and excitement of learning his bitter secret wore off, everyone would take it in stride and expect him to be nonchalant about it too. Once it was yesterday's news they would grow impatient if he didn't normalize. He would be left behind as everyone else moved on.

And relationships - well, he didn't really have one to jeopardize at this point. Sure, he'd recently considered whether to take his best friend on. He could even admit now that he'd told his secret as a litmus test to see if it would ever be possible, more than halfway assuming that Ki would go cold on him. But he hadn't, and then he himself had chickened out, hating the idea of screwing up their friendship and fearing being found out as a miserable failure in bed. And Ki wasn't exactly a tea-and-sympathy kind of guy when he wanted something, heaven knows how he'd behave if he got the go-ahead and then felt he'd been short-changed.

His sudden new "friend" - Genma- what was that all about? Maybe it was something that developed after seeing his folder. Iruka assumed that the evidence pictures were still in there, and anyone that would be coming around him after that…maybe he was one of those sickos that fantasized about doing it with amputees and the like? The thought made him angry all over again.

So what was there to lose, really? Other than his pride, his heart, his mind…everything. How could this be so important when just six months ago he was content, happy to finally get over the terrors and settle into a nice safe celibate world, impenetrably defensible against the masses?

"Can you share your thoughts with me?" Marsh's words startled him back into the room.

"Do you think I should do it? You do recommend it?" _Because I do trust you…_

He laughed softly. "I did recommend it. I'm offering to administer the treatment myself, remember?"

Iruka nodded without looking up. "I guess so." Undoubtedly the most embarrassing thing he'd ever brought himself to ask for in his life. "Okay."

"You need to be sure. How's your headache? Are you up to reading over the release forms?"

""It's better. Sure, let me see them." Iruka scribbled on the forms and handed them back. "Can you please give me something for tonight first?"

"Maybe. I'd like you to consider staying here tonight, give yourself some time to adjust to the new situation you're in. How do you feel about that?"

"I'd be hiding if I stayed here."

"In a way. Just for tonight. "

"I thought you said hiding wasn't healthy."

"I'd like to see you take a break. You have been through a lot in a very short time. You've had symptoms re-emerging and you sickened yourself with medication and alcohol when you were confronted with your loss of privacy. I'd like to see you take this time to stabilize a little. I don't consider the behavior of the people you've described to me as being mature enough to be of much help right now. And at this point, it's the only way I'd consider letting you have another pill for tonight."

That was the clencher. No way was he up to enduring any nightmares tonight.

"I'll stay then, I guess." He really wanted to be curled up at home with every door and window sealed twice. But it wasn't worth it.

"We'll need to change the prescription on your patches. Let me get you one for right now, this isn't going to be a big increase, but you should see some differences. Possibly some aggressiveness, an increase in thoughts of a sexual nature, some physical responses." He tossed the patch from behind the desk and Iruka caught it easily, studying the orange label for a moment.

"Give me your old one, apply that now." He hiked up his shirt and stripped the old patch from the top of his hip and wadded it up, smoothed the new one on. He pressed the trash into Marsh's hand when he came to stand over him.

"I'm going to get a room cleared, and I'll be back. Just lie back, see if we can get that headache to go away completely. "

xoxo

He was able to get home, snag a shower and get changed without being noticed by a soul. It did feel good, having last night to rest without worrying about intrusions. He felt a little guilty about missing classes, but the Hokage had ordered him to take the rest of the week off. Now he had to deal with his next obstacle: Marsh had scheduled his first appointment for today at two. Not a very sexy hour of the day as far as Iruka was aware of. He wondered how clinical the whole thing might be. He envisioned measuring devices, timers, monitors. Gloves. Condoms. Antiseptic. Enemas. Probes. He was making himself queasy. He shrugged on his vest, snapping it tight. If he'd owned a suit of armor, he'd have donned it next.

He thought he heard someone at the front door and spent several minutes debating on whether to open it, only to discover it had been his imagination. Well, maybe not completely. There was another plant that had appeared on the porch. Next to the half-dozen cut iris laid on the step. Somehow his porch had become the florist's version of an elephant graveyard since sometime the week before.

He paced, watched the clock, went to make lunch and decided he wasn't hungry. Giving up, he sat at the kitchen table staring at the paper Genma had marked on when he was there before. He really was talented. Maybe you could forgive an artist for being eccentric? Maybe someday. He ran his fingers through his ponytail, checking to make sure it had dried well enough.

One small advantage with being so nervous, it made the gossipers seem a lot less significant. So they knew. At least they weren't getting ready to…do some unnamed things to him in less than an hour. They were all talk. Talk blows over. He could punch them in the face and show them a thing or two about his weakness. Wait, where did that come from? Calm down, me.

When he finally decided it was time to go, he ended up having to hurry and was five minutes late. Marsh was waiting near the appointment desk and smiled, checking him in and leading him down a hallway he hadn't been in before. His anxiety doubled as they entered the very last room at the end of the hall.

It was about the size on a hospital room. It had a dark green couch, a double bed with sheets and a blanket, a locked controlled substance cabinet and a door that he assumed led to a bathroom. There was a sink and towel-filled rack in the room as well. He surveyed it nervously and Marsh motioned him to the couch., so he sat rigidly on the end . He was a little surprised when Marsh said, "Hold on a minute," left the room and came back with a side chair. He placed it directly in front of Iruka and sat in it to face his fidgeting patient.

"How are you feeling, Iruka?" he asked.

He managed a strained smiled and held out a shaking hand in mid-air. "About like that."

Marsh smiled back and closed his hands around Iruka's. "We won't be doing much of anything today. This will be an introduction. I want to impress upon you the importance of one word: intent."

Iruka calmed a bit, attentive.

"Shake my hand. How do you do?" he held his hand up and Iruka shook it obediently. "No problem?"

Iruka shook his head. No problem.

"Strangers walk up, nice to meet you, shake hands. They're touching you. Strangers touching you. But it's all right. Unless…shake hands." He held his hand out. Iruka took it , but this time, the hand didn't behave properly. One finger snaked underneath and rubbed his sensitive palm. He drew back a little. "That didn't hurt. I didn't touch you anywhere but your hand. But what do you think about the stranger who just touched you now?"

"Creep?" Iruka asked.

"Why?'

"It's not a normal move?"

"Go further. What's wrong with an abnormal move? What did it hurt?"

"Well, it would make you wonder why the other person did that."

"The intent. You question the intent. What is the person trying to accomplish with this touch? Anytime someone touches you, your instincts are alert for the intent. It starts with survival , awareness of threat or danger. When you've been traumatized, sometimes your ability to determine intent is damaged. You might see a tap on the shoulder as a life-threatening attack. Or go to the other extreme and allow someone to hurt you, unable to internalize that they truly mean you harm. We'll find out as we go how well your instincts are working."

"If you feel uncomfortable with something I do, always tell me. Always. No matter how petty or silly it may seem. When things go smoothly it doesn't tell us much. It's when something makes you uncomfortable that we can dig in and do some good. Another thing; I will try to communicate my intent to you clearly. If it isn't clear to you, speak up. "

Iruka nodded, not rocket science, but it made sense. Marsh pulled him up by his hands.

"Now, when you come here from now on, I need you stripped down to your t-shirt. The reasons are that I don't want any stray weapons in reach, and because I will be touching you at times and you need to be able to experience it without the stiff clothes in your way. Please do that now."

Iruka went to the rack with the towels and took off his vest and overshirt, placing them on the hooks on the side of the rack. He felt goosebumps on his upper arms.

"That's good. Come on back to the couch."

He noticed that Marsh was still in a buttoned up shirt, but said nothing. When he sat, Marsh got up and sat next to him.

"We're going to start getting familiar with each other. I'm going to start. I'm just going to massage and touch your upper body, nothing more. Your job is to listen, and to use your senses to follow the intent of the touch. "

His hands closed firmly on Iruka's shoulder, kneading gently, feeling for the tension. Massage was an effective ground-breaker.

He didn't like having someone behind him, intent or touching or whatever the hell. He squirmed involuntarily.

"What is it?"

"I don't like it."

Marsh didn't stop. "Tell me what bothers you about it."

"Just…I can't really see you."

"You need to see me if I touch you." he stopped, went back to the chair facing Iruka. "What bothers you about not being able to see me?"

"I can't see your face, who it is, if you're angry or what. So in my gut I'm thinking stop it, don't touch me, what are you doing. " he shook his head, irritated.

"We'll step back. You can tell now how your instincts are overreacting. You know it's me, that I'm not angry, that I'm not trying to hurt you. But you can't stop your inappropriate response. "

"Look at my hands. Take them in yours and look them over. Manipulate them, see if they're warm, look for flaws." He held them out and Iruka felt a little silly taking them. They were actually very nice hands. He was pleased to see that some one else in Konoha actually took care of their nails. He examined the perfect cuticles with interest, the lack of scars, the soft warm skin. He really had at thing for well-groomed hands, and they were such a rarity. He smiled. "Very impressive. You take very good care of them."

Marsh laughed lightly. "I thought I'd heard everything. Thank you, Iruka. Quite a compliment coming from a fastidious fellow like you."

Iruka rubbed his hands on Marsh's and gave him a slight squeeze. 'I don't have a problem with this exercise."

Marsh freed his hands from Iruka's and took his wrists firmly but gently. He watched with heightened caution as Iruka froze momentarily and his whole body went stiff. Waited, but there was no comment.

"I have your wrists, and I see that you really don't like it, but you still don't say anything. Stay with me, okay? What…"

Iruka pulled away, breaking his hold. "You know what, I'm tired of this! Stop making me think!"

"Hey, hey what's going on? Settle down, take a deep breath for me. Don't ignore me. I said take a deep breath." he got a paper cup and put water in it, brought it to his patient.

"This is a mistake. I can't do this." _Damn him, grabbed my __wrists__, even though he knows…_

"Yes, you can. From what I've seen so far, you need this far more than I suspected. How can you get through a day like this? It must be like a gauntlet when you have to move among people."

"Would you consider letting me admit you here for a week or so?" he asked gently, taking the empty cup.

"No way." Iruka angrily swiped at the water that had dripped on his arm.

"It would make it easier for you. And you know I can't let you take the sleeping pill at home anymore."

"Damn you, that's like blackmail!" he cried. "What, I have to live here forever? Forget it. I don't have to do this. At all. Not one more minute!" He rose and pushed Marsh backwards to get by, going to collect his shirt and vest. He heard the crash when the other man hit the floor and froze. He turned back and looked down, saw the man come up holding his head. Oh shit, oh shit…

"Don't move. Stay right where you are." Marsh was deadly serious, and Iruka tried not to panic with very little success.

The psyche-nin hit a yellow button on the bed's remote and an alarm sounded. "Hold still Iruka. Help is on the way. Just calm down."

"I'm sorry! Turn it off! I didn't mean to knock you over! Please…" he guts turned to jelly as he heard running footsteps. The door burst open and three orderlies ran in, one went immediately to the man sitting on the floor.

"He's a little agitated, he knocked me down. Go easy on him."

They turned their attention on Iruka and time stopped along with his ability to breath. They approached him quickly and cautiously but he remained curiously still. When they took him by the arms his knees buckled and they eased him down to the floor.

Marsh leaned in and checked him quickly. "Let's give him something to calm him down. His pulse is racing like mad."

A needle stung his neck and he faded away into the gray linoleum.

xoxoxoxo

He woke up sedated, feeling very even and unconcerned. Not sure where he was but it didn't matter. Pretty much knew which way down was due to the pull of gravity, but that didn't matter either. His eyes felt interesting though, the way they could open and close and roll a bit. If he went a step further he could probably detect an image through them, but he definitely wasn't interested in that. He was good just like this.

"What the hell happened?" Tsunade demanded in barely restrained tones. "I'm holding you responsible for this."

Marsh nodded, taking the rap. "It was my fault. I pushed a couple of his hot buttons way too soon."

"Right after you increased his medication, of all times! You moron! You knew he would be susceptible to outbursts! Why did you sic the orderlies on him?"

He shook his head. "He'd pretty much lost it by then."

Tsunade glared. "I'm surrounded by idiots!"

She leaned over Iruka and guided her hands slowly over his head, heart and hands. She shook her head.

"You have really screwed up this time. Of all the people that deserve a good shot to the head, you have to torture our most undeserving soul." She sent smooth healing waves into him, watching closely. His vision cleared, much to his disappointment. This place was not nearly as welcoming as the one he just left.

"Hi, honey," Tsunade said kindly. "I bet you'd like to go home."

Marsh bristled. He didn't belong at home, not yet. He needed help!

"Put me back to sleep," he said dully.

"Mmm, no, sorry. You had a bad experience, sensei. But we can't let you check out again just yet."

She patted his cheek gently, noted that he didn't seem to mind. "Dr. Marsh here has something to say to you."

"Iruka, I'm very sorry. I handled that badly. You're not in trouble, you're not being held here. I hope we can start over, work through this."

"I hope you go away and never speak to me again."

Tsunade would have laughed in Marsh's face if it weren't for the sad fact that she was going to have to try to get Iruka to work with him again.

"Iruka, that's not going to happen. You still need to stay with Dr. Marsh. As big a jerk as he is, he's all we've got for you to work with."

Marsh sizzled in the background.

Iruka shook his head no.

"Hokage's orders…" she sang softly. He was responding to her nicely, no reason to browbeat him.

Iruka grimaced. Marsh wasn't sure if it was the singing or the order that he cringed from.

"In any event, I lied about you going home. You're confined here for the next three weeks, because I had to make a decision and I replaced you at the academy until the end of the semester. So get better , whether you want to or not." She shot a meaningful look at Marsh that said 'fix him or else" as she flounced out of the room with a whirling scent of jasmine and sake lingering behind.

xoxoxo

It left Marsh and Iruka looking warily at one another.

"I really am sorry."

"Yes, you really are," agreed Iruka unhappily. "I thought I was going to die when those guys came at me like a I was a wounded rhino or something." He felt better that Tsunade's touch had taken the leaden feeling from his gut. He actually felt a little hungry, and sat up experimentally. His head was clear, no pain. "I don't really have to stay here, do I? I'm not sick."

"You heard Lady Tsunade. This is the first I heard of you staying here myself. She isn't kidding."

"Um, I am sorry I knocked you down. I didn't mean to." Iruka inspected him regretfully.

"Yes, I just bumped my head. I was more worried about you. Your expression at the time - I wasn't sure if you were in control of your actions. That's why I had the orderlies step in. I know that was very frightening for you." He held out a hand, palm up, just at the edge of the bed rail. Iruka looked at it, knowing he was supposed to reach for it, and struggled to figure out if he wanted to. He couldn't decide.

Marsh watched him stare at his hand and wondered just how much he might have damaged the trust he'd built up with his patient. He still wasn't happy with Tsunade's plans.


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

_Please be forgiving, and be prepared, we will likely hit bottom with this chapter (and no, I am not intending any pun, how cruel do you think I am? Don't answer that.)_

xxxxx

"What kind of man lets a little boy take the fall for him? Tries to kill him? You think you'll reduce me to your level just because you're going to rape me? You're nothing to me anymore. Nothing! It won't have any effect on me! And it'll just add to your penalty. You'll never see daylight again!" His hands ached, fiercely trapped and tied at the wrists, stretched above his head; his injured back reopened and all but rendering him unconscious. The rough hands positioning him stopped long enough to pound a brutal blow up into his stomach. He smelled the hot breath above him, felt every nuance of the physical being attacking him. He'd crowed bravely enough but his heart was afraid to beat and quaked madly in his chest.

He heard the blade being unsheathed behind him and felt the sting as it made a tentative cut; it shocked him forward off his knees. He was too horrified to cry out at first, stunned that an assault beyond his worst imagination was actually happening. The blade reconnected, twisted and sawed, the pain unbearable and in his desperate struggling he felt himself screaming but the sound hung far away like a bad connection. Because the only thing he really heard was that voice, very clearly in his ear. The moisture from the breath gusting the back of his neck carried the seething words, mocking him all over again, cruel and unforgettable.

"No, you're wrong. I'm about to be _everything_ to you. There will never be a day when you don't think of me after this. You feel it, don't you? Now feel this…oh, yes…how's that for foreplay, huh? Now you're mine forever. Keep squirming, baby, don't pass out on me, you noisy piece of…"

"Iruka! Wake up! Iruka, come on, wake up!" he jerked hard, at once shot with relief in the midst of being uncontrollably terrified. The dream, the damn dream again. Precise and minutely accurate, like a blu-ray replay of that one event. He had been on a couch, he'd fallen asleep from boredom mid-day. Now he was on the floor next to it, attendants staring at him, Marsh kneeling close to his head.

"Don't get up yet, easy," he held his hand up over the prone man, not touching him. "Do you know where you are?"

Iruka covered his face with his hands and tried to gather himself somehow because the voice was still vivid and real, the words "mine forever" still crawling up his neck. One of the orderlies had brought blankets and Marsh was throwing them over him on the floor. It didn't make sense, but it helped a little. He dug his hands into the blankets and fisted the material up to his eyes. The voice finally faded from his ears, quiet washing over him and then nothing hurt but his elbow. He must have landed on it when he came off of the couch. He looked up sheepishly after another long minute of silence, embarrassed that he was still out of breath.

"I'm okay," he tried to say, but his lips moved soundlessly.

It brought back memories for Marsh too, of Iruka's screams echoing in the wee hours down the darkened halls when his sleep hadn't been sufficiently medicated when he was admitted after the incident. He'd still been injured then, though, and those cries had been much weakened.

"Not too fast," he hovered as Iruka pushed himself up onto the couch.

He cleared his throat, finding his balance. "I'm all right." Suck it up, this is nothing new, just the same old dream. I know how to survive this, he reminded himself anxiously. Plenty of experience there.

Marsh nodded, waved to dismiss the waiting assistants without turning away.

His breathing was returning to normal. He rubbed anxiously at the scar on his nose and looked up. "Pretty loud, I guess."

"Yes."

"People will start to think I'm crazy. Again."

"No one ever thought you were crazy. The only people here are professionals that understand what's happening."

"Oh, and I know I can trust everyone to be quiet about it," he said, trying to work up some sarcasm. "Good thing I'm so thick-skinned. What am I supposed to do with all of this time on my hands? I want to go home."

Marsh sighed. "Tsunade's orders."

"Right." he let out a deep breath. They sat in silence while regaining composure.

"Well, maybe this is a fair time to bring this up. On the subject of visitors and well-wishers. Do you want your stay here to be confidential?"

Iruka shook his head. "You're kidding. I don't think this place knows the meaning of the word. I guess there's no use pretending for my sake anymore."

"Then I'll tell you that some of your friend have been asking where you've gone, and Kakashi and Genma have asked to come see you. They both had a pretty good idea where you were anyway."

"I've been wanting to ask Kakashi something anyway." he looked at his hands. "Is there anything I can do to get out of here sooner?"

"Make great strides in your treatment?" Marsh suggested. "That's what Lady Tsunade is looking for."

"I guess. When's the next session?"

"I was trying to gauge when you'd be ready again."

"Now, let's do it now. I want to go home." He sniped with forced confidence. "You wanna touch me? Rub my elbow, I think I hit it when I fell off the couch."

"I need a little more prep time than that. It's about 2:30, let's say I come back around 4:00. Are you okay now?" Iruka rubbed his own elbow and nodded reluctantly. Maybe when the session was over he could go home and at least get some clean clothes and a book or two. No more afternoon naps.

By the time four came around, he was sweating and pacing, considering just exactly what Tsunade could do to him if he just walked out. His sex life was certainly none of her business, how could it be that he was restricted to the center over something like this? Ridiculous! He was perfectly fine before this meddlesome surrogate thing. So Marsh couldn't be his therapist. Maybe therapy ought to be over. He was well, he'd dealt with everything else, so just forget this. He'd just tell him to forget it, leave now, tell Tsunade to mind her own business. Report to school Monday and tell the substitute that plans had changed. That's it. Take my life back and just lock the world outside when I get home at night.

A light knock, the door swung open. Dr. Marsh stepped inside, smiling professionally. "Sorry to keep you waiting."

Iruka tried to get his interrupted thoughts into a declaration, and failed. Marsh was too close, had him pegged as distraught already.

"Please sit down, Iruka. Tell me what's going on."

"This is stupid. I need to go home. If I can't do this on my own schedule, I'm done."

"Why do you say that?"

"I was fine. I don't see how using you as a surrogate makes me nutbin material. I'm not staying."

"You were fine? Didn't you come to me just days ago looking for a prescription because you couldn't sleep anymore? Because the dream was back? You know, the one you were just screaming about over on the floor there? Your OCD symptoms?" Marsh peered at him expectantly.

"No. Yes. I wasn't…" damn him! "I just need the pills, is all. Then I can go back home."

"Do you believe that?"

Iruka stared at him, frustrated. "I'm not crazy. That's the only reason you should hold people here against their will!"

"Tsunade makes people do things against their will ten times a day. It makes us all crazy. I wouldn't have kept you here like this. You recall that I asked you to stay for a week voluntarily. I never ordered it. I still consider you an outpatient, your confinement here is between you and your leader. Frankly, I don't appreciate it. It makes it harder for me to help you."

"You're only arguing that you don't need help so you can get out of here. But you do need help right now. You came to me for it. Don't let Tsunade's confinement order drive you away from getting things sorted out."

He sat down on the couch, hooked a finger in the hem of his patient's t-shirt.

"Take some deep breaths for me. Do you remember talking about intent?"

Iruka boggled at that. "We're…we're starting a session?"

"You want out of here. I want you out of here. Let's keep moving forward, get you away from your nightmares. I'm going to touch you here…"

Iruka watched his hand like it was a snake as it went to his elbow.

"Does it still hurt?"

"No." he huffed, not knowing what to do.

Marsh wasn't sure if he'd ever disliked his boss more than he did at this moment. "Iruka, please sit down. Please."

Iruka sat, hunched and arms crossed, head down.

"Is it me? Is this insurmountable?" Marsh asked gently. "You can't work with me anymore?"

His deep brown eyes were looking up now, uncertain and worried. "I didn't say that."

"You don't have any need to touch another human whatsoever?"

"Just stop. Please." he was wincing. That question hit a raw nerve, one he seldom acknowledged.

"No, we need to go forward. But I'll tell you what…" he had Iruka's eyes on his, it was a good opening. "You do it now. You touch me any way you like, anywhere you like. You just need to agree to stop if I say so. Other than that, I give you complete control."

The blush was expected, the hesitation predictable, the dark head shaking 'no' inevitable. So the sudden approach, the muscled arms wrapping tight around him, the head buried softly in his neck caught him completely off-guard.

"It's all right," he said quietly, returning the embrace with a carefully gauged supportive hug.

His patient was a strong ninja and it never left his awareness that he could be formidable if he was to lose control. Marsh was no field agent, and he had made his concerns about surrogate work with a chunin clear to Tsunade . There was a reason that there were no other surrogates available, the few who tried to help the chunins bowed out quickly after one or two patients. Only one had tried to treat a jounin, resulting in the basic ban on that practice.

Iruka pulled back just enough to tip his face up, place a tentative kiss on the blonde's soft cheek, another on his lips. He began kissing him slowly and warmly, fighting to be gentle in the honest style of one who is starving for affection. Marsh's own emotions startled him. He felt the pain and sadness embedded in those careful advances and his own chest ached in sympathy. He could feel Iruka's raw loneliness from being untouched for so long. All those long days and nights when no amount of support and comfort would have been enough to heal him, and he had instead survived on none at all.

He seemed to just want to kiss and embrace obsessively, so Marsh relaxed into it somewhat as he realized his function was more teddy bear than surrogate at this point. The kissing was so unbearably sweet and thoughtful, he suspected that his patient felt a great deal for whomever he must be fantasizing about.

Xoxoxoxo

He hated the way his neck seemed to be the dividing line that compartmentalize the people he knew into those who were after outright sex or just casual friendship. Affection (love? Not even his thoughts would allow that term) for him, as a person, never seemed to be an option. In the midst of resisting the push into physical intimacy that the surrogacy represented, this exercise caught him by storm.

He could do whatever he wanted? When it sank in, and he reached, no, grabbed for Marsh. It could happen. He might have someone kiss him, kiss his face instead of groping meaninglessly for sex, acting as if he were a real person who merited their interest and caring. The back of his mind warned him that it was a parlor trick, this man was a paid courtesan, someone who wouldn't give him the time of day in normal circumstances. But it was too much to resist. He touched warm flesh and he was powerless to turn back.

His partner seemed to welcome the advance, sliding his warm wet lips open, compliant, sweet to the taste and touch. He even kissed back, for some reason that wasn't what Iruka expected. Marsh was responsive and it felt so real. It was dizzying and his heart was sucked into the moment like it was quicksand, the more his common sense struggled to pull it back the deeper his heart sank in. It hurt terribly and it was going to be much much worse when he had to let go, but this was what he needed. Even this amount was more than he had dared hope.

Many minutes had ticked by and Marsh began to push away a little, time to back off and see what was going on in his patient's head, and to clear his own. It wasn't easy, the much harder body resisted his first attempts at subtlety. Iruka clung even tighter for a moment as he realized what he was expected to do; then he took a shuddering deep breath and let go, pulling back and holding himself instead.

"Was that wrong?" he asked breathlessly. "You said I could do anything."

Marsh swallowed hard, regaining his clinical point of view. "It's okay, that was just more activity than I expected. What were you feeling just then?"

He looked at the floor, the yawing feeling of emptiness from the clinical words and the broken embrace erasing all other thoughts. Words failed him. If they were through touching, he wanted to be alone to try and lock the feelings in his memory, capture it before it got away.

"I…I need to use the restroom." he got up and walked quickly into the bathroom, latched the door, and leaned over the sink to see clearly in the mirror. His face was flushed, his lips reddened slightly - so little evidence that anything had happened. He closed his eyes and rewound the scene, played back from the initial kiss, and tried to let the feelings well up again .

He knew Marsh wouldn't wait forever. Eventually, he'd be banging on the door and want to know what was wrong. He flushed the john and washed his hands for show after a few minutes and stepped out.

He shook his head 'no' when Marsh waved him back to sit. "We're done, right?"

"No, we're only halfway through our session."

It took forever it seemed , fielding questions he couldn't quite answer, hoping in vain for another interaction like the last and getting nothing. From the questions he could see Marsh thinking along the wrong lines, suspecting that he had fled to the bathroom to conceal physical arousal, not completely believing Iruka when he said that the interaction had not taken him there at all. The doc seemed annoyed by the time he left, sensing that he wasn't getting 100 percent cooperation.

When they came in right after Marsh left, interrupting his thoughts again to bring him dinner, it was the last straw. Iruka ignored the tray and slipped out and down the hall as soon as it was clear. He needed to replay it in his head until he could make more sense of it, and he needed to be left alone to do it. He knew the compound better than almost anyone, and he climbed the winding stairwell to the very top of the Hokage Tower. As far as he knew, the village was still on low alert status, so no one should be manning watch. It was a perfect place to look out over the countryside and the village, watch the sunset, reflect on confusing issues. He'd been up here many times before, both on official watch and on personal time to think.

He perched on the edge of the parapet, arms wrapped around one leg, his chin resting on his knee. The sun was still above the horizon, plenty of time to think before the coming sunset. He allowed himself to let down his guard and bask in the ebbing warmth of the sun and the remembered embrace. A feeling like this might never come again, he couldn't remember having anything like it before. It was worth preserving, reliving. He hung in the moment and let time flow on by.

He felt the familiar chakra, and tried not to be too disappointed. He'd have to stop daydreaming sooner or later. He didn't even turn from his position facing the village.

"Found me, huh?" he asked mildly.

"Hi sailor, come here often?" Kakashi strolled into the roof.

"Just waiting for the sunset."

"Mmm. Yeah, nice view up here." He leaned on the low wall near Iruka. "You doing all right?"

"Fine." He slapped at some dust that had settled on his khakis. "Actually, Kakashi, I was wanting to talk to you. I have to ask - did you tell anyone about me?"

Kakashi had figured that was coming at some point. "Just one person, Ru. And I know he'd never tell anyone. "

"You mean, the way that I knew _you'd_ never tell anyone?" he turned a bit, slightly tense.

"It was Gai. And I made him promise he'd keep it to himself."

"Oh."

It didn't require much contemplation. Gai would probably die before betraying a confidence, and both of them knew it.

"Must have been someone who saw my file then. I have to admit, I really didn't think you'd tell anyone." He found it even easier to believe in his current mellow mood.

Just my luck to tap some damn drunk who can't refile a file, thought Kakashi.

"I wouldn't have told Gai but it threw me at first. I shouldn't have told him. I am sorry."

Iruka shook his head dismissively. "Let's just drop it."

"Oh, hey, I got my crossbow back." Kakashi aimed a mimed version of the weapon, grinning. "They got it fixed just in time, too."

"Ki, I don't think I can go. I'm confined here for three weeks at least." Iruka frowned.

"Oh." _Three weeks? _"Well, it doesn't have to be this weekend. We'll wait until you get out."

"No. don't make everyone wait on my account. It'll break tradition."

"It'll be broken anyway, if you aren't there. I'd rather wait. No one else can scare the fish like you do!" he chucked evilly, reminding Iruka of his faux pas from the last trip.

"No, you guys go. We can still take a trip later. Don't argue, Ki. I don't want everyone waiting to see when I'm released, get it?"

"Oh, yeah, I guess. I don't have very fond memories of this little establishment here, either. It's never a good sign when they make you stay overnight, and then everybody's gotta ask about it. Sucks." he sighed. "Still, I don't know if I'll go this time if you don't…oh, hey. I almost forgot. Is that your shrink down there? He sent me up here to save you."

He gave Iruka an abrupt shove, tipping him out into space so he hung in midair over the perilous drop - it enabled him to catch sight of Marsh, watching intently from below. The figure on the ground appeared shocked as Iruka was shoved skyward. Iruka caught himself in effortless instinct and was back securely in his spot without blinking an eye.

"He seemed to think you're pretty helpless, he was worried you were up here and might be thinking of jumping." Kakashi laughed lightly. "I would have slapped him for the insult but I wasn't sure if it as an inside joke or something."

Iruka reddened, stuck his head over the edge and waved at Marsh, trying to reassure him he was okay.

"Don't be mean to him, Kakashi, he doesn't understand that! He's not a field guy."

"He's a housecat, huh? I thought all the psych-nins had field training. Maybe you should enlighten him, it's relevant to his work. No chunin worth his salt could defeat their training enough to take damage from a fall like this, even if they wanted to." He peered over the edge as well, grinned evilly and waved, too. "You seem to like him pretty well. Is he your usual guy?"

"Yeah. So I mean it, don't screw around. Maybe you should go let him know it's fine." Iruka had an inspiration, maybe Ki would go and Marsh would come up to check on him. And they would be alone up here, with the sunset and the view…

"He's not the only housecat who noticed you were up here, Ru, you have a fairly distinct silhouette. And since your secret's out, everyone's pretty sure you've been on the verge of blowing your brains out on a regular basis. So I was actually sent up here to make sure you come back down with me and stop panicking the natives." He checked his nails absently. "But I care about you more than I care about the natives, so do what you want. Just so long as you're all right."

Iruka looked at Kakashi, wishing suddenly for his friend to have personality traits he had been bankrupted of by fate long ago. He wondered if Kakashi ever had similar thoughts, wanting the same things he was struggling with. It didn't seem likely.

"Let's go down, then - you should have told me earlier." he said guiltily.

"He's that good, huh? Maybe I'll make an appointment myself. He's kinda cute."

Iruka kept going, hoofing it down the stairs, biting back on his protest. Wanting to tell Kakashi to stay away, but knowing that it would be like waving a red flag in front of a bull. He doubted a guy like Marsh treated any jounin, anyway.

They burst out of the doorway, and Iruka looked around, disappointed. Marsh has already gone. But an orderly stood by the landing with a meaningful look.

"No hall pass?" Kakashi asked, peering at Iruka in surprise. Seemed out of character. Maybe the doc had his reasons for worrying.

"I just needed some air. Looks like I have to go now."

"I'll come see you when I get a chance. Hang in there." he cuffed Iruka gently on the chin, forcing a smile. "Make 'em earn their pay."

Iruka submitted to the orderly and headed back to his room.


	10. Chapter 10

_Thank you for your kind reviews!...ok and this is the edit, I tried to fix the ambiguity with the dialogue. Not sure if it's better or worse now..._

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, although I do look stunning in orange.

_sigh..._

Marsh shook his head, breaking off another attempt at finding a tolerable approach to his patient.

"I don't want you to!" Iruka complained, shoving hands away, but Marsh was starting to suspect that he was just being put off.

"Iruka, talk to me. What is acceptable to you?" Whatever it is, just _say_ it.

This was getting worse. Tsunade, for all of her micromanaging bravado, was too busy to schedule time to work with Iruka this week. Now Iruka had no talk therapy, which he likely needed more than ever due to these rather provoking and sometimes upsetting sessions. Enough. He went and threw Iruka his shirt, symbolically ending the surrogacy session for the day only ten minutes into it.

"Sit back. We're going to have a regular session, like before. No touching, just talking."

Iruka looked at him in confusion, not sure if he'd done something to piss him off. He pulled his overshirt on and buttoned it carefully, dragging out the process to cover for the resounding silence.

"Iruka, tell me what's going on in your head right now. What are you feeling?"

He frowned and looked down. "I'm disappointed," he said finally. "I think this is as far as I can get."

"Disappointed. So we haven't met your expectations. We're nowhere near done yet. What did you expect that hasn't been addressed?" Marsh sat back and flipped his pad past the used pages and folded back the cover. He looked up at the lack of reply.

Iruka was shaking his head 'no'.

"Why do…" Marsh began again.

"Leave me alone, okay? I don't want to talk, I don't want to touch, I just don't." Iruka clenched his fists.

"No, I won't leave you alone. What do you mean, you just don't?"

"You're driving me crazy! Just picking and poking at me, what the hell _are_ your intentions? You don't really want to do this either, do you?" Iruka glared accusingly.

Marsh looked startled. Iruka's legendary temper flared. "It's true then! This wasn't your idea at all, was it? I bet you were against it! Shit, who wants to be forced to touch the freak, right? Did your skin crawl when I kissed you? So fucking professional, did you have to take something to keep from throwing up afterward? After you let me…" Iruka slammed his fists into his own face hard, too hard for Marsh's comfort. He surprised himself, too. It hurt, but he wanted it to hurt, he wanted it to hurt enough to stop his stupid mouth from letting anything else escape.

"After you.." harder, he hit himself harder, he had to shut up now, before he admitted to Marsh how much that one session got to him. He felt his hand getting wet, what a weak idiot, tell me those aren't tears. So wet…and sticky? Finally, he could shut up, the surprise at seeing the blood, that did it. Thank heaven he'd finally managed to shut up.

Marsh gaped and hit the call button, not even trying to intervene yet. Iruka's intense self-assault was brief and brutal, opening up an impact cut under his left eye that streamed blood immediately. It must have met his goal, because as soon as the blood flowed he quieted somewhat.

Probably a side-effect from the latest substantial increase in medication, the doctor reasoned worriedly. But it had appeared that he was on the verge of finally saying something significant.

"Don't look at me!" Here they come, Iruka thought, still angry. I guess I'm supposed to get all flustered now and beg forgiveness. Fuck 'em.

A lone orderly popped in and looked to Marsh for direction. Of all the times for just one guy to be on duty, Iruka thought in bitter amusement. He cupped his hand and let the blood drip into it from his chin, counting drops absently. Hurry up, start the show, everybody panic. The psycho's at it again...

Marsh grabbed him hard by the collar and shoved his nose right up to his. "After I let you what?" he demanded. "Finish that sentence! Finish it!"

"Get off!" Iruka tried to retreat, slipping. The orderly caught him but Marsh was still on him.

"Not until you finish that sentence!" he grabbed Iruka's wrists hard and held him as tight as he could, provoking him deliberately. "I won't let go unless you tell me what's going on!"

Iruka's body and memory pulsed with the sudden pain in his wrists and time gathered silently as things began to transform. He straightened up slowly and faced the doctor, possessed by a powerful dead calm that was concentrated in the driving pain and pressure in the back of his head. Medication he had taken not all that long ago was culminating in his first full powerful erection since his injury, and the arousal further stimulated the pain in his head into something surreal. Things were falling into place now.

"Mine forever." Mizuki admonished deep in Iruka's head. "What took you so long?"

"How long has he been here?" Iruka asked without emotion, unreasonably strong as he twisted his hands out of Marsh's grip and clamped onto his doctor's wrists instead. "He was here all along, wasn't he? Why didn't you tell me?"

Marsh watched in deepening terror as Iruka's face grew cold and dark, his eyes no longer familiar.

"I don't understand! Who's here?" he gasped. "Try to calm down, please."

"If you don't know, then you're no help. Go." Iruka slipped his hand up and applied pressure skillfully to Marsh's neck, dropping him efficiently, barely making a turn to dispatch the orderly the same way.

He snapped off the call button and crammed the unconscious men into the base cabinets, locking them in.

Casually pulling on his vest and strapping his boots, he tugged at his hair and his determination increased with the corresponding pain. "I'm ready now. Let's go," he called, wiping his welling facial cut on his sleeve. He slipped out into the hallway when it was clear.

vvvvvvv

"I'm coming too!" Naruto bellowed, and Kakashi grimly weighed the merits of it.

"I have to bring him back no matter what. Even if it means a body. You know the rules, Naruto. We'll have latitude in our methods but the result is not negotiable. Can you handle that?"

"He'll come back for me if I go! He has to know that someone still cares about him."

Tsunade had no quips, no heart for negotiation. "If you can do this thing, do it fast, both of you. Genma and Raidou are tracking him, I should have word soon on his direction of travel."

"Tell me again exactly what was said," Kakashi pinned Marsh with his unmasked eye and the shaken doctor repeated the exchange he'd had with his patient up to the point of finding himself incapacitated, fielding the questions afterward as best he could.

"He was still bleeding?" Kakashi asked, still looking for some missed clue.

"He was when he knocked me out."

"So what's your professional opinion of all this? What the hell went wrong?"

"Maybe he's been schizophrenic for a while, for the whole time, I don't know. It's a complicated case. He might have been able to hide it until it got to be too much. I'm convinced that he believed there was someone else there, but he didn't say who it was." Marsh looked like he wasn't certain of anything at all.

Iruka was still in his right mind about one thing, Kakashi thought. You're no damn help at all.

vvv

He skimmed the treetops, it wasn't a very cunning or clever approach, but he'd found that it worked well for him. He had no false pride motivating him to use more complicated methods of travel, no jounin reputation to protect. Since this was so simple it tended to throw people off and make it the last thing they'd suspect for one who should be moving in stealth. He crashed forward with great speed, this was also the best method for making up ground quickly. One could travel as the crow flies and not be diverted as on land where structures intruded and paths meandered.

Genma and Raidou had picked up Iruka's trail and sent back the direction with the messenger. They didn't dare take to the treetops yet if at all, not wanting to alert their prey.

"I know we're not supposed to get too close, but what if he gets there before Kakashi catches up?" Genma fretted as they paused to rest while their quarry did the same a mile ahead of them. "I don't think I can just squat around and wait around while he goes in there."

Raidou sat catching his breath, shaking his head. "We've got at least a day of travel before it comes to that. He's got to be out of his mind. But there must be some reason why we can't just take him down now. Stick to the orders, man."

"I think they're just trying to see what he's up to. Maybe they think they'll be able to reason with him. Just watching the way he's moving, I'd swear that was somebody else. We'd probably have to dart him just to get near him."

"He's moving again already." Raidou hauled himself up to his feet. "His pace is like…"

"a madman," Genma finished, shaking out the kinks as he picked up speed again.

vvv

"Well, see here!" Mizuki crowed, "I told you I had a visitor on the way." He walked up to Iruka, smiling as he checked him over carefully, maintaining a casual appearance.

"You can leave us alone, isn't that right, my friend?" he clasped his hands on the smaller man's shoulders and he nodded calmly in return. The guard watched them for a moment then left to stand by the door. Mizuki turned and brought a hand under Iruka's chin and tipped his face up. "You look amazing. Did I forget, or have you changed that much?"

The years in prison with nothing to do but lift weights had turned the already buff man into a hulking bodybuilder. Mizuki dwarfed the chunin as he leaned in closer, whispering in Iruka's ear seductively. "You made me wait so long. We'll have to do something about that. I was beginning to think that you'd forgotten me." He alone laughed at his joke, then whispered detailed orders into Iruka's obediently attentive ear.

"You understand me? Go now, I'll be waiting. We'll be together soon enough." he pulled at Iruka's hair by the banded tail and buried his face roughly in the back of his neck. "It's perfect. And you still smell delicious." He pushed his visitor away reluctantly, and Iruka walked quietly to the exit.

"You done already?" the guard asked, and led Iruka back to the entrance, returning his vest, weapons, belt and boots.

Genma pulled short and they ducked back - Iruka was coming out already. No sign of disturbance - maybe he had a plan that required checking out the layout of the prison first. Maybe they'd denied his attempt to get in - he couldn't be the first person who tried to get in to take their own justice out on a prisoner. As long as he hadn't done anything wrong yet, they could grab him and get him back to the medics without delay. If he succeeded in murdering Mizuki, it would be out of their hands. Genma was itching to move in and secure the situation, Raidou nervous at the prospect of insubordination if they took that route.

Iruka made the hand signs as Mizuki had instructed and disappeared. His startled trackers were starting a search perimeter when Kakashi and Naruto caught up with them.

Kakashi considered his next move. Murdering Mizuki himself topped his list, but it unfortunately wasn't an option. If they just waited , Iruka would likely return. Genma and Raidou were to continue searching in the meanwhile. Naruto fretted and told Kakashi for the hundredth time that he was wrong. What ever his sensei was up to, murder wasn't it.

Iruka searched in Mizuki's old cave and found the scrolls he'd described. He would be unable to get them past the guards. But as he has been instructed, he unrolled the scrolls and using brush and ink began to transcribe the symbols onto his body, stomach first, then down the front of both legs, up the back of his calves, finishing up across his chest and upper arms. Dressing and making sure none of the writing showed, he deposited his vest and weapons in the cave and made his way back out into the clearing before transporting himself to the prison entrance.

His moment in the clearing gave Genma and Raidou just enough of a reading to get a bead on his direction. When he disappeared, they made their way to the cave to investigate.

Naruto spotted him first, jerking Kakashi's shoulder hard and pointing. Iruka was at the visitors' gate. They popped up and jogged down behind him as he placed his restricted items in a bin to prepare to enter.

'Iruka." Kakashi said his name quietly, tensing for his reaction. He got none.

Dropping his boots in the bin, Iruka held up his arms for frisking.

Kakashi moved into his field of vision. Iruka's eyes scanned him with disinterest and returned to his business with the guard.

"We're here to see Mizuki as well," Kakashi said, reluctantly starting to deposit his wealth of weaponry into a bin. Naruto tossed his weapons into another bin, peeling off his shoes without untying them and waving them to dissipate the smell.

"You'll have to wait. He's restricted. One visitor at a time."

Kakashi shifted gears quickly, reclaiming his weapons and barking at the guard. "Don't leave them in there alone! Keep a guard with them at all times. Something might happen."

Sizing up his informant, the guard thumbed a button and orange lights dotted the hallways.

He called out "Code Orange!" and waited for a reply, starting to move when he got no response.

"Code Red! Code Red!" yelled the guard running back from the room he'd escorted Iruka to moments before. "They're gone! He's escaped!"

Mizuki laughed as he took his hands off of Iruka's half-clad symbol-covered body, moving to gather some things for the road from his old cave dwelling.

"I can't wait to see how my handiwork turned out," he smiled, pausing to grab Iruka's ass roughly as he passed by. Shaking the creases out of his flak jacket, he pointed to the table where Iruka had left his weapons and vest. "Get dressed and get your stuff. Take those boots over there. We need to get moving."

"Come here, Iruka," Kakashi called from the entrance, poised for attack.

Mizuki scowled, then brightened. "No. Come _here_, Iruka."

Iruka turned and went silently to Mizuki, who pulled his head back and handed him a kunai.

"Cut your throat if they touch you, cut very deep and make it quick." Iruka nodded and brought the blade to his throat artfully as if preparing to draw a bow across violin strings.

Mizuki smiled. "We have an understanding now, don't we? We'll just be a minute longer, then we'll be on our way."

"Sensei, don't!" Naruto called, and Kakashi threw a hand out to keep him back. If there was any level that Naruto's voice had registered on, it didn't show on the wooden face.

Mizuki moved further in to the cave to finish packing up, pulling Iruka back with him by the neck of his vest. The sudden movement caused the kunai to slip and make a thin slice on Iruka's neck.

"I am sorry."

Mizuki's large paw moved the hand holding the blade for a second and traced the ribbon of blood with his finger. "Don't be sorry, it's nice. Like old times."

"Were you getting ready to give it to him when he took off?" Mizuki asked Kakashi mockingly, making an invasive motion with his bloodied finger. "Why did it take you so long?"

Kakashi was confused, but was beginning to see that this must have been in the bastard's plan all along.

Mizuki turned back to his packing. "Never mind who was molesting him. I made sure it was never going to happen."

"Explain it to me. You've done something brilliant, I suppose, but nobody gets it. What did you do?"

"You don't appeal to my ego at all, Hatake. Figure it out yourself. After we're safely away. I have things I need to catch up on. You've heard the saying "fuck like a convict"?…" he smiled and shook his head.

He was smashed in mid-gloat from behind by Genma and Raidou, surprising him from their hiding place in the back of the cave. Raidou made sure to silence him so he couldn't give Iruka more orders.

"Don't touch him, Naruto," warned Kakashi as they approached Iruka. His blade was set at the slippery edge of the cut and his distant eyes warily watched their hands.

Naruto felt his hair stand up on end as he sensed the connection between Mizuki and Iruka. He let his chakra follow it, fueled by his desperate need to find a way to protect his sensei. It was powerful, a double-binding forbidden seal, almost a curse with a disguised chakra signature and hidden triggers. It was years old, too, from the depth it seemed to be embedded. It hummed painfully in Naruto's questing senses like an open microphone with the volume turned too high.

"Make sure you've got him," Kakashi glanced at Genma, moving slowly up to Iruka.

Genma and Raidou definitely had Mizuki. For all of his size, he was no match for the finely-coordinated team of two.

His dark eyes were almost blank, rarely blinking, only taking in movement and distance. He moved uneasily, trying to make sure he could comply with his orders unhampered. Once Naruto got behind him it became complicated. He couldn't see them both at once.

"I know where it is," Naruto said quietly. Mizuki began to fight again, angry that they might disconnect him from his servant. They subdued him once more.

"But I can't release it without touching him. I'm not even sure how it's embedded." Naruto shook his head, wracking his mind for a solution.

"Don't chance it. We need to get him back and make sure it's done right." He measured the distance to the kunai, the reaction time. Still too close. Kakashi reached up slowly and uncovered the sharingan. He focused on Iruka's eyes, aiming to slow his reflexes. He watched him slow a bit, having more difficulty watching them both. He slowed him a bit more, almost there…

His hand darted out and grabbed the hilt, Naruto moving a split-second later, thrusting his hands protectively between the waving blade and Iruka's throat. Iruka pulled desperately in an off-balance tug of war, Naruto holding him bent slightly backwards to reduce his leverage. Kakashi stripped the weapon away and pocketed it securely. They wrestled him to the ground.

Naruto stripped off the hair band and pressed his fingers to part the hair and reveal the seals activated in the swollen scalp.

"Stop it," Kakashi snarled at Mizuki. "Release him or else."

He shrugged and nodded, Genma and Raidou had him silenced. He looked amused, enjoying the waves of anger from the four men itching to end his breathing. They loosened their hold reluctantly.

"Okay. Fine. Iruka," he smiled. "It's okay if they touch you. "

The resistance drained out of Iruka like air from a balloon, almost instantly.

"Just kill yourself no matter what, any way you can…" Raidou snapped his head back and cut him off, too late. Iruka was struggling again, and Kakashi spotted the blood and gasped, jamming his fist into his friend's mouth. "Knock him out!"

Naruto fumbled and hit the right points, dreading hurting him. As he went limp Kakashi pulled him up, working his bitten fist out and inspecting the damage. He'd managed to get only a slight bite into his tongue before Kakashi stopped him, and it bled freely, mixing with saliva. A few seconds later and he would likely have succeed in biting his tongue off in an effort to bleed to death.


	11. Chapter 11

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto...

_Thanks for the constructive criticism, the good advice and the encouragement!. Let's get Iruka off that cold cave floor before he catches a cold..._

_ooooo_

Mizuki was laughing soundlessly, wondering, 'do these wiseass Konoha nins even know what the word "jurisdiction" meant?' Guards from the prison had caught up with them and were coming noisily into the cave.

Now he was safe from the angry ninjas, and he no longer had to worry whether his obsession would belong to anyone else. What a lovely break from the tedium of prison life.

It made Mizuki proud - he was so clever, and so was Iruka - why, he almost did himself in right under their hands! He missed that smart yet naïve troublemaking boy he'd become obsessed with so many years ago. Such a handsome man he'd helped him grow into. The massive hands itched to hold him even now, so tasty and helpless on the dirty floor.

He knew that they'd belonged together long before the incident with Naruto. It was Iruka's fault he was in prison anyway, the fool. Avenging the death of Iruka's parents should have cemented them together for life. Iruka should have seen how far he'd gone for him, and then come away with him to exploit the value of the forbidden scrolls. Together they could have lived free of the village restraints and done as they pleased. He wouldn't have had to see Iruka come back from one more mission haunted and secretive. That was the ultimate betrayal - when he would obey village law and refuse to reveal anything about classified missions to Mizuki.

The wounds and bruises demanded an explanation if they weren't from Mizuki's own hands. It felt like adultery and he reacted murderously. Their arguments were violent, the both of them were fiercely aggressive back then, outside of the academy walls. When Iruka began to find ways to stop seeing him outside of work, only the plan with Naruto could have set everything right.

But the little pest had ruined it, and everything had gone incredibly wrong. So Mizuki had to lay claim to Iruka the best way he could under the circumstances. He'd marked his property and locked it up tight, fully intending to take possession again.

That Iruka had waited so long before working up enough physical desire to trip the seals - well, that really made Mizuki feel good. Whoever it was, he was sure that they got anything except what they were lusting for from that tryst. And it made the decision to send Iruka to his death now seem all the more fitting. Not many couples remain faithful until death do they part. Theirs was a very special bond indeed.

"Give us some time with Mizuki alone, before you take him in," Kakashi asked the guards, trading on his ANBU reputation to convince them. "We won't kill him. You have my promise." It was one of the most difficult promises he'd ever kept in his life.

In the end Mizuki relented once more and released his order. There was no hint of defeat in his cold, crystal-clear eyes. Kakashi had no doubt that he would be devising a way to overcome the silencing measures as soon as he was out of sight.

_vvv_

Iruka looked helpless and strange with his hair loose and his forehead protector tied in his mouth. His hands were bound to his sides. It was uncomfortable but he was unable to bear having them tied at the wrist and they had to be sure he was restrained. He was mortified and in pain and the constant attention of his friends was by turns reassuring and oppressive.

They kept him moving, checking his eyes and the security of his bonds, stopping to help him breathe when his swollen tongue got to be too much.

"It's going to be okay," Naruto fretted, helping him sit when they'd stopped for a break. He watched as Kakashi checked and tightened the forehead protector, loosening it back just a hair when it made him gag.

"Sorry," Kakashi said, giving Iruka's arm a supportive squeeze though his bonds. He stood up and leaned against the tree, suppressing a wave of mild irritation as Genma trotted up and dropped to sit next to Iruka.

"Tip your head just a little. It's okay, here, just let me." Genma had a small bota and he cradled the weary chunin's head and trickled water into his gagged mouth carefully. Iruka hadn't realized how dehydrated he was until the water slicked the ragged tongue trapped from his teeth by the protector. He strained to get every drop. Genma held him gently but firmly, making sure he didn't choke. It took some time, but he was able to get a decent amount, eventually. "You need to pee or anything?"

Kakashi's annoyance flared, and he gritted his teeth and got ready to pull rank.

But Iruka had shaken his head 'no'. Genma stoppered the bota and eased Iruka's head back up, giving his shoulders a few gentle squeezes to keep the circulation going. Iruka stifled a groan as his muscles unlocked momentarily . Ignoring Kakashi's steely stare, Genma hopped up to go relieve himself solo.

His supporter gone, Iruka slumped back against the tree trunk in misery, gazing at the boots he vaguely recalled were not his. No wonder his feet were weeping with blisters. Not that he could have told his rescue party at this point, and the pain in his tongue trumped the blisters anyway. Too soon he was pulled to his feet and they guided him onward. They didn't stop until well after nightfall.

The start of the second day confirmed their need for precaution. Iruka's eyes dulled and darkened once again, and he tried to swoop away from their grip. The seals were swelling and active again. Mizuki must have found a way to command him in spite of the instructions they'd left with the guards. They rendered him unconscious without attempting to figure out what his command might be this time, and slung him over their shoulders for the rest of the trip back to Konoha.

vvvv

Face down with the seal exposed, a sterile headstall to protect his tongue, and his body immobilized, Iruka nervously watched from the corner of his eye as the debate about his treatment continued.

Jiraiya and Naruto had a plan and were still insistent, but Tsunade made it clear that she would be vetoing it if any other viable alternatives could be found. The facts were still being established.

They couldn't cut it out, it couldn't be neutralized - not with any methods they'd tried so far.

Shikaku and Shikamaru were there, called in as much for their impressive I.Q.s as for their control jutsu expertise. They were providing a few insights into the control. It both was and wasn't like a shadow control, the effects were not on the body as a whole. The seal was centered over the brain and the influence it exerted concentrated on the brain itself, and evidence of its invasion traced to the far reaches of the central nervous system. When it wasn't activated it was smooth and faded, just a small discolored patch of scalp, and had been easily overlooked by the med-nins in it's dormant state. The symbols were unfamiliar. The effect was absolute.

The death of the "caster" (on Marsh's advise they were not to use Mizuki's name in front of Iruka in his current vulnerable state) would naturally end the commands but the trigger would still be set, effectively eliminating any chance of a normal life. And there was a possibility that old commands could be reactivated in the void

"Are we back to life or sex again? Because if we are…" Iruka complained nervously, words slurred around the apparatus in his mouth.. Naruto blushed and shot a warning look at Shikamaru, but the other boy was not amused either.

Even now, he can try to joke? Jiraiya leaned down into Iruka's line of vision and smiled. "Sorry, son, it's not that simple."

"Of course." So much for volunteering for monkhood.

"Jiraiya, what you're proposing is dangerous. We can have Yamato stand to assist, but…we can't risk doing this here. Where do you propose to conduct this excision?" Tsunade pressed him for details.

"Someplace away from the structures here - the sacrifice grounds, perhaps."

"Too many ifs and conditions. I…"

She was interrupted by the sudden violent rattling of the bed as the body on it began to heave convulsively. Jiraiya crouched quickly to watch the change in the dark eyes and face, and Tsunade moved to gather more impressions. Shikaku studied the transformation of the seal.

"The caster needs to be terminated," Tsunade muttered. "Why can't those morons keep him in check?"

"I have no methods for suppressing it while it's active, and there's no apparent point of reversal. It would be like trying to throw off a shadow jutsu at point blank." Shikaku moved his hands in concert with the jerking head and probed the seal, feeling the twisted, unnatural chakra emanating from it. "The chakra damage would be irreversible if this goes on too long. Did you feel this? It's direct, and too intense - it's overkill."

Jiraiya dodged a hand in to touch it and grimaced. "Enough."

Tsunade motioned to Sakura and she gave Iruka a shot, stilling him for the moment. Tsunade wiped a rivulet of perspiration from her temple.

"Are any of the symbols drawn on his body related to the curse?" Shikamaru asked, hoping for something his non-linear thinking could shed some light on.

Kakashi piped in from his slouched observation post against the wall. "They were related to transport and overcoming traps and suppressions. Apparently something Mi- er, the caster set aside for his escape. That's the first thing we checked for, once we got him down and had a chance to really look at him."

"What about the scrolls, did you check to see if there was anything there of use?" It looked to Shikamaru like they had been pretty thorough.

Tsunade nodded. "The scrolls are in custody, and he had quite a few. Most of them were hand-copied. I don't think we could dare trust them - he's clever enough that he might mixed false information into them. Who knows what evil that would do."

Shikaku shook his head.  
"Whatever you're going to do, sooner is better. This is still active, although you've stopped him from responding physically with that shot. It's still doing damage. And I believe that even in his sedated awareness he is not getting any relief - so he still endures the intrinsic punishment for not complying."

"I detect that as well. We don't have much choice. Jiraiya, Naruto, you're sure about this?"

"There's nothing sure in this. But it's the only plan with any potential. I think it could work. And we can be ready in the time it takes to reach the site." The sage shared a look with Naruto, reflecting an nth of the hope the boy radiated into the room.

"We gotta help him, Granny."

"Stop calling me that , brat. Don't you know how to kiss up yet?"

Eeww. Naruto's lips curled in disgust at the thought.

"Oh, never mind. I approve your course of action. The sedative we gave him is very short-term. We need to be ready when he starts to come around. Scout the grounds first so we don't have any interruptions, and fetch Yamato. "

vvvv

In the clearing, Iruka lay trussed on his side, uncomfortable on the stone surface. His jaws ached as he finally got to close his mouth completely, and his voice was strained and dry. Naruto was indulging him, he had just a few seconds to have his say, and his words poured out in a rush.

"Listen to me! Don't take any risks! If it goes poorly, just be sure that you're okay. If it doesn't work…whatever happens, it's not your fault. I'm grateful that you'd try to help me. If it doesn't…if I don't…I just want you to know that you're family to me. You've been a wonderful part of my life. I…"

"Stop, Iruka-Sensei. You'll be fine, I'll see to that. Shhhh…" He replaced the protective gag apologetically, and when their eyes met it was hard to look away. Steeling his resolve, Naruto instructed his sensei firmly. "I need you to roll over now." He gently guided Iruka onto his stomach.

"Hope I'm not too heavy - sorry." He sat on the small of Iruka's back, knees straddling him, and leaned forward to make sure he had the seal in reach. "Just - be still as you can, okay? I hope this won't hurt."

Iruka's head buzzed with words he hadn't spoken in time and his eyes stung. Where was the numbing cocoon of the seal now that he needed it? At least the things that happened while the seal was active were faint and impersonal memories afterward. His fear was already acute and nothing had even happened yet.

The trees swayed and rustled, the wind whipping them up and waving them against the cloudless sky.

Naruto scanned the horizon as he took a final deep breath, then dipped his head and began to concentrate. Jiraiya held his shoulder and concentrated as well, his clothes swirling in the changing wind. Yamato stood stoically a short distance away. At the perimeter of the ancient amphitheater, several onlookers were stationed, standing by.

The young nin's world slowly turned inside out as his meditations ventured to contact the demon within. When he finally connected with the creature in his inner darkness, the ancient eyes were more alert than usual.

"This place holds a great many memories for me. Why have you brought me a sacrifice? It will do you no good." the demon fox growled.

"This is not a sacrifice. This is someone who has saved us before. He has a seal that connects him to a man that tried to kill you, Kyuubi. Lend me your power to remove it."

"This does not even interest me yet. Ease my boredom."

"This seal links the man here to the man who tried to hurt you. Take this side of the seal and you can reach him through the link."

"Somewhat more intriguing. Will I taste his blood?"

"I don't know."

"Blood is blood. If I just tear the heart from the one you have brought me, I will have my blood with no uncertainty. Where is my need to go further?'

"This one here is sick and weak. His blood's worn and thin. The other is named Mizuki, and his blood is so evil, I bet it's thick like a beast's. He'd be a better sacrifice for you. I hope you can suck him through that link like a straw."

"So, you don't really know if I can reach through that link. You have no bargain to offer. You simply want to use me. Even though you know that the more you do so, the more it serves my purpose in the end. You show so little restraint. Let me out, then. Release me."

"No, you know I won't let you out. But I'm calling on your powers and I'm not asking. We've got to do this now."

Outwardly, the blonde boy held a hand sign and rocked in slow concentration on the bound figure, the tall sannin standing by him began backing slowly away. The air began to shimmer and the atmosphere around the boy electrified. His appearance began to change, fangs and claws ghosting over his teeth and nails, a cloud-like tail appearing. The air tinted blood red in transparent waves.

Growing larger, dwarfing the captive subject, the demonic presence raged against the restraints of its vessel. When the second tail appeared, they struggled for power even as they struck. Needle-like claws of the beastly cloak pierced deeply and closed over the seal in the back of the man's head, then twisted and pulled. The seal ripped away, and long beaded strands attached to it seemed to issue from the exit wound forever, catching and jerking the head into the air. Blood spattered the human host's fair hair and face, and painted the front of orange jacket. Jiraiya and Yamato flashed in with seals to restrain the kyuubi as the claws reared back again for a second strike. They reversed the transformation efficiently, tried to support Naruto as he pushed them aside. The boy scrambled to clear his head and apply pressure to Iruka's gaping wound.

Iruka felt the change in the body weight resting on him and willed himself to be still, sensing that the time was near. As the demon fox emerged the cloak pressed on his body and permeated it with suffocating pressure and bitter heat. His tongue swelled again, sealing his throat.

The burning claws weren't so much painful as loud at first. The ripping sound was organic and wet. The threads of pressure snaking out of his body were being stripped from as far away as his extremities and the shock nauseated him. As the last bit was hauled out of his body in that ragged pull he lost touch with his senses. Only pain caught up, a few seconds later, stinging and cold as if ice had formed in his bone marrow.

As hard as he tried he couldn't hear any voices, and the dread thought that the attempt to save him had turned tragic for the others clawed at his heart as it carried him into darkness.

Weakened as he was from the transformation, Naruto still protectively gathered Iruka up and tried to transport them back to the hospital. He faltered and when Kakashi landed in front of him, he threw his pride aside and thrust the limp body into the jounin's arms. "I can't - take him. Hurry." Kakashi formed the signs and they were back at the infirmary, the rest of the party flashing in around them. Tsunade guided him to a gurney and they laid Iruka carefully on his side. He was shivering but otherwise motionless as Sakura applied a proper compress to the back of his head.

Tsunade touched his hand to verify the first report of her senses and drew back. "That's unearthly," she said. "Feel his skin."

Sakura frowned and suppressed a shudder, feeling for his pulse.

Kakashi suddenly realized he was in the way, that he hadn't retreated after depositing his wounded for treatment in the usual manner. For once he declined the opportunity to touch and stepped away to make room. The incongruous feel of the normally warm and downright velvety skin defied reason. It was now strange, colder than a corpse and stiffened. He hoped the blankets they were bringing in now would warm him up quickly.

"Ok. Out now, all of you. Waiting room, home, work, bar - pick a place and go. I need the room cleared."

She watched as they moved out the door, waiting. It helped to have a few minutes to regroup. When she turned back to her patient she dreaded the feedback she knew she would get. Something was wrong, the seal was gone, and in that regard the procedure had been a success. But something more had changed as well. Something she couldn't clearly identify yet.


	12. Chapter 12

Disclaimer: Don't own Naruto.

Naruto stood in the doorway and the last person ordered from the room edged past him to leave. He was slow arriving, not that he didn't want to be there. But he knew, everyone who witnessed the excision knew, something had gone wrong. He couldn't shake the fear that he'd ripped the very soul out of his sensei. The blood caking his clothes and drying on his face and hair was transforming from ruby red to a morose brick brown, but he couldn't bring himself to consider cleaning up and changing. He saw for a brief guilty flash how others might have felt about the demon vessel, a monster that would attack its own family.

"Lady Tsunade. Please, Honorable Hokage. Let me stay and see him." He stood as still as she had ever seen him. The formal, polite address she'd vied for came at such a cost.

Sakura's heart ached at the sight of him as she spared him a look over the tubing she was quickly unwrapping.

"Let's not be so grave yet, Naruto. He is alive." She held out a hand and led him in, taking him to the gurney piled with shivering blankets. "No more delays now, you must stay out of our way, but you can stay for the time being. We might need a hand at some point."

"So cold," Naruto whispered, touching the blood and dirt-smudged cheek. His blue eyes pooled with tears and he turned his head away.

"It worked, you know. Every trace of that seal is gone." Tsunade said, nodding to herself. "He's free now."

She heard a teary snuffle as she pulled the blankets back a bit. That wouldn't do.

"Naruto!" she ordered brusquely. "Make yourself useful. Remove his restraints, be mindful in case there are injuries. Start back here."

He swiped at his eyes and stepped around to the other side and carefully began unweaving the straps.

Tsunade removed the headstall and passed her hands along the cold stiff jaw line, and the odd lack of recovery puzzled her. Her healing powers refused to penetrate. She still couldn't get descent feedback on his vital signs, either. He was somehow on a different wavelength.

She resorted to more pedestrian methods, directing Sakura to mask him with oxygen, lifting his lids to peer into his eyes, taking his pressure and temperature manually again. His pulse was fast and thready. He was passing into shock, his panting shallow and quick. She checked the rate on the I.V., opening it up to flow more quickly. Sakura had mentioned that the needle was difficult to insert in his unyielding flesh, and she checked to make sure the infusion line was clear.

The bloody wadding stuck slightly, then released and peeled back to reveal the gaping wound. It still oozed sluggishly. She rolled a clean compress on as she rolled the soiled one off, satisfied that the bleeding had safely slowed and he wouldn't need a transfusion. So far, other than a scrape on his cheek and blossoming bruising over the majority of his body there were no other injuries evident from today.

"When I ripped out the seal, it was like I'd turned him inside out," Naruto said quietly, dropping the restraints in a pile on the counter. "Just pulling and, it was like his insides were stuck to it and I just tore them all out."

"That's nonsense. All of his "insides" are still there, or he wouldn't be alive. Whatever came away with that seal…I don't know. I haven't figured it out yet. Maybe it was just a part of the seal that extended into his body somehow. Damned if I can get a reading on him!" Frustrated, she stalked to the door. "Where the hell are the rest of the medics? I want some tests run! Sakura, stay here and keep an eye on him, I'll be right back."

"Can you tell anything, Sakura? How bad is it?"

"Right now we need to watch close and treat him for shock. " She shrugged apologetically. "Wash your hands before you touch him again. And maybe your face? If he comes to you don't want to scare him." She waved him to the sink.

He washed obediently and mopped his face, cleaning until the water ran clear of blood. The cool water cleared his head a bit, helped him feel a little more normal.

Tsunade shoved a lab tech in through the door and kept going. The tech straightened up somewhat indignantly and set his kit next to Iruka and began drawing samples.

"At least he's not shaking anymore, huh?" Naruto observed hopefully over the tech's shoulder. "I guess he's not so cold now."

Sakura checked him again. He wasn't shaking anymore, and his breathing was a little better, but he was still unnaturally cold and stiff. Her fledgling healing powers refused to aid him no matter how she tried. The tech was finished so she pulled the blankets back up over his bare scarred back.

Tsunade came back in with a burly medic and they went to the gurney. "Sakura, assist. I want him turned on his other side so we can complete our eval." Tsunade swept up the blankets and shoved them in Naruto's arms, propelling him back out of the way. The three efficiently turned the unconscious man, minding tubes and injuries, and they scanned his body again for changes or damage. Another deep red bruise was evident among the lighter mottle of contusions on his upper left thigh and knee. They went to remove the protective wraps and check his feet, they had been in blistered shreds from the hike back to Konoha but Tsunade's healing had effectively closed the wounds before sending him off to the excision. The wrap stuck, gently pulling wouldn't budge it. A firmer pull lifted few inches of the wrap and the flesh underneath along with it, a mix of blood and clearish fluid weeping out.

"It was healing before! What the hell..? You, get a clean sheet to cover him and then help Naruto get those blankets back on him. Then get me - let's try a burn kit first. This is going to take some doing to get these wraps off." She rubbed her forehead with an irritated sigh at the day's endless bad luck.

vvvvvv

For Iruka's end of it, it was all a blur. The closest thing it resembled was falling He fell without reference to time or space and the rare sensation that got through slipped away before he could follow it to escape. This constant vertigo felt foreign and cold, and he was sharply aware of being isolated. When noises began to creep into the fringes of his awareness, it didn't help that the sounds were unfamiliar, it didn't give him much to center his disjointed thoughts on. He was pulling together a little, aware that he was alive. The noises began to take the shape of words, concepts others were communicating, maybe to him, maybe not.

He had hints of physical awareness, distant discomfort and pain. Cold. Emotions too, now, mostly fear and anxiety, not enough memory or control of his thoughts to get oriented. The volume went up, way up, and he was open and defenseless against the onslaught of noise.

vvvvv

Sakura pushed the door open and sighed, wondering if she should bother with the next chakra healing test. Two days had gone by and there was no sign of awareness, not even random movement. The wounds on his body not only refused any healing by nin, they also responded poorly to village medicine. But it was all they had to help him with now, so Sakura held a pouch of ointment she needed to apply to his feet,head and neck to fight the infection that was trying to get established.

She touched his neck, rolling her fingertip against the edge of the sterile tape to lift a corner so that it could be removed. It felt different. She hesitated and placed three fingers on his neck and pushed gently, rubbing in a circular motion. The stiffness was gone, he was still very cold, but the cadaverous feel had dissipated. When she pressed the ends of his fingers and let go the color slowly returned.

"Iruka!" she called firmly, thumbing his lids open, checking for signs of awareness. There was no response, so she tried scanning him again. If anything the resistance was stronger.

She quickly and efficiently changed his dressings and hurried off to report the changes to Tsunade.

The warmth returned to his body the next day in the form of a fever. His muscles twitched and he was beginning to make small restless movements. Not that a fever was a good thing, but his body produced a number of natural reactions that evidenced his body was still somewhat functional.

v

"He's not reacting to anything visual - I can't ascertain if he's been blinded through some kind of brain stem or optic nerve damage or if it's perceptual. His eyes are reactive - but look, when I shine the light. There should be a direct pupillary reflex. There isn't; no consensual reflex is evident, either. But if you watch for a bit…sometimes they react like mad, but it's when there's no stimuli."

Tsunade ran through the evidence as much to get it straight in her head as to bring the other doctor up to speed."He doesn't respond to noise in a startle response, and he doesn't react to spoken words. I don't see how you think that he senses when someone is nearby."

"You're leaning towards brain damage?" Marsh asked doubtfully. It sounded like she was building a case for it.

"Evidently. To have any prayer of reversing it, we need to figure out why the healing techniques are being blocked. It might be too late already but we have to try."

The head of the bed had been elevated and at least he looked more alive, propped up and eyes half-open. Rolled towels behind his head flanked the wound and a drainage tube snaked down and over the side of the bed, dripping watery pus into a bag indicating fluid measurements. He was still flushed but the fever was controlled, rarely spiking past 100.

They lowered the head of the bed a bit, made sure he was resting back securely before leaving him.

He breathed easier after that. He had more of his wits about him, but he couldn't see who it was that was talking so damned loud, saying such incredibly insensitive things about him, speaking so bluntly. There were lots of noisy conversations going on not too far away still, and he sincerely tried not to listen. When the words reached him he was dumbfounded. Had everyone gone insane? The filthy language and the basic lack of social restraint…he had thought he was in the hospital but now he wasn't sure at all. His memory was filtering back in, and nothing in it so far prepared him for this barbaric group that held him. His struggle to reclaim control over his body, seeking to use his voice and vision, the lack of progress in that direction was worrisome. Especially with all the doom and gloom they were spouting around him.

After a time another loud, crude voice approached, was there ever a silent moment with these people?

'Oh, not looking good…wow, his face is so pale and cheesy looking. Aw, that stuff - is that pus from his head, shit, is that infection eating into his brain? I wonder if he's conscious yet. Let's see, don't wanna risk poking his eyes out, here…don't you see that? What if he's blind? Whoa, pretty warm, guess that's the fever. How about a get-well present when he looks a little better…slip in there with him and sex him up hard right here in the.."Iruka tried to shut out the words and the invasive feeling as the diatribe went downhill from there into a rather graphic description his body and the things the other person would like to do to it once he was less repulsively ill. Just as abruptly the person gave an "oh shit " and the silence that followed was a relief.

His eyes gave him nothing but his mind had been providing an impression of a dark figure on a white background, familiar but not recognizable. Dreaming ,of course, that has to be the answer. All this is just a weird dream. Exhausted from illness and the effort of being alert he fell into a deep black slumber.

He awoke to a deafening voice musing about the unfairness of losing someone since she was the one who could provide him with everything he would ever need and want and he'd never have to work another day in his life. He sorely ached to get his hands over his ears, and in his struggles must have managed some movement, because Her Loudness was interrupted and dropped the subject. Another voice joined, there was concern for him and for his condition and annoyance at having to work late and miss the beginning of a gathering with the chunins, especially that annoying/cute/smelly/sexy/ overbearing/meltingly strong/nosy/clever/so close and touchable Naruto whom she would just die if he found out she was having second thoughts about , because that Sasuke had been the hottest ever…

Well, at least these were _his_ insane rude hyper-sexed people, he'd finally figured that out. Had they always been so callous and it took some gross injury for him to see it? Or was it that they were unabashed and spoke this way in front of him because they assumed that he could not hear them?

'He's still blind and he still has no reaction to my questions. This is too hard, what am I going to do if he dies while I'm alone in the room? '

Just when the hell did these harpies ask me any questions? He tried hard to see again, he thought he'd begun to get a little flash of light.

Then his mind's eye flooded his receptors with an image. The dark figure on the white background again. He focused on it, the surroundings of the image clearing in waves, and he could see it was a hospital bed and the person…himself? From the perspective of someone standing at the foot of the bed looking down at him. As the image cleared he recoiled mentally, seeing the drain from the neck, the sickly face, my hair, oh that is inexcusable what they've done with my hair! He watched as he saw himself startle, jerking forward and his POV swooped in closer, and he saw his own eyes darting in sightless alarm, I look like an insane idiot, and the more upset he got the more he was forced to watch himself make pathetic little movements. It was a crazy disjointed feeling, his mind/body connection only giving him a few poor sensations, not nearly enough to reflect what the image told him his body was doing. He would have drawn on his chakra to pull himself together but he suddenly realized with further alarm that he had no access to it. He couldn't detect his own chakra, much less it's level, much less put it to use. That realization derailed him completely.

His weakened state caught up with him and his mind slowed, and he lost the image. His body slumped and quieted. The too-loud voices blurred away with their relief at being able to get out and go do the important things they had been afraid they'd have to miss.

He couldn't relax completely. Enough of his memory had returned that he tried to stay alert. The quiet didn't necessarily mean that he was alone.

vvvvvv

Marsh thanked Tsunade again for her indulgence. She had little time for him, there had been a problem with a mission that had gone bad, and they were trying to get a retrieval party out for the injured. She sent Sakura to put the monitors back on Iruka. She had regrettably decided to suspend her efforts on behalf of the fallen chunin until the crisis was over. It had been well over a week with no improvement in his condition and there seemed to be little need urgency. Afterwards she'd have to reconsider, but that was unlikely; she was being realistic. If Marsh wanted to keep butting his head against a brick wall she'd allow it - but only for a while. It was time to start telling the truth to the people incessantly asking when they could visit. Let them in and let them make their peace with the potential loss of their comrade. The few who could bear it could continue to see him in the long-term care facility later, but... if his case was like the handful of others, he would have no visitors there. The jounin were a superstitious lot when it came to vegetative injuries, and his family members were all properly buried.

vvvv

'I hope he knows something, I hope he's right, sensei. You'd rather be dead than be left like this. I know that's why you don't fight off the infections. There, all done. Wait. I don't know if this will help, but…good thing nobody saw that. Although, it's not like we're related or anything.'

Sakura again, Iruka observed, she's the only one that's been coming in for a while. Good thing nobody saw what? Hope who's right about what?

Her presence was replaced with a vague feeling of being watched. He defensively tried to force his vision to cooperate but the slight flashes of light were his only reward. He detected another image of himself but when he swallowed his dread and went to capture it, he was…blocked somehow.

'Iruka.'

His breath caught. His own name echoed in his thoughts, modulated and deliberate. It reminded him of…he pushed the fear down hard. It wasn't the same. It couldn't be.

'Do you understand me, Iruka?' Not mocking him. More like an outstretched hand.

Yes, I do, how do I…he shot impulses out to every part of his body he'd somehow moved before. He only managed to twitch a hand.

'Do that again for me, please.'

He tried frantically, this time his body randomly banged his head back into the pillow instead.

'OK, take it easy, that's not something you should do right now. You have an injury to your head.'

Dr. Marsh's heart raced - was that really a response? Then another? He carefully crafted a thought and, blocking the rest, sent it out cautiously. If he was right, Iruka could be desperate by now, and he didn't want to agitate him unnecessarily. But each reaction corresponded to his directed thought. And while he couldn't read any thoughts in response, it was enough to convince him he was onto something.

'We need a way to communicate. Can you blink on command?'

Nothing. The half-open eyes were motionless.

'How about breathing. Can you change the rate - give me a few quick breaths?'

The steady breathing caught and stopped - and then started again roughly. He was trying, Marsh was pretty sure of that now. But that was very little physical control indeed.

"Good enough. For yes, try and delay a breath. For no, just keep breathing. Do you want to try this?"

His breath caught and held…and held…then restarted irregularly. Marsh let him get back into his regular breathing pattern.

"That's good. I can see it." He carefully edited and shot out another thought ." Do you know who I am?"

No break in breathing, ragged though it was.

"This is Dr. Marsh. Do you remember me, do you know who I am now?"

Breath caught. Released.

"Good." Marsh suppressed his grin automatically. He's in there. So much for Tsunade's conclusion. "You don't seem to have much control over your body right now. Can you see anything?"

No changes.

"Can you generate a chakra response?" Negative. "Can you hear my voice?" Breath caught. Not what Marsh expected. He spoke the next question aloud to test. "Can you hear my voice?" he asked clearly. No response. So he doesn't understand what's happened to his perception.

"I am not using my voice right now Iruka. I am using a selective thought-projection technique. It was developed for use with certain bloodlines who have telepathic abilities and it's one of my triage specialties, albeit seldom-used. It is used to prevent them from invading their doctor's minds while they are ill."

"Can you detect your chakra force at all?"

No change.

"It's okay. Are you afraid?" His breath caught sharply.

Yes. Well he's being honest, that's good. "It isn't hopeless, Iruka. You have to work hard though. You need to re-establish your conscious connection with your chakra. Tsunade can't read or heal you like this. You have to at least start to connect with the channels on your own. Do you understand?"

Yes.

"Can you feel this?" Marsh closed his hand over Iruka's and squeezed gently. No change.

Apparently not . His isolation must be pretty intense.

"I need to let Tsunade know what's going on. I'm going to go, and I'll be back. You'll be all right." No response.

He'd have to reform his chakra channels from scrap, but he was uniquely qualified for the task. He knew the meditation methods better than anyone, having researched and written the definitive paper on detecting unrefined chakra and developing channel potential in the young child. It was even published in one of the journals.

And damn it, _thoughts_! How stupid that he never figured it out. No wonder he didn't recognize anyone's voice. It didn't seem like anyone could hear him, though. Only his mind's receptors were laid bare. How inconvenient.

Tsunade reversed the decision to allow visitors before a single one got by, banning them completely. Only Marsh came, briefly, to offer encouragement and to channel questions for the skeptical Hokage. Iruka's vital signs dipped, evidence of the energy he expended trying to re-associating mind-spirit-body connections. By the third day of their limited communication and with the mission crisis under control, Tsunade returned to evaluate Iruka. She concentrated fiercely and pressured her chakra scan at nearly attack force into him. No point in trying to explain; she figured if Marsh was right, the patient would already know what she was up to.

Iruka concentrated on keeping his defenses down and staying as wide open as he could, struggling with the overwhelming urge to duck and cover under the intense scanning pressure. He'd been getting so close to pulling himself together.. Maybe she could find his broken pieces now that he'd been working so hard to round up his devastated chi.

The powerful iryo-nin was a little surprised, her probing wasn't repelled and she detected fragmented, displaced remnants of life force everywhere. She could tell now what must have happened, the fringes of his chakra channels had been blown to bits and the main channels were stripped nearly away. The eight gates reacted to form protectively into impenetrable barriers and cordon off the mind, body and spirit elements with the last bits of chakra to sustain him. Any more damaged and he couldn't have survived, she was sure of that. She couldn't get to his mental status yet, though she had to guess Marsh was right. For being so damaged his overall feel was solid. She forced some healing chakra into the areas she could safely read, nodded to Sakura to join her, and they worked methodically. They finished up, exhausted, after addressing the infections still eating at his feet and head. It was an small increment of support given the extent of the damage, but it was a positive step.

Tsunade took Marsh by the shoulder and looked him squarely in the eyes. "We were able to get in. You were right. Now I need you to make sure that this is clear to him. The eight gates took damage and locked down. They're sealing away his remaining chakra. He needs to look there for his connection, but he needs to be careful. He must not open any of the gates accidentally. That would be an absurd warning under normal circumstances, but right now they are badly damaged so it might not take much. If he does open one in his current condition it would be almost surely be fatal. He must be patient." She waited until he acknowledged he instructions with a nod, then broke away and motioned to Sakura to accompany her.

"Oh, and Marsh," Tsunade called back as she left him to address his patient. "Thank you for proving me wrong."


	13. Chapter 13

Iruka understood the instructions, and the prospect of opening a gate 'accidentally' was pretty mind-blowing. He had acquainted himself with the theories, and he had experimented with the first gate when his goal was still to become jounin someday, but he never succeeded in releasing it. He wished like hell he could ask some questions.

Now, armed with his knowledge of the level of consciousness he would find the gates on, he had more of a feel for making the connection. The extra power from Tsunade and Sakura's healing and the relief from the confusion about the crazy way people were behaving further aided his introspection.

He found himself witness to a gate in relatively short time. He brushed his awareness over it carefully, bringing his meditative pressure slowly into focus, and willed his being to flow into the currents passing by it. Suppressing his instinctive fear and the bubbling urge to flee, he plunged forward and was rewarded as his physical body jolted him away with a nasty surprise. He made a connection all right, probably the closest one available, but not a pleasant one. All his body's feedback was snapped on and available, no, unavoidable, and for the first time he got a taste of the pain his abused body was suffering. The pain raged unabated; control of his body wasn't part of the package. His feet burned and the back of his head pulsed with a soft throbbing ache. The most excruciating pain was in his spine and tailbone, sharp and intense. All of his muscles felt cramped and heavy, and even his tongue still ached.

Damn. It wasn't that any of it was unbearable - he had a decent threshold for pain - it was distracting. It made it harder to control his breathing, spikes in pain made his breath catch and intense sustained pain made him pant, and he couldn't get control over it. It was going to screw up his only line of communication. And make it more difficult to concentrate and sense the delicate flow of his chakra system. He reeled with the increased difficulty and had to give up and regroup. It was hard to give up the momentum but the risk of blundering while dealing with the gates was too great.

Marsh saw the changes immediately, well, it wouldn't have taken an expert. The formerly relaxed and rather vaguely sentient figure was clenched and breathing irregularly, his still unseeing eyes watery and glazed in pain. He couldn't get an overt response, and his projected thoughts resulted in randomness in reply. Hailing Shizune through an orderly, Marsh barked his request for assistance, and sent encouraging thoughts into the lonely void.

A medical assistant returned with a vial and an apology, no one was available to assist him at the moment. Shizune was available for emergencies only since she was the only med-nin on duty and she was in the ER at the moment. Marsh administered the painkiller himself, noting as he added it slowly to the port in the IV line that the flow was sluggish and he suspected they were on the verge of blowing another vein.

Calm flowed over the dark-eyed figure and he slumped down into the mattress pad, slack-jawed. Marsh gave him a minute for his breathing to regulate, then sent a test question.

'Iruka, are you up for a few questions?'

Breath held. Funny, how that response gave him an instant feeling of having Iruka back in the room, even though he'd been sitting with him for nearly half an hour already. 'Are…no, were you in pain?' Yes. 'Is it better now?' Yes. 'Were you able to feel pain before?' No response- so, no.

Marsh was back, Iruka was never happier to hear another's "voice". Ask me questions, think the alphabet, just don't leave me in here alone, he anguished. The painkiller weakened his defenses and ate at his resolve, even as it removed the distracting pain. Not a time to let the memories of all that had put him in this fix come flooding back like they were threatening to. Not if he could help it. He needed time to adjust to his softened resistance. But one more minute in isolation was one too many.

'Have you made any headway?' Yes. 'Are you being careful of the gates?' Yes. 'Are you close to making the connection?' No response. 'Are you holding up okay?' No response…oh, that's …hard. 'Hang in there, Iruka. Its going to be slow going, it must be very hard on you. Does it help when I contact you?' Yes. 'That's good. I want to help you.' Yes. Well, that wasn't a question really.

'It's difficult, we can't let anyone in to see you for obvious reason. Do you understand why?' Pause, then…yes. 'They all ask about you. They are anxious to see you again.'

Marsh stayed on into the evening, past his working hours, keeping him company. It was fatiguing, keeping the majority of his thoughts blocked so he didn't overwhelm Iruka, and he finally sent a warning that maybe it would be best if he tried to get some sleep, because it was time for him to go now.

It wasn't that he had anyone to go home to, just two small pocket pets whose companionship he enjoyed immensely. There wasn't anything in particular he had to do. He just needed to be rested and alert for work tomorrow, and this case took some time to dismiss from his mind once he got home. He genuinely liked Iruka. Of course. Everyone liked Iruka. And getting him well was partly his responsibility. It was a big responsibility, that's all. So he worried about it more than usual. Nothing out of the ordinary for someone in his line of work. Just normal professional concern. Period.

vvv

Go to sleep? Was Marsh on drugs or what? He can just walk away into the world and leave me trapped here with a brush-off like that? And no visitors! Surely if they would have a clue and warn his friends they could mind their mental manners long enough to…hell with it. He used the frustration to rebuild his momentum and fight the numbing effect of the painkiller. Drawing back into a reflective concentration he set to finding where he'd been so painfully interrupted, with redoubled determination.

It was 3 A.M. It took over seven straight hours of inhuman concentration to make it into the next gate's domain. He pushed, too tired to maintain the kind of control he'd had before, but it he was driven. He drove ahead, sensing the weakness of this gate, slipping by quickly. Then he was there, past another barrier. Yes! Something changed, he'd made another connection. The shreds of nighttime background chatter disappeared, and the silence was huge. He couldn't sense any physical change, nothing like last time. Just the complete silence in his head. It hit him hard when he understood it and he prayed he was wrong. Maybe he'd closed the open channel. If he had, there would be no more thoughts to keep him company other than his own. He crumpled mentally and let go, wearily sliding into the unconsciousness he'd been battling in his determination to reach this plateau.

vvv

Tsunade scooted her chair up to the desk attentively, enjoying the almost-forgotten state of being alert and energetic. Leaving Shizune to man her post had finally given her enough time resting to recharge for the next crisis, whatever it might be.. She reviewed the notes left on her desk, outlining the fun she'd missed.

'Hmm. Naruto, three contacts at the desk , still inquiring about visitation. Kakashi, late night attempt to wander into Iruka's room interrupted by an orderly; Raidou and Genma intercepted in the hallway claiming not to have heard that visitors were still not allowed; polite inquiries at the reception desk by several unnamed visitors.' Sigh. You'd think that the teacher was the only patient in the place.

A pink sticky note - 'Rx dispensed to Dr. Marsh for Umino room 113 codeine class restricted painkiller signed out per acting dispensing officer. See chart re change in patient condition / justification of request. '

Several notes with files regarding the patients treated and released in the outpatient emergency room for the usual garden-variety nin mishaps, not much else from the shifts she'd skipped.

Wondering what had changed in Iruka's condition, he slipped on her white coat and decided to start with him first on her rounds.

vv

He was feeling quite a bit of pain now, that was evident. Unpleasant but a very good sign, regardless of whether it had come about through his body's natural recovery, or by sheer effort from Iruka, as Marsh seemed to believe in his notes. She infused another dose of the painkiller for now and passed her freshly rested hands over him, testing. Still terribly disrupted within. The external injuries were healing up and she gently turned his head to the side, carefully checking under the dressing before easing him back. She made a notation to order the drain removed from his head wound.

He seemed less reactive, she attributed it to the pain and the drugs to suppress it. She wrote up an order for a longer term pain management medication and metering pump to dispense it. Checking the schedule on the chart, it showed that Marsh was due to come in to work with him in the early afternoon. She tried to think encouragingly and felt relieved as she left the room. She finally had the knack, she hadn't let a single inappropriate thought cross her mind the whole time.

vvvv

The pain began to recede and he rose up in a wave of fuzzy awareness, cringing inwardly at the total silence. If it wasn't for the loose comfort the drug provided he might be panicking; as it was he struggled to pull himself together and focus. He had been asleep, or unconscious, he had no way to know which, but it didn't leave him feeling rested. He didn't remember any dreaming. He sank to his work and gathered his sluggish thoughts in grim determination.

vvvvv

Marsh dropped by before lunch, he'd had a cancellation and thought that Iruka might benefit from a little company. He'd already heard from Tsunade that they were starting some less addictive pain management around noon. Sure enough they'd blown another vein, but had been a small task for the healer to repair.

He rolled up next to the bed on the doctor's stool, touched Iruka's hand to test for a reaction. None, as he had expected. He watched the regular breathing, and concentrated a greeting, asking if Iruka would signal back as a hello. No response.

Is he asleep? Marsh wasn't sure if he should disturb him if he was. He really couldn't stay long right now, and he'd be back for his scheduled appointment later. He sent another gentle request that Iruka respond if he was awake. Nothing. A little concerned, he checked Iruka's vital signs, found nothing unusual. He decided to let him rest for now, and left.

vvvv

Naruto caught Sakura outside the medical center as she left to get some lunch, snagging her by the elbow and hanging onto her anxiously.

"Sakura, I'll buy you lunch, okay?" he asked, all big blue eyes and breathlessly pleading. "Come with, please?"

"Gyah, Naruto, outta my face!" Smiling a little, she pulled back so she could see him without crossing her eyes. "Lunch is fine but I'm eating at home. You can come with me." She knew he was dying to hear how Iruka was doing, and it wasn't fair that he had to feel so guilty about it. She wiggled free of his grip as they headed for her home.

"How is he doing?" the blond gulped, bumping her shoulder with his as they walked.

"He's stable," she said. "He's healing now, we've got the infections clearing up."

"Then why can't anyone see him? I don't understand!" He thunked his fist into his palm for emphasis.

"Naruto, it's complicated. He can't see or hear you yet. But he has like a raw nerve for the presence of people around him, for their thoughts. And right now he needs to be able to concentrate on getting better."

"He's blind and deaf now? For real?" he'd stopped walking, and she took his elbow this time and hauled him along.

"It's not like that, exactly. Come on, I need to have lunch and get back to work." She decided to simplify it as best she could. "He took major chakra damage, that's not unheard of, he just has to get better. If you talk to Dr. Marsh he might let you go in with him for a few minutes. I said MIGHT, don't get all weird on me, okay? If you're calm and behave when you ask , that is."

"Sure. Yeah, that'd be great!" Encouraged, he was starting to smile, and that was much better.

"No promises. You like milk tea?" she could tell by his brightening grin that he did, and she hauled him in playful capture to the front door, her spirits starting to rise just from being close to the ball of irrepressible energy. They shoved and laughed at each other as they fought for first place across the threshold and invaded the house, crashing noisily down the hallway into the kitchen, delighting in the brief break from their grown-up lives.


	14. Chapter 14

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. He's a cheap date though, ne?

vvvv

"Wait out here, I'll come back out and let you know." Marsh nodded to Naruto and drifted back down the hall to Iruka's room, stepping in and heading to the foot of the bed to check the chart and sign in. All the notations looked similar, nothing highlighted. He pulled out his stethoscope and performed the basics, adding his scribbles to the rest, greeting Iruka and letting him know that the weather was nice and his plants were being cared for. Asked him if his pain was being managed well enough. No?

'Are you in pain?' Nothing, no changes. 'Iruka are you awake?' Still nothing. Too much medication, maybe? But his breathing was regular, light and he didn't evidence the physical signs of being asleep or unconscious. 'This is important, show me that you understand by giving an affirmative.' Still nothing.

His own breathing was quickening, this was not right.

'Hold your breath for a second.' But there was no change. Something was definitely wrong. He shook the silent body gently, tapped his face with the flat of his hand, checked his eyes. No responses there, either.

Marsh dug his fingers into his own smoothly-brushed blond hair and eyed the monitors in frustration. It could be a million things, physical, chakra, or mental. He tried getting a response one last time then decided to call in Tsunade.

As he walked quickly down the hall Naruto watched expectantly from the waiting room doorway, ready to go in for his visit. He'd already slipped Marsh's distracted mind, and the doctor made a quick motion to him to step out .

"If you want to go in now I'll give you a few minutes. There's someone I need to speak to, so I'll see you out when I return. Remember to keep your thoughts focused on your visit like we talked about. It's room 113. Excuse me, I have to go." Marsh spared him no more time and took off down the corridor quickly.

Naruto walked uncertainly, chewing on the inside of his lower lip and hoping he was thinking the right way. Pushing the door open, he felt apprehensive, but it was not as bad as he'd pictured.

Iruka looked pale and tired, like he was sleeping off a bad drunk, but he didn't look deathly ill or even injured, since the remaining dressings were on his feet and the back of this head and they didn't show. The bruises had cleared up except for the very deepest ones. An angry red line traced across the base of his throat but it was healing up cleanly.

Naruto sat on the edge of the bed and gave the tan forearm a gentle squeeze, and felt relived that it felt as normal as his own, just a little cool in the hospital's chill air. Nothing like the way he felt when Naruto had tried to take him in from the excision.

"Hi, don't know if you can hear me, but I'm here. You look pretty good, ya know? Like you'd wake up any minute if I could just think of the right thing to say to you." He patted the arm hopefully. He guessed he could think and speak the words at the same time, it seemed silly just to be thinking at him. "I guess you can't give me any hints about what you need to hear."

He let a little supportive chakra flow through his fingertips into the motionless forearm, wishing he knew if he was getting through at all.

Tsunade and Marsh came through the door and Tsunade reacted immediately.

"Stop, Naruto, take your hand away." Her practiced eye spotted the chakra flow first off. "What were you doing?"

"Just…letting him know I'm here," he said lamely.

"That's not wise right now, there are some issues with his chakra. Why are you in here?"

"It's my fault, I gave him permission for a brief visit," Marsh interrupted. "Naruto, I think your time is up now."

"Did I hurt him? Is he okay? He didn't seem like anything was wrong." He stood hovering over the bed, and Marsh looked at him and nodded toward the door, making it clear he was expected to leave now.

"He looks fine, if there were an ill effect I think it would have been obvious. We're just being very careful. I'm sorry, I have my doubts that he even knows we're here at the moment." He escorted his reluctant charge halfway out the door . "Keep checking back, we'll let you know when he's ready for visitors."

Marsh retreated back into the room as soon as he was sure the boy was moving down the hallway on his own volition.

Tsunade waited until the door snicked shut before she let him have it.

"You idiot. And I was beginning to think you were competent. Do you have any clue what kind of disaster that could have been? If he'd pumped him with more chakra than his damaged system could hold? Not only would we lose Iruka, Naruto would never forgive himself! And I'd have you hung by your thumbs!"

Marsh grimaced at her snarl and motioned to Iruka, shaking his head. "Lady Tsunade, not here. Please."

"It's okay, I'm through. But expect to see something negative in your evaluation on this one, I promise it."

She shook her head to clear her thoughts and passed her hands over him, exploring, pushing a little.

"Send him something, ask for a reaction."

Marsh asked him to respond again.

"I don't feel any reaction, not the slightest. I don't detect that he felt it, or heard it." She paused, checking the medication pump. "If that's how it is now, this changes things. We need to rethink our approach."

She washed her hands and tapped them on the edge of the sink. "We can't assume that he's able to work from within anymore."

vv

Is it karma that balances these things really? Iruka wondered, his concentration broken and his rational thoughts giving way to a tangle of emotional memories under the influence of the change in painkillers. Loosened and loaded, he worried about the punishment that must have befallen Mizuki for his latest scheme, because Iruka suffered in the knowledge that he was the one who really deserved the blame for the whole mess.

Mizuki was one of the few contemporaries who would give Iruka the time of day after he was orphaned. Iruka was pathetic and only eleven; Mizuki was a strong, fascinating fourteen year old, yet he seemed to seek out Iruka's company. Iruka was ridiculously needy and adored and clung to the older boy and in retrospect must have mislead him in every way possible. He was unsure but compliant when his older friend suggested that they moved into a lover's relationship when he was sixteen because he did love Mizuki in a lot of ways, he could admit it now. He feared that he couldn't have held the man's attention any other way. It was an on-again off-again relationship from then on. Somehow Iruka couldn't bring himself to give himself over to it fully. Had he been more devoted then, life could have been so different. They might have stayed together, co-teaching, co-habiting…no violence, no regrets, no outlandish desires to flee the village. He knew it was his resistance, his pathetic lack of trust even after all those years that had driven Mizuki to the insane lengths he'd gone to. He didn't understand it himself.

He'd watched him growing stranger and just let him go, as the only person he was close to detoured away from sanity on a one-way trip. How could he justify the way he had just let that happen without a fight?

That cruelty came back a thousand fold, didn't it? Like the arguments they'd had too often before they broke up, and Mizuki would beat Iruka senseless without reserve, because Iruka couldn't bring himself to deal the kind of blows that would have been necessary to stop him. He'd hidden the bruises and cuts, mortified, because he wouldn't be able to stand it if people knew. If they saw that the only person who knew him intimately treated him like this, his new friends and co-workers would suspect that didn't know him at all, that he must be a very vile and unlovable person on the inside. That he must have really deserved it. He thought that if he ever heard anyone but Mizuki tell him how much he deserved it, his world would shatter. So he hid it very well.

It shamed him to admit that he'd actually been relieved when they broke up for good and the other man was too strange to consider reconciling with. He had been glad that it was over.

The feelings from those years had been locked away tight, they felt fresh now that he touched on them again. He hadn't even aired them in therapy, he'd never revealed to anyone that the relationship he'd had with Mizuki was much more than an unnaturally close and possessive friendship. With everything else that had happened, he had no choice. He couldn't have gone on if anyone had even implied that his castration was his just reward for having indulged in and then destroyed such a relationship. Only he knew that, deep inside, and no one was ever going to find out.

The seal and voice had been removed but the shadow on his heart was permanent and all too evident. Even as he hoped they hadn't hurt Mizuki for what he'd done, he simultaneously prayed they'd never ever set him free. His drug-compromised mind spun in ever-tightening circles, uninterrupted by senses or visiting thoughts, his tasks of self-repair forgotten.

vvvv

"Short of doing nothing and warehousing him, what else is there? We'll keep doing incremental support and wait. I've reduced the painkiller by half, we haven't seen the result of that yet. Any kind of mind- switch jutsu would be a last resort."

Marsh replayed Tsunade's words, the miserable turns of the day, the frustration. He scruffled Fast Eddie's head behind the ears and reached down to tug Carl out of bottom of his sweatshirt simultaneously, smiling in spite of himself as Ed's eyes woggled in contentment.

The boys sure had gotten big, their fur was sparkling white and their happy pink eyes followed him reverently as he gave them each their treat, fat slices of raw carrot. How much these excess subjects destined for disposal livened up his life was amazing. He'd heard that rats were more like dogs in nature, but he'd never expected them to be so endearing. Or smart. They knew their names, they came when they were called, they strained for him at the cage bars and mobbed him when he let them out, little attention-junkies that they were. Carl perched sensibly on his shoulder and gracefully nibbled his carrot while Ed-boy stuffed himself into the space between Marsh and the arm of the chair, crunching loudly in failed stealth.

He adored the little critters, long scaly pink tails and all, but they came at a price. They had amazing, complex personalities, they bonded expressively with their owners, they were clean, they didn't bite …the perfect pet. With about a two-year expiration date. Their natural lifespan was just long enough to devastate the average pet owner upon their death. And given that they were lab stock, the chance that they would develop tumors and have an even shorter lifespan was great. So he was well aware that the pair were just furry little heartbreaks on tiny pink feet, but rather than hand them over for extermination he took them home. And let himself get attached to them anyway.

Carl had finished his carrot and curled up next to his neck, a relaxed lump of contented warmth. Ed wasn't crunching but he hadn't moved, so he was probably asleep as well. Marsh sighed and rubbed his thumb across Carl's soft side, glad for the company. His mind returned to his patient, wondering how he was coping. He hoped he was still working to make his way back.

vvvv

Damn his tailbone was hurting. It had started bothering him again some time ago and as the pain and discomfort built up so did his irritation. It displaced the maudlin mindset and snapped him out of his self-indulgent pity party. He hadn't wallowed in those stupid thoughts in forever, hell of a time to start now. He had to do something, this was going to drive him crazy. He used his anger for a focal point again and set back to his search for the gates. He found the next one more easily than the last. He didn't take pause to check the set and condition of this gate. He had to go forward.

Pushing hard was the only thing that made headway here. There were eddies and currents pulling in all directions, and resistance hampered his progress if he took any one direction for long. The closer to this gate he came, the more he became unsure of where he was, inside or outside of his mind and body. The gate and channel were indistinguishable from one another, battered unsteady structures. Strings of escaped chakra in various conditions from active to ashes were scattered everywhere, his own fear and concentration stuttering against his decision to take this step no matter what. He let the renegade flow of energy suck him in and he felt pressure everywhere, giving in to an irresistible urge to move.

He hit the floor hard, it was cold and jarring, a tangle of bedsheet and tubes trapping him. He'd been immobile so long they'd stopped being careful about leaving the guard rail up. He swiped his hand blindly feeling the floor, his face, the cloth, startled at the reality of it and tried in vain to get up, pushing with his heels. They slid away uselessly, so he tried to roll face down to get his hands and knees under him. The IV lost the tug of war and tore out of his arm, tipping and crashing the meter. It went unheeded since he couldn't hear it, but the warning tones from the broken monitor connections alerted the floor staff, chatting obliviously down the hallway, and set them into action.

He went from an uncertain victory into deep black panic He felt hands on him, unable to see what was happening, or who was touching him and his remaining composure imploded. He couldn't tell if they heard him, he was sure that he was screaming at them to stop, and he twisted and fought when they didn't obey. An unbearable invasion of hands restrained his legs from kicking and pinned his arms across his chest as he was flattened on his searing spine. The chill of the floor on his tailbone knifed the pain into new heights and he tried to arch away from it. Something was shoved into his mouth, dammit, this wasn't some seizure. Days of bedrest had robbed him of his strength and they held him down, overpowering him easily as he hyperventilated and struggled with everything he had left. When they took his arm firmly by the wrist and forced it out straight to apply pressure to the IV site, he passed out cold.

vvvv

"You came. I didn't think you'd make it. Here, catch…" Mizuki laughed and Iruka startled, barely catching the glass jar. Perched on a rock dangling his fishing line in the stream, the older teen was enjoying the way he blushed uncomfortably. "Drink that. It'll make the whole world your happy place."

Iruka looked doubtfully at the bronze-colored liquid, then back at Mizuki.

"Don't be such a pussy, drink it."

"What is it?" Iruka asked, unscrewing and sniffing cautiously.

Mizuki had slapped his fishing pole down and glared at Iruka ominously. 'I said drink it. Or would you rather go hang out with your other friends? Do it or piss off."

Iruka looked down, swirling the liquid in the jar and staring at it hopelessly.

"Oh that's right. I forgot. You don't have any other friends, do you?" Mizuki said cruelly. He was next to the smaller boy now, pulling a lock of his dark hair out if his ponytail and twisting it tighter and tighter. "You're too much of a chicken shit on your own. You'll never have any friends if you don't listen to me."

Iruka shrugged his shoulder up to stop the slight pain from the twisting on his hair and took a sip, curling his lip at the nasty taste. Mizuki let go of his hair and rubbed his shoulder approvingly, his voice switching from snarling to purring like someone had flipped a switch.

"It's good, you'll see. Just hold your nose and throw it all down at once. We don't have to show up anywhere until tomorrow - we can hang out together all night if you want. I don't want you to be lonely!" Mizuki smiled and in Iruka's vision his eyes glittered with charm and warmth. "I'm sorry I talked shit to you, don't look like that."

Iruka sighed, the liquid burned in his belly and he was starting to feel queasy. He wasn't so much worried about the obvious hard liquor content, he didn't like it but even though he was only twelve Mizuki made him drink it on occasion. But when he brought it to him in the glass jar, it meant he'd been experimenting and had put something else in it.

His mind slowed and soon he was languishing on his back, listening to the water rushing by and eating up the slow play of Mizuki's fingers across his tired eyelids. The older boy seemed to be endlessly patient, waiting and giving gentle attention to his friend as the sun began to set. He felt safe and cared for when they were together like this, just for that tiny stretch of time he felt normal.

His dream/memory then took the step across the threshold of time and played back a compilation of those nights, after the liquid, after the sunset, out by the stream. Mizuki would take his drugged unresisting partner to the edge of the water and fuck and drown him by turns, sometimes simultaneously, always waiting for the dangerous excitement of seeing the blue tinge on his lips before resuscitating him. The holy grail was finding the right way to fuck him so that alone would resuscitate him, although he eventually gave up on finding a way to make it work. It sort of did if he pounded him hard enough from behind but it was really just the repeat impact of the boy's chest on the ground that did it, and that wasn't quite satisfactory. The thrill he got from holding Iruka under the water, helplessly struggling as his dazed eyes strained in agony two inches from air and life, became the real payoff. The times he'd nearly been too late to revive him had all been when he waited to penetrate until he had that face fully submerged. He never remembered what happened on a conscious level and there was no one watching him closely enough to notice for him, although there were plenty of signs he was being abused. When the seasons changed and it became too cold out to enjoy the game, Mizuki became bored with the project. But he found his subject habit-forming and the games played out in different variations countless times, only ending when they became consensual lovers years later.

In the dream he was someone else, a much smaller weaker and somehow innocent person, and in the end he awoke as he was fighting up out of the water into the dark. The stark silence broke into the splashing and thrashing noises from his dream. He was dry, his lungs were clear, and no one was on him. He was dead calm, unaware that it was a mirror of his drugged state from the times that produced the dream. What a crazy dream, he shuddered. Must be the tranquilizer…

The drowsy chunin recognized the feeling of being tranquilized, wondering who he'd clocked to get locked up here. As he got closer to full consciousness he began to remember that he wasn't in a condition to clock anybody, his eyes opened with no effect and there were no sounds, not even his own heartbeat. But he was able to lick his dry lips and pull up an arm, well, try to pull it up. They'd swaddled him tightly in a sheet or something, he was immobilized. His arm was exposed from the elbow down with a fresh shunt and he could bend it, feel it come up into the air partway. He wiggled experimentally and other than turning his head he was trapped. His sense of self-preservation roiled at the helpless state but he tried to stay calm; a hand touched his and he startled. The hand pressed down into his palm and he felt long nails and a heavy ring. Maybe…Tsunade? The hand patted his a few times, then went to his forehead and rested lightly for a moment. Then a finger tapped his forehead gently. The hand went to his mouth and squeezed the corners of his cheeks together fishface style. What..? Then the finger tapped his lower lip.

Oh…Iruka thought, what a dummy.

"Tsunade?" he whispered hoarsely.

The hand patted him on the head. Well, shit. Of course they can hear me!


	15. Chapter 15

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

**Thank you** _for your encouraging reviews! Sorry for the slow update, I was temporarily possessed by another plot bunny but he won't be bothering me...or anyone...ever again._

vvvvvvvvv

Tsunade smiled, shaking her head. "You're too smart, Iruka. How do you know it's me?"

Probably the smell of secondhand sake, Marsh thought less than generously. It irritated him somehow that she was the first person he named on awakening.

His eyes fluttered shut and he shifted hard, trying to turn. She took his shoulders and held him flat for a second to make him hold still.

"My back, I need to get off my back." he grunted against her hold.

"His back? Marsh, help me get him on his side." They loosened up the sheet and turned him, Tsunade carefully checking his spine.

"No wonder he's been in so much pain." She was muttering to herself.

"What? What is it?"

"My best guess is a compression fracture. I'll increase the pain medication just a little for now, but we have to balance it until all the tranquilizer is out of his system." She frowned. "Before I do anything else I need this imaged."

Marsh took Iruka's hand as Tsunade adjusted the IV drip. The chunin's hand explored his, thumb running across his fingers to his nails and moved up his wrist, then feeling the decidedly un-feminine forearm muscles.

"Doctor Marsh?" he asked, shifting awkwardly to get his head up higher. Marsh squeezed his hand. "Are you still my doctor?" He squeezed Iruka's hand again and found he was in a tighter grip. Iruka's expression saddened as he said "I'm sorry." He shook his head and seemed to be searching for more words but fell silent.

What was he sorry for? Marsh wondered. He patted his hand, gently but firmly folded it open and traced two letters in exaggerated strokes on his palm. O K.

"Okay?" Iruka asked, caught up in the realization that he was getting a real message.

Marsh smiled to himself, patting Iruka's hand. They needed to work up a few hand signs.

Y E S he traced.

Iruka nodded. "Silent night?"

Marsh was puzzled at that. He traced a question mark on Iruka's palm.

It was Iruka's turn to be puzzled, not getting a familiar response to his request. His mind was feeling a little mushy again. "Um…what?" he shook his head a few times, more like he was trying to clear his head.

Marsh tried again, exaggerating the shape and going slower.

"Uh - I'm lost." Iruka tried to get his hand to his face, but the sheet still had his arm caught at the elbow. That mushy feeling was deepening, making some familiar intrusions into his rational thought. He squirmed and sighed hard. "No, wait." Iruka held up his arm. "Take it out."

Marsh looked at the IV, and took Iruka's arm carefully.

N O he traced.

"I don't like it. Make it stop. Please." That pain medication was building up in his system again and he had no intention of sliding back any further into that gooey limbo.

Marsh let go of him long enough to shut off the flow of the drug and caught his arm again, watching him closely.

"I can't stand this feeling," he whined. "I don't want it!" Marsh spelled OK, held on to his hand, waited for him to settle down. He was still squirming, distressed - the drug would have to wear off before he'd get the relief he needed. No easy way to communicate that to him, though. He pulled a waste receptacle closer in case Iruka was going to be sick, assuming that was the issue.

When Tsunade finally returned she found Marsh massaging a peaceful Iruka's temples.

She's not gonna like this, Marsh thought. Oh well. "I stopped the pain medication. It was bothering him quite a bit. I think we should try a different one."

"He looks bothered all right. What made you decide it was bothering him?" she frowned at him, stepping back as two assistants rolled in behind her with a gurney to take him to x-ray. Marsh relayed it all, word for word, and waited for the criticism and inevitable second-guessing. Her reply surprised him.

"Makes sense. Good work, we need to keep him comfortable so he can focus."

"Um, thank you Lady Tsunade." Was he back on her good side already?

They worked together with the assistants transferring him onto the gurney, trying to minimize his confusion at the unexpected touches and movement. All things considered, he was doing remarkably well.

vvvv

Just detectably relaxed and comfortably free of pain, Iruka twitched at the touch in his palm. His fingers curled up and after a few moments a smile broke across his face. The fingerless gloves -

"Kakashi?" he smiled, pleasantly surprised. The hand in his tapped a balled fist twice then stroked a single finger across his palm - Kakashi's hand sign. Fist fist finger, 5-5-1, for eleven. But Iruka never once had to add the symbols to figure out Kakashi's sign. Kakashi always said it was two balls and a big ,er, manhood, evilly enjoying the reactions it set off when he signed it after saying that. It made his sign very memorable.

Iruka snarked, grabbing his finger. "Where have you been?'

Kakashi turned and shot an annoyed look at his overseer, the turned back to Iruka. He made a series of hand signs into Iruka's palm in reply.

"I wasn't much fun for company anyway," Iruka conceded. "How long have I been here?"

The gloved hand moved gracefully in practiced movements, and he watched Iruka's expression darken and little frown flit across his lips.

"Is Naruto okay?"

One movement. Iruka exhaled noisily, in relief, nodding.

Marsh broke in. "I need you to show me a few of those hand signs."

Kakashi stared at him coolly. "You give me five minutes to see him, and you expect me to waste any of it on you?"

"The five minute rule is just a foil. In case things go badly. Since I see that he's fine with you here, you can stay longer."

"Gee, what a prince." Kakashi began signing into Iruka's palm again. "It's not something civilians are privy to, actually."

"Would yes and no bring down the whole shinobi brotherhood? It's not for me, it's for him." Marsh snapped, fed up with the second-class citizen treatment. Kakashi had been smug and condescending when the Hokage ordered Marsh to let him have a brief visit. He pointedly refused to give any impression that he'd paid attention to Marsh's instructions and warnings.

"You would do that for me?" Iruka asked softly. Kakashi gave him the single sign again. Marsh saw the movement. Two fingertips stroked down. Would do what for him?

"Thanks. I owe you." Iruka's voice was breathy and soft.

The signs again. A pause. More signs.

"How would I know? I can't see or hear a thing. Ask him!"

Kakashi pinched the listening palm, then signed slowly.

Iruka's eyes closed now as he concentrated, looking pleased at being connected. Kakashi's own expression was just as engaged, watching the chunin with a gentile concerned look, using a more caressing touch in the receptive hand.

Marsh took a breath preparing to speak and Kakashi growled, cutting him off.

"Can't we get a little privacy here?"

He had to be honest, no decent excuse to continue supervising came to mind. Marsh warned, " No chakra release, not even a touch, Call me immediately if there's a change or…"

"I'm no dunce. I'll call you if there's a problem." the dismissing words were spoken softly. Marsh wasn't on the copy-nin's mind anymore. When the door closed Kakashi pulled up Iruka's hand and kissed his palm gratefully, smiling at the familiar blush. He's alive, he's aware…he's coming back, after all. No more wondering how to deal with the gaping hole it would leave in everyone's life if…

"Ah, Ki." Iruka shook his head, lost for words, closing his hand tentatively. Kakashi took his hand back and opened it firmly, signing again - a simply interrogative.

"I'm not upset. I just…I don't know."

Kakashi gave his vulnerable lips a quick kiss on impulse, almost just a face bump, to check him for a reaction. He seemed fairly normal, considering. It was good to see him react predictably.

Iruka snorted and smiled wryly. "Well, good thinking leaving the mask on so I can't peek." He pi-tuied his lips as if lint had stuck there.

'That's a close to an invitation as I've had yet', Kakashi thought. Lifting his mask, he leaned in and kissed Iruka softly on the lips. Iruka's breath caught and his unfocused eyes grew wide. He leaned forward slightly to keep their lips together when Kakashi began to pull away, and it drew him back in. They moved together with slow gentle pressure, intensely aware of how tentative they were, slightly hesitant with each responding movement.

When the gloved hand slid up to his cheek to settle them in for a more serious lip-lock it flicked the awareness on in his rational mind again and he balked - wait, what am I doing? - and this is Kakashi!

Iruka pulled back and covered his mouth with is hands, his eyes closed and his brows knit together. He felt helplessly exposed, being at such a perceptual disadvantage. So close to being back and yet…

He felt his hand drawn down flat again, the signs quick and firm. 'Obeyed your order. Sorry.'

"Did you come here to play games with me? I hate being here. I feel like a sitting duck, my chakra's shot to hell and I can't tell if I'm alone or there's fifty people ready to pounce on me. I…" he bit back on his next word as Kakashi signed into his hand steadily. No. No game. I needed you. Tell me what you need. I will help.

Arrgh, Iruka thought, I'm always so quick to slap him away. I'm being a jerk again. It's all about me. This has to be such a huge burden on everybody, such a costly draw on the medical resources, not to mention the mission - they even had to hunt me down and rescue me for crying out loud. Naruto risking himself. And Jiraiya and Shika and Genma and Raidou and Tsunade and …

Kakashi waited, watching the slight frown, then tapped his hand to get him to break the silence, growing concerned.

"I never thanked you. You guys went to a lot of trouble to save my sorry ass, and I just sit here and complain. You should slap me or something."

Kakashi smiled and signed into his hand 'bend over'.

"You! You're such a …a.. " The corners of his lips quirked up in spite of himself at that. Iruka shook his head. "Well, I am grateful. Can you thank Genma and Raidou for me when you see them?"

Kakashi shook his head no to himself as he signed yes in Iruka's hand. Genma can go piss up a rope.

"I was hoping to thank Naruto in person." he sighed.

VVVVVV

Iruka's medical files were being reviewed for signs of old back problems, the whole mess from day one had been pulled chop-chop on Tsunade's orders. She knows how to make staffers jump, for sure. Marsh had requisitioned copies of these files no less than five times before giving up when he initiated his report files at the beginning of Iruka's treatment years ago. After all that he had managed to receive only a few copied documents from the last two years immediately prior to the 'incident' - after dealing with numerous excuses and "please reorder " messages.

He came to curse his own laziness now.

Marsh slipped the dog-eared classification folder from the back. Divided by years, it housed Iruka's medical history from when he was a minor, up to age eighteen. There was little of note in the first part, from birth to ten, vaccinations, a couple of ear infections, one broken leg from falling off the roof of the family home at age 7 (in pursuit of a wildly-throw kunai per the notes), a lengthy bout with an antibiotic resistant infection involving a deep facial laceration (no wonder the scar was so big!). He was a very healthy, normal boy and his parents had been diligent in bringing him for annual check-ups and such. The first section of the file was almost empty otherwise, just the few sheets from labs during normal check-ups. Then…

Around age 10-11, the file was thick with reports on a variety of ailments and injuries, no doubt attributed to the boy witnessing the violent death of his parents and the irregular supervision and living arrangements thereafter. It wasn't a psych profile, if there were any detailed notes they would have been in the social worker's files, if there had been one. Iruka has slipped through the system's gaping cracks in the chaos of the aftermath from the onslaught of the Nine-tails. The social support system had burst from the sheer weight of too many clients and too few resources: the nearly-nonexistent structure of the department charged with abused and abandoned minors collapsed as the last social worker left alive in the unit retired due to heart problems. That much Marsh had already figured out, long ago, from trying to get records on the many adult clients he now had who were in the affected age group. School records were only marginally helpful, most behavior notations being negative and disciplinary. A handful of kids had information in related files of relatives, mostly the criminally insane, whose processing is always priority to protect the public from becoming victims and therefore new clients (vicious circle, that).

Iruka never mentioned - well, actually, he'd denied - having any physical problems as a boy, just related the loss of his parents and the (duh) difficulty of surviving on his own. When he declared himself cured and walked away from the intense therapy some two and a half years after his attack, they still hadn't addressed the older issues. Iruka was extremely insistent that he had coped just fine and didn't want to risk fixing what wasn't broken. Not being in a position to force him into it, the good doctor had to respect his wishes. It was that way when any voluntary patient decided to quit therapy. He would either go forth and do well enough, or he'd be back and they'd go again from there.

He took no pride in being right that the hapless teacher was nowhere near as cured as he claimed to be.

He found it hard to stomach the sheer incompetence, that Iruka's incidents wouldn't have tipped somebody off that he was in trouble. Every month contained information regarding accidents and illnesses highlighting just how ill-prepared the boy was to care for and defend himself. Split lips, cheeks and knuckles were common during fights - sounded more like beatings, but without seeing the other guy/guys outcome it was hard to tell.

At age 12 he was treated three times for pneumonia during the summer and for repeated bouts of flu and food poisoning - seemed like he was going into the walk-in and getting a different med tech each time, presenting with the same symptoms, and getting a different guess as to the cause, er, diagnosis each time.

His guardian was whoever brought him in that day, and Marsh's eyes widened as he read that Touji Mizuki was cited as bringing the boy in for treatment on numerous occasions beginning at age 11. His signature was on several of the treatment releases; on all occasions when he brought Iruka in the boy was unconscious or too badly injured to seek treatment himself. A near-drowning, a fall rock-climbing, electrical shock, accidental poisoning and a penchant for nearly breaking his neck getting tangled up in things like clotheslines and bed sheets - how the hell did even a single instance of that ever fly? Failed pranks indeed! Even a near-fatal bout of water poisoning. From drinking too much water after training? - how absurd.

The accidents seemed to clear up around age sixteen, probably as he finally got big enough to defend himself. There were actually a fairly high number of records in balance of the file as well, but at least most of what was there seemed more plausible.

He had chronic urinary tract infections, severe headaches and sudden bouts of anemia, all of which went untreated until the symptoms were acute. There were no checkups or sports screenings in the file, except the checklist-style admission physicals for the chunin exams. March inspected the parts Iruka had filled out. Next of kin blank. A Postal box number for an address. All checkboxes for symptoms and past conditions checked off negative - even for symptoms he'd been treated for within the last six weeks.

There were other occasions where the boy was either found by others or was brought straight from the academy in various states of distress. No amount of bad luck added up to this kind of folder. Either the boy was seriously disturbed and self destructing, or he was being victimized, or both.

And Mizuki was already prominent in his life at age 11 - not seventeen or eighteen ,as Iruka had offered as an offhanded guess at Marsh's questions during therapy, making it sound like meeting him hadn't been particularly important or memorable.

The crusty rubber bands had broken when he went to stretch them off the worn folder, so he new damn well Tsunade hadn't looked at the old info. He'd have to tell her. He had technically followed all the requirements in requesting the files and even though he never really got them, the few copies he received in response to his requisitions were enough to prevent her from writing him up on it, but it was thin consolation. Somebody else had suffered for his government-employee mindset. Someone who had already been screwed by the system his entire life.

And the official records captured only the tip of the iceberg.


	16. Chapter 16

Naruto: Don't own it. Believe it!

Thank you for the lifeline that you've thrown with your reviews - apologies for another slow update (bad me! slap!) - but here we go...

o0o0o0o0o0oo

Mizuki's self-satisfied smile vanished as the wily teen sensed and heard the presence of someone close by. Not someone approaching, or going by. Someone who had just materialized by dropping their stealth jutsu and remained still otherwise.

He went to kill the lantern but it was too late to hide anyway, so he left it on and lifted it up from the bank of the stream to look for the intruder instead.

"Do you have this much fun with all of your prisoners?"

Mizuki said nothing, glaring up at the dark-haired figure only slightly visible in the tree branches..

"He's pretty young. For that matter, so are you. You're not on a mission, are you? He's not a prisoner."

Silence. Mizuki's mind weighed the options, trying to figure out if he should try to take the guy.

"You will answer my questions. I'll slap your hitai-ate up his ass to preserve the evidence and drop him at the Konoha infirmary. I think even they might figure it out."

That cleared it up. He would have to deal with this person, whoever he was.

"He's not my prisoner. He likes the attention, that's all."

"I thought this boy looked familiar. You mean that he comes by this willingly?"

"Yeah, that's what I said! So how long were you watching?"

"The whole time, actually. Since nightfall. Very entertaining. That determination of yours, so methodical and fierce…" He sounded casual now, almost teasing.

"It's a lot of work." No reason to hide his actions now, and he needed to do this before more time passed and Iruka got hard to handle. He might become conscious of what was happening to him if he waited too long. Mizuke laid the motionless boy on his back and pushed his lower abdomen with rough jolts, checking his ass until the blood-laced cum had stopped flowing. He took the old bota, already filled with the cold water of the dead zone, and rinsed him, giving a final shove to his belly to make sure he was done leaking. He rolled him on his side and slapped his ass hard, hard enough for the muscles to react in reflex, checking his hole, then slapping him again. When he was satisfied that the anus was shutting somewhat normally he wiped the boy down and drug him to a cleaner spot to dress him.

"I can tell you now that you don't fit in with the Leaf. They won't appreciate your kind of genius, this level of focus. The day will come when you'll seek worthier comrades. I think I'll leave you with something that will guide you to me when you're ready."

Mizuki shrugged, still trying to get a better look at the owner of the voice. He'd cleaned up his mess, now this guy couldn't hold it over his head anymore. "Not interested."

"You wanted him alive, did you? He's turning blue." Amused yellow eyes flashed in the dark.

Crap. Mizuki flipped him flat again, feeling his icy neck for a pulse.

The figure insinuated itself down from the tree, the lantern extinguishing as he passed, slithering up next to the frustrated boy. He slipped a pallid foot out of his sandal and placed it with disdain on the limp figure, jolting the body with a blast of yellowed chakra and reviving it in a flurry of seizures that faded into coughing and thick gargling breaths.

Mizuki eyed him evenly, envying his style. Did his eyes deceive him, or was the man's tongue actually bifurcated?

"Impressive. Now get your own fuck buddy," Mizuki snipped and slung Iruka over his shoulder. "I don't share."

He heard a hollow, smirking laugh and was startled by a stinging at the base of his neck that spread to his shoulder then vanished. The stranger had moved past him coming far too close and hissed ,"You're welcome. And now when they turn on you, you can stop pretending."

Mizuki flinched and took off quickly without looking back. The body hanging over his shoulder was beginning to show a little life, and soon it was wracked with a sickeningly productive cough.

"Again?" he groaned, changing direction at the familiar sound. "Good thing you're cleaned up proper."

The medic thought it was lucky that the boy had a pal smart enough to recognize pneumonia and bring him in for treatment; he had no idea that this was Iruka's third bout that summer.

o0o0oo0o0o0o0

It was his lot in life to be readily identifiable from far away and from most angles. Having spotted him in passing, Iwashi and Raidou snuck up on him, each slapping a filthy hand on the counter dangerously close to his freshly-served bowl of ramen. Not as easy to sneak up on as he once was, he didn't react except to point out the obvious.

"Allergic to soap?" he observed.

"Now that's a dangerous reaction," Raidou sniffed, disappointed. "What if we were the enemy?"

"At the ramen stand? When I can see who's behind me reflected in the noodle pots?" Naruto furrowed his brow. "You old guys need to go train or something."

"Hey!" Iwashi protested. "And I thought we might let you tag along next year. Hmph."

"Along where?"

"The hunting trip. It went off a little late this year. We just got back."

"Oooohhh," Naruto nodded. He remembered the annual trip, mostly because he recalled that he was forced to miss Iruka each year when they went. "Any luck?"

"We did all right, I guess. We just finished dropping off the game at Ibiki's." Iwashi sat and brushed his dirty hands together. "Lots of no-shows this time."

"Yeah," Raidou sat too, and Naruto was forced to follow their comments in stereo. "Kakashi didn't show up at all and it's his baby."

"Sure wasn't the same without Iruka to irk-a," Iwashi chuckled. "Are you in town to visit him? When you see him, tell him I don't appreciate his pretending to be sick to get out of paying off."

"What was the bet?" Naruto asked, his interest piqued.

"No bet," Raidou smiled. "Last year Iwashi was horsing around and your calm quiet sensei came unglued and broke his custom fishing pole. It was a riot!"

"Speak for yourself," Iwashi reached across behind Naruto and smacked Raidou in back of the head. "For a minute there I thought that sumbitch was gonna kill me."

Grinning around a slurp of noodle, the kit swiveled his attention between the two of them. "What happened?"

"Iruka's always made it clear, he doesn't like to get his hair wet. Ol' Iwashi here decides to mess with him and he snuck up to dunk him when we're all wading around after lunch, mister superior jounnin sneaky guy, and Iruka flips him into the water instead. Just, THWAP, no problem. So the Wash-man goes temperamental and waits until Iruka's found his spot and he's fixing his tackle, he walks up with his gear acting like he wants to share the spot and makes Iruka do a face-plant into the water. He got him all the way under for I'd say a nanosecond before he goes ape shit and comes flying up like he exploded! Busted his pole up, threw his tackle at him - shit, I never saw it coming! Pissed big time! He goes tearing off into the woods slinging kunai like a porcupine shooting quills!"

"I almost felt bad about it at the time," Iwashi had a sideways guilty smile. "I thought he actually went home. I never thought he was serious about his damn hair. Aw, he showed back up after a couple of hours and he was just ignoring us by then. But nobody caught so much as a minnow that whole afternoon. He probably fried all the fish with his chakra!"

"The look on your face was priceless when he broke your pole. Priceless." Raidou grinned. "And at the campfire, Iruka comes out of dark and threw the pieces in the fire and acting like he's all scary and dared him to try it again." he started cracking up. "So he couldn't even save the parts off of it."

"Yeah, shit, that was a custom-wrap and I picked out ever part by hand. I paid more for the pole blank than most people spend on their tackle period. I should have been the one mortally pissed."

Naruto was starting to get a little lost in the conversation, why not just cut off a branch and fish with it instead? What's so funny about Iruka-sensei getting mad, he's no fun when he's mad. Ask any student.

His bowl was empty and it was getting closer to the time they gave him for visitation.

"It sure made me think twice about partnering up with him for bow hunting. I swapped with Kakashi, he went with Iruka and I had Genma watch my back."

"You toad, he forgot all about it the next day. If we didn't keep bringing it up he'd never have agreed to pay you back. It's not like he was gonna sproing you one."

"I guess you had to be there." Naruto said mildly. He would go if they asked next time, to make them behave better. He settled his bill and left the two men to their loitering, heading for the hospital.

o0o0o0o0o0o0o

"And tell him nothing about what happened to Mizuki. If he asks, you don't know anything. Don't even fake an answer."

Tsunade ran down the rules and Naruto nodded.

He was excited when he saw Iruka this time. As soon as he hand signed Iruka lit up and they glomped in a big hug, only to be peeled gently apart by Tsunade.

"His back, brat…remember?" she tch'd. "He's still fragile."

"Oh, sorry! Is he feeling okay?"

"Ask him. You need the practice. Just pay attention in case you get the signs wrong. I don't want him thinking gods-knows-what because you signed it incorrectly." She bustled around the room, checking the chart, the tubes, and keeping an eye on the knucklehead.

Naruto's face screwed up in concentration as he tackled the dual chore of thinking what to say and remembering how he was supposed to sign it.

Iruka could feel a general squirreling around against the bed but now his hand was being bounced in Naruto's as he was trying to think.

"So…Naruto?"

Naruto signed yes - hey, that was easy.

"How is your training going with Jiraiya-sama?"

Hmm..hmmmm…bounce, bounce.

"Naruto?"

He made the sign for taking a break. He knew that one by heart

"You haven't been keeping up on your hand signs, have you, Naruto?"

I haven't, he thought, but would I say yes or no to that , the way he put it? No would mean yes, right?

Iruka detected an airhead moment in progress and forged ahead. "Sign for me. This isn't something you can let yourself forget. I know you passed your tests on this. It can save your life. Now sign for me. Water."

The blond thought for a moment, looking up as if the answer would be crawling somewhere in his bangs, then signed. He was rewarded with a warm smile and a nod.

"Good. Now show me some more. Danger. Wilco. Remove. Disperse. Fall back. Break. Help. Order. Eliminate. Flank. Engage. Stun."

Naruto signed and Iruka corrected him just a few times, and once his hands warmed up it came back to him. Iruka looked happy to be doing something constructive and they were making a game of it after a while, laughing and getting a little silly.

The gentle man smiling blindly looked as if nothing bothered him at all. Tsunade conceded to Marsh's assessment and now saw the element of concern in letting it go on.

And she decided to terminate visitations again starting tomorrow.

o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

They robbed him of his new medication. The heavenly feeling ebbed and if he had some way to get it back he would, and he would have gone to some lengths to do it. He considered saying he couldn't cope with the pain. He told them it would help him concentrate, knowing that was the opposite of the truth.

His body and mind missed the perfect fit they'd found in the brief nirvana. It didn't seem to matter if he got his sight or hearing back right away as long he dealt with everything from that nurturing cocoon. He felt more whole, more secure, more intrinsically valuable than he'd conceived possible. He'd give back the other senses in a heartbeat to exist in that state.

But it was gone now. The pain in his back was half what it had been, but it was still there and added to his annoyance. His body was healing so slowly, and the messages were clear: get back to work. He had a long way to go yet. Making the mind-body connection was taking too much time and the damage to the sensitive inner mind connections couldn't be diagnosed or treated until he completed this stage. He wasn't sure if he'd be able to help himself with those. Typically that was done forcibly by the healers.

Iruka nestled down a bit flat on his back, and crossed his arms over his chest, then re-shifting his arm to take the pressure off of the tubing. Maybe he'd get digestion back next, that would be nice. He could get the large mainline removed from his upper chest, and be that much closer to getting this one out of the back of his arm. With his lousy luck he'd get the ability to stand and walk back first, and then he'd have to drag all the equipment along with him. Well, no telling, hearing and sight were likely to be next according to Tsunade's signing.

He assumed that his senses would return. Until she started pushing him he hadn't doubted it, but she'd signed it in his hand so hard it hurt. Now uncertainty added a squadron of butterflies to the familiar coals rolling around in his stomach already.

He had to leave all of those fears and sensations behind to settle into the inner reaches of his existence. Concentrating on breathing he let go of his grip slowly, methodically releasing his body's tension. He starting at his toes and inched upward from there, successfully losing touch with everything before he even made it up to his hips from the drowsy monotony of the process. He floated inward, dealing next with the mental static, quieting his thoughts, calming the routine calls from his body for response. Warm resolve muted the pain and discomfort messages, the ever-present animalistic distress at not having been fed, the occasional attempts of the body to reassert consciousness and jolt him from his slowing. The more success he had the more he became an entity within himself, and in this form he sank back into the flow of his life force, retracing the submerged pathways back to his last stopping point.

The shades of gray were starting to evidence a small cast of color, he felt it as a hint of revitalization. The paths were taking on more depth, and definite areas of warm and cold gray were distinguishable. Still, he moved through the weakened space unchallenged, into areas he never could have broached before.

He was still not out of danger in here, still not healed enough to be sure this would work. The damage was still incredible and he tore his attention away the implication that he wasn't getting stronger. Worry propelled him on in the slippage of time, and he found the next gate. It hung by the thinnest of threads yet.

A vital part of his being, be it physical or mental, was trapped there. But his mere presence was causing the gate to waver and he stilled, ready to break concentration and abort. A slow retreat and a circuitous path took him past the area and safely past. That gate could not be touched, at least not yet.

Wending further into less luminous surroundings, the world was compressing into shades of flat black and muddy whites. The feeling was colder and thicker and the going was slow, requiring redoubled concentration. Not a gate, but a blockage of dark icy dead chakra, confusing in its mass and feel stood as a dead end. Momentum rolled him against it and he pushed off, trying to reverse direction, but the pull was strong and he was rolling against it again, drawn to it harder. He pushed away as far as possible and concentrated on making an impact instead of rolling, bracing for it.

The darkness yielded detectably and he struggled to maintain his form as he pushed back and impacted it again. Suddenly the clot was broken and he was swept with the current of pent energy flowing through trapped darkness, the senses that had been suppressed by the blockage flooded with life. His inner form disintegrated, roughly releasing him up into his senses again and he braced for the unknown impact. The sense of light in his eyes swept away the woolly hold of the meditative state.

He was seeing something, blurry, moving, no…swaying, the ground was tipping up impossibly. Flailing out for a support, the cold steel piping of the guardrail ended up in his hand and he gripped it hard, seizing it with his other hand as well, hanging on to keep from falling. Shadows and shapes, they were too hard to make out in the constant upward spin of the background, and he had to keep resetting the angle of his tracking head to try to keep up. The surface he lay on tilted up wildly and threatened to dump him into the darkness . The movement was erratic and dizzying, his center of gravity lost as the movements increased in pitch and yaw. Instinct screamed at him to find solid ground and the panic grew as he feared losing hold of the railing. The whirling walls convinced his gut that if he let go he would be flung into the ceiling by the spinning room; the spinning would snap to a stop and only his death grip saved him from falling into the depths.

The vertigo assaulted the pit of his stomach and he fought down dry heaves unsuccessfully. Not enough breath to cry out, he desperately reasoned with himself to get a grip, focus on reality.

_This isn't real, the room can't be moving like this, it's me…I'm not falling, I'm in bed holding the rail_…trying to talk himself down, ride out the nightmare or whatever it was. A hard wave of the sensation of free fall hit him and his hands clamped harder, hitching the whole bed as he snapped hard into the rail seeking solid support. It relented only slightly, then hit him again. And again. He broke out in profuse sweat and struggled not to fall while he struggled not to struggle, exhausting quickly. But there was no respite, and his intellect was no match for his primal reaction to the feeling of falling. He could only grip and jerk reflexively against the railing and hope that it would stop or that someone would help soon.

O0o0o0o0o0o

Genma worked the towel through his hair, man, it felt good to finally get all of the pitch out of it. He'd had to use a ton of olive oil to loosen it and then triple-wash to get all the oil but it was finally out.

Dirty, sweaty , muddy, even bloody he could go for days and tolerate the feel and smell with ease. But the sticky quality unique to pitch just drove him nuts. Some skin had been sacrificed in desperation to remove it from his forearms and body, using just dirt and fingernails, but he stopped shy of tearing hair out. His heavily-muscles arms ached from the mission and having them hurt for twenty minutes of hair washing made him a little irritable.

Everything was sore, but he'd completed his task and slipped away without injury, and the poor bastards never knew what hit them. He was running the scenes in his head as he flopped on the tatami, still dotted with water and drying off, rubbing the towel on his solid stomach and wincing. Still, it beat doing books.

He'd skinny-dip in pitch if it meant he never had to see another spreadsheet.

He rolled over and stretched tentatively, then nested his cheek on his forearm. He felt a slight chill and sighed, bargaining with himself over getting dressed. If he stayed like this much longer he'd fall asleep, and he needed to take off in about an hour to go see Iruka. Raidou had obligingly signed him in for a visit and he didn't want to miss it. Just a few minutes…turned into thirty, and he snorted himself awake from his cat-nap.

The stiffened shinobi got up and bent sideways, stretching until his body made the expected number of popping sounds, then snugged on a black thong and midnight blue jeans. Poking quickly around in the drawer for a t-shirt, his hand paused over a black tank top with silver shark teeth printed randomly around the neck opening. A little tacky because of the print, but the material was thin and accentuated his body; in a quick motion it slipped on like a second skin. Heading back into the bathroom he dropped the towel on the floor to stand on and poured some of the olive oil into his palms and worked it vigorously between them. He massaged it onto all his exposed skin, working his skin tone back to life after the days of dirt and neglect. Sore arms protested but he had his standards for going out in public while out of uniform.

By the time he'd finished the oil was worked in well and gave a barely perceptible glean, highlighting his muscles when he moved, and some of the stiffness had loosened. He brushed this hair and tied on his hitai-ate. Foregoing the vest and butt bag, he settled for strapping a weapon pack to one thigh . A wide black leather strap tooled with an intricate dragon pattern secured a senbon holster at mid-upper arm. A tug dipped down on the already low-riding jeans in front, making sure the meeting between pant and top was tentative at best. Ripped abs could peek out now and again to assure anyone looking that there was nothing but muscle living in the vicinity. Since he was getting dressed and leaving the house he figured he might as well stay out and hit the more casual night spots this evening. He could use a little company to unwind.

And it wasn't like he'd be flashing Iruka - Raidou said he'd heard that he still had depletion blindness, and the visits were very short.

And if Kakashi was there, well that was his problem.

He checked the mirror again. Slightly provocative, perfect for the night club.

Well, not really so good for the hospital.

And really not good if Kakashi showed up and threw a fit in front of Iruka.

He grabbed a windbreaker out of the closet and slipped it on, checking the mirror again. It even covered his ass, more or less. He could zip it up when he got there, hospitals are always cold anyway.

He turned off the bathroom light, leaving the trail of dirty clothes and wet towels on the floor to witness his departure.

o0o0o0o0o0oo

Genma strolled down the corridor, having waited to sign in at the nurses station until they had their backs to the counter, fussing over a cart of supplies. Raidou had given him the room number, and it might lengthen the short visiting period if his arrival didn't catch the attention of the nurses who would time it.

He peered in the small window and saw brown hair and a broad-shouldered back and went on in. He couldn't miss the "ISOLATION" notice on the door as he opened it, but just hm'd at it as he stepped in.

He was expecting Iruka to look better than this from what he'd heard, but he looked better than he had after the excision. Genma walked slowly to the bedside, taking in Iruka's huddled position, assessing whether the man was awake. Still not sure he reached to touch him lightly and felt how tense and strained his position was, frowning at the white-knuckled grip on the railing. The sheets were soaked with sweat and it was rolling down this face and back. His eyes were tightly closed and he looked miserable in his sleep…then he jerked hard, rattling the rails, taking an exhausted gasp of air. Genma tried to take his hand to sign to him but he as soon as he'd pry a finger loose it would latch back on to the rail. He wasn't sure if he should force it, and the tentative hand he rested on the clawed fist got no reaction. Raidou had told him Iruka was talking and sitting up, but Raidou didn't do hospitals if he could help it, so that was just hearsay.

Either they're not taking very good care of him or something's wrong… Genma ran the edge of his hand across Iruka's forehead to channel the sweat away from his face. The pillow was soaked, too. They should at least keep him cleaned up, he thought critically.

Troubled, he went into the hallway and back down to the nurse's station and ahem'd less than sociably to get their attention. Out of the corner of his eye he caught a flash of pink hair and spun instead to catch her.

"Oh, Genma…" she was getting ready to explain why his appointment had been canceled. She knew he wouldn't be happy that he wasn't allowed to visit with Iruka.

"Is that how Iruka's being treated? Or is there something wrong with him?"

"He's fine, really. I'm sorry that you can't go in. We had to cut off visitors for a while to advance his treatment, that's all."

Genma eyed her accusingly. "I saw him, Sakura, it's no wonder you don't want anybody in there."

"Oh, no…did you interrupt him?" She started down the corridor, growing uneasy at his attitude. When they reached the room Genma reached over her head and held the door open, offering no opportunity for her to enter without him. She took in the lime green warning signs on the door darkly.

Without a word she flew to the distressed patient and made a quick visual assessment, snapping the chart off of the foot of the bed…no entries since the restricted access order was engaged on the last shift. The isolation warning signs on the door were not appropriate for a restricted access order. The floor staff was barred from entering an isolation room. He'd obviously been unobserved like this for a while.

All business, she hit the call button and blasted her request for Tsunade and a nurse. The nurse was there quickly, hesitating at the door, and Genma pushed it open.

"Get those signs down and get in here. He's not in isolation. Hook him up to the monitor." Sakura ordered, trying to get a better look at the face buried into the metal bars. She tried to pry his fingers loose, ease his head back. Carefully reaching between the bars she thumbed open an eyelid and watched the eye track rapidly side to side. He startled them with a groan and another hand jerk, clanging the rail.

When Tsunade arrived she shot Genma a what-are-you-doing-here glare as she swept to the bedside, looking to Sakura for an update.

They worked to free his hands, eventually overcoming his weakened resistance. Restraining him still took both hands for both women. Tsunade felt Genma approach behind her and he reached past her, taking the hands in his and held them, exchanging a look of truce with the lightly perspiring Hokage. Free to work, she quickly ran her hands over him for the nth time, stopping to concentrate on his eyes, head and ears.

"Release him, Genma. Let him go."

Iruka latched back on to the rail, shaking and breathing hard.

"I have seen this before after depletion shutdown, and it will probably resolve itself." She went into sensei mode and motioned Sakura closer, directing her to pay attention. "Oscillopsia, and he's already doing the best thing to suppress the symptoms. After disconnection the patient may experience difficult re-establishing the harmony of the vestibulo-ocular system. There's a textbook's worth of things that can trigger. In his case the reflex isn't operational, and the inner ear may be playing a part. His distress is very specific to his sense of balance and lack of visual continuity."

"What is he doing that suppresses the symptoms?" Sakura asked, and Genma gave a tiny inward round of applause. He wanted to ask himself but figured he'd be tossed out as soon as he intervened.

"Keeping himself still and in a fixed point of view. We won't give him any medication. The sooner he acclimates on him own, the better."

Tsunade turned to Genma in full Hokage stance. "Be as discreet as you would expect of others if this were you. Understand? You were not supposed to be here."

Nodding, he flicked the zipper on his windbreaker up and down a few inches and asked, "Is he going to be all right?"

She softened a little, thinking, 'not by my definition'.

"He's in good hands." she replied evasively.

Genma met her eye and moved past her to the bed, gliding a hand across Iruka's and then signing on his cheek. A spasm went through him and the rail clanged, so Genma pulled his hand away, unsure. He reluctantly obeyed Tsunade's shooing and left them to the calculated neglect of their patient.

He felt the tracing on his cheek and in recognition he struggled to turn his face up into it, a plea for more. The movement instantly whipped the room into a rapid upward spiral and triggered his startle reaction, lighting the panic in his heart anew. The bar against his forehead was cold and bruising and he tried to focus on the solidity and will away the motion sickness. Surely they would start the medication again to get him through this. He waited grimly until exhaustion dropped him into feverish sleep punctuated by spells of sharp startled awakening and fractured dreams of falling and flying.


	17. Chapter 17

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Naruto owns me totally, but does not return my affections. Nor my phone calls. Brat.

_Here we go, I swear I really do know where all this is heading, and it does have an ending. If knowing that helps at all. Thank you for the reviews, it keeps the plot bunny hopping._

_o0o0o0o0o0o_

Genma leaned back and pushed to wedge between them, their stools sliding at his steady pressure, then hooked both elbows to rest behind him on the bar.

"Hey boys, room for me?" he said loudly over the badumping of the music.

"What the hell are you wearing?" Iwashi yelled, tugging at the jacket.

"It's part of my act." His eyes twinkled and he stood free of the bar, rolling a shoulder in time to the beat and unzipping the jacket with a flourish.

"Gen!" Raidou laughed, starting to nod with the rhythm. The jacket slipped off of the undulating shoulder and Genma threw his head back to rake off his hitai-ate, shaking his hair loose. He was only half-kidding. He loved attention, no doubt about it.

Raidou and Iwashi shared a look across him, then took firm hold of the jacket, sliding the other sleeve down and trapping his arms at the elbows as he rolled with the music, rocking between them in steady smooth movements.

Raidou sank his teeth into the slinking shoulder and bit down, grinding with just enough pressure to shoot a chill clear up to the flexing neck. Iwashi produced an ice cube and began tracing over the other shoulder, up his neck and down the front of his throat. They pulled his arms further back and he was against the bar, starting to feel very warm.

"Thong, Genma?" Iwashi teased, dipping a hand down to pull up the tank top and peek. Perfect!

"Very bad boy, isn't he Iwashi?"

"Mmm-hmm. Are you a bad boy Genma?"

"Ahhh, the worst. Ssst , hey, don't do that right here!"

"Don't do what, Gen? This?" He continued tugging down on the jeans, growing close to indecent exposure. The fingers slipped further in, threatening the release of the not so little Little Genma, who was growing more and more willing to pop up and greet the increasing number of watching patrons.

"That's it." Game over. Genma straightened up and turned to face the bar, easily overpowering their attempts to restrain him. The jacket was out of their hands and on the floor before they could freshen their grip. "So where is she? Or were you going to take a picture?"

"She might be here but I doubt it. No picture, we just had to make sure there were plenty of witnesses."

"You and your damn bets. Well, I'm not whipping it out just to get you off the hook. You're making good on this later, both of you." He raked in the half dozen drinks as the bartender set them in front of him, pointing out the various interested parties who had sent them over. Hips twitched uncomfortably, no easy way to reposition his package in the extreme low-rider jeans without risking exposure.

He slapped Iwashi's hand away as his fingers traced for the string and tugged it high above the waistline.

"Give it up, Iwashi. I didn't come here to get pranked." He slid one of the free drinks over in front of each man. "Have a consolation prize." Tossing back his own glass and setting it down empty, the ruffled nin grabbed a fresh, full one for each hand. With a last smirk of reproach he went gliding out into the crowd with the swelling beat.

Raidou stuck out a lower lip and watched that backside disappear among the others.

Iwashi took a deep swallow of the bourbon, shaking his head over the loss of tonight's Genma sandwich. "Why's he so sensitive all of a sudden?"

o0o0o0o0o0o0

Kakashi sipped straight slivovka and watched him moving on the dance floor with a tanned brunette woman, smiling and carrying on a conversation as they synched easily with the music, obviously paying more attention to understanding one another in all the noise than to their dancing. He wasn't masking his chakra so he knew Genma would have sensed him long ago.

It came as no surprise that the annoyed man finally stood, arms crossed, staring back at him."I'm going het tonight so don't even ask. You guys keep it up and I'll marry her." He was tired of ignoring the stare and he was apparently getting too drunk to keep it to himself. Ostensibly too drunk to fathom that these were not words that would upset Kakashi. In fact, the copy-nin smiled.

"You should, Genma. Somebody should start churning out some ninja babies." He raised an eyebrow and sat back. This fool is not competition. One look at this crowded noisy club and Iruka would go running. And this was one of Genma's favorite scenes.

"It's all for shit. We shouldn't be fighting anyway." Genma pouted woozily.

And when he's drunk, he's a sloppy little drunk. I forget that about him.

Kakashi simply nodded at the anomalous statements, studying him. Drunken faces were often deceptive.

Genma's watery eyes held a battling mixture of sadness and anger. His dance partner had returned from the restroom and he grabbed her hand, wrapping a strong arm around her waist, whispering something that made her blush and laugh. Up close it was obvious that she was pretty well toasted, too . Genma forced a smile and nodded in dismissal to Kakashi, leading his eager playmate by the hand to the rear exit.

Genma checked behind him as he guided the smiling brunette around the side of the building. Is he going to keep following me now, or is he finally satisfied?

Tired of feigning drunk he gave the girl a hard kiss and let her back in through the front door. She thanked him again for rescuing her from her ex-boyfriend and floated back into the club.

Gen dug his hands in his pockets and, mindful of the added down thrust, made his way back home. Damn Raidou and Iwashi. Damn Kakashi. Just damn, period. He'd get his jacket back tomorrow. He should have gone home after visiting the hospital. Should have known that the club wouldn't cheer him up after watching Iruka, huddled and obviously suffering, subjected to people that were supposed to be caring for him but blithely doing nothing.

o0o0o0oo0oo

Kakashi was not pleased that Genma had visited Iruka, not when he had just been informed not an hour beforehand that no visitors were allowed today. He followed the senbon nin considering whether to demand an explanation, but fell behind and let him lead on instead. He was heading in the general direction of Iruka's home. If they were using Genma to fetch things for Iruka, he'd put the brakes on that right now.

But the man dressed unseasonably in a jacket took a left where Iruka's home required a right. Kakashi followed him anyway. He might double back.

He disliked the noise of the club but they served his favorite liquor and he was curious to see if Genma was meeting up with anyone there. And besides, without Iruka to drop in on, it seemed like the days had spawned extra hours of time he couldn't fill properly. He had his set preferences, things that he commanded in the order he desired them. While Iruka's body remained one of the few things he desired that was denied him, he'd never been denied 'anytime access' to the warm companionship that he wasn't quite sure he deserved at this point. He was a bitch to Iruka sometimes. Kind of used him at times. The younger man always took it in stride, except for the brief solar flares of temper that rivaled the copy-nin's in intensity and fearsomeness. But Ru never held a grudge. He never forgot, either, but he never held a grudge against Kakashi.

Kakashi wouldn't even be in Konoha right now if he'd had his way. He'd requested permission to follow up on the Mizuki thing, to confirm the reports and get some closure. It was a mystery to him why Tsunade thought it was simply personal. Well, of course it was, on one level; but the man was a thief, a criminal, a rogue nin, an attempted murderer thrice over - Naruto, Iruka, then Iruka again. He was not a bit player of no concern to the village, he was a calculating public enemy.

Kakashi wanted to make sure the stake had been driven in. The ambiguity in the reports singed his guide hairs. The words "no body was recovered" spoke to him in his native tongue of assassin - he did not believe that Mizuki was dead. And if he wasn't dead as the prison considered him to be, then he was free.

Tsunade had told him to get another hobby.

If not for her position of honor he would have snapped her neck.

o0o0o0o0o0o0oo0

"Tell me you're not going to give me another frigging headache!" Tsunade snarled suspiciously, taking the requisition from Marsh. She peered at the contents and fidgeted with a jerky motion. Yes, he was indeed giving her another frigging headache.

"What is this garbage? You know I can't approve this."

"This information could be very revealing. Especially the performance profiles. What else do we have to go on?" Marsh stood rather than take the proffered seat. It didn't sound like she was going to take long entertaining his request. But he was going to push this. Enough with the damn bureaucracy.

"You don't have a proper concept of your role here, Marsh. The "nin" in your title has more to do with the way you're obligated to serve; you have no ninja standing and no such rights."

"I'm under oath to protect his confidentiality already. Why is this forbidden? Edit copies and give them to me clean, I don't need to know any mission particulars. I just want to see the profiles on his competencies. Don't you think that his actions under pressure are pertinent? His reaction to types of attacks?"

Damn him, thought Tsunade. Missions presented all sorts of situations. The quirks revealed in the harsh testing of mettle that went with the job could be very revealing. Why hadn't she thought of that herself? Irritating. His potential was not going to waste much longer, she'd see to that.

"You do have a point, I suppose. I will think about it. But from the way it's been going, it might not matter. He hasn't gotten far enough, you've seen it. I've called for a consultation this morning, but it looks like we have to intervene soon."

Marsh's eyes dropped from their intent stare into Tsunade's, frowning in a touch of despair. It had looked like they might get away with waiting and letting Iruka make his own headway, but his progress wasn't sufficient. The imbalance, between the somewhat normalized parts of his system already beginning to reform chakra, and the areas yet to be addressed, was growing. It had to be equalized soon, and time was pretty much up for repairing the damaged side to avoid cataclysm.

The layman's term for the procedure of forcibly draining and removing stores of chakra was evacuation, and it was a treatment of last resort. Ibiki was far more of an expert at it then any medical personnel. Outside of rare medical use it was a term generally used in the realm of information gathering, where it was classified in the broad category of spirit demolition and deconstruction. Ibiki had achieved mastery of the technique long ago and it was a fairly well-used tool in his repertoire. It required no small amount of skill.

o0o0o0o0o0o0o

The motions created merely by changing into fresh gown and linens to sweat through set the world swinging, but holding still now brought things settling into relative order. Feeling ill but worlds better than when this phase started, Iruka watched blurry shapes move about and finish the housekeeping chores in his room before leaving him alone again. Being alone was easier for him at the moment, the stillness kept him grounded.

He detected the movement of the door and a strong presence. The tall person's movements were rather abrupt and the sign in his hand was solid and businesslike. Six.

"Ib - Ibiki-san?" Iruka asked hesitantly. Were there questions about Mizuki? Was he in trouble for running away? Instantly guilty, Iruka waited silently and felt the room start to slide a little.

The next signs gave Iruka's stomach new distress. Ibiki was here to examine him. It was going to be a deep level examination and Iruka was to submit to it completely. The head of the bed was lowering even as the worried chunin absorbed the implications of the last few signs. The spinning sensation flared with the change of position and he grabbed for the rail but got a handful of jounin instead. His hand was firmly pushed back.

Iruka clasped his hands together instead and gasped an apology. A firm hand was already at the base of his throat generating waves of power. It was embarrassing to realize his fright would be easily picked up by his superior, and that his head would not stop wobbling to compensate for imaginary spinning - how strange that must look to the humorless examiner. The strength and intensity of Ibiki's power applied without any opportunity to prepare for it was heart-stopping. Iruka concentrated on being silent. All manner of objecting, frightened noises wanted to issue from his lips and he bit them back one by one.

Ibiki backed off long enough to re-sign the order to freeze and submit. He firmly grasped Iruka's forehead and prevented his head from wobbling. At first the muscles worked fruitlessly, then they slowed and finally stilled. He released his grip, studying the tightly closed eyes and the bitten lower lip while peeling the bed sheet down out of the way. He brought his hand back to the base of Iruka's throat, careful of the tubing, and placed the other at his lower abdomen. The muscles quivered under this new point of contact but quickly stilled. His subject was acceptably obedient, and he began to intrude into the source of the disturbing perception of rotting chi.

Experience guided the investigation and his innate talent for spiritual perception constructed the image of the chakra paths in his mind, the areas of health building pressure, the pockets of festering injury, the stretches of weakened paths that would blow apart if circulation was restored now. He mapped the lock-down system that continued protecting the areas while aggravating the inequities between them. It was as he had suspected, as Tsunade had diagnosed. Three unique sections were filling past capacity with the vital force, the body churning it out double-time in response to the calls of the depleted system. The pressure would have to be relieved soon.

Three evacuations, not one. An interrogator's dream, a medic's nightmare. To contain him sufficiently after the first drain would be quite a task. By the third he would likely be incapable of defense. Ibiki would have to come up with a new tactic for this one. His first plan to strike unsuspected before Iruka could react was a bust in this scenario. Tsunade might have some ideas.

He backed out slowly, letting down a little. Iruka was motionless,willing himself still, no less tense than when the process had started nearly an hour ago. He exhausts himself, Ibiki noted. He silently classified Iruka as a type 2-A subject, adding to the information in his head. He'd transport directly back to his drafting table with this and get everything down on paper while it was fresh in his mind. Sketching out the chakra relief map would get his creative juices flowing like it always did. His plan would gel as he recorded the details, he had no doubt. His tried and true method had yet to fail him.

The inspirations that would hit him during the drawing phase were brilliant. He impressed himself sometimes.

Taking a damp palm to sign a dismissal and formal approval of Iruka's performance during the exam, Ibiki pulled the sheet back up, raised the bed and disappeared.

O0oo0o0

Iruka pressed his hands to his eyes to suppress the sting of tears of relief. He managed to hold them back. The bed continues its slow sway, but its occupant was too thankful for the end of the oppressive examination to bother willing it away.

He tensely contemplated trying for another gate to push away the unsettling possibilities that an examination by Ibiki might represent. Maybe he was just making sure that all of the seal was gone, that he wasn't under the influence. Maybe he suspected Iruka's collusion. Maybe Mizuki talked. Maybe - maybe - maybe it was all out of his control now.

Worry pressed his hands into his eyes again and curled him up on his side. The thought that he should just go for broke and rush the gates began to form. This was too hard to face half-abled and constantly changing. The pressure finally eased a bit when he settled his mind; as soon as he could gather the composure he would move ahead without waiting for approval.

o0o0o0o0o0o0o

Tsunade was uniquely without motivation to humor Marsh any more. He wasn't date-able, he wasn't fellow shinobi and he was too scarce a resource to toy with for fun.

"I suppose you're feeling very smug about the torture victim approach. I still think it only applies if we do the procedure." She'd let herself into his office without knocking, knowing it was after hours and no patients would be there.

Marsh looked up past the glare of the desk lamp without raising his head, then back down to continue writing. "It fits him. Dismissive non-confrontive. I think he's been through enough to qualify already."

"Everybody lost people, everybody took damage. He's not so unique. You make it sound like he's cornered the market on tragedy. Don't get me wrong, I adore Iruka. But really, as a chunin you might not be doing him any favors." She slipped off her white coat before taking the closest chair opposite the desk.

"You are beyond my ability to analyze, Lady Tsunade. Tell me. If a high enough percentage of people had heart attacks, would you decide it was routine and just give out aspirins for it? The number of victims does not lessen the impact of the injury to the individual. If all your ninjas have similar backgrounds, they all deserve as aggressive a treatment. No one should suffer needlessly." His pen scratched at the paper a little harder, wishing she'd make whatever point she came to make and move on.

Tsunade grinned, a wolfish self-satisfied one. She wore it for a while, waiting for Marsh to look back up. When he caught her look, he dropped the pen and waited, folding his hands and giving her full attention. Familiarity with her flair for the dramatic told him this was going to have an impact, whatever it was.

"Well. I'm glad we see eye-to-eye on that particular subject. I was afraid you'd make excuses. I've come to a decision. Marsh. We have no experienced personnel left to treat the higher shinobi. I'm upgrading your position. I want you specializing in jounin support."

She twitched at his reaction.

"There isn't 'no one'," he sputtered. "Bentai…"

"Bentai is a hopeless fucking alcoholic and you know it. He's been holding up a "and how do you feel about that?" sign and sleeping off a drunk behind it for a couple of years now. I need my jounin taken care of. I've been filling in the gap and enough is enough. You are an excellent therapist. You will learn to be an excellent jounnin therapist - because it is a different job, let me tell you. Bentai was excellent once but he let it pull him under. And now there's no one. Until today."

"I can't accept his promotion. I'm not equipped to deal with…"

"Accept this promotion? Are you mad?" Tsunade stood and pushed his forehead back with the flat of her hand, bringing her face close above his. "You title is Psych-nin. You are my subordinate, not just as a my subject in this village, but most pertinently, as a nin. You are not being offered a promotion. You are being ordered to fill a position in this post of duty. You can refuse - it would be treason, of course. And then I can have you executed for it. Tonight if I order it. Your Iruka would carry it out for me without hesitation if he were capable, regardless of his personal feelings or beliefs. You need to get this through your head. Especially," she straightened up, still locking his attention with her icy stare, "since it's something you must understand about these men and women to treat them effectively."

He had no reply. Her words rang in his ears and he stared back at her for a long sinking silence.

"I've coddled you, Marsh, I needed you to do the job you've been doing and I needed you to think it was your idea. You done twice the work, a hundred times more effectively than any other doctor in the unit. You actually help these people. You don't even stop and have a life in between."

She paused, softening just a hair in her verbal assault. "We're using you up anyway. Once you make the transition, you might find you need to get your own life to survive. Maybe this will force you into a better existence."

It hit home. His eyes finally broke from hers, down to his hands. Soft little pencil pusher hands.

Day in and day out, going one-on-one alone in a room with elite cold-blooded assassins experiencing mental distress. Oh, yes, that was a change. That ranked up there with birth and puberty. He would be a different person after working at this new job. He'd have to be to survive it.

"Is that a, 'yes Lady Tsunade I respectfully acquiesce?' Come by the tower tomorrow. Shizune will have a box of file jackets I had prepared for your new client base. Start making notations on the personnel the files are for. Start developing their profiles now, because I guarantee you will see every one of them eventually. In the case of these people, you have to be prepared ahead of time."

She looked down at him, and against her better judgment decided to offer him some solace.

"It isn't personal, you know. I can't afford the luxury of liking or disliking you. Our relationship is about to change, and we will work closely together to become of one mind on these treatments. I have confidence that once you get into the swing of these cases, you'll be bringing me into agreement your methods and not the reverse."

"You're going to have a very positive impact on the welfare of this entire village. Try to rise to the occasion. This is an opportunity to be a very important player; you might land a seat on the local council if you get the jounins in peak mental condition. They are the village's most valuable resource."

Marsh snorted inwardly, repulsed at the thought of pandering lives for something as self-aggrandizing as a figurehead political position.

"I'll pass on the council seat, My Lady. If it isn't a directive. I will have my hands full with these patients. Reap the political rewards for yourself." He carefully kept the sarcasm out if his voice. She had, after all, been threatening him with treason charges once tonight already.

She nodded. He hates me at the moment, but fears me too much to be unruly. A balance, for now. A working balance. He will comply, by my order.

She was certain that once he got into the shinobi's files he would be compelled by their complicated, heroic lives. Their tragic pasts and torturous tasks, inhuman deeds and conflicted moralities. Iruka's case showed her that. They would fascinate him and his fatal flaw, his poorly controlled empathy, would hook him without a doubt. She'd just have to find a way to keep it from destroying him as long as possible. Just one patient for her to deal with on the psyche side - Marsh, to keep him going - was more like it. Much more do-able with her many responsibilities.

She glanced at the clock; she'd agreed to meet Ibiki for dinner at eight to discuss his results from this morning's exam. The idea of inviting Marsh along flit into her mind but she dismissed it.

"I have to go. We need to meet first thing tomorrow to discuss Iruka's treatment. I'll have Ibiki's recommendations to go over, hopefully." she frowned when he didn't look up or reply. "Goodnight Marsh."

"Goodnight Honorable Hokage." He rose and bowed in earnest. His place. He sure knew it now.

She bowed back to dismiss him and walked lightly out the door, closing it carefully behind her.

To preserve the talent, while bending the will, without breaking the spirit. Her specialty, one of many.


	18. Chapter 18

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto (that would be the kid in orange sleeping through this chapter...yawn)

_Thank for hanging in there, your very kind reviews, and the patience -it took a while to grind this one out. Apologies for any inconsistent spelling of Naruto-isms, being beta-less and all..._

o0oo0o00o0o

Marsh had news for Tsunade at the morning meeting. If he'd slept at all the night before, he would have been more troubled by it; but as tired as he was he could only stick his head in the door and state the facts.

"We need to postpone this meeting. Iruka's been working. He's still in trance."

Tsunade growled mentally. Grrrrr…we didn't order him not to…_rats_!

"How far in is he? Did you check? Maybe we can stop him."

"He's fully immersed, his respiration rate is minimal. I need to go back. You should notify Ibiki."

"Yeah, I know. I should have told him to stop working, but I didn't want to arouse any more suspicions. He's probably got some misgivings about having an exam from Ibiki." Shuffling the now-outdated report, she nodded to Marsh. "Yes. Go. Let me know as soon as he's rejoined us."

Marsh hurried back, slipping silently into the room still darkened against the daylight. Iruka looked sweaty and dehydrated at the same time. He checked the charts, making sure the IV was running at the right rate. It must be the exertion, he thought. Pulling up a chair he waited, rolling the possibilities over in his head.

This was going to make it tight if he was going to make his meeting with the ninja named Aoba to start learning hand signs. There were going to be some advantages to having this new level of clearance, a silver lining. These people were a new code to crack, and they would have to put more tools at his disposal. It dawned on him in the wee hours of his insomnia that this actually was an honor that Tsunade had bestowed on him, an honor and an opportunity to go even further in the field he loved. Albeit a scary one.

It gave him a little different perspective on Iruka already. The aggressive nin traits that he was wary of when he started treating Iruka were not a rationalization of negative behaviors in these people. Of course he was aware of it before on a textbook level, but now he was starting to get it. Fierce inner power was a prerequisite for the job and it didn't necessarily need to be addressed as an abberation.

There was movement on the bed, a slight increase in respiratory rate. Marsh leaned closer, careful not to disturb him yet. The ordeal was wearing the vitality away from the man, and there was still much that had to be done before he was intact physically. The emotional issues were going to be addressed over time, but Marsh might have enough pull now to make sure he'd stick with it.

The jaw muscles were twitching, the small muscles around the eyelids joined in. The deep brown eyes opened, unfocused, watery. His breathing changed up, suddenly labored a if he had just finished a footrace. Hands shook at they raised to the back of his head, and his grimace made it clear he was reaching for a source of pain.

Marsh didn't want to startle him, touching his raised hand gently, but it did, anyway.

"Easy Iruka," he sighed. He moved his hands to hold the one he touched. He waited and held still while the chunin's poor vision swept to him and tried to decipher the image.

Not Ibiki, Iruka assured himself, shimmering thoughts still gathering and trying to understand the significance of the return of the pain in his head. It's not Ibiki, it's just Marsh. Marsh won't let them use Ibiki on me. He wouldn't. Iruka gripped Marsh's hand hard. He heard the "ouch" and waited before releasing a little.

His hearing had returned during his previous session, sometime around midnight.

He wasn't ready to let on. As defenses went, he was down to nothing, and this was his only advantage. Marsh patted his hand, and Iruka sensed it was because he was going to leave.

"No,don't go." Iruka's own voice sounded strange to him, dry and hollow.

He saw Marsh's figure go to the door, heard him call for assistance. He told the person to deliver word to Tsunade that Iruka was awake, then returned to the bedside. That was better. Marsh's voice was so good to hear; the voice that had guided him through rough waters for years. The smooth modulated tones felt like a security blanket after the cold silence.

"Let's see, kiddo, how should I do this?" Marsh was mumbling to himself, taking Iruka's hand, rubbing it lightly while trying to come up with a communication. He felt Iruka tense up as he heard the door swing open behind him. Obviously Iruka saw the motion.

It was Ibiki. It took a tremendous effort for Iruka not to freak out when he spoke.

"I hear that he's been working."

Marsh nodded. "He just came back up. Do you want to sit here?" he stood, patting and then shaking Iruka's hand off gently.

It was like a right cross to the chin. Just handing him over, without missing a beat.

Handed to the wolves again, why was that still a surprise? It happened every time. Parents, lovers, friends. Therapists, even. You can't even depend on someone who was paid to care. His flashes of fear and anger rattled him so much that he really didn't hear them for a bit. When Ibiki signed in his hand he jerked away.

"That was unexpected." Ibiki firmly took his hand but his intent to sign orders in it was thwarted. He waited while his subject tried to pull away again and again.

"Let me go, get away," his throat so dry it barely issued the pleas. Marsh came around the other side, took the other hand. That was worse.

Not just handing him over, holding him captive.

"This is a dramatic change from last night. We need to calm him down enough for me to remap." Ibiki brought a hand to his head, similar to the move he'd made the night before, but less forcefully. His touch was less demanding and cold. He didn't make signs, no orders. His oppressive chakra was masked. "He might have hit on something unpleasant when he was working."

"Can you ask him if he's in pain? It looked like it when he first came out of it."

Ibiki nodded, giving up on the resisting hand and signing on an alternative site, the flat expanse of sensitive skin on the upper chest, nearer to the shoulder.

Don't answer anything he asks you, his instincts warned. It's a trap. But it wasn't Ibiki's question. It was Marsh's. He waffled. Gave a nod as a compromise.

"Could it be the pressure? Is he in danger?"

Ibiki nodded and shrugged simultaneously. "Well, it could be. I wouldn't jump to that conclusion. I just need to get another reading to see if he effected any changes to the system." How he went from a solid 2A to behaving like a sliding 4D in one night alone was troubling. If he kept changing up his patterns it would be more difficult. "Is this typical, is he erratic like this while he's working?"

"No, not really. He's been amazingly well-grounded. This is something different. I haven't seen him quite like this." He tentatively touched Iruka's cheek, watching for a reaction, meeting the straining dark eyes. "Not surprising though. It's gone on so long. "

Bastards, he thought. Trying to embarrass him by looking right at him and insinuating he had gone over the edge? But acting out on his impulses might keep them at bay, and it was to the point where he was almost incapable of suppressing them. They have no idea he was listening yet, eventually they might reveal their plan…

Tsunade's voice. He'd missed the door opening, concentrating on the two men.

"Well? What's the verdict?" she strode in and peered down at the bed. "He doesn't look good."

"I haven't had a chance to check him yet. He was agitated, but he's calmer now. It won't take long, I'll just be looking for changes. I don't really think this will change anything in my recommendation."

"I see. Marsh, he's agreed to perform a triple evac, and I'm thinking we'll schedule it for this afternoon. I need get an alert out as soon as we know. I don't want this place invaded when the shock waves hit."

Marsh nodded grimly.

Iruka searched his tattered mental record banks. No idea. Evac - as in retreat? He couldn't make logical sense of the term. Shock waves…something powerful. An alert, that was really unusual. Detectable from some distance, then.

That hand, that hard pressure, back on him, too close to his throat. The other one down low, over sensitive vulnerable guts, close to very personal space. He didn't have to fake a reaction; rather, he simply didn't try to suppress it.

Ibiki backed off, then pushed down again, trying to still him. Uncontrolled shaking and slight to moderate motions of resistance, a total 4 reaction. Marsh was still holding him, too.

"He's losing control now. By tonight…" she shook her head.

"We need to discuss that as well. I was going on his previous mindset. I'm leaning more towards wiping his memory afterwards." Ibiki was frowning.

"Too risky." Marsh objected. "I'll stay and bring him down when it's done."

"It's not going to be good either way. It's Tsunade's call."

"I know where he's coming from," she said, nodding in Marsh's direction, "but why take the risk with wiping his memory?"

"The memories tend to be haunting, unsettling. And there's a physical and chakra memory that imprints, and it would lessen that, too. I'm projecting he'll be at 15 per cent, tops, when we finish up. Not much better than he was three weeks ago. I can erase those three weeks, blank everything out right up to the point when we're finished. It would keep him a little more together." He paused, shaking his head. "Let me get this over with. He's really getting worn out here."

He was pressed into again, and it was too soon since the last invasion, too rattled by the control the three bandied about, casually deciding his fate. He reacted noisily this time. Tsunade recoiled and excused herself for a moment, and Marsh held onto both of his hands, lacing his fingers into Iruka's. It was brief but even Ibiki evidenced a light glean of perspiration. It was a hell of a lot harder NOT torturing someone. Looking for weakness was simple compared to dissecting someone while trying to hold them together.

Then the examiner detected his error, mentally reviewing his face analysis and the timing of the facial movements. A negligent error , the like of which he couldn't recall making before. He detected it just as he finished retracing his overview. Now what did he have on his hands? Well, subject type could be left to the shrink on something like this. Especially if he wasn't to do the mind wipe.

He lifted his hands from Iruka and told him clearly to be quiet.

He wasn't faking his distress and he couldn't get hold of himself yet. He was even less able to stop when Ibiki leaned down closer and said it louder, coldly adding, "I know you can hear us, Umino."

"It's okay, Iruka. " Marsh jumped in, interrupting the intimidating tone. His mind snapped to attention with the impact of that statement, backing Ibiki off instinctively. "You can hear us? You've heard what's happening, then. You know we're not giving up on you. It's good, good that you can hear me now. We have a lot of things to talk about."

Iruka leaned away from Ibiki and his irritated professional pride, tugging his hands free from Marsh to bring them close to his own chest. The pulse in his head battered away in time to his erratic emotions, mocking his failed act. His lame attempt at deception exposed by the least forgiving person, how had he thought he could trick an expert like this man? His mind was failing him.

Ibiki left the room without further comment. A few seconds after the door closed Iruka heard Tsunade's "Damn!" from clear in the hallway. Marsh was trying to distract him from their irritated egos, trying to draw him into talking. It was all too miserable, too screwed up. He didn't have the energy or the wits left to deal with it, the sleepless night catching up as his heart rate slowed back down.

"I'm tired," he said through the hands he'd brought to his face, "and my head hurts."

Marsh doubted he should give him anything for the headache . "It's okay. I'll quiet things down and you can get some rest."

Eyes shut, Iruka heard the door open and shut. A muffled Marsh reminding them the were in a hospital and to be quiet. Miraculous silence ensued. The door again, and a settling in the chair. A warm hand on his shoulder, Iruka blinked open to be sure of who was touching him. Almost trusting for the moment, he let sleep slip him away.

o0o0o0o0o0oo

_The old Hokage had been talking to him again,and let him come to visit at his estate. The tall wise man in his layers of robe made Iruka feel even smaller, and his freshly battered ribs made it that much harder to lie and insisted he was fine on is own. His heart screamed at him to take this offer of a place to belong and be safe._

_But he was too smart for the old man's phony offers of sanctuary and false displays of fatherly concern. He'd been warned by his best friend not to accept aid, complain or show weakness. His friend knew the dark secret, that the Hokage sent the weaker orphan boys to be adopted by the villagers, raised to be workers in the fields or the quarries. Iruka was no day laborer. He was a shinobi by birth, blood and belief. He'd show that Hokage; he swore he'd fight the man no matter who he was if he tried to drag him off to some villager's home. Mizuki's image loomed protectively in the background to look over him and nod, smiling, and Iruka could hear himself keening gratefully "Ki! Ki! Ki!" as he ran into the mist and away from the trap._

_Once enveloped in the mist he lost his direction, lost sight of where he'd been and Ki's voice disappeared. "Mizuki!" No answer to his call. __The cold of the mist seeped into his bowels and he realized his friend was gone, gone forever, and there was nowhere else to go. The ground became nothing more than thin glass hazed by the mist and his feet broke through, snapping the dream world apart._

He shook his head, waking up a little more, not sure what he had been dreaming about. Only three figures in the room. Pink hair, Sakura was one of them. Light hair, taller than Sakura, white coat. Marsh. And Tsunade, identifiable a number of ways. And he worried about the air, but...it seemed there was enough air for all of them.

"Hello Iruka-Sensei," Sakura said in the kind tone of one talking to a child. "How do you feel?"

"Ngh," he grunted eloquently, moving to sit up. His head was clearing, the headache receding. His belly was burning, though, and that was a new one. Not hunger, his useless stomach had let that go a couple of weeks ago at least. It seemed like he'd felt this before, but couldn't place it. In his melancholy mood he didn't try very hard to remember.

"Strange," he finally answered, but by then she was on to other tasks and didn't associate it with the question.

"What's strange, Iruka-Sensei?"

"Nothing." Everything. Did it matter? The white walls were starting to bleach his soul.

He should have been on edge, anxious, frightened. Well, he was sure he'd get there soon enough. But at the moment he just felt dreary to the core, and foreign to his body.

He liked the way Sakura was talking to him, even if it was deliberately remedial, and painfully obviously that it was meant to soothe him.

Marsh and Tsunade had been speaking to one another in hushed voices, letting Sakura distract him. She was very sweet to him, apologizing as she relieved him of his gown and talking softly as she cleaned him methodically with anti-microbial soaked cloths, asking about some of the scars as she cleaned to ease his embarrassment and keep him involved in the conversation. He had such a strange collection of stories, no two alike, so many accidents. Sakura noticed that Marsh had asked Tsunade for a break in their conversation and both of them were listening intently. When she glanced at him, Marsh shook his head quickly to prevent her from commenting and made a motion for her to continue. She returned to her task, asking about a pair of puckered scars that encircled both arms just above the elbow.

"They look like bad burns," she said, sliding her cloth down further. "Turn a little, please." She knew he hated it when she cleaned his back and of course his private area, but it was necessary. She kept part of the sheet over him strategically and worked underneath it since they weren't alone in the room

"I don't know about those, it's from before I made chunin. I remember because it was still fresh when I was in the trials." It was a remarkable pair of scars. He wondered himself sometimes.

Sakura hm'd at the odd reply. "This will be cold - sorry." She dug in to clean his personals, moving quickly and professionally, he had fewer things to clean than the average bear, so it look very little time. He never did that eyebrow-licking leering thing that the other nins thought was so original and funny when she gave them hand-baths. She thought highly of him for it, but still felt sorry that he couldn't generate that defensive humor response. He always seemed deeply ashamed under his fixed stillness.

"How did you managed that, Iruka-sensei? If you're wounded the rules ban you from participation. And from the depth of the scarring these would have been pretty bad." She'd moved on to less personal territory and release from tension fueled his lips.

"Oh, erm…I must admit that I lied on the forms, Sakura-chan. I just checked no on all of the boxes. I had been sick, too. I was a terrible child. Although, I was old, almost sixteen when I finally made it into the trials and I just had to pass or die of the shame. Not a child anymore, really."

"You lied?" Sakura laughed lightly."I would never believe that."

"I was not a pleasant person then. I was very much a liar and…" his voice trailed off. And still am. Still making everyone unhappy. He had said too much already. And to Sakura, his old student. Nothing like pissing in your own bathwater, telling your shame to one of the people who was naïve enough to hold him in a good light. He regretfully cursed his loose lips.

"And?" she asked, smiling, finished. She draped him with a fresh white sheet, picking up the soiled cloths.

He just shrugged, and tried to sit up again. His body didn't seem to be much more cooperative than it had been. His stomach still burned, this was his last secret. What use it was to keep it to himself he had no idea, but he didn't want to tell them, so he didn't.

The gurney rattled in and he looked past his introspection, sensing the two pairs of softly staring eyes. Marsh and Tsunade's figures were still standing past the foot of the bed. What they made of his conversation with Sakura he didn't know.

His gaze flicked to the shape of the orderlies who brought in the gurney.

"Taxi's here," the taller man called, setting the wheel brake and clanging down the side rail. The sounds pricked the beginnings of cold realization in Iruka's throat. This was really happening. The little knot of panic made its appearance with a flourish in his burning stomach.

It seemed to take forever as they prepped him to move, transferring bags to the hook on the wheeled bed, disconnecting the monitor, discussing and then sealing off the large tubing in his chest and disconnecting the nutrient bag completely. Finally they had him move with them, scooting across to the less steady surface, wondering why he was cooperating when he really wanted to bolt. Of course, he couldn't get away. His body wouldn't allow it.

The rails clanged up and he waited uncomfortably as the four stood silently and the one man tried to make small talk to ease the tension. Closing his eyes could make them disappear.

Once the orderlies were done and he would not be in the way, Marsh took position by the gurney and set the clipboard on it, freeing his hands to check Iruka's pulse and eyes, assess his general state of mind. The eyes that shot up to check ownership of the hand on his neck looked a little red and suspicious, and didn't ease as they slowly identified him.

"You're going to be fine. I'm going to be there the whole time, I'll be right there with you." His words were reassuring, artfully toned to include an optimistic air. His eyes almost pulled it off but for the tiny glint of excess watering; his patient's gummy vision would never detect it.

Marsh and the orderlies jockeyed the gurney out the door and rolled down the hallway, leaving Tsunade and Sakura to sigh in joyless relief as they left.

"Nicely done, Sakura. Thank you." She followed her impulse and gave the sad kunoichi a hug, and they leaned on each other for support. "You should wait at home until we release the alert. I want you to be in good shape for the rest of your shift."

Sakura stepped away, eyes shining with tears she would not allow to fall in front of her mentor.

"Yes Lady Tsunade. Thank you, as well."

Tsunade left at full speed, heading for the Tower and a bracer.

The trip down the hallway grew surreal and the last impression of an angry Ibiki rattled in his memory with the uneven clatter of the metal wheels. He formed his statement in his head on the way, ignoring Marsh's attempts to soothe him. The transfer from the gurney to the procedure table was much quicker, the table was icy and hard.

He deliberately tried not to look around, but even with his poor eyesight the shiny metal trays with the glint of prepared needles ate their way into his peripheral vision.

"I apologize, Ibiki-san, for my dishonesty earlier." he said quickly as soon as he detected Ibiki had entered the room.

The stately man leaned over him, arranging him expertly, adjusting the bright lights on their swiveling arms.

"Iruka, that was out of character for you, and I recognize that. Before you get better, you may get worse and do other things that aren't normal for you. You're experiencing the limits of coping. Don't let it prey on your mind, those things are common under lengthy duress. I see it frequently."

Marsh had moved back out of the way. "Is there something you need me to do?"

"I usually work solo. If I get in a bind I'll call your name, come to my left elbow. I'll instruct you at that point. Stay alert. Remain silent unless you truly see something wrong. And seat yourself between here and the door. No one should be entering during the procedure."

"Iruka, close your mouth and breath through your nose."

"Now, I'm going to be giving you some small doses of paralytic so you will feel some…"

_A small sting in the side of his neck_

"…slight pinches at the injection sites."

_A sting on the right thigh. A clatter on the metal tray._

"You're going to start having a heaviness in your limbs."

_A sting in the right shoulder_

"This is normal for this type of anesthesia."

_A sting in the left shoulder. Another clatter._

"It doesn't make you numb or reduce pain. Your limbs will not experience pain from this."

_A sting in the left thigh. _

"It will just keep you still for a short while until we're done."

_A hand rolling him sideways, a sting in the back of the neck. A clang and squeak, the tray on wheels being rolled back._

"Don't be alarmed, you won't be able to speak. That is intentional."

_Immobile. Heart thundering at the helplessness rising. Eyes being covered with a folded white towel. _

"This is a silent procedure. He can't cry out. His face will be expressionless."

_Neutralized vocal chords refuse to plead "wait!". _

"I'm going to begin."

o0o0o0o0o0o0oo

Tsunade sipped from a tiny ornate cup and sat side-saddle on the parapet, waiting while the whine of the alert siren rose once more and faded into silence. Shizune perched across from her, dropping the crank handle.

Five minutes passed, ten, then fifteen. They fidgeted, Tsunade muttered "Get on with it, Ibiki!" She was about to complain to Shizune when the wave hit them, irritating their chakra into a brief flare, tightening the muscles between their shoulder blades.

"First one," Shizune observed lamely. "I don't hear anything- isn't that a bad sign?"

"No, muting is part of the procedure. Not just for Iruka - it's his usual routine. It's a bit counterproductive to torture someone into talking, only to find out they've screamed so hard they're destroyed their vocal chords."

Looking down, a couple of the shinobi were starting to mill about near the hospital. They would obey the stand down order, but all of the nins within chakra reach would probably end up out here after experiencing the pulse of distress. A handful were meeting below the tower now.

The door to the roof whipped open with a crash and an irritated Kakashi stalked out.

"Ah, yes. You're late. I would have though you'd be here the instant you felt it."

"What the hell's going on?"

"Hey!" a familiar voice rose up from the street. "We're coming up!"

"Just wait a minute, Kakashi. I don't want to explain this a hundred times."

Raidou and Genma, tailed by Kiba and Shino. The boys were nervous while the men were serious and

demanding.

"I recognize his chakra, Tsunade, what are you doing to him now?" Genma asked angrily, sparing little attention to the further irritation of the silver-haired man.

"I should just shout this into the street ," Tsunade sighed. "I'll be repeating this all day. No- wait, if memory serves, no one can get the word around like you guys. So listen up and pass this along. It's a chakra draining procedure. There should be no…"

The shock wave cut her off, much stronger than the last. Even Tsunade had to fight down the natural rage it evoked in her. The men who regarded her were similarly affected, but they had a target for their anger. She quelled that instantly.

"You'd all better stop looking at me like that or I will take disciplinary action. Get a grip. There's going to be one more of those, the sooner the better. Then it will be over."

"That's torture!" hissed Kakashi furiously. "Who's doing this to him?"

"Ibiki."

Kakashi straightened and broke the stare, shook his head, turned away and back again, speechless, distressed and twitchy.

"It was necessary. He has blockages, the pressure was overloading. If we waited any longer we ran the risk of rupture."

Genma pawed the back of his head in anxiety, and Raidou looked ready to hurl. Kiba and Shino were gone, heading back down the winding stairs with their stomachs in their throats. They were taking the information back to Choji and Shikamaru, having lost at rock-paper-scissors and been sent up to get the low-down.

The boys darted out the door and around to the side of the tower. Ino had arrived while they were up top. Kiba tumbled out the explanation in excited dismay.

"One more? Shit. Maybe we should get further away." Shikamaru made a sulled frog-face.

"No, let's stay. This is…creepy, I don't want to miss anything."

"Yeah,Shika, this is so weird. Aren't you curious?"

"Ugh," Shikamaru grunted. "You told me what's going on already. We aren't going to learn anything by getting distress-bombed in the street."

"There's a lot of disagreement up there," Shino observed quietly. Kiba nodded vigorously.

"Ooh, about what?" Ino leaned in.

"Some of the jounin are arguing with Tsunade about it. They're really pissed." Kiba shuffled from foot to foot, looking up at Tsunade and Shizune, still book-ending the high parapet.

The edginess of waiting for the next wave had them excited and nervous. They felt bad for Iruka but it was kind of a kick in the pants to be there with everyone, witnessing such a shocking event. They saw people in the street talking to one another that rarely spoke to anyone. The spotted Neji and Hinata drifting and waved them over, anxious to share what they knew and see if they knew more.

They couldn't help but enjoy the reaction people had when they told them it was _Ibiki_ doing the procedure. The look on their faces. Bad news was so compelling in person!

Things were starting to calm down, many minutes has passed. They were arguing with Shino and Kiba, trying to send them back up to find out what was happening now. Kiba argued that he only agreed to go up once, let someone else do it. Shino buzzed in mild irritation and let Kiba do his barking for him.

The last wave seemed to swell from the ground, rocking everyone in range, with the feel of the final slaughter in a lengthy battle. Even those few who hadn't heard the gossip knew instinctively that this was the last one.

"Woah, shit," Choji marveled. "Did you feel that?"

"Wow. "

"Oh, man, that was harsh."

"I'm going home." Shika stuffed his hands in his pockets and went to catch up with his dad, who was already far ahead of him with the same goal in mind. "You comin?" he called back to Choji.

Choji looked to Ino but she was still engaged in sharing the atmosphere of the event, so he just waved Shikamaru on. Might as well stick around. Someone had mentioned there was another argument going on by the hospital entrance.

"I bet Naruto's in there with Iruka." Ino guessed.

"No, I heard he was with Jiraiya training." Neji corrected.

"So he might not even know…wow, he's going to freak." Kiba shook his head.

"Iruka-sensei will be okay now though, is that what you heard?" Hinata asked quietly.

"I didn't really hear anybody talk about how he was doing, so he must be okay. Well, shit, I mean this can't be good, but it must be what's gonna cure him."

The alert signal whined in a slow wail, rising in pitch and then falling, repeating again before fading into silence.

A few at a time the people began to disperse, small groups still talking a blue streak, wandering and trying to rejoin the last of the day already in progress.

"I'm sure we'll find out. Ain't nothing private in this place," Choji chimed in. "Let's go, nothing else is gonna happen now."

"You said it. That was something else, huh? What a day!"

O0o0oo0o0O

Ibiki's back was stiff. That took more out of him than any work he'd done in recent memory. The first one went without a hitch, and the second, which he'd expected to be the difficult one, went fairly well - it seemed that somehow Iruka managed to keep working with him still. He would never have thought it possible, Umino was a softish subject to begin with and in all around poor condition today.

He was further surprised by the ferocity and length of the battle to get that third area drained.

Not that he ever doubted he would prevail. It was more a matter of how long the chunin could fight against it. If Marsh wasn't in the picture he would have done the mind wipe for sure while he was in there. It was probably a mistake not to do it regardless.

He straightened with a crackle down his spine and caught himself as he was about to speak.

Marsh was hunched over in the chair, flushed and shaken. Ibiki shook off his weariness and captured the man right off the chair, bringing him flat against the white paint of the cinderblock wall.

"What's your problem?" he asked, eying the startled red face suspiciously. "Experiencing some discomfort?"

Marsh was confused, gasping. First the pain, unexpected and invasive, that Tsunade swore he wouldn't be able to feel during the procedure. That third one almost knocked him out. He'd been sitting, trying to recover and get some composure, thankful that Ibiki hadn't needed him because he'd pretty much been jelly since the second shock…

And here was Konoha's elite torture-ologist smashing him against the wall for it. Well, he'd have a few notes for Ibiki's file after this.

"Yes, considerable discomfort, and you're not helping." He went to push Ibiki away and discovered just how serious the man was.

"Tsunade tells me Dr. Marsh's chakra system is not enabled. So explain this to me. Why are you reacting?"

"I don't know! I don't do chakra. Although I guess it would come in handy. But I had the aptitude tests as a child. I have no chakra reflex." Marsh saw Ibiki's eyes narrow. A hand went to the base of his neck.

"Then hold still."

"Hey, I.."

"You can be still or I'll restrain you. Your choice if you make it now."

Marsh stared uncertainly but held still indeed. Ibiki's hands, planted at twelve and six-o-clock on his neck and just below the beltline, skin on skin, pinning him against the rough wall.

When the pressure started he reacted involutarily, pushing sideways, sliding maybe two inches before he was immobilized by the powerful man glaring down on him. He could have sworn his internal organs were doubling in size, ready to squeeze out through any available exit, and breathing was impossible. The room started to darken and as white lights were starting to escort him into unconsciousness, Ibiki backed out, supporting him firmly, waiting.

"I don't appreciate being lied to." Ibiki held him up, insensate to the state of the raggedly gasping man.

Marsh couldn't get the protest to his lips, couldn't figure out what the hell was happening. This guy needed to quit playing games, Iruka couldn't be left alone.

The door rattled, and Ibiki raised a hand to release it without letting go of Marsh with the other. "Just who I wanted to see," he growled in Marsh's face without looking away. Marsh could see Tsunade coming in rather quietly, then straighten almost comically as she saw Ibiki splaying Marsh against the wall.

"What did he do?" she asked, slightly amused. "Something he said?"

"We have a little problem. Seems his chakra took exception to being this close to the procedure. Is there something you two would like to tell me?"

"Oh, feh. He has no sentient chakra. Quit screwing around, Ibiki, this isn't like you. Get the hell over to your patient, both of you." Tsunade peered around Ibiki's head in spite of herself. Marsh's face was pretty red. Something was going down here.

"He does. And I don't appreciate having to screen your personnel for you, Tsunade. I was ready to snuff him if his identity didn't ring true to me."

"Don't be snuffing my damn doctors, Ibiki. Marsh, go see to Iruka now!"

Released, Marsh scrabbled at the wall to keep from sliding over in a dead drop. He really had a lot for that guy's folder already. Shit. The interrogator watched him with folded arms and still-suspicious glare.

Tsunade barely restrained herself from slapping him across the back of the head. Ibiki's enormous ego was a prime ingredient in his ability to torture for a living. She made sure to allow it plenty of headspace, even when he got out of line, but this...

"I can't believe you two. Can he hear me?" she moved to the far side of the table, looking at the stiff figure. Very little blood, as she expected. Only the guiding tubes, longer fatter versions of senbons impaled the physical body. The used articles sat in drying puddles of red on one of the steel trays.

"Not likely. I think he's out. But it's possible, he can't respond yet physically, not for another twenty minutes of so."

Marsh didn't trust himself to speak quite yet. He just held Iruka's doughy immobilized hand.

"Aoba was looking for your ass," Tsunade chuckled. "I talked to him out front just now."

"I forgot," Marsh croaked. He'd meant to postpone that second lesson.

"He figured it out. He was out there with all the rest of them,"

"Huh? All the rest of them?"

"Most of the nins ended up sort of standing watch round the place. Well, and a handful I nearly had to throw off the roof."

"But you ordered them to stay away."

"Marsh, these guys all think they're an exception to the rule. Remember that. Well, except for Iruka here. I think he abides by too many rules sometimes." She went to lift the towel from his face, then hesitated.

"Take this off, now, Ibiki?"

"No, don't, not until he can direct his vision. Wait for the paralytic to wear off." He went behind them, snapping off the work lights. "Do you want to go ahead and move him now? It won't be beneficial if the first thing he sees is this room again. Or me. I took the liberty of ordering him a recovery room. When he comes around it will be a difficult time. It's better if you don't get that association going with his regular room."

o0o0o0oo0o0o0o0

In his head, way in the back, just left of the dim glow of everyday lost thoughts, the door panel slid open and the last empty cask was opened. The incredible pain and terror of the procedure coupled with the calculating disregard of his feelings by the perpetrator met the prerequisite for immediate long-term storage. The experience was folded and inserted into the cask, sealed tight and placed in an alcove already full of jars and casks, rattling about like Mexican jumping beans. The addition of a newly-filled vessel caused a terrible ruckus and for a moment it seemed like all of the containers might crash together and break open, releasing the nightmare horde. But as painful and threatening as the commotion was, the containers held fast. The sliding panel whispered shut again and only muffled hints of the sounds of the trapped terrors leaked out.

And only in rare dreams could the sounds escape.


	19. Chapter 19

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. He does, however, feel that I have held these folks hostage long enough. As always, he is welcome to his opinion.

_**Thank you** for the reviews, for reading, for still hangin' in there - is this more work for me, or for you? My money's on you. Awesomeness and gratitude upon you for sticking it out this far. I still swear the ending is coming. Just a little more set-up._

o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

The recovery room was darkened and quiet, the polar opposite of the usual awakening that subjects experienced after the procedure. Unbearably bright lights and irregular, loud, startling sounds were the interrogator's usual set-up, along with finding themselves on the same cold metal table, with the same cold steely eyes bearing down.

And of course, only the voice allowed to regain motor control.

But Iruka was not an intentional subject for torture, and his caretakers followed Ibiki's recommendations for easing him into recuperation. Getting him transferred from the procedure room and settled into the bed in the recovery room took longer than they had anticipated. By the time he was installed in the bed, hooked back up to his devices and liquids, and carefully restrained to the mattress with wide, soft lengths of cloth, he was beginning to move, and starting to make small coughing sounds in the base of his throat.

They were prepared for struggling, screaming, crying, and a probable pattern of extreme distress leading to the point of exhaustion or fainting. All of which would repeat, until it eventually came under control and could be worked out. But no one expected him to be like this.

Marsh and Sakura were hovering, on alert, because the potential for him to hurt himself was extremely high at the outset. They talked to him very quietly, waiting for the storm, hoping to get a few words to sink in before he lost control. They uncovered his eyes and he recoiled a little at the light.

He asked for water in a barely detectable whisper. His limbs were slower coming out of the paralysis so they had to raise the head of the bed and place the straw to his lips, mindful that any of these seemingly mundane movements might set off the aftershocks.

He drank the water. He drank it all, as they patiently held it to him, it took a while. It seemed to take all of his energy and he slumped down, eyes closing. He looked like he was drifting off to sleep. But as the limbs awoke they tended to spasm and feel tingly. He needed to move and stretch.

He pulled at the restraints, not sure why they were there. His memory was hazy at best.

"Let me up," he mumbled, shifting uncomfortably.

"You're doing fine right now. Iruka, can you hear me?" Marsh spoke in hushed, careful tones.

"Un-huh. My legs…" he shifted again, frowning slightly.

"Do they hurt?"

"I need to move them more…"

"You're doing very well. Just be patient a little longer. I can't let you up quite yet."

Iruka grunted in irritation and kicked downward, shaking the bed. They never paid attention, his legs always gave him grief when he was immobilized. Marsh and Sakura tensed, placing their hands on his arms and shoulder.

He kicked a few more times and then relaxed as the slight cramp released his calf.

"Water."

Befuddled, Marsh and Sakura backed off, fetching his water again. He was calm as far as they could tell.

This time, as Iruka took the first sip, his aching stomach decided to revolt. He vomited suddenly, water, bile and a trace of blood, soaking the restraints. He hadn't even had time to turn his head, and he choked and coughed a few times as he felt the sheets grow wet against his body.

The wet sheets were cold and chilled him, making him shiver. Marsh and Sakura had no choice but to unwrap him, but they weren't about to leave him unrestrained.

"Think we need some help?" Sakura asked, gathering the replacement bedding.

"Yes, but…we don't want too many bodies in here. He gets nervous." Marsh shook his head, debating. He's going to go off any minute anyway, per Ibiki - better be safe and have a strong orderly or two on hand.

Marsh went to the door and stepped out into the hallway, finding himself eye-to mask with the taller, silver-haired friend of his patient. The man seemed to just suddenly be there. He started to stumble back in surprise and an iron hand caught him easily, steadying him in bored amusement.

"Yo, Doc, been walking long?" The eye closed in a smile.

"K-Kakashi, yes, um hello…" Marsh didn't need any more complications right now, not with the hair trigger he was working with on his patient. This was not the time for badly-behaved friends to intrude. "I need to get by, excuse me…"

"So, I'll just let myself in then…"

"No! No visitors right now, Kakashi. I'm serious. He needs a controlled environment right now."

Kakashi's casual manner evaporated. "Just tell me one thing. Is Ibiki in there?"

"No. I don't expect him to be, either."

The right answer, apparently. Kakashi pinched Marsh's chin between his thumb and forefinger, lancing him with a single eye. "You'd better be damn good at your job."

"Stop interfering with me and let me do it." Marsh stepped firmly away, not fighting, but instead bodily asserting his intent to get back to his work. He headed down the hall to ask for assistance, and went right back by Kakashi without so much as a look of acknowledgement, entering the room and closing the door firmly.

Kakashi rolled his lower lip under in surprise. Marsh couldn't have startled him more if he'd slapped the copy-nin on the ass. Where'd the little guy get all the chutzpah? Or am I losing my fierce?

The orderly paused as he stepped up to pass Kakashi and was treated with a glower that iced his balls. He backed up, hands in front of him, afraid that the masked nin was going to attack.

Kakashi smiled to himself as he teleported away; his fierce was just fine.

Iruka was shivering hard by the time there were four sets of hands to get him stripped, cleaned , changed and swaddled back into the bed. The activity wore him out and he fell into a deep lull, not quite asleep but unable to do more than roll the occasional eye or moan when his stomach ached and shot up few heaves. Sakura found after a careful check that he had a working stomach with nothing to work on and the lining was irritated. A few spoonfuls of weak tea stayed down, a teaspoon of diluted apple juice. The sips of water brought everything back up again, but at least they had a small basin for him to use instead of making a mess. The dispensary was sending up an anti-nausea medication.

It gave them something to do besides wait.

By the time Tsunade came to spell one of them an hour later, they were sitting quietly listening to a tiny snurfing sound that came about every fifth deep breath that Iruka took in his sleep. In the midst of the tension the funny little sound coming at irregular intervals had them muffling giggles, and Tsunade regarded them like they had gone truly insane.

"Where's this big meltdown Ibiki's been blathering about?" she whispered, "And what's so funny?"

"Shhh," Sakura smiled. "Listen."

"Hm. Very cute. So he's coming out of this slowly."

"He was awake, there was some vomiting earlier. That's about the extent of the his negative reactions. He's extremely weak and tired, but he doesn't seem to be upset at all."

"Does he remember what happened?" She stepped closer, searching for clues on the sleeping face.

"He really hasn't said much. As weak as he is, I'm not going to ask." Marsh shifted to face her.

"I think there's a point to having him work through this while he is weak. So he can't struggle as hard, potentially hurt himself or someone else. I need to talk to Ibiki."

"Tsunade, I've been curious. You said Ibiki uses this often. It doesn't draw a crowd?"

"His little shop is secluded, and it is completely masked. If your next question is why didn't we take Iruka there and avoid the public scene, I'll just have to tell you it was my decision for a number of reasons." His question jogged her memory. "By the way, I need to do a work-up on you. The chakra thing. Maybe you're a late bloomer."

Marsh smiled at that. He'd rather grow a second head, he had no chakra envy whatsoever. "I doubt it."

Iruka stirred, trying to turn on his side and meeting resistance. He heaved a heavy sigh and relaxed into sleep again.

"Okay, Ibiki, let's see what you have to say about this." Tsunade said to herself aloud. "Well, you guys don't need to be replaced yet. It's not very taxing watching somebody sleep. I'm going to see what I can find out."

o0o0o0o0o0

Tsunade knew where to find Ibiki. She was bemused to find that he already had company.

"You are an incredibly nosy bastard, have I mentioned that, Kakashi?" Tsunade observed.

"Thanks." Kakashi didn't have much reaction. He just didn't want to be interrupted. She probably thought he was here to find out about Iruka's procedure. The scene he'd thoroughly sensed at the hospital was good enough to ease those concerns, the obvious lack of distress was nothing like he had expected.

But he'd come to discuss another related matter - Mizuki's presumed death. Ibiki had just finished implying that it was not a subject unknown to him, and that alone spoke volumes. That and the fact that he would say no more, would not discuss it nor join in any speculation. Kakashi knew that those turns of conversation were the message itself, no doubt gifted to him due to his own ANBU connection. So, it was not a subject that had been dropped. And likely that it had been elevated to ANBU.

"I have business with you, Ibiki, so if you gentlemen don't mind…" she said with a look that clearly said she expected the floor whether they minded or not.

"How's it going?"

"Well, you tell me. He's napping like a toddler. Other than an upset stomach and the weakness, he's mild as a lamb." She glared at Kakashi, clearly preferring he leave, but Iruka's condition in recovery was not secret.

Seemingly indifferent and not getting his way, Kakashi opted to leave without comment and allow them to discuss it privately.

"It'll happen. Just make sure you keep him secure until it does. He's been a full of little surprises all along."

"So, about the other matter…any word?"

"The last report confirms it. A man of his description has been spotted at Orochimaru's compound. The appearance coincided with the staged death at the prison. He'll be difficult to reach now, and the repercussions aren't something we can ignore. By taking this man they've issued half a challenge. If we respond by going after him the gloves will be off."

Tsunade listened, shaking her head and pulling at the sleeves of her vestments. "Our position isn't conducive to challenging Orochimaru's forces. The man himself is a fearsome opponent. Still, we can't just ignore the jail break, and the crimes. What is the word from the intra-village prison council? Do they still insist that Mizuki is dead?"

"It's to their benefit. This way no one sticks their neck out. If they admit the truth, the other villages will be forced to come up with their share of support and personnel to recapture him. The odds of losing men and valuable supplies is high, and just to recapture one man, a man who only injured his own within the Leaf? They'll deny it unless we force the issue, embarrass them with irrefutable proof."

"Then for now, we'll wait. We need to keep Kakashi in line, Ibiki. Nothing good can come of it if he strikes out on his own."

Ibiki nodded. "I think I've given him enough of a hint that it's been taken care of."

"We could raise the alert level, be more watchful. If he comes here and we catch him, that's the ideal scenario. It wouldn't be a challenge to Orochimaru's authority. He might have designs on Iruka still."

"I have no doubt he still thinks Umino is his property. This goes way back. But he's cagey, he's not going to come sauntering in and hand his I.D. over at the gate. You should go ahead and raise the alert status, Lady.

"You may want to begin considering posting a guard on Iruka. We don't want to lose him, I've noted that his absence is already starting to impact morale."

o0o0o0o0

Iruka was valuable, for reasons other than the obvious. His worth as an instructor, whipping up the enthusiasm and curiosity of the children, was equaled by his ability to reassure and engage the parents and guardians. The number of students being withdrawn from the program had plummeted from nearly thirty percent seven years ago to the point today where withdrawing a student from the academy was almost unheard of.

But his greatest contribution was at the mission desk. For years he had manned the desk voluntarily. Formerly, it was a hated clerical stop for nins being punished, sanctioned, or on medical restriction. With Iruka's enthusiasm, intuitive manner and efficiency he made that last detail after a mission something other than an irritation. He read over the report attentively, aided those who needed corrections, expressed concern and interest as he made a genuine effort to help the tired men on their last stop. No one ever came to like filling out reports, but the stop at the desk was a little bright spot, and often he offered the only words of care that some of the lone wolves got on the way to solitude to lick their wounds. Umino regularly spotted injuries being inappropriately disregarded or caught wind of unusual stress reactions, and the men had come to trust him enough that they would take his advice on seeking medical attention. On the rare occasion that they didn't give in, Iruka had gently escorted them himself, temporarily closing the desk if he had no one assisting. Anyone else attempting to interfere like that would probably have ended up being jutsued straight to hell.

His conscientious manner then slowly rubbed off on the others, and after awhile it was the new standard for the mission desk. Everyone who manned the desk began to do so with more care and a sense of purpose. So morale on both sides of the desk got a positive boost.

Keeping the nins in top form was trickier and more valuable to the system than teaching…but when they tried cutting his teaching duties back, Iruka became depressed and less effective as a touchstone at the mission desk. So a balance was struck, four hours on the desk after school, ten hours on school holidays and recess periods. It meant Iruka worked twelve-hour days several days a week, always scheduled on peak days of mission completions, and still with homework to grade.

The long hours suited Iruka, especially as his relationship with Mizuki deteriorated. Even after the incident and a few months of recovery, he had settled back into the same pattern. He was grateful for the routine and the structured relationships. He had no idea how much the village owed him.

The lengths they went to now, to preserve him whole, were a good indication.

o0o0o0o0

Two days passed, and Iruka grew stronger, more lucid. He managed to graduate to a feeding tube and they removed the large intravenous line from his chest. With expected, normal discomfort the entire digestive tract made it's functionality clear, and he was able to take a shaky perch on the edge of the bed, sitting up without having to be balanced by someone else. They watched him around the clock, but he gave no evidence that anything was bothering him.

So they scheduled a visit from Ibiki.

The interrogator felt it was necessary, to break through before the act of suppression caused its own set of problems. Just the sight of him would probably be enough to do it.

Sakura and Marsh stood by. When Ibiki entered, Iruka recognized him immediately. His vision was improving every day, and he recognized most everyone now.

"Ibiki-san," he said quietly.

"Iruka. How are you feeling?" an eyebrow quirked.

"Fine. Are you here to visit someone at the hospital today?"

"I'm here to have a look at you, Iruka. Do you remember the procedure I performed on you?" Ibiki approached very seriously, reached out and slowly slid the sheet down. He started working the gown up, until the bandages over the puncture wounds on the torso were exposed. That should have had the man clinging to the ceiling.

Iruka looked down nervously. "The procedure…what?"

"Remember, Iruka. Draining your chakra."

"Oh, um, something…you and…your hands." His brow furrowed, frowning in thought. "You pushed and you did an exam…and…oh! Um a shot, you gave me a shot! I saw some needles!" He looked up with wide eyes. "I hate needles."

"Iruka, what then?"

"You put me to sleep."

"No, Iruka, you were awake, you even helped me. You were very brave, as a matter of fact. The tubes…remember the steel tubes?"

"No. I was asleep. I think."

"The steel tubes that made these holes, Iruka." Ibiki gave a small push on the bandage where he knew one of the holes was located, making it hurt. When Iruka winced, Sakura and Marsh sat stunned that he had inflicted the pain purposely.

"That - th-that hurts." Iruka looked down submissively in reaction to the pain.

"A steel tube pierced your body right there. You were awake, it was the first one. You felt the whole thing, no painkillers, nothing to put you to sleep. You were brave, you held yourself open for it. Think." Iruka squirmed, Ibiki still pushed on the wound.

"The second tube," he moved and prodded the next spot, and Iruka gasped. Marsh rose partway out of his seat and Sakura held his arm, wide-eyed but knowing Ibiki had senior status among them. "was more difficult. You didn't fight, and that was impressive. You just took it. It was excruciating."

His dark eyes watered with pain and humiliation from the rough prodding.

"Now tell me Iruka, tell me what you remember. Think hard. Don't you dare lie."

"Unh, no, I'm not lying, I'm not lying, I don't know, I was asleep!"

"This third one," Ibiki's hand moved and Iruka tried to avoid this one, the third site was horribly tender to the touch, like a fresh burn. Ibiki's thumb twisted down on it, and Iruka cried out. Marsh jumped up.

"If you get up, get out." Ibiki shot a look at Marsh, compelling him back into the chair. He never took his hands off Iruka.

"You feel that? Familiar? That one was the worst. You fought every way you could, and it took a long time for the opening to release the chakra. The struggling increased the damage. The area was maimed in the process. It was long, drawn-out, a nerve-wracking agony. You wanted to beg me to stop. You were afraid you wouldn't survive at first. Then, when we really got going, you were terrified that you _would _survive. "

"It's…not…familiar. You're hurting me!"

"Isn't that enough?" Marsh snapped. "It's not going to work."

"Your interruptions are part of the problem."

"This is _not_ the way."

"He needs to let it go. What's your solution? Keep him caged up here until when? Because he can't be on his own until he works this through. You know that, right, Iruka? This hospital is your oyster until you stop fighting and let it go."

"I was asleep, I do remember. I remember the needle. And your voice - it was cold. And there was a sting in my neck and it put me to sleep. It did put me to sleep!"

"No, Iruka. Get past that. You're defending yourself against the memory. It cuts off right where the real fear begins. Iruka, when you woke up, you should have been uncontrollable with the aftermath of this. It has to pass out of your emotional chakra, out of your mind, in waves. You can let it out now - or it will eat its way out." He heaved a frustrated sigh. "You failed. Now we'll have to repeat this tomorrow."

O0o0o0o0o0

"So give 'em what they want. What's the problem, how hard can it be? Just hang your tongue out, roll your eyes around, make some monkey noises then let 'er rip. Come on, the way you live, you must have some screaming and nutballin' stowed up it there waiting to get out." Kakashi illustrated the rolling eye and threw in a monkey noise, then smiled mischievously.

Iruka gave a snort of amusement. "Maybe you can do it for me."

"Shit too, I do it all the time. Just give me your Iruka mask and I'll get right on it."

They shared an amiable silence for a few moments, and Kakashi shifted in the hard chair.

"Of course, everyone knows you're crazy because you won't succumb to my charms."

"Right. What's bugging you, did someone kick you out of bed for eating crackers?"

"See, that proves you're nuts right there. You don't get a body like this eating crackers!" The copy nin flexed a sinewy bicep with a flourish.

"Oh, geeze. You're the fruitcake." Iruka gave the eye-rolling a try.

"Let me point out who's just visiting and who's still racking up billable hours. Seriously, though, you must be getting close to being released."

"Besides the thing with having to pitch a fit first, I've got a little more work to do on the chakra repair, unfortunately."

"Well hurry up. When you get out, I've got plans to get you back in shape. There's a new thing the guys are playing that's pretty good exercise and it's fun, too . It's a target game you play in teams of two. They put numbered targets with chakra-flares around and you take wrapped kunai and try to get to the targets, in order, in the fewest throws. If, say, you choose and hit a certain tree, you stand by it and you can defend your tree from the other kunai, everyone throws in turns and chooses their own path. They can strike at a different angle, or hit your tree or you if you don't pay attention - or you can deflect it and they might have to take a penalty throw. You get your strategy going - once you move to stand by your throw, you have a better view of where the next throw should go…then you have to decide whether to deflect the other guys, but if you do it gives away the fact that your piece is in a good position. See, the targets are usually set up so you have to change your direction of throw at least twice to hit it. It get pretty wild if there's drinking, and guys took some pretty hard hits. It beats playing catch with darts."

"You're killing me, Ki, all I wanted to do is get out of here and sleep in my own bed, and now I'm dying to get out and go run around in the sun."

"Who's wanting you to run around in the sun?" Sakura smiled, bringing in water in pretense. Marsh's orders: when those men visit, keep a close eye on them. Kakashi was one of "those men".

"I was explaining Kunai Golf to Iruka."

"Oh, yeah, that game's a crack-up. I might get on a regular team! Ino and Choji teamed up, and they play foursome with Shika and Kiba, but Kiba might need a new partner. Shika keeps pouting about chasing the kunai and he says he'll quit if he can't use the self-retrieving ones. Which of course you CAN'T use in that game, duh. You have to play them from where they land."

"See, that's the thing, handling kunai is so basic just about anyone can play. But kunai skills are really underrated, you should see the sliders and breaking throws these guys are starting to come up with. And you've always been a sharp thrower, Ru, you oughta kick ass." Kakashi smiled. "Hey, how about I bring in a few blades and a target board? It'll help pass the time."

"Senseis, you both know better. This is a medical facility, not a gymnasium. NO kunai." Sakura said sternly. "and I think you have something you need to be working on, Iruka-sensei."

"Wow, she told you," Kakashi smirked. "Told you big time."

"You got told too, buzzard." Iruka plunged an index finger into the nearest rib. Kakashi regarded him without a flinch.

"Yeah. Well, I should let you get on with whatever it is Tsunade Junior has planned for you." With a grin at Sakura's annoyed look, Kakashi tapped Iruka's wrist and nodded in farewell. "See you later." He lounged out the door and she shook her head, peering down at Iruka.

"You've been in good spirits today. Are you up for one more visitor?"

"Oh?" his look clouded, and Sakura realized he was thinking "Ibiki", so she continued quickly.

"Genma came by while you were talking to Kakashi, I told him to try back later. If you're too tired I'll have him come back tomorrow."

"It's okay, I don't mind if he comes by. I haven't seen him in a long time, I wonder how things are going at the mission desk?"

"Fine, I'm sure. When I see him I'll send him in. He's not back yet."

Iruka settled back, folding his arms. Monkey noises, indeed. If monkey noises would make Ibiki stop coming in here to try to scare him- no, scratch that, make that coming in here and succeeding in scaring the crap out of him- daily, he'd do it.

Still easily tired, he was starting to drift a little, getting drowsy.

After a bit, the door opened again, and Genma ducked his head in tentatively.

"Iruka?"

With a slow nod and a small "Hi," he was waved in.

Genma smiled a little uncomfortably and walked in slowly, giving Iruka the once-over.

"You look good! Much better than last time."

"Hm. Thanks. It's been a while…when we came back from…the prison." a worried look crossed Iruka's face. He hadn't spared any thoughts for the prison in a while, or for the person still held there.

"I came in one other time, but you were really sick. I'm sure you don't remember." Gen ducked his head down, trying to catch the downcast eyes. "Is everything all right now?"

Iruka nodded.

"Everyone asks about you at the desk. The place is falling apart without you."

"Come on, I know better."

"No, seriously, Iwashi got everybody in a big pissing contest over handwriting. He even tagged Gai's report, if you can believe that. So now nobody will turn in anything on his shift, they all wait and give it to me or Raidou. Rai's pissed because of the extra work. Then we had a guy pass out in the hall on the way out, nobody even noticed his head wound. 'washi just ragged him for his penmanship and sent him on out. It's a mess."

"Gen, you have to pay attention. Half those guys don't realized they need to get checked out!"

"I do, Iruka, I do. I sent some guys by here this morning. We'll get by for now, but you really are missed."

"Just keep an eye on everybody else, Genma. I know you do a good job."

"I will, hey, don't worry. We can fill in for a while, we just don't want you to think you can get away from us. You have to come back, got it?"

"I'm trying. I'd come back now if I could."

"Um, here, I brought you something. It's not much, just something to brighten up your room a little." He produced a small scroll and handed it to Iruka.

He smiled as he unrolled it, shaking his head. "This is really nice, Gen, where did you find this?"

"Well, I didn't find it, it's just something that came to me when was thinking of visiting."

"You did this? The painting and the figures? This is amazing!" Iruka blinked and studied the graceful images. The watercolor image was of a fat fuzzy sparrow perched on a lace of branches sprinkled with cherry blossoms, pooled in golden sunlight. Black inked kanji in one corner, then ghosted images of other kanji in silvery colors edged the sides. A tiny single leaf in the corner had Genma's signature worked into the veins.

"I'm glad you like it." Genma finally settled into the chair.

"I'm just…you know, you just don't seem like the artist type."

Genma smiled, picking at the bedsheet absently. "Well, it just kind of evolved. I can explain it, sort of, if you wanted to hear."

"I do. I'd like to know."

"A few years back I was getting a little too into my career, if you know what I mean. I started keeping souvenirs that were pretty graphic, pretty disgusting looking back on it. It was my only hobby - I mean, I was really not all together. I'll give you an example, I mounted half a hand with an severed tongue in the palm stuck to a plaque with a kunai. My art, tough killer bastard art - short lived pieces. I thought it was pretty cool. Well, I still think it's a little cool. But I started adding to the project, and I got some paints to make a forest background for it. And I sucked, it was so lame with this childish painting ruining my awesome display piece. So I went back to the art shop down by the gate and started bugging Cantu-chan about the defective paints and we hit it off. She taught me chocolate body painting to start off with, now _that _is an art form. "

"I got over making the sophomoric shocker pieces when I got into the painting, it wasn't what it was about anymore. Coming back from a mission, it was a way to unwind, and get a little something back from the work. We keep everybody safe so they can sit home and bake pies and trade beads and make little paintings without getting their throats slit. Well, me too. I feel like I'm a real part of this place when I paint. I'm somebody that belongs here, safe doing my thing in this little segment of the world. Makes it feel like home. I think having a special person might feel like that, too. Someone sweet to come home to, share time with, enjoy the tranquility."

"And paint chocolate on."

"Something like that. You catch on quick. Well, that's my dull story, but every once in a while somebody asks for it."

"It wasn't dull, and the painting is going up on my wall when I get home. Whenever that is. If ever, that is."

"Iruka, are they taking good care of you? Do you feel okay?"

"Of course, why would you ask that?" He set down the scroll, distracted.

"I was just a little worried, they seemed to be doing the "tough love" thing more than I would have liked to see."

"They still do a little." He rubbed his gown lightly where the bandages met the material. "It seems kind of rough."

"What's rough, Iruka?"

"The way Ibiki does his thing, I know why he's doing it, but…" he touched the wounds lightly, the wounds left unhealed under Ibiki's orders. "They don't even say anything when he hurts me, I guess if they'd at least say something…" Talking about it made him feel slow and stupid, like he was too dumb to grasp whatever the obvious reason was that it was okay to hurt him.

"He hurts you? How?"

"There's a reason, it's my fault, I haven't been recovering properly, I need to remember the procedure and I don't. I really don't, though."

"The one the other day, the chakra drain? You can't remember it?"

"No, I remember the needle, he put me to sleep. But he says he didn't. And so he keeps telling me all about it, while he pushes and twists on those holes and its so damn scary it's embarrassing."

Genma frowned, watching the hands move nervously across the area he figured must be wounded.

"I don't think they should hurt you like that. Does your psyche-nin know?"

"Well he doesn't like it but he doesn't have any rank over Ibiki. Tsunade gave Ibiki permission to do whatever he wants, I know she did. They just won't admit it."

"When did they do this to you?"

"Every day, he comes every day."

"Gods, Iruka. I'm going to Tsunade. I don't see how this can be right, what they're doing to you."

"Yeah, doing to me. No wonder they won't let Kakashi bring me some kunai."

"Kakashi was bringing you kunai?"

"No, they said he can't. Well, it is a hospital."

"Why would he bring you kunai here?"

"Oh, its…it's a game."

"He thinks this is a game? How much of this does he know?"

"I don't understand. The kunai - it's a game, Genma. It's just a game."

"We'll see about that."

O0o0o0o0o0

"Sakura, if you'd been in the room as I asked, we wouldn't be going through this. Sure, Kakashi causes some disturbance when he does his macho act, but Genma crawled right into the middle of everything with Tsunade and now it's a complete mess."

"He was just trying to help. And at least Iruka won't have to put up with Ibiki hurting him like that." Sakura was truly grateful. Trust Genma to threaten to disrupt the mission office and get the nins in an uproar with the news of Iruka's poor treatment. He was a man with many faithful friends.

"I guess. I must admit, that is worth the face full of shit I just took." Marsh sighed, rubbing his forehead. "but now he has to step up. How long has it been?"

"One hour twenty-six minutes. No change yet."

"I wonder what it's like for him when he's working in there."

o000o000o000o000o

The far end, the furthest away from his starting point, was the last area, with the exception of the weakened gate he'd had to skip. It didn't seem weak and damaged. It didn't seem to have any excuse to be shut down. It had to be breached; but every instinct warned against it.

He went in with a solid, piercing determination. The waves coming off of this stopped him dead. Hovering, indecisive.

He turned and fled upstream. The weakened gate first then. If it can't be approached it would all be for naught anyway.

The trip was clean and smooth. Most of his system was reforming already.

It was still weak but no longer wavered at his mere approach. Compared to the last section this one was somewhat welcoming in timbre, and he was on it in an instant. The feeling was good when he slipped in and kicked the channel back open. His thoughts firmed up and it was a warm, slow, gradual rise back to the low lights and hushed voices in the room.

Oh! Of all things…he slipped a hand to his hip to check. A patch , of course they'd keep him normalized, and that explained…his rather unusual problem…and it didn't help that Marsh and Sakura were hovering over him, trying to detect what progress he'd made in this session. He cringed at their close proximity.

He smelled the strange lemony-vanilla perfume (or deodorant?) scent on Sakura. Something tasted metallic in his throat. He squirmed and tried to sink further into the mattress.

But the acute distress at his growing arousal felt more like panic than embarrassment. If only they would just leave him alone, disappear. Or if he could. Oh gods. It was getting worse, he was getting a raging hard-on, and he had nowhere to hide.

The panic rose higher in his throat and tears now, ridiculous tears were starting to sting his eyes and redden his cheeks. He curled up his knees to hide it, hugging his legs, and now burying his face to hide the tears in case they got loose. But now they were going to try and comfort him, get closer.

"Please don't touch me." he agonized aloud. Oh no, that only creates more attention. "No I don't want to talk about it. I want you to leave me alone!" Breathing too fast, hyperventilating, winding tighter into a full blown panic attack that rattled his guts and lungs.

No, this isn't "it", I don't need restraints! He blindly launched off of the bed when they took their hands off of him to unfurl the restraints and hit the floor with on one foot and a cracking knee, trying for the bathroom, clutching the cover from the bed. He caught them off guard, and as luck would have it on the opposite side of the bed, or he never would have made it. He slammed the door and forced his back against it, slid down until the floor met his butt. He braced both feet against the edge of the toilet, still gulping for air, at the moment that the door was impacted from the outside.

"Iruka!" the anxious voice on the other side of the door called. The doorknob rattled, and he reached up and slapped his hand on it, stopping its spin. When the pressure released he backwards thumbed the lock. The concentration for that small victory ratcheted him one click back from the blind panic. Blood was pouring out of his nose where he'd ripped the feeding tube out escaping the bed. The IV connection was still in his arm but likely disconnected at the other end because blood was backing out in the other direction, disappearing from sight where the tube snaked under the door. Better, the blood was making things better. He wasn't sure if it was the lessening blood pressure, or the sobering sight of it or both. He wasn't so hard now, didn't feel like he might be forced to touch it to make it go away - the thought of that making him shudder.

Voices outside the door, damned orderlies no doubt. They could take the door off the hinges. But it would take time, and by then he'd be okay. He sneezed and spattered his thighs with blood. The tickle of the blood continued, sent him into a sneezing fit as his breathing slowed down. It was ridiculous, the spattering blood, the sneezing, the wilting cock, the people schmuzzling the door talking nice with attempts to lure him out. Sitting on his butt on the bathroom floor, freezing cold on his ass.His breathing was slowing down. Little snorts of suppressed amusement started sneaking out. He was relieved, embarrassed, trapped, nervous, and shaking from trying to keep from thinking about who he was supposed to be with when he was hard. He was just so fucking ridiculous. His nosebleed pumped merrily, as the head pressure from trying to suppress the sounds of his laughter primed it with force. The front of the gown blossomed in warm deep maroon.

The next wave of mirth hit him as he realized they couldn't take the damn door off of its hinges, the door opened in, stupid thinking on the designer's part...well maybe not stupid, since this wasn't the psyche ward. _Those_ bathroom doors opened out and they had no locks, he already knew that.

Well, that just meant at some point he'd have to get up and let himself out.

Ha ha ha. It just got funnier. The voices were really getting worked up out there. Just when he'd start to get ahold of himself some new noise or voice would set him off again. The knocking seemed especially stupid and funny.

The nervous energy all dried up at once, taking the laughter with it, and his body relaxed. Released, he rolled to his side and curled up, dragging in a shaking breath and nestling the side of his flaming face down onto the cold clean floor. In a deflating exhalation he slipped into unconsciousness, his shoulder slumping forward.

_A dream waited for him, excited to be taking its turn. It hadn't gotten out in years, and it looked like playtime might be lengthy. Gathering up the clothesline and the jar of dark red liquid it rushed to the door and squeezed out before the panel was even open halfway. Even the short sprint to the event was just too much time wasted, such a detailed experience would take up all the time allotted to it. And maybe it could find a way to keep from getting locked up again when it was done._

oooooooooo

"He's on the other side, but he's not responding. Just put some pressure on it, don't let it swing in hard if he lets go."

The orderlies had unlocked the door minutes ago. Marsh, at the lead, pushed along with the orderly, and the door budged a little. It felt like they were shoving a dead weight, something heavy, with the door. Not too much of a stretch to figure out what that must be.

"Iruka." he said the name quietly. Nothing. They pushed further, very slowly, and Marsh got his head in, saw the scene in still life. He halted a curse that started from his lips and gave another slight push, squeezing in. "Just stay back a minute."

Kneeling in the cramped bathroom, he gently pulled until he got the body away from the door and worked Iruka around, noting he was breathing and was in fair shape despite the quickly crusting coating of blood.

"Okay," he pulled the door further open, one arm supporting Iruka's upper body off the floor. "Mind the end of that tubing, don't let it catch under the door. Let's get him back up on the bed."

He was quite a mess, but it was just a bad nosebleed, and there didn't appear to be anything else but a bruised knee, nothing self-inflicted. No indication as to what set him off, but it seemed like a safe bet that it had to do with the release of tension from the procedure. The whimpering in his current unconscious state seemed to support that theory. Rather than interrupt the process, they let the fitful span of unconsciousness run its own course.

ooooooo

There it was, the acoustical tile ceiling, topping the white walls. Cleaned up and back to square one, restrained in the bed, coming back from heaven-knows-what to the stares that clearly said he was not one of them, not one of the sane people, not allowed to join them on the other side of the divide. It was never going to end. Something happened again, he wasn't sure what, wasn't involved enough to ask.

His dark mood caused more staring and isolation, they talked about him but didn't talk to him because he told them nothing. They pumped him full of vitamin shots and it briefly brought him up; they added a little stimulant and then his head cleared a little, coming just above the pull of the depression,, just enough to remember what it would be like if he didn't fight now. He'd been trapped there before. He knew who to reach for this time, though. He was right there after all.

So it wasn't some thing else, wasn't the first thing Tsunade thought when she came into the room and found them in what appeared to be a very intimate embrace. A notion made difficult to dispel when they were slow backing out of it, and Marsh was not the attentive subordinate he usually was. He seemed downright distracted and reluctant to address her. Yes, this was kind of what she'd had in mind in the first place, way back when it looked like a couple of her valuable but socially-challenged bits of human capital might be beneficial to one another if lined up just so. Talk about taking the long way around. She might win her bet on this pairing, after all.

"Just coming by to check on the status. I see things are going well here." she called and left as abruptly as she came.

"Don't worry about it, Iruka, okay? She's not going to say anything."

"I know, but…"

"Come on, don't run off. It was just getting comfortable, wasn't it?" he brushed back a bit of hair from the worried forehead. "You're doing very well."

Iruka sighed and leaned back into his arms, burying his face back into the clean scent of his neck and hair.

"There you go, that's better. Now there's no hurry. Just get yourself centered, and when you're ready, I'll listen." He resisted the urge to stroke his hair, it had just been washed and it looked soft and in need of a little straightening. He'd wait a little longer, then if Iruka was still quiet he would offer to do so, and make sure it was something he'd like.

"I don't want to make that last connection."

"I know."

"I can't keep ending up tied up in bed like a lunatic. I don't want to live like this anymore."

"You won't. It's the last one. I know it's been too long. But you'll come out of this and someday it will seem like a bad dream. You'll have your life back. But you have to do this first."

"Don't make me. I can't. I don't have anything left to fight with."

Marsh cringed. "Iruka, would it be all right with you if I touched your hair?" The brown locks bobbed in a slow nod and he laced his fingers into them gently, separating small sections and using his fingertips pull them straight with a whisper of pressure, combing his fingers back in to smooth everything out. His hands moved on, tracing lightly to a new spot to play with in the same way. The area where the seal had been was starting to grow out, and he avoided it purposely.

"You're just tired, you know. You can have a little rest first. Would you like that?"

If he hadn't nodded, he might have thought that Iruka had dozed off. He couldn't recall being able to get him this relaxed, this close before.

"Your hair is even softer than it looks." he spoke in hushed, even tones. "Soft and smooth."

After a while he felt the little muscle movement, the kind you make when you catch yourself nodding off.

"Sleepy ?" he smiled. A nice way to break the connection, let him drift off now.

"Mmm-hmm."

Marsh eased him back, slipped his arms out from around him, pulled up the blanket. Waited until he was well into sleep before wrapping him securely down in the light restraints.

That was a surprising amount of trust. More trust than he thought he'd ever see. Some days on the job, with all the ups and downs, were certainly more rewarding then others.


	20. Chapter 20

Naruto. Not mine. Disclaimer: Believe it!

_Thanks for reading and reviewing! I have a side chapter that will post up separately soon, as an act of mercy due to the sheer length of this sucker. It isn't imperative to read it, as far as this (meandering) storyline goes._

o0o0o0o0o0o0

Good night's sleep. _Check_. Vital signs good, no nausea, kept liquid breakfast down. _Check_. Responded positively on awakening, doesn't appear overtly depressed. _Check_. Responds to pep talk, agrees to take on the last gate. _Check_. Time to leave him alone to do his thing.

All of his forces, irritable in the inability to return to natural balance, worked in one unpleasant direction. As soon as he was free to travel within, all of the living essence churned him towards the final stop. It was the battle line between his light and dark chakra, the place where yin and yang touched. And it was home of the control tower for his chakra, too - something that he had missed a great deal, as if a limb had been amputated.

He hadn't had to keep an eye on this mess and to remember to keep it tightly controlled for several weeks now. He hoped he still had all his mechanisms intact for it. If they thought the restraints would be sufficient if this went poorly, they were wrong. Chakra was rather unimpressed with those kinds of weak physical barriers. He hoped that Marsh had taken his and Sakura's warning to heart about not waiting in the room this time.

Legions of things lived here that were suppressed, things meant to stay suppressed. Some were necessary evils, powerful negative forces that leaked out when events called for a little backbone. To fall into his own dark chi would be a disaster…something he couldn't afford to think about right now.

He lost focus, weakening briefly, then solidified again. Just this one final barrier, and never again. One last bit of bravery, one last gamble. Then whatever the result, good or bad, when it was done, he'd have whatever life he was going to have intact to build from again. Half-life was no life at all.

He brought his line of sight to the target: the collapsed point of entry. His pure force of will was building momentum, leeching power from the living darkness until the energy swelled and pressurized sufficiently. With grave attention to direction he flung his shadowy arms forward, fingers splayed up to keep the direction true. The power pulsed from his core and flew like a comet into the blockage.

He'd rushed it, come in quick and dirty, attacking on sight. It was overkill. The gate was close…maybe too close…but it was too late to stop it, the shot already launched. The atmosphere darkened with expanding waves of fallout and debris. Riddled with shrapnel and concentration spent, his inner form evaporated.

His awareness popped up in his head like fresh toast, eyelids lofting open. Done. Ready. Yes!

The scene around him was sharp as ice, white and silent. They had taken him seriously. No one was in the room. And his hatches were well battened - he couldn't have gone anywhere if he tried.

Other things popping back into his awareness as well, like his chakra sense, which he seized immediately. It was still incredibly weak, but now he knew its status as easily as he knew his teeth were still in his mouth.

The suppressed things, well, they had been suppressed before, and they remained suppressed after. He always knew there were things in there that had to stay put. It was a self-contained system and it continued to function as such. He hadn't damaged it with his excess use of force.

Finally. Last time waking up in these accursed cloth bindings. Last time being treated like a mental case. They shouldn't be bothering him the rest of his stay, he knew there'd have to be a few more days at least, his chakra level still majorly sucked…but now the watchdogs could watch someone else. And soon he'd go home, and sleep in his own bed, and go to work, and teach…it hardly seemed possible. The thought made his heart skip with excitement. Just a vague touch of dread whispered that he might not be one hundred percent once he got back.

Sip tea on his own futon. Make meals in his own kitchen. That sounded right. Lock his own doors. Yes, very right indeed.

Marsh walked in alone, set down the chart, watched him without comment. Iruka watched back, waiting for him to say something. But the silence stretched on, and Iruka's imagination started suggesting that the doctor was angry, or disappointed, or…

"What?" he asked,defensive. "I did it. It's done. So what, why are you just staring at me?"

"I know you did. Good work, Iruka." He sounded tired. "I apologize if I was staring. I didn't mean to be."

The day was a long one, more closing appointments, handing off more of his clients to the other doctors. A few of them cried, a little or a lot; and all of them made him feel like crying, which of course was not the face a doctor shows to his clients. And then there was Iruka this morning, obviously thinking he's all done, when in fact he was at the beginning of what would likely be the most difficult part…once Marsh started digging into his past it would no doubt be very ugly.

Packing up he chucked his briefcase into the bottom of the lateral file and locked it up instead. Not taking anything related to this place home tonight. He pocketed the keys after locking his desk as well, and thumbed the button to lock his office door on the way out.

He swung down the darkened hallway, silently coming up on Iruka's room. Just to be sure he's all right. The small window was blocked with the paper they'd taped up over the course of the last week to prevent prying eyes. His own precaution now forced him to crack the door and peer in like a stalker.

The dark hair fell carelessly around his peaceful face, and one arm hung over the bed, cantilevered in mid air. He was very soundly asleep, and such an endearing sight.

Rough day, but a good note to end it on.

Time to go home and see if Eddie had made any improvements from his bout with Mycoplasma. Nursing a sick rat was about all the effort he was going to be good for tonight.

O0oo0o0oo0o

Bad night. Bad morning. Iruka wrestled awake, twisted in the sheet, heart shaking him out of the nightmare, and the fear and disgust held their grip well into his awareness,.

A bad dream, just a dream. Get a grip. If something that outrageous really happened, you'd have a…

He shocked upright when his hand met the ridge of scar tissue at the base of his spine. His mind clutched back to remember the dream, even as the last chill of the nightmare was fading. Impossible.

Maybe the dream was born of guilt. He hadn't asked about Mizuki. He wanted to know, but not as much as he wanted to cling to ignorance in case the news was something he didn't want to hear.

It was just a dream. Damn all of Sakura's questions, asking about his scars, now his mind was spinning tales to account for them, and he was freaking out over nothing.

But it was uncomfortable, not knowing about Mizuki.

And mornings sometimes gave him a certain feeling that, before he relieved himself, reminded him to ask.

He was worn out before he started his day.

o0o00o0o0o0

Iruka wandered down the hall, thanking Sakura silently for the warmer robe. It was his first trip around the halls with no tubes and bags in tow, hallelujah! He almost felt like a real person.

It was in this unguarded state of mind that he was grabbed from behind and manhandled into the air. Until the voice sank in, he started to resist in an embarrassingly unprepared un-nin-like way. It worried his "attacker".

"Iruka-sensei! It's okay, it's just me!"

"Naruto, when did you get here?" Iruka grinned and clumsily regaining his balance while the sobered blond watched.

"I just got here, are you all right now?"

"I'm fine! I'm all fixed up, just need a few more days and I'll be good as new."

No…he wasn't like this before. Where were his defense reflexes? It couldn't be that training with the superior jounin and sennin made his former sensei seem inept? Could it?

No, he thought in more detail about Iruka's usual reactions compared with this. He must not be well yet. Not that he'd expected him to be. This was a huge improvement, all his senses intact, his voice just right, just like Naruto remembered it. But he wasn't all fixed up yet. Even a first glance revealed how frail and unsteady he still was. He probably shouldn't have grabbed him, either.

"Lets find somewhere to sit, Sensei, I've been running all morning to get here and I'm bushed!"

"Room 113, Naruto. That way." Iruka said, denying his own resistance to going back in that hateful room.

Naruto whipped out some cards and they played War on the bed. The latest scoop on new techniques and crazy mishaps tumbled like waves on the beach from Naruto's smiling mouth. He noticed that Iruka sighed a lot, even though he smiled, and he just didn't look right.

Not one for tact, he blurted it out. "You look better but you're acting strange. What's wrong?"

"Naruto, nothing's wrong. I'm just tired. Tired of this place, tired of waiting to get well, tired of… hey, it doesn't matter right now. I can be cranky and tired after you leave. While you're here just let me enjoy your company, okay?"

Guiltily, Naruto ducked his head. "Well, I have to go here in a minute. We came for Pervy-Sennin to pick up something from Granny Tsunade. We have to get back to the halfway camp by sundown. I was going to visit with Sakura a little, but…you know, I can always see her next time. I can stay a little longer."

"You can always see me next time, Naruto. Go on, go see Sakura, you guys deserve a break. She's been an angel to me. You have very good taste in women."

He puffed in pride at the compliment. "Are you sure?"

Iruka nodded, smiling. "Of course. Get out of here. I'm honored that with so little time, you spared so much for me." Naruto hugged him and startled him with a sloppy kiss on the forehead.

"Get all the way better so we can go for ramen next time! You need some noodles on your bones!"

Iruka chuckled as he watched Naruto dash out the door, dive back in to collect his cards from Iruka's patiently waiting hand, then jet back out for good.

"Never let them tame you, Naruto," he sighed.

o0o000o0o0o0oo

"So, he needs an outing, and you've been a good boy, so this way…you both win. And that bit of business you've been avoiding will work out perfectly this way. Why aren't you happy about this?" She held her brightly-manicured hands up questioningly.

"You're not serious! My home is not…you can't just expect me to take a patient there on your order. And that "bit of business" - that's been tabled indefinitely. He's not ready, he's not even close."

"Well, you know how I feel about disobedience. He is ready, you are being ordered to give him an outing, and an "Outing" as well. Hah! Do your job. Make it nice for him. He has no appetite, no spark. Revive him, Marsh. He likes you. He gets all touchy feely with you when he gets the chance. Give the man a little encouragement for once."

"Just when I think I've seen your worst…"

"If you can't bring yourself to do it, I'll henge and do it myself. Anything more than a hand job and I'd probably lose it, but I think I could maintain for that…although he would be pretty distracting…you know, don't tell me that you haven't noticed he's more than just a little distracting."

"What are you implying? That I might have a relationship with him? Do you know how wrong that is?" And was it better or worse that molestation by Hokage in disguise? Unbelievable, Marsh thought.

"It's not against any of my laws , and I make the rules around here." She emphasized the last words with a finger jabbing the top of her desk.  
"It's unethical. You sure as hell don't represent any standard of ethics, professional or otherwise!" As soon as that left his lips he wanted to recall it, but the damage was done. It didn't matter that he meant it, felt it to his toes. It was the wrong thing to say to the boss.

"All right, Mister Ethics, get this down and get it straight. You take him to your home as an alternative treatment location, you do your job as a surrogate, a job that is grossly overdue, and you give me a report with every picking detail by nine tomorrow morning. And if you fail in this I'll arrange for you to be the donor, and we'll fix Iruka's problem with a transplant. If you're not going to make use of them, somebody in need might as well get them."

"I've got half a mind to re-apply for the Writ of Hegira. The Sand will…" he was leaning forward, gripping the edge of the desk, flushed in contrast to his white collar.

"Apply all you want. It's still denied. What, did you think I'd even consider it? You have nowhere to go. Save your Writs, your applications for research, personnel exchanges, whatever. You're stuck here, and you're going to follow my orders. Period." She flipped a shooing hand at him and focused back on the papers spread across the massive desk, retrieving her pen. "This is the part where you bow and leave."

With a growl of frustration he spun and stalked out the door.

"Money in the bank," she muttered to herself with a smile.

O0o00o00o0o0o

" Can we make a couple of stops on the way?" Iruka asked hesitantly. "I'd like to go by home. Pick up a couple of things."

Marsh considered that one, it had some drawbacks. He would probably have a difficult time getting him to leave if he actually got inside his own home.

"Where else?" he asked evasively.

"I haven't been able to make my visits to the memorial since I've been, um ,sick."

"How about we compromise? We'll go by the memorial, and I'll make sure someone gets your things for you from your home. By the time we criss-cross the village to hit all these places, we won't have any time left." Marsh smiled at him, but there was a bit of authority in his voice. The question was rhetorical.

"Hmph." Nothing wrong with not having time left when they were done walking around if he couldn't go home. And the visit to the doctor's house was obviously Tsunade's idea, Marsh didn't seem comfortable with it either. Iruka waited benignly.

"We should get going. You might meet some folks along the way that want to chat. Will that bother you?"

_Yes,_ _of course it would _- how mortifying, being taken for a walk in public by your shrink.. "No, it's okay," he sighed. The prospect of having to make small talk made him tired already. The only part of this that really appealed was the trip to the stone. It would be his luck that the one time his parents would finally decide to forgive and give him a sign of mercy, it would be when he missed his regular visit. Well, better late than never.

There were few people out, the timing was good - just late enough in the morning that workers were working, students were matriculating, and Hokages were hokage-ing, and too early for anyone to be on breaks or sneaking off to early lunch yet. They took a route that was a little longer but less likely to busy, and after settling in to a comfortable pace and tentative silence they made good time reaching the obelisk.

Marsh joined Iruka for a moment, looking closer at the stone that was just a part of the village scenery with an interesting history to him. Up close it looked different, it wasn't just a massive rock, polished and carved and stuck in the ground. There was a very palpable air of solemnity around it, and a sense of longing for and by lost souls.

The impression that he should stop intruding came through loud and clear, and he retreated to a marble slab bench across the path and down a hundred feet or so. It was a nice day just to be outside, and he tracked his patient's movement and timbre from the corner of his eye.

The ancient towering Redwoods knew Iruka well, as they knew all of the visitors, and the bits of their lives that played out as they came to pay their respects. Iruka came alone these days, and people who saw him there were respectful of his privacy for the most part. Those who couldn't resist talking to him did so in friendship and made no negative implications about a man standing in honor to the dead. So unlike his first visits here, years ago.

o0o0o0o0o

The massive silent trees saw Iruka at the monument frequently when his parent's names were first added to the list of sacrificed souls. They watched from high above as Iruka periodically faded into their protective cover, then reappeared after any passers-by were gone. He had the look of someone who was crying quite freely, but his cheeks were dry and he repeatedly clenched his fists to his side. When the coast was clear he would poke a finger at the obelisk and his lips would move, his hushed voice telling secrets and pouring his heart out to a block of stone, waiting timorously when he finished and anticipated their responses. He seemed to arrive fully expecting that his parents would reach out somehow and at least let him know they still knew he existed. His cute, almost girlish face and liquid brown eyes would be painted with a fresh sense of abandonment when the replies never came.

At that point, in his renewed despair he would forget to hide, and eventually someone would come and cruelly remind him why he had been so careful to conceal himself.

After a bellyful of the beatings and humiliating taunts from his schoolmates he made a quantum leap from mother's perfect boy and father's faithful protégé to unabashed delinquent. You weren't going to like him anyway, so why should he try? People were only interesting in that they gave him a target for his damaged emotional energy. If he pissed someone off they didn't get the chance to attack on a personal level and hurt him; he could control them by directing their attention to his actions.

If he treated them to hateful actions he had them cold. The ass that cut the down the tether balls (no one would play it with him, now it was a non-issue); the jerk that got everyone banned from the day hike (so much for their opportunity to shove him into the poison ivy); the creep the blew up the toilets and caused the May Celebration to be canceled (guessing that they weren't going to elect him the May king anyway, ne?) He already had a friend anyway, how many did you need? And his friend cheered Iruka on, the more he rebelled the better.

The problem of having only one friend (above and beyond the problem of the friend himself) became nightmarish when they had a disagreement. Iruka quickly learned the skills of deference. He couldn't afford to anger, or be angry with, his only friend unless he wanted to be in isolation. So as he grew he also learned to smile defensively and keenly sense mood, perfecting the body language of submissiveness, developing the ability to anticipate need and deflect anger. With a new face to present in public, he found it quite effective on his classmates and senseis, and eventually the need for preemptive pranks fell (mostly) by the wayside.

His evolving social acumen equipped him with a brace for every situation in his new life, where he could no longer afford the luxury of honest, unguarded reactions. Being everything to everyone became second nature for him. It nearly defined him by the time he reached adulthood.

The aggressively honest, fearlessly loving, secure little boy who had been the light of his parent's life was shackled securely in the past; as carefully sealed away as any nightmare. There was no place in the world he belonged any more. The only people who would have realized he'd been lost were already listed in elegant carving on the dark glistening stone.

O0o0o

"All ready to go?" Marsh smiled, rising off the marble bench and shaking his pants to unstick them from his behind. It had been a good forty-five minutes, a lot longer than he would have liked to think that Iruka needed.

The brunette just nodded as he walked up, hands shoved a little too hard into his pockets, frowning slightly.

He's leaving because I'm waiting, thought Marsh. Wonder how long he would have stayed just now if no one kept track?

"It's this way. I actually live pretty close to the medical center. It's convenient."

"Oh. Sorry, then. Sorry I took us so far in the wrong direction."

"It's all right, Iruka. A walk was part of the plan anyway. This way I didn't have to think of where we'd go."

"Hmn."

"It's a lot of walking when you've been stuck in bed for so long. How are you holding up?"

"Fine. This isn't a lot of walking." He was a tad indignant. I'm strong, don't patronize me, he thought. Especially when I'm starting to feel winded.

He's not communicating well today, Marsh observed sadly. Lousy day to try anything new.

o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

They arrived at the front door, which looked exactly like the other dozen or so front doors segmenting the long apartment row. Iruka thought it reminded him of the way the square fish tins nested in stacks at the market. So compact, identical and impersonal. He would hate to live in a place like this.

Marsh unlocked the door and gave it a push, motioning for Iruka to go in ahead of him.

"It's okay ,Iruka, go in. There's nothing in there that will bite…well, except the rats."

Iruka smiled politely at the lame joke, the stopped in puzzled observation at the cage just past the entry with its fleece tubes, wheel, toys, treats, bells and tiny hammocks…and damned if there wasn't a rat in there.

"I thought you were joking," he said, leaning in closer. "How many are there?"

'Well there were two, but I lost Ed - er , one of them died earlier this week."

Iruka kinked up an eye in disbelief - did he detect some kind of sorrow directed toward a dead rat? Maybe he would drop the subject. He straightened and took in the rest of the room. It was kind of boring, lots of grays and beige, and a light coating of dust on just about everything. If the wasn't for the live rat he'd have sworn that no one had lived here in a while.

"This is nice," he lied politely.

"Thank you, but I know it sucks. I'm not here much during the day. Excuse me."

He disappeared down the short hall and Iruka eyeballed the white furry butt and scaly pink tail hanging out of the little dome shaped structure on the second level of the cage. Well, no mistaking that it was a male - mother nature went overkill on rats, apparently. Little showoff.

He went to the overstuffed narrow bookcase and started scanning the book spines, hoping for something of interest.

A few horror novels interspersed with non-fiction relating to medicine, behavior, sociology, and writing. A couple of books that looked like encyclopedias proclaiming their contents to be an unabridged guide to human sexual behavior and response. Well, at least it was a step up from IchaIcha, which of course was NOT among the volumes here.

He smiled as he thought of that snarky jounin, reading his porn in defiance no matter who clucked for his attention or tch'd at his poor taste and general pervy-ness.

He wondered if Kakashi was away on a mission, or sleeping in, or still sleeping on or in someone from the night before. It was hard to separate the guy from his intimidatingly smexy reputation. They were such opposites, it made their friendship more interesting. Over the years they'd picked up a lot of each other's likes and dislikes, so they were a lot more alike than they used to be. They were still miles apart, though.

Marsh interrupted his thoughts, dragging a thick, new double futon pad into the living room and shoving away the small tea table with his foot to make room to lay it out flat in the middle of the floor.

"Massage table. Pretend it has legs. I didn't have time to borrow a proper one, sorry."

"Who's getting a massage?" Iruka asked, pretty much knowing the answer to that one.

"Carl."

"Huh?" Iruka asked, confused.

"Never mind. You, silly, you're getting a massage."

"Oh."

"Don't sound so thrilled. You have a better idea?"

"No."

Greeat, thought Marsh. Single syllable answers. Not good. There is no mistaking the mood here is somewhere between dentist office and funeral parlor.

Maybe he should call Tsunade and let her and her hand-job henge take over.

Okay, let's not panic yet. The day is young.

"How about some tea?"

Iruka nodded, and with relief Marsh went into the kitchen with something to do. His captive guest followed him.

Well, Iruka thought, this is an improvement. There were a number of gadgets he identified with mild envy sitting on the spotless counters. An ornate wheel-spun coffee grinder. A very fancy hand-cranked apple peeler. A commercial quality rice cooker.

When Marsh handed him the teacup it jogged him with the reality that he hadn't been given anything to drink in something breakable in a long time. His host raised an eyebrow at the odd look.

"I'm sorry, I should have asked if you had a preference, I have some herb tea if you prefer."

"No, it's fine, really. Thank you." Iruka sipped appreciatively, enjoying the feel of china on his lips and the taste of the fresh, properly steeped tea. "You have some nice things here."

A tiny trace of discomfort ghosted up from the back of Iruka's neck to the top of his head. He scratched at the patch of short new growth with his free hand.

"Does that still bother you?" asked Marsh conversationally, offering a chair at the kitchen table.

"It's just annoying, the hair growing out. I guess I should just be happy that it didn't leave a big old bald scar." Touching the spot again, he winced.

"Hair growing doesn't hurt, generally. Is that headache bothering you again?"

"I don't know what it is; this just started." He pressed the palm of his hand on the offending spot, applying a little pressure. What that was supposed to do he did not know; but he did it every time he had a headache. Push on the spot that hurts. What, so you can say, yep, that hurts?

"Maybe that massage would help." Nice segue, he congratulated himself.

"Maybe after our tea?" Iruka was reluctant to give up the civilized enjoyment of the tea for the unlikely chance he'd be able to stand anything in the way of being handled on a mat on the floor of a strange apartment.

"Absolutely." Marsh pulled a miniature zip-lock bag from his pocket. "Here, let's not forget your pills. I'll get you some water."

Iruka shook his head and took the half-dozen pills dry with ease. Marsh thought wryly what an interesting and contradictory act that was. Taking the pills soldier-style while completely disregarding the unusual number and types of pills he was taking. He didn't even look at them.

o0o0o0o0o0oo

"Stop asking me that, you shit head. I'm not doing the same thing that bastard is. I just want to be around and keep an eye out. I can't believe how fast things went downhill for him. And it would be a huge mistake to try and get in his pants right now. You screw somebody when they're down, they're not going to want to look at you when the world pieces itself back together."

"Is that how it was with us, Gen? You somehow resent me for the problems you were having?" He detected the familiar strained quality again, creeping into the voice that normally flowed like butter.

"I can't help it. It still feels like it." Genma looked at his folded hands, calming deliberately as best he could. "The person who's there when you're working it out, it gets mixed up."

"But he has a therapist to help him. Isn't that what they're for?" Raidou watched closely, confirming that Genma was purposely avoiding eye contact.

"So what? So did I. It's supposed to be what they're there for, but those guys are useless - they want you to talk about your feelings but they never say anything, never do anything. You could put a dog in that chair and be better off."

"Maybe you had a lousy therapist."

"Maybe. But I still wouldn't keep pushing him like Kakashi's doing"

"Did I do that? Did I push myself on you?" _Look at me, dammit_, Raidou willed. But the shaggy head remained tilted down and away.

"No. It was my fault. I drug you into it. Kicking and screaming behind the club, if I recall that night correctly. I wanted..no. I _really_ needed you then. More than anything else in the world."

"My feelings haven't changed. Why don't we try again? I'm not going to go off on you when you get like this. I know you can't control it. If you'll let me help we might be able to get a handle on it."

"I don't want to go backward Rai, I barely made it out the first time. I do have a handle on it any other time. Just… not when I'm with you."

"So I'm your trigger. I'm the only one?"

"Yeah. You are. And it doesn't…it doesn't make it any easier to be without you. It just makes it necessary."

"I still don't understand. That night with me and Iwashi, there wasn't anything you said no to. I thought maybe things were getting better. Then you give us the cold shoulder at the club."

"Do you listen to yourself when you talk? Three of us, Rai, does that sound intimate to you? It's just sex, some dirty fun. And with your boyfriend, don't you give a damn about Iwashi? Our grief is what happens to the two of us together. Look at me, I'm already getting so pissed off I'm shaking again. How the hell do you not see the difference?"

"Iwashi and I aren't serious. Just think about it, okay? We can take it easy, go slow - start over. You aren't okay on your own all the time."

"You're not listening, you're not caring , you just want whatever you want. Same old fucking Raidou, you want it rough when I'm down and tired, you want it gentle when I'm ape-shit, you gotta have me right now when I need to be left alone, and you don't want me at all when I need you! Thanks for coming over and making my damn day! Now get the hell out before I throw you out!" He screamed it so loud the last words were hoarse and spittle flew from his lower lip.

Raidou raised his hands helplessly. He should just stop talking now; instead he found himself still trying to get through. "None of that is true, Genma. I try to read you, I try to tune in, and you throw a fit and then you throw me out! You're still fucked up. You know what, I think you still want this to work. You just want it to be somebody else's fault if it fails."

"It failed already! It was all my fault! Happy? Don't call me unless it's at least a foursome next time! I don't want to be able to tell which dick is yours !" he punctuated the last word with the shattering beer bottle he spiked in blind rage at the tile floor. A string of obscenities without a noun to modify streamed from his lips, and he caught up a side table with one hand and flung it into the wall. He glared up at Raidou and never stopped cursing as he started toward him.

"You…" Raidou gave up. He thought he'd had him calmed down earlier this morning, but he was getting himself too worked up again. Genma was having the worst day he'd seen in the last two years. There was no use trying to talk to him at this point. If he stayed any longer this would get really strange. He kept his hands up and open, backing up to the front door and slipping out. He guessed that it would still get stranger, only Gen would be alone to cope with it until it passed.

Maybe he was the trigger. No one else ever mentioned spells of Gen acting strange, needing help, crying, wilding out and edging towards violence. He was the good guy, for an assassin. Always up for a good time. Always there for a pal. But it seemed like he'd been troubled more often since all this stuff started with Iruka. It seemed to remind him of his own injuries and long stay with the psyche nins. They hadn't done much more than remove him from circulation while his wounds healed, then flushed him back out to deal with his nightmares on his own.

Which he'd handled well enough, with the exception of the occasional bad day or night. As the door slammed in his face and the windows flexed and rattled with the force of it, Raidou turned and somberly parked his butt on the edge of the landing and settled in. A sheepish Genma should make an appearance eventually, maybe an hour or so from now, with a guilty apology and no clue as to why he lost it. Until then Raidou would wait, and make sure nothing disastrous happened.

O0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

Taking a patient for a walk to the memorial stone. Now, that was interesting. Kakashi had moved away from them to observe them at the very edge of his chakra range, to make sure he wasn't detected.

His last mission, more of an errand really, didn't even last a day. He'd had a full night's sleep and risen early to visit the stone and then perch in the tree to read and supervise the morning foot traffic…and look who's here. Iruka looked a mess. An adorable, desirable mess, but a mess nonetheless. He was visibly uncertain about being out in the open. Kakashi thought the doc was kind of cruel to leave him alone at the stone for so long. After ten minutes or so a shoulder to lean on would probably have been welcomed. If Marsh was waiting for him to _ask_ for comfort, he'd petrify on that bench first.

But before petrifaction set in, Iruka left his respectful stance and then he and Marsh were walking, heading back in the direction of the hospital.

Well, it wouldn't hurt to keep an eye on them until they made it back. Iruka was still below par, after all.

They veered in direction just slightly north of the final path they should have been taking. The watchful eye narrowed above the mask and he applied a carefully controlled jutsu to cloak his presence completely. He closed in to watch every move when they went into the apartment. There was so many things wrong about that. And the whole atmosphere around the complex was negatively charged. What has that doctor up to, what was the idea taking Iruka here? He debated whether to wait outside or go in.

It took all of his willpower to wait on the roof with carefully scanning chakra instead of going straight in to see for himself. The back of his neck prickled in alert - the unmistakable warning of imminent threat and enemy presence.

Kakashi continued to lie in wait, primed to respond to the first sign of trouble. _If he tries to hurt Iruka, they won't be able to detect his blood type from the tiny smear that will be left of him afterward_.

But the level of interaction in the living space below was low key and mundane. No sign of a problem. Iruka was actually slightly less tense than he had been outside in the open.

Kakashi stood by his instincts. Until Iruka was back in the secure environment of the medical compound he would watch over him.

o0o0o00o0o0o

The relaxant was kicking in, and Iruka was loosening up a little, finally submitting to the massage. He was comfortably dressed in a set of thin, soft pajama-like shorts and t-shirt Marsh had given him to change into in the bathroom. Marsh had changed into classic locker room masseuse gear, gray sweatpants and a white T. He had laid out warming massage oil, towels and a handful of well-polished wooden pressure-point massage toys. Iruka scanned the wooden objects for any possible nefarious use. They were all too large or incorrectly shaped for it to be likely that were for anything but massage. That he automatically screened the items showed how deeply ingrained that instinct still was, for a man who blindly took pills from the same perpetrator minutes before.

Face up and occasionally stealing a glance at the man kneading the front of his shoulders into warm pudding, Iruka couldn't rub the right brain cells together to remember why he'd had any objection to doing this. Other than feeling a little guilty about doing all of the taking in this exchange, it was nice.

Marsh smiled, dispensing another dollop of the warming oil into his palms and moving down to the pecs, purposely not treating the sensitive secondary erogenous areas any differently than the surrounding muscular landscape. It would allow his patient to experience the beginning sparks of arousal without having to address it directly or feel like this had to lead somewhere. It was only a dirty trick because it was so calculated, and calculating things were okay here. It wasn't personal after all, and a good thing too, because this was far and away the most incredible body it had ever been his pleasure to massage. Kneading a few more appreciative sounds and shivers into life for good measure, he moved lower and attacked the half-tensed abs, feeling them harden just a little more.

This wasn't supposed to be a relaxing massage in the long run anyway. He pointedly drifted his hand south past anything too obvious and dug into the upper thighs. Iruka was sensitive and ticklish there, and it was a pleasant skirmish to finally get into the deep tissue, first on one leg, then another. By the time he was at the calves his patient was squirming a bit, wanting to turn over. Probably to hide what the thin shorts were no longer able to. Things were going along smoothly, building predictably in measured steps.

Face down now and distracted by the urge to grind into the mattress, Iruka's body, mind and instincts battled openly. His body, well, it was rather obediently paying attention to the matters at hand. His instincts were bawling a red-alert warning at having someone at his back, at being aroused, at the hoard of bad things this would lead to. His mind was trying to mediate, but oh Kami, it was too difficult. Especially after whatever that was that the doctor had given him. He let his own responsibilities in the situation fade into the detectable haze of the light tranquilizer. The firmly kneading hands were dragging fingertips up to pull on the muscles over his ribs, pulling the flesh tighter across his chest. His body responded favorably, more enthusiastic than he recalled it being before; but his instincts hunkered down defensively. His mind figuratively buried its head in its hands and despaired of any good coming of this.

And those hands just kept adding fuel to the fire.

x


	21. Chapter 21

Disclaimer: I'll never to write again. Wait! Sorry, wrong disclaimer. Try this one - I don't own Naruto. There, that's better

_OK, we begin the final arc (geeze, a fic long enough to have arcs - pathetic!) here we go - I did make this an "M", right - please skip bold header section if poorly-crafted sexual content is offensive._

The constant assault of pleasurable sensations managed to convince both mind and instinct that the body was correct: the room was far too warm, and it was reasonable to join in clothing removal if only to survive. The appreciative sounds of Iruka's masseuse helped with the embarrassment of being revealed in such a state. The ensuing application of said noises directly to the target area via the wet, agile tongue and firm lips was just enough to tip the scales. The already loosened and slightly dreamy sensei, dizzy with desire that his drug-muted inhibitions allowed to run free, wasn't getting dressed and going anywhere soon.

That someone would do things that felt this good to him naked was surreal.

o0o0o0o

That something so good could feel so bad was a given, if you were only an observer and the object of your desire was participating with someone else.

Hatake Kakashi had been around the world and back again, sexually speaking, and he couldn't have been more painfully aware of exactly what was happening right under his own very unhappy, unsatisfied ass.

It was, to say the least, conflicting.

His options all sucked. To bust in and put a stop to it, get reprimanded, traumatize Iruka, the prison time for snapping a doctor in twain…that was actually his favorite option. Leave, as if there were nothing wrong and nothing to be done…out of the question because he still felt something was wrong, his senses still chattered that there was danger, and he thought he detected a trifle of strangeness in Iruka's still-weakened force. Stay and witness what was apparently to come - oh, _hell_ no.

It was an overwhelming shock when he detected the high level of wanton responsiveness forming in Iruka's unique chakra, a totally unfamiliar combination. And how could his chunin possibly disregard the "accidental" drops of chakra a houseplant could identify as Kakashi's in the midst of it?

He had to step back at that. He was supposed to be a genius, couldn't he figure out what that implied?

Iruka was with someone he'd chosen, and Kakashi couldn't be farther from his mind..

As much as it pained him, his only real choice was to back off. In deference to his stupid sense of danger, he'd summoned Pakkun to set up watch, and to let him know when the happy couple went to ground. He just wanted to see Iruka when he came out, and make sure he really was fine, before he decided what all this meant in the long run.

He flashed away without bothering to hide the disturbance.

Pakkun returned to fulfill his mission, curious to see if the his master's stray was really doing the deed. The deed was always in the dog top ten list of things to know about others. As he curled up casually at the front step he had to give his collar a shake. Oh, yeah. That's the deed, all right.

**nc-17 follows - skip by scrolling to next bold heading**

The careful progression had taken them a lot further than the Doctor would have ordered, but the patient was really on a roll, and he made it clear he wanted to experience this as the seme. So, to be taken as directed, he found himself poised ready and breathless, presenting himself as a calm and inviting partner as best he could. Dark brown, heavy lidded eyes swept down to watch as he prepared to guide him in.

Iruka's eyes flashed a hint of alarm, of reconsideration. He pulled back slightly, his voice strained as he panted, "You don't have to do this for me."

"I'm fine. Listen. Listen to me. If you don't want to, we won't. But I do want to. No one is making me do anything." He wrapped him legs around Iruka's and urged him down gently. To calm his doubts he began kissing the still-worried face, nuzzling the scar across his nose and snuffling in his ear to break the tension. He could feel the conflicting emotions battle in the sweat-slicked chest but the gentle assault was easing him back.

He whispered deep into Iruka's ear "We need to slip you inside me."

He bit his lower lip to suppress his excitement when he felt the hesitant nudge of hard swollen cock against his agonizingly ready opening. He had to resist the urge to pull them together, holding his breath.

Marsh reached down slowly, deliberately, and slicked more oil on, assuring them both that he was still hard and ready. Iruka moved then, watching for any sign of pain or fear, torn between feeling like a lover and an unwanted abuser. He slid into the slick hot grip of muscle slowly, and Marsh clutched at him, rising up to meet him, briefly closing his eyes to focus on the sensation his body craved.

"Push, you have to push it in deep…" He sank his fingers into the firm ass and encouraged , but Iruka didn't relent. He was slow, working into the tight passage by small increments, in steady even movements. The way he imagined he would enjoy it if someone ever cared how he felt as a bottom. It felt incredible and the delicious panting his flushed partner was making underneath him kept him focused, feeling hot pins and needles from the tip of his hardness to the pit of his stomach.

Somewhere in the back of his mind the doctor cleared his throat and tried to remind the moaning blond that this was supposed to be work. He responded defiantly by pulling himself up by his patient's neck and kissing him passionately, panting his name and drowning in his dreamy brown eyes. He shifted his ass to get better control and began squeezing back rhythmically in time with the searingly hot slow thrusts, resisting his building climax and guiding the motion away from the spot that would take him over the edge in no time. Iruka had to cum no matter what.

He tongued the salty dark expanse of firm flesh from base of throat to chin slowly , his nose bumping against the strong neck at the apex of each of his partner's thrusts. His fingers slid down and twisted the brown nipples just hard enough, and he was rewarded by the first real moan from the chunin.

Iruka suddenly grabbed his ass and gripped it forcibly, spreading him open further and plunging in harder and faster, no longer watching or worrying. He escalated his pace, his desire and his pulsing cock driving him into animalistic aggression and sinking in so deep that, with no sac in the way, was almost too deep for his partner to take. The blond couldn't control the pounding and it hit his point of ecstasy roughly on the way to hammering in too far too hard and jolting him with pain. He buried his face in the body in top of him to stifle his cries as he tried to hold back, make it to the goal. The pain broke his concentration and he came hard, his ass gripping the sliding rod of flesh in irregular tight spasms and eliciting a cry from Iruka as he arched back and his body exploded in his own pulsing orgasm.

The ecstasy robbing him of breath and the wonder at being able to reach this level of heaven threaded through his mind as he drifted back into a relaxed daze, letting the other man clean them both up with a towel and help him tug the shorts back on. When he tried to sit up he felt woozy, so he flopped back down and rolled his head lazily to locate Marsh.

**End NC-17**

Marsh had his patient cleaned up and covered immediately, knowing that Iruka's experience would be judged as much by the aftermath as by the act, and making sure that he felt safe and cared for was the primary goal at this point. He got himself somewhat situated at the same time. The bathing could wait a little while, might be solo or together, he'd have to see how things were going at that point. Oh, mercy. He hurt like hell, but Iruka shouldn't have detected that, it should have been a completely positive experience. Over time, with a little more practice and confidence, they could work on his aggressiveness and some techniques to mitigate it. Anything that might be taken as criticism would be too devastating now.

A slow chill filled the room and he started to turn from Iruka to see if the front door or window had blown open somehow. A hard angry fist nabbed him by the back of the neck and jerked him up into the air, shaking him like an errant kitten.

"That was a big mistake. This changes everything." The deep voice was the perfect pitch of threat and promise. "I'll have to take you both."

He couldn't see his captor but the look in Iruka's eyes made his heart sink even more. Terrified, guilty, sad and longing all at once, staring as if the whole world held but one sight to behold.

When Iruka saw Mizuki uncloak, his body grabbed his mind and made for cover. His instincts, twisted from long years of mismanagement, took over like they'd never been apart. He bowed his head and apologized. How could he have done such a thing, and right in front of him. It was expected, that he would get things wrong. It was only right that he receive punishment. It wasn't even so painful to think of, slightly high like he was. And it wouldn't be lonely, he could count on that.

"Stop stalling." Mizuki held out an arm and Iruka began to rise unsteadily, suddenly yanked up to full height by a handful of hair. Released, he stumbled against Marsh, still held painfully aloft.

With a flash of the massive free hand the three disappeared from the village.

o0o0o0o

Pakkun yelped, the blast of uncloaked black chakra hit his eavesdropping senses like headphones suddenly cranked up to 10. The background impression of humans doin' what comes naturally was a whisper compared to this. The boss said there might be trouble. He didn't mention total disaster. He darted away to get Kakashi, to enter his detection range and call him in.

He was a dozen strides from the apartment when all the windows blew out, sending glass, wood, books and coat hangers flying like missiles in every direction. That was a close one, and the boss was really going to be pissed if he thought he'd let his stray get blown away.

At the first frantic blast of Pakkun's call Kakashi flashed in at the front if the apartment to stand in the rising dust of the debris. The apartment was echoing with the racket of items still toppling and crashing inside, something round spinning to a stop on the floor with a ringing sound.

"Someone teleported first," Pakkun growled, scrabbling in through a gaping window. His feet hit the ground as his nose reported in. "Make that all of them. No trace."

Kakashi summoned two more ninken, and the four moved aloft to scan the perimeter and pick up the scent. The heavily forested southeast border caught the dogs' keen senses.

The silver-hair jounin followed the swiftly moving pack, darting to the east barrier wall of the village. He slowed them into stealth and they broached the massive stones like shadows, dropping and freezing on the other side. A meaningful look from Pakkun told Kakashi they were on the right path.

o0o0o0o0o0o0o

"You always were a lot of work, Iruka," Mizuki grumbled, hands on his hips in annoyed superiority.

Marsh was bleeding from his ear, dazed, and Iruka was trying to get him up, barely able to stand himself.

"You can't teleport him again," Iruka whined, feeling crushed from the drain on his own weakened body as well. "He's just a regular guy, you'll kill him."

"You're no better, you slut, you're half-dead too. No wonder you can't find a decent fuck. Pick him up now, we have to get moving."

Iruka tried desperately, but the forced teleporting had stripped his barely healing chakra channels raw, and his physical strength was far from normal. He fumbled at Marsh's arm, trying to get his shoulder into the blond's armpit to leverage him up.

"Do it Iruka." Mizuki's voice was quieter and octave lower, a sinister edge in the simple phrase. It was his midnight voice, and it loomed too close. Iruka abandoned his futile efforts, flung his arms up over his head to get something in between his face and the eyes drilling into him. When Mizuki took his wrist he started to scream but the other hand slapped into his throat and cut off the air neatly. "You need a refresher course. You've forgotten your lessons."

Still clamping down on the throat, he released the wrist and slashed his thick pointed fingernails down Iruka's forearm, raking furrows of flesh away and drawing bright channels of blood.

He squeezed, kneaded, until the forearm was coated with blood . Iruka's struggles were slowing already. He smeared the bloody forearm against Iruka's face, then let go of the smaller man entirely. The arm stayed planted against the quieting face, becoming the focus for it.

"Look at it. Taste it, that's a good boy. You need to do this on your own so we don't have to use words." Watching Iruka, he slowly gnawed the bits of flesh from under his fingernails, satisfied that he'd triggered instant submission on the first try. And without much blood, at that. Iruka was always so much fun, in spite of the effort. "If we have to travel overland, you'll need to behave."

Holding out his arm, he beckoned with his fingers and Iruka shuffled to him, sucking quietly on his forearm and staring at him cautiously. The large paw caught him up and slung him over a shoulder, and he clung tight with the uninjured arm, sucking harder on his arm as the movement startled him. He felt the body beneath him dip and lean, and a head and arm appeared across from him on the other shoulder, hanging down silently. Rising into the air he clutched harder and felt the rude clasp of a hand on his backside, holding him firmly as they ricocheted off of a tree then shot across the forest canopy at remarkable speed.

o0o0o0o0o0o0

The traps slowed them a little, and the false scent only fooled the other dogs - Pakkun was too seasoned a veteran to fall for such a pedestrian trick. When they reached the small clearing, the nin-dog reported his find.

"Small bits of the teacher's flesh. Very small. A scraping wound maybe. Not much blood, but fresh blood. His. And drops of the non-nin's - its organic blood - but not stomach.

"Intestinal?" Kakashi growled.

"No. Not digestive. Head or lung I think, from an injury. For as fresh as all this is, the scent of fear isn't strong at all. Another thing about the teacher's blood - tranquillizing drug. Well metabolized. Probably introduced well over an hour ago."

Kakashi's teeth gritted. He was _drugged_ in that apartment? It was the wrong decision not to intervene. That issue was going to revisited as soon as this got resolved.

"Pakkun, go on. Who's taken them?"

"The same scent as the boots, boss," Pakkun rasped. "It's him, no mistake."

"I need you to go to the Hokage and get her to send backup. I'll keep trailing. Let her know Mizuki's got Iruka and his idiot doctor. If I can snag Iruka safely I'm going to do it before he gets to whatever cave he's living in now. There's extra steak in this for you and the boys, Pak."

"I'll take it, but we'd hustle anyway. Teacher's got the best belly-scratch technique in all of Leaf. I'd like a chunk of that Mizuki guy myself. Rowf." Pakkun darted back on his task and Kakashi signaled to the two larger ninken to resume tracking.

o0o0o0o0o0

Sitting cross legged on the wooden landing, Genma absently thunked a kunai into the wood just in reach, pulling it out then impaling it again, in a slow, deliberate rhythm. Raidou, leaning on the wall and sitting as well, sipped his iced tea and watched.

"You should go on home," Genma said evenly. Thunk. "It was nice of you to hang around, but I'm" Thunk. "all right."

"Okay, just let me finish my tea." He nursed it with deliberate sloth, making sure he got a nod in return.

Thunk…………thunk……………thunk

"You're going to piss off the termites if you keep doing that."

Thunk.

"And the land lord."

Thunk.

"Gen."

Thunk.

"Genma!"

Thunk.

"Listen! We need to go!"

Stilling his hand, he snapped out of his haze into alert. The tower bells. He was on call. Dammit!

He dashed into the apartment and snagged extra senbon and powders, locking up and nearly running

Raidou over, waiting stiffly outside.

"Whatever it is, if you're not up to it, speak up."

"Move your ass." Gen pushed past him, launching into a sprint. "Slowpoke."

They dashed to the Tower, fleet feet skimming the dirt path and sending bare puffs of dust up in their wake. It was a close one, but Genma won again. They skidded to a halt as Tsunade came barreling out of the hallway. This was a sure sign of a very serious situation. It had gotten the Hokage out from behind her desk at a prime drink-sneaking hour.

Pakkun was in her arms, looking cowed. She thrust the dog into Raidou's startled face.

"Take him. Mizuki's kidnapped Iruka and Dr. Marsh. Kakashi's trailing to try and get Iruka. I need Marsh back too, dammit. Equal importance in this mission, got it? I need them both back alive! Now - and these details Hatake does not know, so inform him - Mizuki is linked with Orochimaru. From his direction of travel, that's where he's taking them. The only thing to our advantage right now is that he's forced to travel by land, otherwise we'd be screwed already. If you approach Orochimaru's compound from the Northwest direction there is thick cover and a submerged entrance previously prepared by ANBU operatives. Those ANBU were pulled off of watch on the area for a skirmish two days away. The decision was made not to divert them, so you gentlemen are it. Do you have full stealth kits?" They nodded.

"Watch yourselves, and no fighting in the compound except to avoid deadly force. Don't start the war today. Now, execute your orders, and come home safely."

Raidou released Pakkun and they were running again, settling down to let the nindog set the pace.

Mizuki was good, Kakashi knew it, and the stalemate had to stand for now. He could get fairly close, but even in motion Mizuki had a perimeter set up, and he'd placed ridiculously large bright exploding tags on both the men he carried. Whether a ruse or a booby-trap he didn't know, but it was just as effective either way. He could only follow and avoid tripping any traps, unless he wanted to retrieve his friend in bits.

Having covered his ass so thoroughly, it probably accounted for his bouts of chattiness and the stop at the river that Kakashi would never forget.

o0o0o0o0

"Thirsty, boys?" Mizuki dumped them on the riverbank, scanning the clear water for a suitable spot. A deep pocket in the dead zone would be best. Very still, clear water was the requirement.

He found it. Perfect.

Marsh was recovering, and Iruka was still subdued but functional. Iruka had never seen this river before. He realized, with a slowly clearing head, that he hadn't been doing any of the things he should be doing to survive, like gauge the captor, memorize the route, try to escape, etc. And he was the ranking operative here, Marsh would know none of this.

"Something about river water?" Mizuki's voice was suspiciously light. He took Iruka's arm. "Time for more teaching, sensei. I want to show you something." He stationed Iruka next to him, facing the flow of the water. The blue sky and wispy clouds reflected in the sunlit areas, the smooth river rock visible through the crystal-clear water in the shadows.

He reached for Marsh and tugged him over in front of them, his back to the water, and forced him down to his knees.

"Just watch."

Mizuki moved forward and tipped Marsh back and over, head and shoulders shocking at ice cold water. No time to prepare, he was protesting as he went under and inhaled water immediately. The water churned as fought explosively at the searing pain in his chest.

Mizuki pulled him back out, dissatisfied.

"No, hold on." He lifted up Marsh and dropped him on the bank, waiting in annoyance as he coughed and retched up water, choking. "He'll work it out, let him alone. We don't want to linger here too long. Go ahead and get yourself a drink."

Iruka froze. Mizuki wore an interested look , one eyebrow cocked up in question. Oh, not thirsty all of a sudden?

"I said," he smiled, "get yourself a drink. Do you want some help?" He brought his arms around Iruka from behind, moved him firmly forward to the edge of the water. Iruka dipped in a violently shaking hand, by the time he brought it back to his mouth all the water had fallen.

The breath on his neck and the voice were all his senses could take in, and his hand hovered an inch from his face, unable to complete the action.

Mizuki cupped his hand around Iruka's, guided it back down into the water. The action leaned his body against Iruka's from behind, and it pushed him closer to the edge. Iruka reeked of fear. Mizuki savored it, let it wash over him, dragging out the moment. The quaking body, bent poised over the water, barely breathed. This would be difficult to give up. Iruka was very special.

Held firmly and his control deferred, his guided hand dipped up the water , came back up to his lips. He drank obediently, still shaking .

"I will never, ever get enough of seeing that face. I just don't know what to do," Mizuki sighed, leaning back and releasing the smaller man. He looked over his shoulder at Marsh, who was doing a reasonable semblance of a breathing person. The man had swayed to his feet, an for an amused moment it looked like he was considering escape.

"If you reach the edge of my chakra range it'll set off my tag, and you'll be slut confetti. Just saying. Go ahead and run if that sounds good to ya." He rose and enjoyed the flash of panic on the flushed, dripping face. "That is a nice look you have. Let's try that again."

Marsh watched Iruka past the crazy man-ape that had just tried to drown him and scoured his mind for some solution, some way out for them both. This man was surgically precise in his torment of Iruka; he wasn't half-bad at terrifying Marsh, either, and it made it hard to think. If he couldn't think of something they were both heading for something truly horrible, because their abductor wasn't doing all of this for nothing.

Gripped tight again, Marsh stumbled as he was walked backward to the edge of the water, resisting harder at being pushed down. In the end it was futile, his knees threatened to snap and he had no illusions about Mizuki's willingness to do whatever it took to get him down. He bit down on his lip to keep silent. Yelling wouldn't do any good, Mizuki would probably be excited by it and it would be that much worse for Iruka. At least he'd know to hold his breath this time.

"Help me out here, Iruka. You keep his head under." was the last thing he heard before plunging into the frigid water again.

Mizuki held him by the arms across his chest and pinned him down to the river bed., and he desperately strained his head up for air. He could feel the tip of his nose just break water and the seconds ticked off, he never was one to be able to hold his breath a long time. The discomfort became urgency as his lungs became more insistent, and his struggles more frantic.

Through the wavering watery images of sky, trees and shadows, his bugging eyes registered the movement of the looming figures. A second pair of hands broke through the surface to press on his forehead firmly, pushing his face inches below the surface and stealing any leverage to rise up. There was no hesitation evident in the hands that fulfilled that task, and the agony of that realization almost equaled the pain and panic that gripped his chest for the second time today as his lungs clutched for air, and instead hauled in water that burned like fire.

Mizuki wasn't happy, it wasn't satisfying at all to see this guy turn blue. He didn't have a cute face when he drowned. It was rather unattractive, and it spoiled the moment and threatened to taint his old memories of Iruka's beautiful struggles. He wasn't sure he should be bothering to revive someone like that. And they needed to get going.

"He's gonna get my shoulder all wet. And who knows what diseases you two have." He pushed half-heartedly on the blob beneath him, watching a gout of water spurt out. "You give him the mouth-to-mouth then."

o0o0o0o0o0o

Kakashi was stunned. As much as he would have liked to kill the man, this was a bit much. He couldn't tell if Iruka wanted to do it or not; maybe it was a reaction to being forced into something earlier. No court would convict him for that. But he didn't look angry. He looked excited.

And now they were bringing him back, Mizuki'd cleared out his lungs and Iruka was breathing for him , listening to his chest, looking horrified. The body in the sodden sweatpants was still alive after all. He even seemed to try and get away from Iruka when he came to and realized who was hovering over him.

Poetic justice, that.

He faded back into his cover but the nindogs actions reassured him. In the branches near him, they sent out a silent whine of greeting, and Pakkun indeed appeared on a branch higher up, with two very serious-looking shinobi in tow.

Before they could give Kakashi the updated information from the Hokage, Mizuki had hefted his charges and jetted onward. With a nod the ninken tracked and the jounin silently signed to one another before taking up the chase again.

Mizuki talked as he knifed through the trees at a middling level, avoiding the exposure of the treetops, and the potential observers at ground level. He stopped to set a trap here and there, but for the most part he waxed nostalgic to his captive audience. He thought it was a shame that he wasn't quite sharing memories with his special person, but he could at least tell him all that he'd missed. It was almost like reliving those days, especially when he got delicious reactions like that last one. He could swear that his Iruka was crying. Even with his new bitch right next to him, Mizuki could reach right into that tender heart. He really couldn't decide yet if it had to be over between them or not.

Kakashi didn't know if the sadistic filth that Mizuki was spouting was true or just calculated to destroy Iruka's sanity, but it gave all of the men an unwanted distraction that they should known to dismiss from their minds instantly. A few seconds of split attention and the webbed trap snapped on them, and it was a perfect concealment, a flawless snare.

Damn, just as they were ready to split up and use a team method to defeat the portable tag perimeter. The compound was getting closer, and they had little time to act if they were going to prevent this from playing out in Orochimaru's front yard.

They silently cursed as they went through a number of jutsus before they were able to unbind themselves.

x


	22. Chapter 22

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. I've done a fine job boring him to tears though. Poor little guy, here, have some ramen. Ahhh, much better.

_Thank you for reviewing! Why are the reviews written better than the story? I should pass the pen on to you! And now, let's join the chase, already in progress..._

o0o0o0o0o0o

As he wound down and grew bored with his own tales, Mizuki's next mood swing left him decidedly insulted and unappreciated, reminding himself as much as Iruka of all the things he did to "prepare" and strengthen him against what others would do to him: saving him from the predatory Sandaime, trying to tear him from his ridiculous stewardship of Naruto, breaking him from his foolish suicide track of trying to make jounin level. Teaching him the true meaning of a "relationship" and getting kicked in the teeth for it. Why did he still allow Iruka to live? And what was the proper punishment for the act he'd watched these two commit?

They didn't deserve any more coddling, so he took them the last leg by teleport anyway. They appeared in a small room with a cot and a water heater, mismatched folding chairs and a pile of torn, dirty linens. Not something well used, and from the size of the small rickety cot, not Mizuki's quarters. The pain wasn't as great, it must not have been as far as they had transported in the village. Marsh felt the blood trickling from his ear again, and he couldn't hear from that side at all now. He shook his head and saw Iruka propped against the wall, grimacing. He was pawing at his chest in discomfort.

Marsh's breath caught. He was distressing over the area where Ibiki's entry wounds had been. The teleporting, the mental stress…was an aftershock from the procedure trying to emerge _now? Here_? He scrabbled on hands and knees, not trusting his balance, and touched Iruka's shoulder.

"Hey, hey, it's all right…Iruka?" He squeezed the stiff shoulder, pulled at his chin to bid for eye contact. "Look at me, we're fine now." Iruka hadn't looked at him since they left the riverbank. Marsh knew the mechanics of abuse and torture, but Iruka wouldn't understand how Mizuki had gotten him to participate in his drowning game willingly, and that he might be drawn to the activities himself in some situations. If they could get out of here, or at least get a decent span of time alone when they were able to talk, he'd have to try and explain it, to try and stem the guilt early.

Mizuki had handed him volumes of information on what the man had been through, things the victim apparently suppressed from himself. Unfortunately, he did it while adding more pain and suffering in the process.

Iruka stared at him, finally, miserably, teary-eyed and afraid. Marsh ducked forward and wrapped him in a hug, risking the wrath of the man who hissed at the sight. "We'll be all right. You didn't hurt anybody. We're still in one piece."

"I'm sorry," Iruka whispered.

"I understand." Marsh said, weighing the words to make it a meaningful statement. Iruka's eyes cleared a little, some composure returning. They were still in this together.

Mizuki was still insanely jealous. Marsh was hoping to diffuse it somewhat. For all that it appeared to be, it was not the truth that Iruka was having an affair. But it also seemed like a bad idea to reveal that he was a doctor. He'd noticed that Iruka made a point of not telling him.

He knew from experience the sensation that their thoughts were being measured, but not read, and he knew how to project sincerity expertly. A therapist who couldn't was in the wrong business.

"You have the wrong idea about what you saw at my apartment. I was paid to service him." Marsh grunted, getting pulled roughly to his feet and away.

"Iruka, is that true? Is this just your whore?" Mizuki froze, still poised to throw the other man across the room.

"It is his job." Iruka said it slowly, cautiously. He hoped Marsh wasn't trying to be clever. No one could out-clever Mizuki.

"Hey, whore, what's your story? Why are you working out of an upper Tower district apartment? Picking up tricks at the hospital? You don't make sense."

"I've been ordered to service the jounin. Their needs are important. So are the chunin. I was servicing him in my home, to make him comfortable." Marsh's eyes continued to gaze at Mizuki's cruel mouth, to keep his face in full view, but not to challenge. No eye contact yet unless his captor demanded it. He was sure that it would signal the wrong things.

Servicing jounin!, Iruka thought, NO, Marsh, don't try to lie to him! He'll detect it immediately. But the look on Mizuki's face. He was assessing, but it appeared that he detected the statements as fact. Was that true?

Was Marsh servicing the jounin? A lot of them? Which ones? He stared at Marsh's profile, a messy conglomeration of emotions rising with the news in spite of their perilous situation. It didn't go unnoticed my Mizuki.

"Didn't you know, pet? Has your little whore been lying to you about his dates?"

Iruka remained silent, and the two prisoners waited motionlessly.

Mizuki dropped his hold on the whore and reached his hands around Iruka, pulling him up and over to the cot and pushing him back down onto it. There was no resistance. He heard Marsh's sudden breath of surprise and felt his tension rise. No matter. He pulled the dusty blanket over the devastated man and straightened up, looking down on him, bemused.

"I don't know, Iruka. I just don't know. I don't feel the same way, exactly. You, a seme…I don't like it. I have that image stuck in my head now. Maybe you were transferring my interest. Your partner looked like the better lay to me. You were hurting him, you know that, right? And he didn't even try to stop you, or adjust for it. He just took it. Probably just part of the job, but…see, I know what I saw, and you can't fake a fresh ass. He must be just starting out. Is that right, whore?"

"I have just started serving the elite shinobi." And not in the sack - ever - if he could help it, but the statement was otherwise true.

"How many? Two? Ten? "

Damn him. He's too smart.

"Does it matter?"

"I need to know. I don't want to kill you the first time. How much chakra can you take? I can tell that you don't have a refined system. This could be interesting. I have some ideas…"

Marsh swallowed, trying to keep his head clear. Show no fear, he ordered himself. Be his friend, his lover, his father confessor, his lab rat. Be valuable to him somehow, so he has a reason to keep us alive and well.

"Iruka was my first in a long while. I was just reassigned to start working with the jounins.."

Mizuki smiled to himself. "I like that. Raw material. Come here." He motioned and Marsh stepped forward. He felt the huge hands paw through his hair, then moving on firmly turning, spreading, probing and squeezing until he'd checked the captive doctor like livestock at an auction. It was only unpleasant in the context of the situation; the examination was surprisingly careful and almost concerned.

"I suppose I should call you by your name," Mizuki breathed into his ear.

"M-marsh. Everyone just calls me Marsh." he shivered involuntarily. Damn, his fear would only complicate the situation. . He firmed up his self-control.

"Excited?" Large fingers traced down his spine, pushed inside the damp sweatpants, then down in between his buttocks, and rubbed teasingly. "We can't do this yet. Not yet. So you'll just have to want it a little longer."

He held still, keeping his body from fighting, letting the unwanted stimulation create the heat his captor was intent on inflicting. The other hand was flat on his belly, pushing up to add tension to his groin. Obviously the renegade wanted him erect, in spite of his last statement. The hand strayed down and he felt fingers tipped with an amazing vibrating heat and he was hard and pulsing almost instantly. He couldn't suppress his cry of erogenous shock.

Mizuki's growl was inhumanly low and lusting. "You are right on my wavelength, aren't you? My touch can enslave you. My gods, this is going to be fun. I think I could keep the two of you busy. Such possibilities…"

He withdrew his hands and pushed the blond away. He glanced at Iruka, hands over his ears and eyes shut, curled up in the barren cot. "I have some things to take care of. Don't be intimate while I'm gone. I'll know, and I'll kill you both. Slowly." He didn't shut the door when he left, and Marsh decided that was a bad sign. The atmosphere of the place was dark and cloying, and they must be safer in this room than they would be if they left it. He considered closing the door himself.

"Iruka. Iruka, he's gone." Marsh gently shook the withdrawn chunin, tugging at his elbows to take his hand from his ears. He looked exhausted , and hands came away limp. They weren't in a position to do anything but wait, so Marsh watched him rest, perching on the edge of the uncomfortable bed to stay alert.

O0o0o0o

One of the students must have gotten himself trapped, but where? The wreckage was everywhere, shattered ceramic and splintered wood, a sheet of water pouring down from the fissure in the earthen roof, forming a living mirror at one end of the room.

Iruka moved toward the water, following the sound of the boy's cries, and suddenly stopped at the reflection in the water.

Me? It's my face. But…

He looked like a piece of performance art. A variety of piercing and cutting tools jutted out at angles from his body, everywhere he looked. He held his arms out straight from his sides and let his eyes search the reflection for details. Chain, rope, clothesline, strips of cloth, leather straps and shreds of sheets streamed from around his neck, wrists and ankles. In confusion he put his hand in his mouth, noting the shiny staples embedded around his wrists. An seemingly endless array of objects came out of his mouth. A huge rubber ball, a wadded brown bag, feces, a dead bird, pine needles, river rocks…he gave up, there was no end to it, and besides, there was no pain, no taste, nor particular discomfort anyway. He could already tell by what was just detectable lodged in his ass that he shouldn't even get started there.

Now he wasn't sure if he should go to the boy. He would be a terrifying sight at best. Maybe if he got rid of the worst of it, the scissors, the nails and the fish hooks…

Shouldn't I know how these got here? he wondered mildly, and searched the face shimmering in the waterfall for the answer. He tugged and the scissors came painlessly free from his belly. A visible wave of energy from momentum of that movement floated his mind from the impaled form into the one in the water, and all the wounds in the new body disappeared as it solidified. He felt a twinge of guilt looking back at the form he'd just vacated. Nothing had improved for it, and it coughed out a mouthful of mud, staring back at him in sad realization, looking abandoned. It couldn't be helped, there was something more important to do. He had to find the boy. The crying was getting quieter, if the boy gave up and grew silent now he might never find him.

He backed out of the water into a darkened passage and at the end of it found a chamber of infinite doorways. He knew that he boy was behind one of the doors.

The first cover rang hollow when it was tapped, a round metal plate with a curved chrome lever, and it resisted the effort to open it. It took some doing to get it open. The small dark space inside was empty, and a dead end as well.

This would take too long. He sent out his chakra and found only the mournful figure he'd left behind at the water. He wanted no part of that anymore.

He couldn't leave without his student. That would be cowardly and selfish, and he'd never be able to live with himself. He began the hopeless task of searching every door anyway. His eyes caught something different…something glistened at the bottom edge of a rough-hewn wooden door with a iron ring for a handle. He skipped past the doors he would have opened first, had he continued his methodical approach, and pulled hard. It had no lock, and when the door swung out, the small figure tumbled out, bloody and still. Iruka dropped to his knees, scooping up the form and bringing it close, breath held tight. Please be alive…

It wasn't a student, wasn't anyone he recognized, but that didn't make him feel one bit less obligated to save him, to get the boy back home. He couldn't be more than nine or ten, so thin and light that he weighed no more than a toddler.

He dashed back, the way out must be the way he'd entered. When he reached the water again he was blocked. His mind knew the rules, he'd just forgotten, apparently. _Only one of you may leave. One of the three of you, take your choice. _

The boy, of course, he deserves the chance. But he won't wake up, and I can't carry him out.

The human pincushion probably didn't want to leave alone. It seemed obvious that the pain of those wounds would revive if he ever left here.

So I'll just have to wait until the boy wakes up, and show him the way out.

_Time's up. Someone has to leave. Now._

He held the boy tighter. No.

The punctured form began to writhe, he was been pulled out and away, and the feeling was returning to his body. The brown eyes screamed what the mouth, gagging on plaster, could not.

_The boy will be fine here, you know_, a voice said in his head. _He's been here for years. He will miss the man that's leaving now if you don't go in his place. They bonded long ago. Your courage is misplaced here. You're just making it worse for everyone. _

_Let go of the boy and I'll remove you instead. He belongs here. They belong here. You don't._

Why is this a decision then? There was no real choice. He stood and crossed into the water, and the punctured man was back, taking the boy from him with a relieved smile, snuggling him close. The little fellow opened what turned out to be big, beautiful doe-like eyes and smiled back, hugging the man's neck through its adornments of cruelty.

It was hard to feel sorry for them, they looked so comforted and happy with each other. They have each other, in a surcease of pain and discomfort; and he was leaving alone into the twisting knife of reality. It might be better to stay. Maybe, if there was a next time, the rules could change; he was already accepted by the other two, joining them seemed almost natural, and it was hard to remember why it was so important to get out at all.

_Out. Now._

The slight bitterness pursued him into awakening, the voices penetrating his dream speaking of drinking and he sat up into the real nightmare.

o0o0o0oo0o

"Don't!" gasped Iruka. Mizuki gave him an unconcerned look and pushed the vial to Marsh's resisting lips anyway.

"If you don't I will have to make you take it. It's not anything bad…

"NO! It…"

"Iruka, _shut up_. It isn't anything bad. It's something to refine your chakra. It's not perfect yet, but my experiments have been progressing. It's my new version of an ancient treatment, I bet it makes number one on the forbidden chemical enhancement list. You'll achieve the chakra control and power akin to a strong genin in mere hours. It's irreversible, not that anyone would want to reverse something like that. It won't take someone like you to chunin level, though. You're too pathetically weak to start with."

Marsh screwed up his courage and downed it in one gulp, grasping for the water held just out of reach to put out the fire. Mizuki teased a bit before handing it over. He rubbed Marsh's shoulder, addressing him warmly as he slipped on the leather cuffs that sealed seamlessly shut with iron rings attached.

"I have to restrain you now. You might have some prayer of putting up a fuss once this sets in."

He looked deeply into Marsh's eyes, leaned in and brought their lips close intimidatingly.

"You," Marsh dared to speak, measuring his voice into breathy admiration. "You have amazing eyes."

_The most amazingly insane and evil eyes I have ever born witness to…_he amended silently.

Mizuki was blindsided. And he detected the statement was true. His ego bammed instantly into full inflation.

"You foxy boy…we have to wait. Don't get me hard yet." He ridged his index finger under Marsh's jaw line. "I will amaze you into oblivion, no matter how experienced you think you are. You'll die in my arms a hundred times." Still holding the much smaller man captive by the leathers, he eased around behind him.

The floor was vibrating and the room was alive. Marsh met Iruka's intense gaze and detected it as a coppery glow. His fingers were tingling and seemed to be feeling for something in the air. What the hell they were seeking he had no idea, but just standing there and drinking in the sensations kept him transfixed for some time. Mizuki finally let him go. He hadn't realized he was being held tight and suppressed by the madman in a possessive hug from behind, and with the release he filled with unfamiliar energy and agitation. The drug was quite unsettling already.

"I can't stay right now, I have some work to do for my mentor. I can't let my indulgences interfere or they won't be tolerated." He threaded chain through the iron rings on Marsh's wristbands., giving him a long range from the pipe he fastened it to.

"Get your strength up for me. I'll be running some tests on you later."

The door closed and locked this time. Iruka sputtered, "What is it? Can you tell?" He popped out of the bed, ignoring the throbbing of his head and willing away the weakness in his knees. Marsh was on his hands and knees now, trying to adjust to the random jolts of power and perception.

"I think he was telling the truth." He flexed his arm, but it didn't flex the strange power in it. It was controlled some other way. He tried again and again, straining .

"Stop talking to him, Dr. Marsh, leave him to me. I can handle him, you'll just get yourself killed."

Marsh's eyes narrowed. "You can't handle him safely. Look at all he's done to you."

"It's…I know but…he's my problem. You don't deserve the things he might do…"

"And you do? You deserve what he's done to you?"

Iruka didn't answer. That was answer enough.

"What could you….or anyone…possibly do that would deserve that kind of treatment?"

Marsh rose with great effort and approached slowly, slipping his hands down to catch both of his patient's and bringing them up between their chests, the chain rattling between them.

"You didn't deserve any of this, Iruka. I'm going to make you see that somehow."

o0o0o0o

The three jounin rose from the earthen floor and Marsh reacted as is if corpses had issued from a graveyard. He had never witnessed much jutsu, not one to find the spare time to spectate at the trials, exhibitions or competitions. This was particularly artful and shocking, and he moved to stand in front of Iruka, the mouse shielding the cat from menace. The deadly serious orbs of the intruding figures glared from charcoal-dusted faces in weapon-laced gear. The atmosphere of the room gained a heavy feel and an excited charge from the powerful, attack-primed warriors. They were larger than life in their battle stance, fully unsheathed from the earth. Marsh immediately felt puny and foreign among them. He moved back, suddenly unsure of the situation.

They were here for Iruka, he was sure, and he might tag along under their cover to escape. Iruka was still too ill to teleport, so they would have to take a conventional escape route. He figured he was fortunate for that, or he might be left behind to find his own way out.

"Iruka, they've come for you. It's going to be okay now." Marsh went to support the sagging chunin but much stronger hands took custody of him.

"I have you. Be still for me." Kakashi balanced Iruka's weight against his hip, an arm around his waist. His words were barely detectable." It's all right now, I have you."

Before Marsh could adjust to being relieved of his patient, steely arms clamped around him from nowhere and he squeaked involuntarily. Genma silenced him firmly with a palm across his mouth. It felt more daunting and fierce than Mizuki's hold, and he had to drill his squirm reflex with the thought that the intent here was to help him…even though his gut screamed at the menacing presence.

"Shh.h.h…" Genma's soft hushing was barely detectable in his ear, wildly contrasting with his attack-primed stance. He felt the leather cuffs split and slide from his wrists, caught and lowered soundlessly to the ground by the man with the senbon in his lips. Raidou went gliding by silently and swiftly, going to the doorway to slip the lock and scout the hallway. Even though he and Iruka had been in this dangerous trap for some time, the true life-or-death nature of their situation suddenly permeated him as he watched the lethal elite move in such coiled stealth. He was stunned as Genma picked him up with one arm and darted after Raidou into the hallway; somehow Kakashi, with Iruka still on his hip, was ahead of them. Marsh hadn't seen them go through the door. They streaked down one dim passageway then another, direction of travel twisting into a mystery. They ended up in a dim underground grotto, water flowing sluggishly along a small, flat bank.

"Just hold your breath and we'll guide you. We have to swim down under the outcropping. The water flows through to the Maitke, we'll come out on the south bank and take to the forest." Kakashi spoke in a low voice.

Genma smacked Marsh's chest a couple of times to straighten him up and make sure he'd paid attention. The guy looked shell-shocked. He kept staring at the other men, concerned looks for Iruka, but decidedly odd looks for the rest. Scared, for sure, but he looked vaguely…analytical? And he reeked of raw chakra. He wasn't supposed to have that. Instincts flared and Genma pulled Marsh's head back roughly, glaring into his eyes. A full intestine-twisting minute of piercing stare later he was reassured that this wasn't a clone or henge. He'd deal with the guy's hurt feelings once he saved his wimpy little ass, and tucked him back down under his armpit.

"Just knock him the fuck out, Genma." Kakashi hissed unsympathetically.

"I'll give you the choice, this will be a lot easier on you if I put you out and you just let me handle it. Next thing you know you'll be back at your desk." Genma moved the senbon thoughtfully, giving Marsh an attentive look in spite of the urgency of the situation. He seemed to be casually defying the leader, which noticeably unsettled the third nin who was covering the rear and concealing the entrance to the area again.

The thought of being helpless and unconscious in the midst of this had no appeal at all for his besieged mind. He shook his head no, not sure if it was really being left up to him or not.

Genma looked away from him then and returned his full focus on the situation at hand, only a small smile tweaking up the corner of his mouth hinting that he approved of his damsel's decision.

Kakashi filed it away for future action and let it go for now, checking Iruka over quickly, then drawing him close again to make their escape.

Unresisting, almost swooning, Iruka had let Kakashi escort him to this point. But now…his friend…was going to…no, was he really? His brain spun impressions wildly. Under that water.

He stiffened and dug in a heel. Kakashi felt him tense, stepped him forward a pace carefully.

"We need to move out."

No other choice. It was an order. The ranking jounin had given it to him.

Another step, they couldn't afford to delay much longer. The pressure against his back increased.

Follow the order, focus, don't break rank.

"Ru," Kakashi said quietly, hoping to make it easier, 'Come on, Ru, it's okay. You can do this with me, I won't let you go."

Iruka pressed his hands to his chest, trying to suppress the pain and anguish. Not again. It wasn't even the pain or the panic, or the fear of the moment where will and concentration shatter in the impossible effort to wait one more second for breath. Because, for all the agony and fright, it didn't last very long. It was over rather quickly, and like the flip of a switch the searing, painful need to draw air disappeared, the terror vanished, and the unbelievably warm, secure and heavenly feeling of floating and looking down at his body from elsewhere would set in. It was better than the marvelous drug they had administered at the hospital, the one they took away far too quickly.

The true crime was the resuscitation that would jerk him back, reanimating the horror and the pain and igniting his struggle once more. It was unforgivable to have to live through the drowning, to cross the threshold to peace, and then be forced to return to deal with the experience again.

They expected him to play the game again, and again, and it was never going to end. And he was going to let it happen. It hurt already, and because he didn't expect that , it made him angry.

And the anger finally gave him the thought to defend himself. To make it stop.

He was closer to going into the water, he had been pulled forward a few more steps.

"No."

His voice was firm, and they all ducked in reflex at the unthinkable breach of the hush order. He pulled back hard, catching Kakashi and everyone else by surprise.

"We have to go, now! Iruka, come on…" Kakashi pulled again, giving Iruka a chance to come along voluntarily.

Marsh stopped ankle-deep in the water, tugging back at Genma's hold. "Iruka…"

Genma's face thrust close. "You're a distraction here. Come on."

"I can't just leave him.."

"He won't be left behind. Deep breath. Go." Genma didn't wait for cooperation as he hauled Marsh along with him, propelling them down through the icy water and under the rock wall. By the time they popped up into the air on the other side Marsh had reached his limit and started taking in water. He choked and struggled to stand as Genma patiently pulled him into deeper cover.

"Go back," Marsh panted, heart pounding. "Make sure he comes out."

"You're part of the objective. I can't leave you unguarded." Genma tweaked half a smile at Marsh's startled look. "It's strictly business." …chibi… he added mentally .

o0o0o0o

Kakashi motioned to Raidou and they flanked Iruka.

He began to resist and they took him forward by force. His brief, uncharacteristic attempt to gain control slowly crushed into defeat as they neared the water.

"Please," he whispered, high pitched in his tight, dry throat. "Promise."

Kakashi held him tighter. "I promise. It's going to be okay, I promise."

As they took him down into the water in tandem, his voice barely audible, Kakashi nearly lost the concentration to hold his own breath as he realized what Iruka said just before they dove under.

"_Promise not to revive me."_

_x_


	23. Chapter 23

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, so you can't sue me if he runs over your cat.

_Thank you for the reviews and your virtuous patience in this, which I still swear will end soon!_

_o0o0o0o0o0o_

When they broke the surface and headed for the bank it was eerily quiet. In contrast with Marsh's messy coughing fit, the three shinobi rose out of the water in silence. It was not too long for a chunin to hold his breath, and he walked out of the water unsurely but mostly on his own power between the very watchful men. They were grim and Genma's eyes narrowed as he picked up on the tension immediately. He nabbed Marsh and they fled on the predetermined course, veering to the North after wading at the shallows, and purposely not heading towards Konoha.

The jounin herded their rescuees along in front of them under their own power at first, a move calculated to tire them out and settle their adrenaline back down. It would make them easier to sling and carry without argument. The slow pace allowed the tail man to set traps and erase the signs of their passage. Kakashi ordered silent running and they actually made several miles before Iruka began to weave and lose direction. He was falling asleep on his feet, the adrenaline finally spent and the letdown washing over him along with the anxious realization that he had asked Kakashi for something he wished he hadn't voiced to anyone. He wanted to rest and hide.

Kakashi moved ahead to lead him, keeping a light touch on his arm and starting to shake out the netted sling with his free hand.

With a signal to Raidou, the silence order was lifted, and they split up. He guided Iruka to a fallen tree, sitting him down and crouching in front of him, still stretching and freeing the netting of all of its kinks and bunching.

Iruka didn't want to meet his eye, he felt small for panicking and thinking he'd drown, so foolish to think that Kakashi would jump in and do something likely to drown anybody. His chest still ached. He jerked his head up at Genma's approach, ready to run in case it was Mizuki. He missed Kakashi's dark look.

"He hasn't slung before. He may need to see your rig before I can get him to let me secure him." Genma's voice was mild and he would have given Iruka a smile to encourage him, but he'd cast his face down again

He twitched the senbon expectantly and he could tell by the way the copy-nin shook his head that he had been pegged as too soft on his charge.

But from what he could see, he wasn't the only one taking extra care in this rescue.

"I'll find you when we're situated." Kakashi said, motioning for him to leave. "We'll stand down for ten."

He regretted not bring more of a supply pack, Iruka was getting cold and he only had a small mylar survival blanket to put over his shoulders. He offered his overshirt but Iruka shook his head, even though he was starting to shiver in the thin shorts and t-shirt.

It was painful to see him struggling so hard to appear normal. Kakashi would not have been surprised if he'd lost it completely when they came through the water, he'd been ready to take him down the minute they surfaced. Again this man amazed him. Kakashi couldn't fully fathom being in such a position, but he didn't think he would have been able to bear hearing Mizuki's horror stories if they were detailing things that had happened to him. He wondered how Iruka could stand to having people near him, ever. To send him on missions was unthinkable. How on earth had he ever coped? And yet, some of the warmest sentiments he'd ever received came from this very person, helping him without question, sharing without demand. And, apparently, while suffering unimaginably in secret isolation.

Kakashi abandoned the sling for now and settled next to Iruka, wrapping an arm around him and pulling him close, rubbing his arms to warm him up and get his attention.

"When you take a day off from recuperating you don't mess around, do you?" his smiled was laced with concern, and his senses scanned for a reaction as he rested his cheek on Iruka's hair. The shaky sigh passed for a response. "You're not giving up, do you hear me? We're not allowed to have DNR orders, anyway. We're too scarce a commodity."

"Forget it. I didn't mean it, it just came out wrong. " His voice was defensive, stiff.

"Good, because there's no way in hell I wouldn't revive you. I'm too selfish to let you go that easily."

Kakashi was already thinking of ways to keep that gut-wrenching moment out of his mission report. He figured he could do a sealed 'health issue' statement separately and include it there.

"We really have to sling?"

"Unless you have a better idea. Your quack won't be able to keep up no matter what, and you're wiped again."

Iruka shoved him as hard as his tired arms could manage.

"Just get off me. If I have to get in that damn thing I want to get it over with."

"I know, I know. Iruka, if you get to feeling too closed up in there it might be better if you just slept. "

"I don't have a problem, I just want to get on with it. What are we waiting for?"

"Nothing. Get in." Kakashi frowned, watching the irritated man closely. Instead of snapping down into the standard position, Iruka was muddling about, getting the sling bunched up again. This was pre-genin, primer stuff, and he couldn't do it. His anger made him appear more cohesive than he really was. He was using it to try and hold himself together, maybe to keep others away. And he was having more discomfort, pressing on the front of his torso almost desperately.

"Damn it!"

"Stop, Iruka. Stop it." Kakashi pulled him back a few steps, straightened the netting again and untangled the bindings. They needed to get going. He took Iruka with both hands and positioned him forcefully down onto the carrier, dutifully disregarding his objections and anger. He drew up the sides and whipped the bindings down, encasing the chunin in a tightly compacted fetal position with no play for movement. To leave any area loose would be to invite chafing and blistering, and would decrease the effectiveness of the sling in making his passenger easier to transport at speed.

Iruka had ducked his head as the casements tightened knowing that he would be stuck either face out or tucked in for the duration. He didn't want to be trapped in endless conversation with the infuriating jounin, one-sided or not. He grunted as the weight of Kakashi's body lay back down on him, seating into the harness and snapping up the padded weight-bearing straps. With a quick hand-sign to flip them upright, they were ready to move out.

He trotted to the rest of the team, making the small shifts and adjustments to get the weight of his passenger situated. He estimated that Iruka was a good twenty pounds under his usual weight, about what he'd guessed from seeing him in the inadequate clothing. It reinforced the decision not to let him go any further under his own power.

o0o0o0o0o0o

They'd decided to keep the doc and the patient separate for the return trip to keep the unit flexible in case they had to split up suddenly. Raidou was keeping him occupied for now, getting information about their time as Mizuki's captives. They were both surprised at the guy, he was holding up pretty well, and still trying to be composed like it was a day at the office. They were pretty sure he didn't get this kind of excitement at the office.

Genma wondered how the news would go over that his home had been destroyed. When they 'd set out he relished the idea of rubbing it in his face, he had no love for anybody hauling down money under false pretenses.

But he had to admit now, this doctor seemed to care about Iruka, enough to try and stay to help him instead of turning tail when he had an escape route. He had things to say, and the things he said actually made some sense. And he didn't seem to avoid dealing with people directly, even big scary jounin people playing head games with him in strange hazardous environments. Hee hee.

The senbon-nin had mixed feelings about the initial consultation appointment he had with this man next week. Marsh was like an interesting new insect and it was the only thing that mitigated the irritation. But just because he'd been assigned a new doctor didn't mean he needed to start coming in for appointments again. He could nap much more comfortably at home.

Rai gradually worked the increasingly nervous and exhausted doctor into a secluded corner and they resumed checking him out in earnest. They had no luck figuring out what drug he'd been dosed with, and they needed to keep after him in case it developed into something dangerous. Tsunade would kill them if they let some delayed-action explosive or poison go off in the guy right under their noses. He coped with their peeking and prodding, seemed interested in cooperating, except that he still objected to idea of the sling.

Gen was looking forward to that little struggle with him, to see what he would do when he found that the nin could make him do whatever he wanted.

o0o0o0oo0o

Kakashi took one look at Genma's face when Marsh started to resist him and reached out and knocked the doctor out instantly. Not that he was particularly worried about the doctor's comfort level. He just wasn't going to waste time watching Genma playing out one of his predator/ bondage fantasies when they needed to get moving. He supervised the wrapping and made the extra checks necessary for transporting unconscious subjects safely. He rather enjoyed making Genma tote the sling instead of letting him sluff it off on Raidou.

Too much wasted time, and it the sun was sliding down, the rays filtering through the trees. Raidou made the final checks and they headed out at full speed, following the deer trails and staying low for the rest of the Northern leg of the trip.

They were running in the glow of moonlight when they reached the outpost, confirming their identities and gaining admittance into the modest compound. Even Kakashi had to admit to being very tired, and Rai had to help both of them get out of their harnesses. They were free to talk, but other than one or two perfunctory words they simply did the minimum number of things to get the mats laid out the hut floor and carefully release the men they had been carrying.

Iruka was still loath to be touched, and the tension of trying not to assist his aggravated attempts to get settled gave Kakashi the sudden revival of energy to step out and take first watch. He heard Marsh's low voice followed by a snapped reply and sighed uncomfortably. At least tomorrow they start circling back around toward the village.

0o0o0o0o0o

It was quite an irritating sight, Iruka's head on his stomach and Marsh under his arm on the other side. Genma was holding them both loosely in feigned slumber. Wearing that little cat's smile.

Observing with a jaded eye, Kakashi was playing this mission strictly by the book. The stakes were too high if they failed, and there was no denying that the enemy had the ability to win this one if they got caught napping. Encouraging their charges to soften up and let down their guard was bad policy in the middle of any mission, but potentially devastating here. Iruka wasn't quite able to follow procedure and Marsh had no idea what the procedures were. Kakashi would have to pull rank and make them all toe the line. No coddling the objectives, they just needed to be held together enough to get them back. The tea and sympathy would abound in the village when they got there.

"I think they were having the same nightmare," Genma said quietly without opening his eyes. "I'm keeping them quiet."

The grunt he got in reply was good enough.

Kakashi rose and stepped out to check on Raidou, posted outside the door. Even at sunup in the relative protection of the compound, they maintained alert.

Rai nodded, arms crossed and leaning back against the rough wooden siding.

"Were you able to figure out if they knew where they were?"

Rai shook his head. 'He had no idea where they were. They were aware that it was more than just some hideout like the cave. Mizuki made some references to having to do some work for someone or he wouldn't be able to keep them there."

Kakashi nodded. "Sounds like they were his personal property."

"So do we keep assuming the whole bunch is fired up and looking for us?"

"I really don't think that's likely but we'll stick with the worst-case scenario to be safe. Sounds more like this was a side project. If he's smart he won't let on that he brought prisoners into the lair and then lost them. He could get his throat slit for the security breach," Kakashi added, somewhat hopefully.

"Then their men would be all over the place trying to keep them from getting back alive. They'd want to find out how they got past their security and keep them quiet about it. But we masked and cleaned on the way in and out and I'd bet my rep that we lifted every trace. It's still going to look suspicious, thought - for these two to get out in their condition, they won't think that they'd be able to get far." Raidou laced his fingers and stretched, scanning the walls again.

"Just realize that there's no need to mention that name, I don't want those two to know whose hospitality they sampled. It makes them nervous enough just to think Mizuki might be tailing us."

o0o0o0o0o

After dutifully downing nutrient bars and hydrating for the trip, they tried in vain to get Iruka and Marsh to eat. Although it had been a full day since either man had eaten, they refused to, claiming nausea and motion sickness from the mode of travel.

Marsh looked ill that morning anyway. Whatever drug he had been given continued to create havoc with his senses and he didn't fool anyone by trying to behave in a normal manner. It came off strangely in the decidedly not-normal situation. He would move and watch his own body when he thought no one was looking, not aware that as long as he was in the charge of these men, there would never be a moment when no one was looking. He'd stopped talking much at all, and that was a notable change in behavior.

o0oo0o0o0o0oo0o

Iruka was withdrawn and nervous, in contrast to the angry, irritable attitude from the day before. He couldn't explain to himself why he was so furious at Kakashi yesterday. He'd embarrassed himself and fumbled all of the shinobi rules for cooperation during withdrawal to boot. And the time in the sling had been awful, nightmares and daydreams bouncing irregularly in the claustrophobic bindings until he couldn't determine whether he was awake or asleep.

When he was unbound and uncrinkled in joint-cracking relief the solid floor under the mat continued bounding sporadically, making his leg muscles itch to move and keeping true rest at bay. There was no respite until Genma, just beginning to rest after his watch, tugged him over after hearing an involuntary sound of distress, and settled his head gently but firmly onto the strong torso. The steady beating organic sounds combined with the casual play of fingers in his hair passed him from twitching twilight into a comforted slumber.

Iruka wasn't awake enough to realize who had held and comforted him in the pitch dark, he merely assumed that Kakashi had found him too unreliable to deal with as a team member and set aside the rules of conduct for the night. That was not a good thing. Kakashi was a deadly serious team leader, unsurpassed in reputation even by ANBU. To do anything to damage that reputation, to put him in an unprofessional light was shameful and beyond selfish. The man gave his entire life, mind body and soul since early childhood, to be the protective sword of the village. He knew only too well how a lifetime of dedication could be erased in a single misinterpreted action reviewed critically after a mission. His father met him at the memorial to remind him of it almost daily.

Iruka worried, too, that Genma had taken notice. He seemed chummy when he asked Iruka how the night had gone for him, and mentioned how much better he'd seemed to be resting nearer to morning.

So Iruka apologized in earnest for failing to follow procedures as he submitted totally to allowing Kakashi to bind him up for transport. He even, rebelling against his gut instinct, left his face up in case the copy-nin wanted to talk as they traveled.

O0o0o0oo0o

Mizuki examined the cuffs again, confirming they'd been split with chakra. That shit, he thought. He must have had some experience with chakra control before.

He'd checked the entire compound, careful not to be obvious. To let a pet get loose here was cause for considerable punishment. The only doors the men would have access to lead nowhere. He could only surmise that they had stumbled into the incinerator chute. The door wasn't secured like it was supposed to be, and the uninitiated might think they had found a way out when they smelled the outside air. It was merely the air from above that vented the fumes though a number of one-inch-diameter pipes; the steeply inclined shaft was seamless and funneled items for disposal, including dead bodies, into the blast-furnace style chamber.

The chamber left little or no trace of the things it consumed. There was no satisfying scrap of Iruka to keep as a memento and confirm his fate. But since his powerful senses found no trace of them in the compound, no trail outside, no chakra signatures in the forest for a mile away…he resigned himself to having no proof of the loss of his most closely held possession.

He's cheated on me again, he though in annoyance. Giving the joy of watching his last moments to some lousy whore. It wasn't time to give him up yet. It was actually painful to lose him, to lose the perfect moments he might yet have wrung from that exquisite body.

Now all he had left of him was likely sitting in an evidence locker in Konoha, probably awaiting disposal or testing along with the other jars of chemicals, compounds and experimental mixtures seized from his cave. A little piece of his love taken long ago, preserved in herbs, dried flowers and salt.

It wasn't funny now, imagining the look on some forensics expert's face when he realized what the dried mass was buried in the screw-top jar of white crystals.

He wanted it back now. He'd have to make a last visit to that miserable village to get it. And woe be to anyone who stood in his way.

O0o0o0o0o

It seemed to have worked, the skewed route to throw off their pursuers, be they many or few. But this was their known destination, and anyone looking for them might be lying in wait. They slowed and took their time, fading back and resisting the urge to go barreling in through the gates. Kakashi summoned Pakkun and sent him to scout the last mile, and the tension from stopping so close to the end was getting difficult for the passengers to bear. When the ninken came back with the all-clear and a deadly serious Gai to escort for good measure, they sprinted in the last mile to the gates and didn't stop until they hit the doors of the emergency intake for the hospital. Gai handled the gate check-in and gave them a concerned but optimistic thumbs-up as he watched them dart by, maintaining speed even in the village walls.

Orderlies helped with freeing the slings and unbinding the men within. Marsh swung to his feet, the orderly's voice began increasing in volume as he ignored the orders to lie back down for examination. Genma took the opportunity play enforcer and get an arm around him, maybe get a little of that action Kakashi'd cheated him out of the day before. A dirty look from the silver-haired jounin caused him to loosen his hold.

Across the room they were trying to get Iruka to lie back and he was not cooperating either, wanting to move and loosen his cramped body. His self-control was obviously spent as he began actively pushing and kicking. The pain in his chest was increasing, and his face was white and sweaty.

Ibiki arrived at the scene and walked straight up to the straining chunin, interrupting the activity on the gurney

"Hold up here - Iruka!" he barked in the pale face. "Yeah…" A ghost of a smile on the interrogator's face emerged. He ignored the feeble shoving and prodded Iruka hard right about where he recalled the intrusion wounds would be.

Iruka moaned at the accurate jab to the source of his pain , grabbing his chest as if he were having a heart attack. A ragged breath was followed by a guttural wail.

"Yes." Ibiki affirmed, satisfied. "Finally…he's going. You need to get him nailed down. Do it now!"

The sight of the normally stoic man, smirking happily at having induced such a reaction in Iruka, was too much. Pulling away from a bemused Genma with a clenched fist and staring daggers, Marsh drew the instinctive, natural reaction from Ibiki. One very battered doctor took a crushing blow to the esophagus and flew back the six feet or so that was the distance to the large observation window. It shattered, but to its credit, the chicken wire embedded in it stopped the man from continuing any further. The bits of glass made impressive headway through the t-shirt and he looked like a train vs. pedestrian incident.

"Ibiki!" screamed Tsunade, who had entered the room and just finished congratulating them mentally for a job well done when Genma let Marsh make his move. "I thought I told you not to be snuffing my damn doctors!"

Iruka was struggling with Raidou and Kakashi, and the three jounin were cheated of their laugh at Ibiki and Marsh by their concern for the chunin and the rage of their Hokage. Sakura and an orderly began wrapping Iruka down, in the midst of his involuntary primal scream therapy, and Tsunade warned Ibiki back with an angry pointed finger as she peeled the reeling Marsh off of the wire. She turned on Genma next.

"Mission FAILED, Shiranui! You were to deliver him to me UNHARMED! " Genma helped her lay him out and they realized he having difficulty breathing. "Shit. I need help here!"

"Geeze, you crushed his throat!" Genma said reluctantly. It was a pretty lousy thing to do to a guy on 'our side'.

"I'm going to have to trache him! I need instruments, now!"

'You're working too hard," Kakashi said coldly, barely heard above Iruka's groans.

"And you're insane, and now there's no hope for any of you psycho morons. He probably won't let any of you within a mile of him after all this."

Genma swallowed in guilt, because he had just felt a dash of silver lining that this meant his first appointment with this doc would likely be canceled now.

Tsunade rankled that the psyche-nin had been drugged by Mizuki to induce this slightly off-key chakra. It occurred to her that the chemicals confiscated from his cave near the prison might contain a sample of the drug, or information about it. She worked to heal the purpled throat and the patchwork quilt of glass-pierced skin on his back to the tune of Iruka screaming into a rolled sheet and rattling the gurney so hard it began a slow inching across the room before someone caught on and locked the wheels.

Ibiki was puzzled at how disturbed everyone was. "It's a good thing. Everything he's letting out would eat him up inside like acid."

Tsunade, to her credit, did not point out again what a bad thing it was to spike her valuable medical personnel like a volleyball. She healed diligently, taking in the warped chakra energy and wondering what the up until now resilient man would be capable of after all this. She nearly bit Genma's arm when he came and put his hand over Marsh's.

"Don't even pretend that you're upset about this," she snarled. "You are still being held responsible, you and Ibiki. You had him safe in your arms! Right here! This close! Aurgh!"

She narrowed one eye at Ibiki.

"And why are you still here?"

Ibiki looked at her pleasantly enough. "Well, that guy. Strange chakra. And he made a move for me. So we need to talk when you get him situated. I thought I'd have a word with him alone."

"One…two…three." breathed Tsunade. "Four."

Ibiki raised an eyebrow. Iruka, winding down from exhaustion, made a weak strangled cry and quieted as Sakura ran a cool wet cloth across his face and forehead.

"Five." Deep breathing, be calm. She cleaned the smear of blood from the side of her wrist with an alcohol wipe. "Six."

She threw away the wipe and the disposable suture needles with their attached remnants of thread. "Seven."

Kakashi watched in fascination. Surely Ibiki knew the count was in his honor.

"Eight." she growled it out, and Ibiki opened his mouth to speak. "Nine!" she roared, to drown out any possibility of speech from the man.

"Nine-and-a-half?" Ibiki asked, blinking at her. She shook her head in very serious negation.

She swept forward with clawed hands and the "Ten!" died on her lips as Ibiki teleported away a split second from doom.

"I don't think he was going to attack Ibiki, I thought he was just going to say something to him." Genma said defensively.

"You think?" she asked sarcastically. "A man that I've never seen raise a hand to anyone is going to cut his fist-fighting teeth on _Ibiki_? Of course not! He probably would have given him a very stern word. Or two."

Kakashi went with Sakura as they installed Iruka back in the room he'd vacated involuntarily. He helped transfer the semi-conscious man, talking to him quietly to tell him what was happening. Iruka was out of it, unfocused and in constant motion.

Sakura sorely wished for Marsh after the on-call left and a tech came in to draw blood, then tried to apply wrist restraints. She stopped him, and he argued since the other doctor left written orders to change restraints for easier access.

"It's an error," Kakashi said patiently. "Right now it's a doctor's error on paper. Would you like to see what kind of error it becomes if you try to do it in front of me?"

One look and the tech gathered his things, restraints included, and agreed to check with the doctor.

"Do send the doctor back in here if he has a problem with it," Kakashi said sweetly.

Sakura thanked him, but he shook his head. "This has to be the end of it. At some point, if things don't let up…he doesn't need to be on the short end of any more mistakes. It's too much."

"Ki…" Iruka recognized the voice, unsure of the context, his world a swimmy pale light.

"Right here, I'm right here."

"I don't…here…" the question refused to form in his head and lost more in translation.

"You're fine, we're in Konoha. You're a little off-balance right now, that's all. I'm here, Sakura's here, we'll make sure you get taken care of. I don't want you to worry."

Iruka's jaw fell open as a shock went through him and an new round of repressed negative energy began making its way out. It was considerably less disturbing than the last round, and was over in less than ten minutes. Again when he surfaced, he heard Kakashi's familiar voice.

Some awareness of his surroundings crept back now, and he could tell it was Kakashi trying to get him to take a sip of water. The hand holding the cup had smells from the outside, fresh mission smells… it made him feel dizzy and sleepy, and he couldn't hold his head up long enough to drink. Now the gloved hands supported his head and someone else was tipping the cup at his lips. He stiffened from head to toe at the introduction of water into his mouth and his throat closed defensively. He was thirsty but too confused to overcome the defensive lockdown and his mouth spat out the liquid before he could get control.

The swimmy feeling enveloped him and a warm dreamless sleep rescued him from the conflict.

Tsunade supported Marsh as they pushed the door open into Iruka's room. He should have been resting, but since he insisted, who was she to delay getting him back on the horse? He didn't seem to have harbored any thoughts of quitting or refusing to treat the big babies, so she was going to be the last one to get that thought planted in his head. Sakura popped up to help and they dropped him into the chair she had just vacated.

The pummeled throat couldn't talk above a whisper yet, which was good since Tsunade had prescribed a day of silence in deference to his recovery. But when he saw them trying to give Iruka water, and the repeat of the earlier scene, he held up a hand to stop them.

"Orange," he croaked. "Get orange drink. Sweet."

Sakura took off for the cafeteria and returned with a cup of orange drink.

Sure enough, the smell of Iruka and Naruto's favorite soft drink made a positive connection and the sweet taste was the primary sensual experience in spite of the fact that it was a liquid going into his throat. Half the cup disappeared and Marsh noted with additional satisfaction that the calories involved, empty though they were, were desperately needed as well. Even the cranky masked friend seemed to be smiling with his curved, closed eye.

Things are under control here, Tsunade thought with relief, and left for the Tower to review the inventory of Mizuki's lab contents.

o0o0o0o0o

Marsh felt like he had so many things to make notes on that he'd be writing for a year. The things he'd witnessed that the jounin-level nins were capable of - and their steely self-control - and their natural proximity to the true edge of life itself - well, it had to be captured while the impressions were fresh. And the running narrative Mizuki provided of the things he'd done to Iruka - that had to be recorded, too, quickly before his mind began to leave out or embellish parts that might be key to helping Iruka work through it all.

He hauled folders and a yellow pad with him from his own hospital bed, which he shunned, to write while perched next to Iruka as he slept, in his office since his appointments were cancelled, and was even caught scribbling away while he absently took a bite or two of pudding at a table in the cafeteria. Tsunade appeared behind him and shook her head, poking him square in the back of the head with a manicured finger.

"Eat the pudding, Marsh, or I'll feed it to you. Did you have anything else?" She felt somewhat obligated to take some care with him, she was reluctantly proud of him for diving right back in to his work.

"I'm fine. Just need to get some of this down, there's too much information and I can't let it get away."

He continued writing, glancing at her as she settled into the chair next to him. "I really picked up a lot of information. You're not going to believe some of the things that went on in the past between, uh, them." He edited his comment mentally, remembering there were people close enough to listen in if they cared to.

Tsunade nodded. She lowered her voice so that only Marsh could hear "I heard some of those things from Kakashi. He wants your patient suspended from mission work permanently."

Marsh looked up, startled. Tsunade wagged her head sideways, uncertain. "I understand what he's saying, and he's right in some regards. But I think your patient would take it as a punishment, or at the very least a vote of no confidence, and he has a very good mission record. I don't need to make any decision until he's released from medical leave, but that won't stop Kakashi from trying to convince him to resign. I just want you to be aware of what might be going on between them. It's about survival with Kakashi, and it will be about pride and self-confidence with Iruka, if he has any left at this point."

"Oh boy. Maybe I can talk to him and get him to let it go for now. I should do an interview anyway, get any insights he might have on our patient anyway."

"Yes, well, don't forget to come by the front so I can check your progress. How's the chakra doing? Getting it under control?"

"It's more like I'm figuring out how to ignore it."

"I had an idea, we seized quite large lot of experimental drugs and whatnot at Mizuki's old lab near the prison. I think it's time we went through and cataloged everything individually, go through all of the notes. If only for our peace of mind, I'd like to know what it was that he gave you, and if we should be looking to counteract it somehow. Maybe, when you finish with your novel there, you and Iruka could work on it together. I'd like to keep him under supervision as long as possible without making him feel like a prisoner, and I think the two of you working together on this would keep him interested and occupied." She sat back, watching a pair of orderlies toss their trash and clatter their empty trays onto the rolling rack on the way out through the swinging double doors.

Marsh considered it briefly, it sounded like an very good idea.

"Sure. Where would we work on it? Here in the hospital?"

"No, no, not even possible. Should anything be unstable in that stuff - you do realize that a lot of those things are quite dangerous. You and Iruka will have to suit up and be very careful, and you'll need to be in the lab that's equipped for isolation. With the precautions you should be safe, but we aren't doing this tomorrow. Both of you need to be steady-handed and alert. When the time looks right I'll have the custody clerk transfer everything over."

His only objection centered around Iruka being too weak, so that eliminated that. "Excellent. I wouldn't mind finding a way to reverse this. It's…I can't describe it. I find that I don't want to, either. "

She smiled, rising and scanning the empty tables. "Don't push too hard. You're supposed to be in bed right now. You need to rest up, business is booming and you won't get much time off once you're back on line."

"If anything about this last experience starts troubling you, I want you to come talk to me right away. Or if you need help with housing - I don't want you living here indefinitely. " She looked down on him, serious. "Some of the things in the mission report had me worried, understand?"

He sighed. "Un-huh. It might take years before I unravel all the ways that trip rocked my pre-conceived notions."

She patted his shoulder in goodbye and moved on to check on her next order of business.

_(no cliffy this time by popular demand...)_


	24. Chapter 24

Disclaimer: _I do not own Naruto. And no bad jokes this time. The story's bad enough. Sigh._

_You guys are the **best** reviewers, and thanks for catching my clinkers. Bet there's a gold mine of them below - work has been brutal and the words just don't wanna be here! Can't let this go on forever (ugh!) so let's get one step closer to the end..._

_o0o0o0o0o0o_

Searching the clouds drifting past his window, Iruka sat in the same room, on the same bed, as last week. But now he wasn't nearly so sure how he felt about it. Sifting through his thoughts didn't seem to be helping matters. The lingering feeling of apprehension refused to go away.

_I wanted out of here so badly just a few days ago. I really just wanted to be left alone. Didn't I ?_

_I'm almost afraid when I think of going home now._

_What kind of coward am I turning into?_

He jumped, startled out of his worried contemplation, by the knock at the door.

Who the hell ever knocks here?

Kakashi stuck his head in first, then strolled in. "Hey, Ru. Just came by to see how you're holding up." He assessed Iruka's body language, his facial expression. He guessed the man was feeling the letdown after all the stress, and probably frustration at his seeming endless predicament.

"Fine. They want me to stay a little longer, as usual. I guess I should give up the apartment and just stay here, huh?" His eyes strayed back for a moment to the oblivion of the sky.

"You need to go home so I have somewhere a little less institutional to hang out when I'm bored." He spun the chair so the back was toward the bed and sat straddling it, resting his arm and chin on the chair back. "You owe me dinner, don't you think?"

Iruka shifted to peer at him and smiled wryly, the dismal mood loosening a bit. His home didn't seem like such a scary proposition when he pictured it with Kakashi draped on the futon perving on porn.

"I'll still cook for you, Kakashi-san. Anytime."

Kakashi laughed. "That's what I like to hear, respect and food in the same sentence. How long before I get my feast and my foot massage?"

"Foot massage? I don't think so." His nose crinkled at the thought. He'd smelled those socks before.

"Ah, you were so agreeable it was worth a try. Not foot then. Back? Neck? Looooower abdomen?" But the brown-haired man just half-smiled and shook his head firmly at each query .

"So cruel, sensei. A man has his limits." He watched as Iruka rose and went to the window, touching the glass lightly with forehead; but it seemed that he wasn't really looking outside. That part of his mind that never, ever took a vacation sighed in disappointment that the man no longer wore the open-back gown sans underwear. The pajama pants did look pretty good on him, though...double sigh. He pulled himself back to reality. "All kidding aside, I'd like to suggest something."

Iruka looked back over his shoulder with casual interest.

"I think it would be a good idea if I stayed with you when you get out of here. Not long, just a week or two. Just to be sure there aren't any more surprises."

It was an embarrassing moment, having his hidden fears handed back to him as if they were common knowledge. "I don't know…"

"I'll sleep on the futon and I'll be very good. Humor me, Iruka, I'm still having nightmares. What harm could come of it?"

"None...I guess. If you'd feel better and all." He looked down. "I'm still here for a while, like I said. You might be on a mission or something by the time I get out."

"I'll make sure I'm not." He scrapped a suggestive joke about spending the night just before it left his mouth. He had gotten his agreement, and he wasn't going to screw it up now.

Iruka nodded, let his hand fall from the window. "Always bailing me out." he said softly. "I don't know why."

_Because you only let me catch you when you fall_, thought Kakashi. _I just haven't quite figured out how to keep you from running away when you find your feet again._

"Everyone else locks the door when they see me coming," he joked. "And you just say, 'come on in', and you don't even hide the beer. That's reason enough in my book."

"So it's the beer."

"You want me to be honest, don't you?"

"Hmph." he turned with a sigh, belly-flopped onto the bed and propped himself up on his elbows to peer up at his friend, chin in hands. He watched as Kakashi dismounted from the chair and came around the bed, flopping next to him and taking up the same position. They eyed each other sideways.

"Do I make you nervous?" So close. If not for the mask, the breath that carried those words would have warmed the barely blushing cheek.

"No. Should you?" Iruka picked at the bedsheet and seemed a little nervous anyway.

"Hm. Loaded question. No, I don't think so. I hope you understand that I have no hidden desire to hurt you, or upset you, or use you. " He let his elbow slide slightly, so that his arm and shoulder pressed lightly against Iruka's. It felt warm even through the jounin's overshirt.

"This is getting kind of deep." He wasn't being funny; he felt slightly uncomfortable, like it was becoming more than just a casual conversation. "I 've never thought you meant me any harm. So let's just talk about the weather or something."

"Sorry, you're probably fed up with having people tromping around in your head. Tell you what, we'll stop talking and I'll give you a little rubdown. I never got a chance to make up for…"

The door swung open and Marsh came in, folders and pad in arms, ready to hunker in for some writing.

"Yo, Doc," Kakashi said in annoyance. The guy had despicable timing. "I guess you're living here now, huh? Were you able to salvage anything?"

Marsh groaned inwardly and Iruka pushed with his arms to sit himself up attentively. "Salvage? What happened?"

Kakashi stood up, straightened his vest and shook a leg to arrange his pants and the goods therein. "I just got here, and I already get the cue to leave. All those papers, looks like you'll be here for a while."

The timing was a little too good for the copy-nin's taste - he wasn't a big believer in coincidence. He leaned forward and gave Iruka a very loving kiss on top of his head, locking eyes with Marsh. Unseen, it merely felt like a friendly gesture to Iruka, inducing a blush and a smile. The copy-nin gave a thinly disguised death glare to the abashed therapist, and left them with the new course his dropped information would take them on.

Marsh pulled out the Hatake file and jotted a quick note, then shuffled it back down into the pile.

"Sorry to interrupt your visit," he said, and silently cursed the vexatious man for the setup.

"You didn't answer me. I said, what happened?" Iruka persisted.

"My apartment was destroyed right after we left. It got tagged, they said. "

"Destroyed. That was your home!"

"I didn't lose everything, there were a few things salvaged. It's not a big issue with me, Iruka, I'm not much of a homebody. I do think, though, that in light of this we need to make sure you're one hundred percent before we send you home. I want to make sure that you're able to detect when something's wrong. Kakashi apparently knew something was wrong before Mizuki revealed himself because his chakra senses were fully functional, and if yours had been.."

"Kakashi? Wait…but we were…we were," Iruka tried to get his head around the idea that Kakashi had been nearby when they were in Marsh's apartment. "Was Kakashi watching us, too?"

"Er, sort of. Tsunade said that he saw us go into the apartment, sensed some sort of danger and left a dog at the door, but he didn't stay and watch us do anything. He followed after we left the village. I'll take their word on that."

Iruka processed that. He summoned a ninken and left? When he sensed danger he left? And he was following as they traveled, maybe watching, listening while…and he didn't try to stop it? Why would he do that? That was just so unbelievable.

Marsh saw the increasing signs of distress, and set his paperwork aside.

"Why don't you get comfortable and let's see if we can understand this, okay? Some things happened, and I hadn't informed you yet because I wanted to keep your stress levels down . Now that you're going to find out, let's make sure you get all the information you feel that you need. No one is trying to keep you in the dark about anything."

Iruka was looking at his hands. "Get comfortable? I almost killed you. I did kill you, I drowned you with these, get it? I would not have done any of that if he'd stopped it here. Aren't you angry? At him? At me?" The surroundings dimmed with the flood of vivid memories. His arms tensed, remembering how his muscles applied far more force than necessary when he obediently placed his hands on the blond's helpless forehead and pushed the struggling face deeper. The water was clear and seeing that it was someone he cared about had somehow made it easier to comply.

Even worse was the fact that he has no recollection of being threatened, or forced, or even repulsed. He had blindly cooperated and except for a few butterflies in his stomach he couldn't remember feeling anything at all. Until they pulled the limp body from the water, that is. When Mizuki began pressing the water out of the fallen man the emotions hit him all at once, and he felt like he was splitting in two when he was giving mouth-to-mouth.

"Iruka, look at me, please. I'm not angry with you or Kakashi."

It was the voice that got him then, the deep familiar tone that was still caring and concerned in spite of his blithe attempt at murder. He just pressed harder on his eyes, fingers itching to dig into his skull and knead his brain like putty until it would just stop tearing him apart in so many directions.

"Take it easy, now..Please don't do that to your face. You're going to hurt yourself." When he didn't let up, Marsh slid forward and tried to calm him down with a hand on his shoulder.

He could use the touch, a hug, a slap, anything to ground him against the swelling guilt, anger and embarrassment. But at the same time it struck him that anyone could barge in that door right now, they weren't in Marsh's office. He slid away, off the bed, and retreated into the controllable environment of the bathroom, deliberately closing and locking out the world.

Marsh was close behind, listening for a bit before knocking softly on the door.

"Are you all right? I'd like you to come out now."

Silence.

"Would you just unlock the door then? Look, I'll just step in for a minute to be sure you're all right, and if you want me to leave then I will." The time crawled by without a reply and he was getting more worried, starting to shift his thinking towards getting an orderly to assist, when a small click sounded . He waited a beat, then turned the knob slowly, moving with the gradual swing of the door. Iruka had turned his back to him, arms folded.

Marsh slid in beside him, pushed the door shut. He rather expected to see crying, but there were no tears.

"You've seen me. Now you can go." His voice was low and wired with tension.

"I will if you insist, but I don't think it's a good idea. You didn't kill me Iruka, I'm right here. You know, its not an experience I wanted to have - but at least now I have an inkling of what you've gone through. Remember, you were the victim of a sick, vicious predator. Your only crime was living and breathing in his reach, at a time when you were left alone and defenseless, far too young." Marsh looked for an opening, some reaction to build on. If anything his patient was more remote.

"Try this, try to think of yourself when you were a boy as you would think about your students. Would the worst of them deserve to be treated like that? Put in the same situation, would the best and the brightest, your most beloved students, would they have fared any better than you did? It isn't you. It was never your fault. You did not deserve it. And the pain I see in your eyes when I tell you that - I can see that you're thinking that I'm wrong. If you'd just explain it to me, explain how it is you think this was in any way your doing - just tell me. Tell me so we can fix it."

The chunin was buggy with the war of old memories and recent events, running out of ways to contain his thoughts and hold his tongue. He blurted it out desperately under the pressure, like releasing the pus from an pierced abscess. "Because he didn't start it, I did!. I made him the way he is. And I destroyed his life, got him sent to jail, and all he ever did was what I asked him to. I asked for everything he ever did! I was sick inside, and it made him sick, too. I was with him because I wanted it, I enjoyed it, I liked it! I liked the drinking, the drugs. I liked to drown, I liked to fall, I liked the pain, I liked to bleed, I liked…"

Marsh had grabbed him by then, he was swaying, looking likely to go down any minute.

He pulled him back into the room, carefully walking him backwards to the bed, still rambling.

"Listen." Marsh said, placing a hand lightly over Iruka's mouth to still the sounds. "Listen to me, Iruka. You're close. You're fighting hard because we're really close to something. What you're saying over and over is a last-ditch effort to stop us from breaking through. It's not going to work. You're repeating lies to drown out the truth and it's not going to work. We're going forward."

Iruka pushed the hand away from his mouth. "He saved me. He protected me. He only hurt me when I wanted it. I made him sick."

"He saved you. Like he saved you from the Hokage's guardianship? The man would have made a place in his home for you, Iruka. He would have been like a father, and you wouldn't have been alone."

"No, I was weak, he would have…he would have…" Iruka's brow furrowed as the facts of real life wrestled with the beliefs Mizuki had drilled him with. "No. It - he would have sent me away…"

"He didn't send anyone away, Iruka, not one child. If you think about it, you know that's true. He wanted to take you in. He was worried about you. He watched you at the memorial and felt you deserved a home, a chance to be raised with care and become a mighty shinobi, if that was your desire. Mizuki said those things about being sent away to keep you to himself."

"No, that's not true. He took care of me." He batted at the hand still hovering too close to his face. Marsh pulled his hands back, keeping them in full view, but brought his face closer .

"Listen to me. He said what he had to say to keep you to himself. To keep you from the things you needed, from the people who could genuinely help you. If you got close to them he wouldn't be able to play his sick games with you. He needed you alone and vulnerable, because if anyone had found out what he was doing, he would have been stopped and he would have lost you."

"You can't say that…" Iruka was hugging his knees now, defensively balling up against the piercing words. Marsh freed the blanket from the end of the bed and laid it across the tense shoulders, then wrapped the huddling body protectively.

"People remember Mizuki, Iruka. That's why they don't remember much of you from those days, except for a few of your pranks. They feared him. They had instincts that told them to take a wide berth around him. So he always placed himself between you and anybody that might have helped you. You never stood a chance."

"I wanted it." he said lamely, less convinced, ducking his cheek down against the blanket.

"You wanted to be loved and cared for, to belong. And he took that and twisted it to his own ends. In the end there was no resemblance between what you wanted, and what he made you accept instead."

He cringed and burrowed his face down into the blanket completely, but his protests seemed to be spent.

"Iruka, listen. Your parents hugged you and kissed you and loved you, didn't they? Why would you suddenly want to be drowned and abused instead?"

He reacted immediately, as if he'd been burned. "No, stop! Stop talking! I don't want to talk about hugging and kissing my parents! It makes me sick!"

It was so out of left field it took a moment for Marsh to absorb it. The memory of the love of his parents was the part of that inquiry that made him feel sickened? Not the sexual assault of a relative stranger? Unlike the other protests, this sounded different.

"I know it hurts you. It hurts because we're getting there, Iruka, close to the heart of the matter. I think maybe we've got a direction to go in. Now it's going to be time for you to do the talking." And working it out will make Ibiki's procedure seem like a shoeshine in comparison.

"Tell me about the last time you remember feeling loved by either one of your parents."

He was unable to comply with that request.

O0o0o0o0o0o

The next morning was crisp and the sun was beginning to warm the village, but in the hazmat-sealed environment the only clue as to the time of day was the large 24-hour clock, indicating the hour in military time.

"Let's not get everything too spread out, we have to be able to lock it all up before we leave. Just keep out the larger jars first," Marsh directed. Iruka unpacked one of the boxes while they sorted through the various containers, organizing them by size, then dividing those containers into categories of liquids, powders, pastes and objects,. The vials would come last, they numbered in the hundreds. They repacked the vials, putting them in the steel wall locker, then stowed the small containers. The half-box of medium containers went in as well. They were left with the largest containers, about three dozen, in various shapes, most filled with an amber liquid and various masses floating inside, suspended. The coding on the huge cork stoppers coincided with a listing written by hand on a thick wadded mess of papers. However, most of the descriptions appeared to be in code, too, except the occasional clearly written words, like "glycerin" or "rubber stoppers".

Marsh had a clean pad out and was making the new list. "What's the number on that one?"

"812 BKF" then it says "CA" below it." Iruka read from the inked writing on the lid, coated with red sealing wax.

"The original list says 812BKF contains "Reamber suspension - subject one".

"What do you think it is?" Iruka held it up to the light, frowning. "It looks like mold."

"Yeah, or something that got moldy."

"We're not going to open this, are we?" He recoiled at the thought.

"Technically, we're supposed to, unless it looks hazardous." The blond tapped his pen indecisively.

"I call hazard. Molds can be deadly."

"Fair enough. If he gave me any of that to drink, I think the thought alone would kill me." Marsh marked "NT" for Not Tested and they re-homed the jar in a coded storage box. "Next."

"OK, blue liquid, nothing floating around in it. Labels says "4RYD059". Looks pretty harmless."

"Uh lessee, lessee…I have an "A"RYD059, no 4RYD…must be it, though. Says "Infused at Six Weeks", no description. I guess we open this one."

They slipped on their face shields and cautiously opened the jar to extract a sample, using a disposable pipette and filling a small clear cuvette the doctor marked with the sample number for testing.

"The liquid he gave me was almost inky looking. It wasn't blue. Any of these could have been mixed into it, though."

They continued through the large vessels until they had a rack of filled cuvettes to test, and they had the original containers tucked away in the coded box.

They pulled out the medium containers. Iruka held a quart screw-top jar to the light, turning it slowly so the crystals tumbled gently. There was something in there, creating a shadow in the center of the white crystals dotted with bits of green that looked like herbs, and bits of orange that looked like marigold petals.

"Lid says "UI or U1 and a sideways number 8; infinity I guess."

"Okay. UI8 - Maybe just UI ? Says "in nuce". I don't think we need to open that; we can't really get a sample. We'll just list it as an unknown solid, NT. There's definitely something rolling around in there." Remanded to the box, they came a few jars later to a thick dark liquid in a stoppered bottle.

"This might be it." He took two samples to be sure.

By the late afternoon they'd finished all of the medium containers, packing the cuvettes in the sealed carrier and delivering the samples for testing to the lab assistant. Iruka was growing very tired so they decided to stop there. Besides, it would take a good day of work to go through the small containers. They stacked the last box back in the shiny metal wall locker and padlocked it securely, hanging their hazmat suits on the pegs in the anteroom, ready for the next day.

o0o0o0o0o

It had been frustrating for the manic rogue nin, it took a long time before he could get far enough ahead in his work to take the time off to go back to Konoha. Sure enough, by the time he got there and made his way to the secure storage facility, the evidence boxes had been checked out. The chain-of-custody "out card" that reserved the space listed the lab room number and the person who transferred the goods. He didn't recognize the name; the transfer order had the Hokage's signature flailing across the approval line. Silently reaffirming his thanks to Orochimaru for the excellence of his ever-useful concealment technique, Mizuki made his way out and down the corridor. After waiting for some unsuspecting drones to pass through the secure doors, he slipped beside them to exit the building and headed for the lab, undetected.

o0o0o0o0o0o

Iruka's eyes were dry and he had little use for the doctor-supplied handkerchief other than to twist it continually. The evening session found him tired after the day in the lab and he really felt far closer to vomiting than to crying.

"Mom had long dark hair and dark brown eyes. I still have this little piece of a quilt that she made for me. She taught me how to throw kunai. Um, when I was really little she called me Kuka-Ru. And she took me rock-climbing with her. That's five, right?"

Marsh nodded from his usual spot behind the desk, keeping carefully still otherwise to avoid adding any distractions. "Go on."

"Okay. Dad. Dad was always bugged by my hair, he was the one that first put it up the way I wear it, for some reason, it was in the way or something - I don't remember what we were doing. He carried me to the hospital in his arms one time when I fell off the roof. He used his chakra until they set the bone so it wouldn't hurt so much." he cleared his throat. "That's five."

Well, more like three or four good things, Marsh thought, but he's close enough. At least there was nothing so far that indicated anything but normal behavior on the part of his parents. If that hadn't been the case…really , the thought was overwhelming.

"Why do you think it's so hard for you to say those things?"

"It's hard to remember clearly, I just get bits, like scenes - and when I manage to get a flash of memory it's…so…repulsive. But I know they were good parents, I mean I know I had a good home. I…" he had to swallow hard. "I remember trying to find a way to reach them somehow after they died, they died so horribly…but nothing that I said or did meant anything to them, or maybe I never meant anything to them."

"What was that? Maybe you never…" he guided him back to his own statement, to make him hear what he'd said clearly.

"Maybe I never meant anything to them." He sounded a little startled, as if it was someone else's line he was repeating.

"Is that what you think?"

"Wha…no, I just said that wrong."

"You said that you tried to reach them after they passed away. How should they have responded?"

"I know it sounds ridiculous, it's just that they tell you how, even if the end comes, they'll always be with you, you know, live on in your heart and watch over you. They sure got an eyeful if they watched over me, huh? Lots of action. Lots of excitement."

"Kind of makes you angry?"

"No use being angry at dead people."

"That's not what I asked. Feelings just are what they are, they exist for innumerable reasons, and usefulness isn't a factor. Anger is often the reaction you have at the invalidation of a firmly held expectation."

Iruka gave him his best 'what the hell did you say?' look.

"You say they told you they would always be there looking over you. It sounds like, as a child, you took that to heart. But with the things that happened to you, it had to be apparent that no one was watching out for you, at least no one that could do anything about it. So that could be a source of anger, one you could indulge in safely. Dead people can't retaliate. Mizuki would have been a different story."

"They were heroes. They chose to give their lives for the village. I can't be angry at that."

"They chose your sacrifice as well, didn't they? For you, there was no say in the matter. And they did it without leaving provisions for your care, which in turn increased your sacrifice tenfold." Provoking words, so he gauged his client carefully. "They were very human heroes, making those mistakes that hurt you. That might be plenty of reason to be angry."

"Might be. I can't think anymore, I need to stop."

"Fair enough. We can stop here."

Iruka tossed the wadded handkerchief onto the desk, feeling a little victorious that it was dry and he had still managed to hold himself together.

"It really would help if you allowed yourself to cry. You spend so much energy trying to hold it back, and it's a very natural, normal reaction. Letting a tear or two get past doesn't count as a real cry, by the way."

"A tear or two is plenty, and I do that too much as it is." he frowned.

"What is it, Iruka? I don't think it's embarrassment, or shyness, or you'd simply do your crying when you're alone."

It became apparent by the lengthy silence that Iruka wasn't interested in discussing it further.

Their time was up anyway. The end of another brutal session.

"Long day, huh, kiddo?" he sympathized, setting aside his pad and standing, stretching, waiting to see if Iruka was ready to go. He watched his patient make a few more furtive swipes at this eyes and nod, taking a deep breath as he scrubbed his palms on his thighs before standing. "We can start at the lab a little later tomorrow morning if you want."

"Doesn't matter. Just tell me what time."

Marsh gave him a frown. "Four A.M."

"What?" Iruka's eyebrows shot up. "Why so early?"

"Oh, then it does matter?" Marsh said reproachfully.

"Okay, okay, point taken, I'll work on not saying 'I don't care' or "it doesn't matter' all the time, like you said."

"Thank you. So let's say nine-thirty? I have a morning appointment beforehand. "

Iruka nodded.

"Come on. I'll walk you to your room."

The turned down the hallway, dimmed for nighttime, and Iruka pulled at Marsh's sleeve.

"Did you ever ask him? Why he didn't do anything?"

"What are you talking about, Iruka?"

"Kakashi. Why he left a dog instead of helping us. Why he didn't stop me."

"Well, no, I didn't ask. If it hadn't been for his expertise, we wouldn't be here right now. And he's not clairvoyant , just perceptive. He couldn't know what was going to happen. He wasn't sure that anything would happen at all. He couldn't help us later, though, while we were traveling. Tsunade said there were traps set to prevent it."

"I want to know what he would say to that question."

"So ask him."

"I'm…unsure that I want to ask him."

That had the word "afraid' written all over it, Marsh thought.

"You have some uncertainties dealing with him, don't you?" Marsh bit back on a further comment. It was iffy getting into relationship issues, especially when the boundaries were still being decided. He'd love to advise Iruka to run like hell from the overly-dominant, misbehaved man. Instead, he hedged his bets and threw in a small morsel for thought. "If you find that he reminds you of someone unpleasant, it might be worth re-evaluating what you get out of the relationship, to see if it might follow the same pattern."

Iruka started chuckling, and Marsh looked at him, wondering what was funny in that statement.

But Iruka was looking at him, and reached up to his forehead, prodding.

"You can't keep ignoring your chakra. It's lazy, don't you think? Chakra is a gift to everyone in the village. Just because it's in you, it isn't really yours. You have to use it for the greater good. You know, I think it may have been my father that told me that. He also told me that you could spot a chakra slacker in dim light if you look at their forehead. You're getting spots. Little blue spots, just barely glowing, right there."

Marsh scruffed his bangs down straight. "Better?"

"No. You just covered it up. Better is when you stop resisting and put it to some positive use."

"We might find a cure, and then I'd be all chakra-ready for nothing."

"Not at the rate we're going. Well, Spotty, I'm going to hit the shower and go to bed."

"See you at the lab."

Marsh turned and headed back to his office for a good night's sleep on the couch. Too bad that his words of wisdom about that overbearing jounin seemed to have been ignored. He could detect a little lighter spirit in Iruka already, a little of his playfulness emerging. Spots indeed. He ducked and peered into a darkened window, trying to catch his reflection, to see if his leg was being pulled.

The glow was actually more greenish, in his estimation.

o0o0o0o0o0o0o

Eight in the morning, who needs to talk about their inner-fucking-most thoughts at eight in the morning? Genma grumbled and switched the senbon from side to side in his mouth like the tail of an irritated cat. Six drinks and at least two hours after sundown, maybe he'd have something to say. But this was beyond stupid.

And afterward, he'd be reporting for the Hokage's torture of choice - working on the ledgers. Because the guy he saved did something stupid.

The same guy who made the eight o'clock appointment.

When Marsh came out into the waiting room to get him, he was full of emotions to express at the first opportunity.

"Let's see, Genma, let me start out by thanking you again for saving my life. I am forever grateful on a very personal level."

Genma nodded impatiently. Although, he did like the sound of that.

"However, that will not have a bearing on our professional relationship here. I'm not a person of interest, the important person here is you. Looking through your file, I have to say that I'm a little surprised. I see a lot of filler here about your behavior…I don't find anything of substance about your circumstances, and nothing of your thoughts or feelings. I can guess from the behaviors that there's something, or a lot of somethings, that you would benefit from working on here. But I'm flummoxed. So I guess we're starting from scratch."

"You're flummoxed, huh?" Gen shook his head. "Yeah, I'm all flummed up, too. Your little act got me in trouble. If you want a working relationship, maybe you should start by working on my stress. I hear you have a talent for that." He stood in a swaggering stance and leaned against the desk. "I guess we'll have to use the desk since your house went ka-blooey."

"Sit down, please. If you want to discuss your stress, fine. Say whatever you like in here."

"Anything? Like, I want what Iruka got if you expect me to stay?"

"You aren't entitled to know anything about another patient's treatment."

"I hear that Kakashi says you two were doing the big nasty."

"We're starting off with a bang here, aren't we? Let me make this clear to you. You can say those things. You can talk dirty to me, curse me, describe your fantasies - whatever. It's perfectly all right. I encourage it. Just know that the basic rules of conduct still apply. We aren't going to act out any of the things you suggest. So suggest whatever you like. I give you no limits on your speech."

In true Genma style, given no limit on his speech - he clammed up; and sat down, crossing his legs and arms to settle into brooding mode.

They stared at each other for a few minutes.

"Hm. Genma, you were admitted to here for three and a half weeks after receiving numerous injuries during a mission, but instead of the hospital they placed you on lockdown in the ward here. Do you remember when that was?"

"The date is probably written right there in front of you, isn't it?"

"Can you tell me what happened?"

"I could. I don't plan on it."

"Why is that?" asked Marsh, waiting with his best professional and attentive expression.

Genma glared at him, annoyed.

"Shut up."

Marsh frowned.

"Hey, there we go. That's what I want to say. Shut up. Encourage me to say it again,"

"Genm-"

"Shut up."

"You…"

"Shut up."

"…have some real control issues…"

"Shut up."

"…don't you?"

"Fuck you."

Marsh chewed the inside of his lip, nodding.

"You had some severe head injuries. It says that most of them were self-inflicted. Is that true?"

Genma was looking down, jaw tweaked to one side, shaking his head in small quick movements.

"Stop fuckin with me, Doc. You better stop now."

"Why? Tell me why if you want me to stop."

"Because I can rip your fucking spine out your neck and shove it up your ass with my eyes closed . How's that for why, Doc?"

"No, Genma. Why does it make you angry to talk about it?"

"Ask Baldy, I've been down this road already."

"I don't think you have. He doesn't have much in here for me to go on, Genma. I'm thinking that, for whatever reason, you didn't get the kind of therapy you needed." He shook his head. "You still have the headaches, but what about the nightmares?"

Genma startled.

"You rub your head all the time. It appears habitual and quite painful," he explained. "Tell me about one of your nightmares."

"Nice try. I don't dream. I don't have nightmares. And I didn't self-inflict shit. I inflict on others. I don't need your fucking therapy."

"Everyone dreams, Genma, it's biologically necessary."

"Look, you seem like an okay guy, lets call this one dead at 8:17 and do the toe tag. I showed up, you did your thing, and now I gotta go. "

"I'm putting you on a twice-weekly schedule. It won't be optional. Unless you stay in that chair and give me some responses that indicate you've got half a handle on your problems." Marsh was using his 'I am now the boss of you' tone to emphasize his seriousness.

Genma stared at him, slowly slid the senbon across his mouth.

That's a weapon, Marsh suddenly remembered. How did I forget to disarm him before we started?

"I'm looking at my biggest problem right now. I'm thinking I could rectify it by removing it. Then I sure as hell wouldn't have any twice-weekly appointments, would I?"

Wow. Marsh's normal caution was buzzing at him mildly, but that crazy chakra was burning with reaction at Genma's angry chi. He let it guide him, let him recognize that this was not grandstanding. Genma was having a time controlling himself. Marsh didn't have enough experience reading these impressions to know whether or not it was probable that he was on the verge of being attacked.

"Genma. I'm not here to create problems for you. What is the harm of coming here for a few minutes, a couple of time a week, so that we can get to know each other better? So that you have someone in your life that listens, doesn't judge, and gives you a little support? Someone who expects nothing more of you than your brief presence in return?"

"I could summon a dog and get that. I don't need a shrink." The sympathetic tack broke his angry concentration. He scrubbed at his forehead and caught himself. Damn headache. Did that mean he already knew the reasons why he wore the protector backwards most of the time? Damn that guy.

"A few weeks, just a few weeks, to try it." Marsh coaxed softly. " Have you ever used pressure points to try to alleviate that headache?"

"I can't do it, it doesn't work on me."

Marsh rose and came cautiously around the desk. He felt a strange flair in the air, then a change in the feel of the tension. Less aggressive, more nervous.

"I need to stand behind you. Slide all the way back." After carefully reaching position, he stood against the back of the chair. The defensive reaction chilled the room before his hands felt it in the stiffened neck muscles. The psyche-nin took his fingers and lightly pulled back, until he had a covered head resting warily against his midsection.

"Would you remove your headpiece?"

He reached up and swiped his hitai-ate off, now equal parts annoyed and curious. Not bad for someone who doesn't act out anything; a little undressing, a little body contact. But not nearly enough to smooth out his ruffled feathers.

Expert hands worked into his temples, the base of his skull, the dip on either side of the back of his neck. A thumb ground into a spot high on his spine, and he wanted to purr, suppressing it to avoid handing over victory.

"Is this making any headway?" Marsh asked quietly, working his hands back up the sculpted shoulders and neck.

"Depends. Were you trying to get laid? Because I'm ready if you are."

Fingertips traced through the thick, soft caramel-colored hair, dotting it with gentle exploring pressure. The hidden evidence of an irregular indentation and numerous scars were buried in the warm surface beneath. He traced one that ran from the dome of the skull clear down the taught neck and disappeared into the collar, how far it went beyond that he was unable to tell. It reinstated the tension in a flash.

"Lay off. That's really annoying."

"Inflicted _on_ you then." No response. "So what happened?"

"Don't push your luck." He pulled away and straightened, started to untie the hitai-ate to put it back on.

"I can simply read the mission report myself, you know."

The rage that blinded him at that statement was more powerful than he anything he or the doctor could have predicted. It took every fiber of his being not to rise up and insert his senbon into the man's aorta. It was such a tiny, practiced, efficient move. Swift and deadly. Forever silenced any threat the recipient might have otherwise made in his lifetime.

Marsh sensed it so strongly he did something he'd never done before.

He retreated backwards out of the office into the corridor until several minutes had passed , regaining his composure in the safety of the public area.

Rule one with treating jounin, he swore to himself before taking a shaky deep breath and re-entering the room: Disarm them first.

o0o0o0o0o

Mizuki rummaged in the room a bit, frustrated. So many locked cabinets, he wanted to rip the room apart and shake everything onto the floor to find his prize. But even cloaked and with a full suppression jutsu, that would make too much of a disturbance, so he sat in an annoyed huff and waited. The first person to come in that door with locker keys gets it, he thought in irritation. His reaction was indescribable when the first person in the door was none other than Iruka's infamous whore, dotty with his stolen chakra and humming an annoying tune.

Oh, you little bastard, Mizuki hissed to himself silently. You just won the big one.

o0o0o


	25. Chapter 25

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Naruto. I only keep his usable discards.

It's here, the penultimate chapter, you're nearly free!

_Thank you for the encouraging reviews! And yes, side stories are a possibility, if Marsh survives he might be useful again sometime...suggestions are always welcome, as are your opinions (ducks from well-pitched rotten tomato...)._

o0o0o0o0o0o

Iruka froze at the chill of the familiar chakra, almost turned and ran. But instead, he moved forward by sheer force of will, pace increasing with the echo of each of his footsteps in the long empty hallway. If only he could just run away, if it would come to pass that he didn't have to go forward…he burst into the anteroom still clutching at hope. But his eyes swept to the coat hooks, and his silent prayer fell unanswered when he saw that only one protection suit remained. Marsh must already be inside. The noises coming from within the lab were muffled and indistinguishable. His mind clogged with the possibilities of what was happening on the other side of the wall.

No weapons. Not even a single kunai. He frantically pawed at the supply bins, locating the precision dissection blades attached on pencil-shaped handles. Taking a fistful and stowing them with a quick shove in his pocket, he grabbed another handful and interleafed them between his fingers. Popping the protective caps off the blades with his teeth he crept to the door, readying the small weapons for throwing or clawing, depending on the unseen situation in the room. Deeply ingrained battle instincts drenched him with fierce determination, and all thought of retreat was now forgotten.

Iruka pulled the hazmat alarm as he kicked the door open hard and launched himself into the lab.

He crouched low while darting in evasively and began throwing all at once, sending the projectiles flying in rapid succession, and as one impaled the back of Marsh's hand he cursed himself for not compensating for the situation. A nin would have known to freeze at Iruka's appearance and watch for weaponry. Marsh's untrained instincts would cause him to make unpredictable moves. Three of the blades sank into Mizuki, irritating him more than anything, but Marsh surprised him by coming to life and fighting to pull out of his grip. He twisted furiously, in spite of the tightening of the coils of polyethylene tubing already constricting his throat. Mizuki barely got two kunai launched in response, his aim thrown off by the extra effort to retain his catch; else the blades singing past Iruka's chin and forehead might have done considerable damage.

X

It wasn't the element of surprise that hurt the accuracy of the savage nin. Marsh had already revealed that Iruka was still alive, tricked into the betrayal since he wasn't aware that Mizuki thought he was dead. It happened as he was being manhandled in resistance to handing over the locker key. At the revelation that better memorabilia was still available, the key became a moot point, dismissed with an "ah hell, you win - keep it."

Not having to relinquish the key had totally confused Marsh, absolutely certain he shouldn't have won that battle of wills so easily. Mizuki merely dragged him around the room shopping for useful equipment to torture the two with. The doctor's confused caution turned to terror as he was pinned between a lab bench and a roughly grinding hip, while soft flexible tubing was wound uncomfortably around and around his neck. Just when it seemed the last thing he'd ever see was that ugly, piercing stare, the stare broke in apparent reaction to something Marsh couldn't detect.

His assailant cocked his head and straightened quickly, backing out of the middle of the room for better position, dragging Marsh with him and snugging his ligature up tight. The low, feral laugh was loud in his ear as they waited and the door flew open. The shock of the blade piercing his hand jerked the psyche-nin out of his rabbit-like paralysis and into the possibility of escape.

X

Still darting and weaving across the room, Iruka's hand reached out and hooked the tubular steel of a lab stool, pivoting on one foot to snatch it up and fling it hard at the hulking man's head. The move forced his opponent to bring up a hand in defense, and the concurrent second barrage of blades busied him enough to release his hold on his prey. Marsh wrenched away when his feet hit the floor, scrambling straight at Iruka. The chunin grabbed and propelled him forward as they dove into shelter behind the long counter of cabinets.

Mizuki watched their retreat and cocked his head with amusement as the lab door rattled but remained closed, plucking the pesky blades out of his thighs. He had home field advantage in this lab. Didn't Iruka realize how much time he spent working on his experiments here as a youth? Where did he think most of those love potions came from, anyway?

"Iruka, you stupid little fishy. The room seals when you trip that alarm, and…" he made a quick sign off to the side. "There. I just erased the release code. They'll never get in quickly enough to save you now. My only decision is whether to finish you off here or teleport you out. If I 'port you far enough you'll be dead when we get there anyway. I think I'd like your skull for a bookend. Much better than what I came for."

"Maybe I'll 'port you both. Bookends usually come in pairs, don't they? Come to me, Iruka. Bring your little friend. Don't be shy this late in the game."

The pair crouched on hands and knees behind the counter, anticipating the assault that was sure to come. They exchanged adrenaline-crazed glances and Iruka wished to hell that Marsh knew hand signs for the umpteenth time. He motioned for Marsh to come closer, no way to warn him what would happen. The psyche-nin threw his trust to the scheming chunin and found his cold, clammy forehead being pressed against Iruka's warm sweaty one.

Mizuki's baritone rumbled at them to come out and take their medicine.

o0o0o0o0o0o

The hazmat alarm sounded, and many confused ears within range took in the unfamiliar alert. Only the lab techs knew what to do or even what the alarm signified, and none of them were on call. The chemlab emergency roster had been neglected, so rarely was the facility put to use.

The alarm went on for some time before it became apparent that no one was turning it off anytime soon. In annoyance, and looking for an excuse to get away from the desk work, Genma slipped out through the window and trotted in the direction of the high-low wailing alarm. When the jolt of _that_ chakra hit his searching senses, he shot forward at high speed.

o0o0o0o0o

Still far too depleted of chakra to generate much resistance on his own, Iruka pressed his forehead against Marsh's and concentrated as he quickly formed the hand signs. Suppressing the instinct to fight the sheer invasiveness of it, he clenched his teeth and bore down hard. The force of the foreign chakra squeezed through him from Marsh's body, and then exuded into the developing clone.

He ripped the pen and pad out of blond's lab suit and scribbled furiously; charging them with his fingertips, he shoved the makeshift exploding tags into the pants of the resulting Marsh-clone. With a silent signal, he sent it sprinting to try for an obvious escape through the door, flailing and nearly fast enough to reach its goal. Without waiting for the results he grabbed Marsh's keys and slid past him on his knees to reached up and snap off the padlock, whipping open the locker door.

The liquids. He knew some to be acids, some flammable. With a yank the boxes dumped over and a couple of the jars broke even as he heard Mizuki's startled cry and the detonation of the tags. Line of sight blocked by the safe cover of the counter, they didn't see the other person struggling as well.

X

Genma skidded into the anteroom and startled the newly-arrived pair of concerned hospital workers who were concentrating on suiting up for spill removal. The civilians, oblivious to the pulses of chakra on the other side of the door, went bug-eyed and fled quickly for help at his barked order. He automatically canted his weapons pouch for access and quickly tested the door once the workers were out of range. It seemed to be locked from the inside. Bad sign. He teleported in without hesitation.

On materializing he saw Mizuki reaching for a swiftly moving Marsh, dashing for the door with mindless eyes. Genma made a move to grab and protect the man, then aborted it a hair's breadth too late, suddenly seeing that it was a clone but too close to escape the blast zone completely.

Mizuki's reactions were similar. Both men took the partial concussion of the blast, thrown backwards to the floor amid flying glass, loose lab equipment and clattering gray steel stools.

Iruka's hand signs created a small, swirling ball of black mist from a puddle of acid on the floor. He popped up and shot it at the downed form of Mizuki with a move that looked like a prosecutor's accusation. The furious man assaulted their eardrums with an angry roar as his eyes instantly flamed red and and his tears ducts dribbled blood. The mental slap of the painful sight of the accurate hit persisted in Iruka's thoughts even as he dropped back down to take cover. The shock started spinning his guts in a cold knot, but his adrenaline pushed him on.

Iruka's hand latched onto Marsh's upturned forehead, connecting their systems and drawing from his stores again. His instincts screamed he should be transporting them away but he couldn't be certain if Marsh's chakra was reliable enough to deliver them both whole.

The therapist reeled with the backwash of the agitated nin's inner battle of cold efficiency, rage and horrified guilt. With each connection that borrowed his chakra he felt the warm, pulsing power sucked away. The freezing cold, painful emptiness that filled in behind it was like a direct assault on his very soul. For the first time he was able to fully comprehend the reason chakra depletion left men hospitalized and anguished.

The chunin formed more signs, grabbing one of the large amber bottles of suspended goo. His hands induced it with glowing energy, lighting his face with an unnatural sheen and animating the matter inside until it quivered and slowly reddened. He quickly scrambled to the end of the counter and scanned the room for his target. Dead ahead Mizuki's back loomed, making quick dodging moves. The monster was squaring off with Genma, who had regained his feet and was beginning to move evasively, peppering the air with senbon and poison darts. Iruka's powerful sidearm throw was deadly accurate, and the bottle nailed Mizuki squarely in the middle of his spine.

When it impacted Mizuki's back the glass darkened and then deconstructed, freeing the shimmering flammable jelly to worm its way up his back, seeking bare skin before commencing self-immolation.

Kakashi and Iwashi flashed into the room and all hell broke loose.

Mizuki spun and the writhing gel, repelled by a blast of his chakra, flew off and spattered onto the newly- arrived jounin, already forced to cover to avoid the airborne senbon and darts. Upon landing the jelly burst into a flame that spread erratically, hungry for flesh to char. Errant bits of fire ignited the papers tacked to the walls and danced near bottles of volatile substances, fiery orange light multiplied in the rows of curved glass.

The evil oaf's spin carried him into a lofting dive and he was over the counter, landing with crushing weight on Marsh, cutting off Iruka's chakra supplier. He indulged himself in a wasteful moment of revenge. He needed to break something, anything, to punish Iruka for striking out at him.

The interruption tipped him over backward, but a massive hand snagged Iruka's retreating wrist and snapped it like pretzel, twisted him forward and down. The smaller tanned body rolled and the air was crushed out of his lungs by a driving knee, pinning him face up on the floor.

Captives securely under him, Mizuki made hand signs to transport them but Iruka drew on instinct, curling his spine up for position to kick at the moving hands furiously. He aimed his kicks so that the defensive move interrupted the jutsu, enraging the betrayed giant even more. The knee slid up from his chest and jammed into his throat, and he squirmed sideways, almost breaking free. Rage at having to delay teleporting fired Mizuki's iron grip as he clamped down on the broken wrist once more and dug the fingers of his other hand deeply into the chest of the stunned man beneath him, hauling them both up like rag dolls.

The fire was spreading up the far wall and Kakashi had put out his own flame, helping Iwashi snuff his much larger problem. A loud "flump" sounded as Genma's jutsu threw a blanket of dirt to snuff the fire threatening the rows of chemicals.

Through the smoke, the refocusing jounin saw Mizuki rise above the counter, Marsh crushed to his chest as a shield with one hand, fighting ineffectively for all he was worth; and Iruka lofted into the air by his broken wrist with the other. The chunin was twisting strangely, not struggling to get away, but instead seemed to be straining to get closer.

No one saw the long thin copper rod, snatched from the lab supplies littering the floor, that Iruka had in his uninjured hand. Not until it impaled his captors chest. It took great force and concentration to lance the huge man from ribcage to ribcage without slipping his grip, and an ear-splitting roar punctuated the piercing of both lungs, as shocked as it was angry.

Dropping both men, Mizuki flashed hand signs and disappeared. It was over in a heartbeat, Iruka left holding the dripping rod as the man it skewered vanished. Both knees were destined to sport bruises from the landing but he remained on them, kneeling and hunched over his improvised weapon.

The fist and rod began to shake as his brain replayed the stabbing, and his stomach rolled in self-accusation and utter disgust at his attack, this act against his friend, and his warring mind thickened with shock. His swelling broken wrist and hand felt nothing. The part of his brain that spiraled out of control when the massive hand closed on his wrist still hung in a state of screaming alarm, unrelenting and unlikely to stop as long as he was under pressure.

The door had been freed and people were milling around snuffing small fires, urging him to stand, trying to evacuate the smoky room splattered with unknown substances and decorated with spent weaponry. He wasn't aware of any of it.

The rod clattered to the floor. Slowly and deliberately he began struggling to make his hand signs, but the damaged hand would not obey.

X

Marsh watched him helplessly from where he landed, locked in pain from the impact of his chest slamming into the counter on the way to the floor. It was over, but Iruka didn't look cognizant; his facial expression was unfocused and struggling, and one swelling hand curled uselessly against a hand was still moving intricately. He couldn't reach for him, his lungs refused to provide enough air pressure for speech. He prayed for someone to notice, to hurry and bring Iruka back to the present before he accomplished whatever he was feverishly trying to do.

X

All his watering brown eyes could see in the haze were the inadequate motions of his own hands, streaked with the blood he had just spilled, mocking his attempts to teleport away. His mind was racing still, berating his uselessness and urging him to try harder. The images and emotions tangled in his head now, fragments from the past and urges of the moment - impressions of passionate touching and lunging deadly intent; gentle caresses in chemical-induced stupor and vicious blood-splattered beatings. It wasn't, couldn't be resolved, not without more contact, a more definite ending. It was a failure to let him go and still not know the answer…not even knowing the true answer as to to why he wanted to follow. He wanted to go after him and finish the job. He wanted to go with him and make it all better. After him. With him.

Against the backdrop of his pain and the tension of his residual panic, his body was unable to produce a suitable expression. Beyond sorting it all out, he merely lowered his head soundlessly. The injured hand twitched up and he was trying again, trying to compensate enough to make his tattered powers deliver him to his tormentor.

Another hand closed over his, strong fingers firmly but gently stopping him.

"You'll never make it Iruka. We'll get him. Let's get you out of here."

He raised his eyes reluctantly and saw Kakashi, vest burned and neck dripping blood from a senbon wound, looking at him seriously. A guilty expression stretched over his sweating face, his gaze flicking back from the injuries to the riveted eye. _Do I want that? Do I want you to go get Ki for me? _

"Everyone is going to be fine. I'll check on you when I come back."

Iruka grabbed his arm suddenly, hanging on tight and staring openly.

"Look…Iruka…I have to go. He'll just keep coming back if we don't stop him now." He pried the fingers from his arm, not breaking eye contact.

"You'll be all right. I'll be back." he raised his head and scanned the room, spotting someone. "Sakura!"

She trotted over, dropped to one knee.

"Sakura will take care of you now, I have to go."

The silent stare refused to release him, even as Sakura spoke to him and pulled gently at his face to try and draw his attention. The copy-nin shook his head regretfully and flashed away, worried at the complicated look the man was wearing.

As if he wanted to say something very troubling. Or maybe it was just his imagination. He might not have been thinking of him at all, with everything that had just happened, and his hand was obviously painfully injured. And just how had the chunin managed to accomplish such complex chakra-laden jutsu in his weakened state? It was hard to feel like a genius when he was constantly presented with the seemingly unsolvable puzzles that surrounded one humble schoolteacher.

But all distractions needed to be set aside now. He summoned Pakkun and they left the city, searching for the scent.

This was far less complicated than a rescue. Just one objective, no one to protect, direction of travel already known, and as far as he was concerned, no holds barred. Kakashi predicted he could nail this down within 24 hours.

In fact it took less than one. Mizuki hadn't made it far, partially blinded and lungs punctured. As soon as he detected Kakashi's chakra coming fast and close, he cleverly made one last teleport: straight to the gatekeepers to surrender. Jail he could hope to escape from; the black hatred he sensed in the copy-nin's aura promised permanent interment without option.

o0o0o0o0o0o

Once Marsh's breath returned he waved aside the hands trying to pull him up and slid closer to Sakura.

"Physically?" he asked, words coming with some difficulty.

"Broken wrist, contusions…" she ran a gentle hand on the tanned cheek again, still waiting for him to focus on her. "I haven't found any major injuries."

The dark eyes were beginning to show some awareness as the sensations were returning to his body, the spent adrenaline and chakra depletion causing him to shake slightly. As reality firmed up around him the raw emotions and impulses began to recede, and if only it hadn't been his wrist that was injured he might have snapped all the way out of it right there. Unfortunately, the pain in his wrist made him uncontrollably defensive when they went to draw him out of the room.

Marsh let an orderly help him up and instructed her briefly. "Sedate him now, please. Use the Somide, 20cc's. When he drops out take him to 113 in the north wing, Sakura will be meeting you there. Put me on the chart as the primary contact; I want to be there when he starts to come out of it." And get something to settle myself down first, he thought. Because if we're both upset this won't be very beneficial.

With the prick of a needle, blessed peace and quiet spread through him like a warm blanket, and even the panic faded away. Like every other bad dream the memories retreated to find their own burial, but something turned them away this time. Slightly dimmed but intact the experience refused to hide. It was just a fight, a fight that he'd won, and it would be good for him to learn to see it for what it was. It just wasn't in the same league as the multitude of demoralizing defeats.

Sakura took Marsh by the scruff of the neck and made him go with the orderlies as well. Tsunade wasn't her mentor for nothing. An alert mind would not be letting its body wander around looking like a used spool of tubing, even if said tubing was loose enough to breathe comfortably.

O0o0o0o0o0o

Marsh's own body was treated and released, as the vernacular goes, and a light pain medication eased his jitters considerably. The whole experience in the lab was definitely an undesirable circumstance - but damned if he wasn't starting to see the side of it that called his clients to action, the allure of being The Protector as opposed to being among the faceless protected masses.

It caused him to reconsider an earlier issue, and to send a reply back to a certain confrontive shinobi. He would accept his ballsy challenge to come out and witness a real mission in the wild. He wasn't inclined to wait and think about it in case it was the drug that sparked his courage. After the years of holding the undeserved suffix of -nin in his title it was high time to step up to the plate. He should at least see up close what the real ones do.

He never regretted his choice of career, and still didn't - but for the first time his mind wandered back to when his options were still open, before his path was set. Now that it had been revealed that his chakra potential had been mis-diagnosed, he couldn't help but wonder if he would have picked a different path. And had he set out to be a nin, would he have excelled enough to be an equal to Iruka? Perhaps, well hell, if you're fantasizing, go big - even a special jounin? ANBU?

The though of dressing up in ANBU garb and mask…he began to snicker, slapping his own cheek lightly. '_Who am I trying to kid?'_

He was still coming to terms with the fact that someone had blown up his last little friend while helplessly trapped in his cage. '_Yeah, that's a sure sign that you're masked assassin material. Dumbshit!'_

He slipped down the hall to check on the REAL ninja that saved his helpless ass and enjoyed the easy way those thoughts flowed around his head when it was loosened by the painkiller. Such an impressive man, someone truly worth helping…it had to be the narcotic giving him these ideas. That if they were equals things could have been beyond magical.

'And this is why I never prescribe for myself,' he stilled his thoughts gruffly. 'I would be sorely tempted to wallow in this way too often.'

o0o0o0o0o0o

His own wounds were minor and they'd been healed unceremoniously while he reread a particularly stirring passage from his favorite book to ease the tedium. A kunai served to trim the fried ends from a section of his silver hair and he pronounced himself nearly good as new. While being released he made a surreptitious inquiry to check on Genma and Iwashi's condition, finding they were being released as well. He also found out that the insidious fire jutsu had rekindled hours later and destroyed more of the lab and its contents; Iruka had gotten a little too creative with that one, and it had taken quite some time to get all of it defused and extinguished. Mizuki's chemicals were among the losses; all of the pair's lab work was suddenly meaningless.

His last task before leaving, turning in the requisition for a replacement uniform, had the clerk laughing after reading his typical convoluted justification. After a rather pleasant exchange they had tentative plans to meet up at the bar later. It had been a while since the last time they'd gotten together.

Meandering down the hall he stopped at 113 and listened to the voices filtering through the door.

They were arguing…Kakashi hadn't heard them argue before. Iruka was angry, Marsh's tone was surprisingly cold. A lovers quarrel? That was surely the last thing Iruka needed, as deeply in shock as the man looked earlier in the aftermath of battle. He hesitated, decided the hell with it, and barged right in.

The heads swiveled, and Kakashi suddenly got the distinct impression the argument might have had something to do with him.

Marsh nodded to him, then winced as he stood stiffly to leave. "We make our own choices, Iruka. Doing nothing is a choice in itself. You agree to your path every minute you don't change it."

He left, and the door whispered shut.

"Heavy duty." the masked man dropped his words with droll sarcasm.

Iruka rubbed his whole face with his hands before settling for two fingers worrying at the bridge of his nose. "Very."

There was a long pause, and Kakashi took a moment to give the smaller man the once-over. His wrist was wrapped, and he had a fading yellow blotch on his neck that evidenced a bruise had been healed there. Considering the way he'd battled, it was impressive. The three jounin had taken more damage, and yet Iruka had been the one to force his attacker to retreat.

"He's going out with Genma." Iruka said suddenly, and he was indeed upset about it.

"What?" Kakashi's eye widened. He bit back to avoid blurting "does he date all of the nuts he treats around here?" and tried to absorb what was unfolding.

"Marsh. He's going out with Genma, I told him he doesn't have to do that. Don't you think he's had enough experience? Its…irresponsible. I don't think Genma will be careful enough."

"Ahh…" Kakashi wasn't sure what to say. He wasn't sure what it meant for his chances with Iruka. He hadn't heard the chunin talk about Marsh in such a personal way before, certainly not in jealousy. When Kakashi had reported what he felt was an inappropriate use of a patient, Tsunade'd implied that it was only some sort of therapy thing. Not that he bought that bullshit for one minute. The guy had been taking advantage of his position, that's all. Hello, hadn't anybody noticed how hot the guy is that he's "treating"?

"He's a grown man, Iruka. Is there a reason he can't date Genma?"

"Date?" Puzzled brown eyes met his single obsessive orb. "No, not going out going out. Going out on a mission."

"Oh." Recalculating. He's worried for his safety. Very worried, so still not promising. "Genma's come back alive every time so far."

Iruka still frowned. "He's not qualified to tag along on a jounin mission. He hasn't got any skills, and he hasn't been through the indoctrination. When I threw projectiles he moved his hand into the path of them, got hurt - he can't teleport, he…he'll get killed, Kakashi, he'll get killed and I'll never…" he bit down hard on his lower lip, hard enough to make the jounin wince at the sight. "It's selfish I know, but I need him. How can Tsunade allow it?"

"Ru, he's supposed to treat jounin, how's he going to do that if he doesn't know the ropes?"

"Ropes? He saw ropes when you saved us, he's seen enough already. Genma just wants to play with him, tease him like he did then. It was so obvious."

Kakashi was getting more confused, and that Iruka shuddered when he made that last statement - what was that?

"I think you're not looking beyond the surface, Iruka. Tell me again what your pal does for a living? And you think Genma can toy with him mentally or emotionally - I'm not sure, either or both, is that what you're driving at? Gen's got definite loose screwage, he needs all the help he can get. I don't think he can best any stable mind in a war of wits. And I'm sure it'll be a C rank or something pretty safe."

"No, that's just it Genma said he was taking him on an "A" rank, said he wanted to take him on one where he could really show his stuff."

"I don't think that's going to happen. If he's planning that, it can't be with Tsunade's blessing. Look how pissed she got over Ibiki's little love-tap. Do you want me to say something to her?"

Iruka nodded, looking a little less desperate.

"It would be fine if they did a C-class right? It's not the idea of the two of them together alone, is it?"

Iruka shot him an offended look. "Of course not…what are you thinking? That I'm jealous?"

"Well, you do sound very protective of him. And you've been involved with him for a while." He swallowed, the tension was getting a bit thicker. Iruka was still running with the momentum of the disagreement he was having when Kakashi arrived.

"You think I'm one of those pathetic people that fall in love with their doctors because they can't tell the difference between being treated and having a relationship?" Iruka frowned, unhappy at being forced into saying it out loud. He had more of a connection with Marsh than the doctor-patient relationship - but it was one-sided and somehow he'd had the self-control not to act on it. Not to embarrass the man by making it known. Not to give in to it and believe anything could come of it. They'd had sexual relations and it hadn't even been mentioned again because the therapy wasn't going in that direction right now. If that didn't confirm the clinical nature of the act, nothing else did. He knew he was naïve to feel hurt about it.

He looked injured, troubled again. It made Kakashi grit his teeth, confirming his belief that they mishandled Iruka's treatment. "You are not pathetic, whatever your relationship with that weasel might be. If you got drawn into something, I'm sure he knows every trick in the book to make it happen. It's probably Gen you should be worried about. He does have baggage. That's why I tried to give you a little distance from him. He's almost irresistible about ninety-five percent of the time, but he's a troubled man. If Doc screws him up any more than he already is, it won't be pretty."

There was a silence that lasted a little too long. Kakashi resisted his usual reaction, to make a joke or excuse and leave. Things seemed a little raw and unfinished. Iruka wasn't acting like he wanted to be left alone. He was still working up to something. The copy-nin consciously made himself wait for it. A few more tense seconds ticked past.

"Kakashi, there's something that bothers me. I owe you my life, I can't ever repay you for that, so I don't want you to take this the wrong way…but what were you doing outside the apartment when Mizuki showed up? I don't understand it. And aside from why you were there - why would you sense he was there and then leave? I mean, you could have warned me, couldn't you?"

There were so many aspects of that. What answer was Iruka looking for? Kakashi plunged ahead with the truth, just let it go.

"I was at the memorial, and I saw the two of you walking, so I tagged along. That apartment complex had a bad vibe and I thought I'd keep an eye out, but I got a few signs in the air that you might be needing a little privacy there, so I left Pakkun to keep watch. It was just a hunch, and I didn't think you'd want to be interrupted. Not in the middle of your so-called "treatment"." He tried not to say that last sentence too coldly. It still heated the back of his neck to think about it.

Iruka looked down, rubbed his brow in embarrassment "You knew, of course you knew."

"Here's what I know: he took you to his apartment and he drugged you. Pakkun detected it in your blood. Tsunade defends him. You defend him. I guess I don't get it. I'm usually not the last one to get something, I'm usually the first to figure it out. It seems like you're my weak spot, Iruka. You come into the picture and I have a hell of a time keeping things straight." The silver-haired jounin felt his patience evaporating. Being second-guessed was a pet peeve of his, now even moreso when the other party seemed to be sacrosanct.

"I'm just trying to figure out why you left, Ki. I did something I can't ever forget, and if you'd just stopped me here…I'm not blaming, I just need to know why. If it was something I did. Or some reason you didn't think I was worth warning. Or if you were so angry at me you left me to…if you thought I deserved to…"

"Hey, no, stop it! Nothing like that. It was just a hunch, and I could feel things getting heated up between the two of you - I should have followed my strongest instinct. If I had, you're right, you would have been spared a lot of pain. I wanted to knock down that front door and drag you out of there. I came this close to doing it. If I'd known then what I know now, neither one of those bastards would have gotten away with anything."

"You lump Marsh together with Mizuki? That's so unfair. Marsh hasn't done anything wrong!" Iruka was progressing past defensiveness into resentment.

"Really, Iruka? Would you have said that if I slept with you the night you took that sleeping pill? Maybe I shouldn't have been so quick to pass up a good thing. Maybe that's the way you like it." Kakashi retorted angrily, the last words barely out of his mouth as he realized just how low he'd aimed that blow.

Iruka took in a quick breath, looking like he'd been slapped. The sting only lasted a moment, and his anger flared. "Well it would have been with you, so that eliminates the possibility of enjoying it, no matter what way I might 'like it' otherwise. Jerk!"

"Okay, wait. I shouldn't have said that. Iruka, let's calm down a minute. I didn't mean it, I was just trying to make a point. I just don't understand ."

"I don't need to calm down. You need to leave. I think visiting hours are over." The brown eyes glared with impressive venom and Kakashi flirted with, then killed, the impulse to grab him and try to kiss him into submission.

"Look, it's been one hell of day, we're both tired. Let's get some rest and cool off. I'm sure this will be easier to talk about tomorrow."

"This discussion is closed, and don't bother yourself with coming by tomorrow. Leave now, Kakashi!" his voice had increased in volume, highlighting the dead silence that following that command. The copy-nin turned and left abruptly.

He stiffened his jaw and stared at the door as it closed, not sure if he was more satisfied or disappointed that it had been so easy to throw the man out. He suppressed his tears with practiced ease.

Kakashi paused for a split-second in the hallway and shook his head before moving purposefully to look for the office of a certain unprofessional professional.

xxx


	26. Chapter 26

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, and he is pleased to see that I am finally taking my grubby hands off of him.

Reviewers rock! Thanks so much - and now with the final chapter I will set you free!

_just to clarify - a.noni () - yes, Iruka now has the same affectionate nickname (Ki) for Kakashi as he used to have for Mizuki. Hey, at least he didn't call them "sugarplum" or "pooky-lips". _

_O K then, let's get this over with!_

o0o0o0o0o

Genma lofted up the stack of post binders and let them slam down on the desk with a decisive thud.

"All finished. Matched down to the last decimal point. Permission to report to the mission office?" His resentment barely concealed, he folded his arms, expectant of his release.

"How are you feeling? Ribs still sore?" Tsunade asked, raking the binders to her side of the polished mahogany expanse.

"I'm ready for a really good mission, I need something to hone my skills. With plenty of wet work, if you've got any." His eyes were narrow and unfriendly, and they hadn't softened at the amiable questions about his health.

Tsunade looked at him with dark concern. His usual easygoing, fun-loving nature had been noticeably scarce lately.

"Genma, what has you so wound up? That attitude won't do. I do have other things I can put you to work on in the office here. We can bring another desk in and you can sit by me and tell me all your little issues until we find your sunshine face again."

"I already have to talk to the shrink. Two stinking times a week. What more do you want from me?"

"I see that he's got you feeling peachy already. Cooperate with Dr. Marsh, Genma. If I hear that you've been cooperative I'll let you get back to mission work. Until then, no. I don't like what I'm seeing here. Something's set you off since this business with Mizuki came up. Get busy and get yourself straightened out."

"How about if Marsh goes with me? A mission to show him what we do out there. I was going to take him on my next one anyway. I asked him, he's up for it."

He wanted wet work to show the man? That wasn't happening, at least not until Marsh was far more experienced and able to see it in perspective. Tsunade regarded him pensively. " Not just the two of you, no way. But maybe on a two-man, then he can be the third wheel. Let me see what I can come up with. You're dismissed, report for your shift at the mission desk. You know, it shouldn't be too much longer before we have Umino back to run the place. That should cheer you up a little."

Not really. His hopeless fantasies about the taste of chocolate-covered chunin only made is arms feel that much emptier.

O0o0o0o0o

The knock at the door caught the blond psyche-nin taking a short break, gnawing at the callous the pen had worn on the side of his middle finger. His wide eyes were lost in a vacant stare at the pool of light under the desk lamp. It took a second to break the stare and he rubbed his eyes hard, rising wearily to answer the door. It swung open when he was still coming around the desk.

He'd never seen the man with a pair of eyes before, mismatched though they were. The red patterned half of the glare was impressive and gave a powerful twitch to that unwanted power he'd now resigned himself to harbor. The other eye, a saintly blue, seemed to exist just to give the red one its blessing. He felt as much as saw the very serious look drilling into him.

"I heard you wanted to talk to me, Doc. Just so happens, I want to have a word with you, too."

"Certainly. Sit, please. We have a few minutes."

"Thanks. Go ahead, shoot. I'm gonna let you go first."

"Okay." He settled back down painfully into the chair, still grateful for the light pain medication that enabled him to persevere. "I understand from Lady Tsunade that you are recommending reduction in rank for Iruka. Can you give me some insight on that? Is it true?"

"Yeah, it's true. I want to make sure he doesn't get rostered for mission duty."

"Why?"

Kakashi cast him an impatient look. "Don't play ignorant. Just the fact that he's conditioned to submit when he sees his own blood could get him killed out there. With everything he's got going against him, I can't figure out how he's managed to complete any missions at all up until now. Do you have a different opinion?"

"Not so much a different opinion as a different approach. Look, he's under a medical hold that prevents him from being assigned until he's deemed fit. That's not likely to garner his attention, even if it goes on for quite some time. Reduce his rank, or suspend his mission readiness certification - that's a direct blow to his self-esteem. Despite what you say, he's been an efficient performer on missions. He's probably been on a great many more than anyone is aware of, since his preference is to take the solo missions, and from what the Hokage says, most chunin want to be in a pair at least when they get a "B" class. It's not necessary to do this, Kakashi. He won't be released until he's ready, never released for it if he doesn't stabilize. You're proposing an attack he doesn't need, and coming from his best friend, it's just going to reinforce his belief in the abusive nature of friendship."

"You think I'm abusing him. Where do you get off saying that to me, after you sneak him off to your place and drug him to get him into bed? I see what you're driving at with his rank. But you expect me to trust you to decide if he's fit for field work? You don't know what the hell the field work is all about, and you're obviously careless with his well-being."

"Lady Tsunade already told you the circumstance that placed him in my home that day, although I don't agree with her decision to disclose his - or frankly, my - private business to you. You seem to think it wasn't for his benefit. I assure you that he…"

"Just hold on. I don't want to hear any details, or any opinions about what he got out of it. I _know_ what the fuck _you_ got out of it. He doesn't look benefited when the subject your little tango comes up. He looks like someone who thinks they've been used."

Marsh paused, considering. It sounded like Kakashi's pure jealousy and possessiveness, probably unfounded. But they hadn't been able to get back to that subject yet, with everything that had gone on. That could be seen as something uncaring, judgmental or rejecting. In any case, he had no facts to contradict what the flaming eye accused him of, of making Iruka feel used. He did not know how the man felt about that important bit of physical therapy at all.

"I will make a point of discussing it with him, rest assured that your concern is duly noted. Is that what you wanted to ask me about? Was there something else?"

"No big deal, huh, Doc? Duly noted, what, now you take him down for round two? "

"Tell me why you want to know."

_Where's Ibiki when you need him_, Kakashi seethed. "I just want the mistakes to stop."

"Then stop mistaking my intentions. Say what you will about my methods, or even my competence, but don't ever mistake my goal. I have his well-being in mind always. I take my job very seriously, and I don't use patients for my pleasure. If you really want him to get better, you'll work with me instead of against me."

"You act like you think you're his equal. If he wasn't in such bad shape, somebody like you wouldn't even be a blip on his radar. Just remember that. You're not a shinobi and you're not in his league. You're just support personnel. You never, ever should have touched him to begin with." The acid dripping from his words seared them with deadly seriousness. He allowed his chakra to push out sharply. What Iruka needed was more help from Kakashi. What Iruka kept getting was one screw-up after another and this was the main cause sitting right here with the chunin's notch on his undeserving belt.

The sharingan finished gathering the notes exposed on the desk, the expression on his face, the labels on the folders exposed in the open lateral file. It hadn't caught any lies, false moves or devious intent. It found nothing of obvious interest or relating to Iruka, but he filed the information away regardless. Truthfully, the main intent in using Obito's eye was to further illustrated the vast difference in power and talent between himself and the man who should, by all rights, be cowering before him. He rose, awaiting a reply.

"I understand what you're saying. You're entitled to your opinion, as I am mine."

Kakashi shook his head and stalked out, dropping his protector over the powerful eye. Gutsy little bastard, he'd give him that. But he seemed intelligent enough to realize he was being put on notice. And if Iruka was returned to the mission roster, Kakashi would make his own determination, and if warranted, get his rank busted right then and there.

Well, it wasn't like Marsh was unaware that he and Iruka didn't run in the same circles. The implication that he was some lesser being was annoying, but quite revealing of the person making the statement. As soon as the man left he hauled out his file and made his notations. That eye, he would have to do some research on it, it was unsettling to try and deal with it and still have a lucid conversation. If Kakashi ever needed therapy, Marsh was going to make his own appointments with Tsunade to coincide with them afterward, and make them doubles. Youch.

O0o0o0o0o0o

Raidou leaned over the shorter man, propped with a straight arm against the wall and seriously trying not to be critical.

"What do you plan to do to him, Gen? Be honest."

"Show him our job. He thinks he wants to help, so let him see what we're up against. We'll make sure he's all right. I'm not trying to scare him off or get him injured." He expertly rearranged things to make a bit more room in his pack.

"Ehhhh, I don't know. There's more to this than you're telling me."

"No there's not. I just need to see what he can take, that's all. And I want him to know what I'm talking about. He wants me to throw it all in the ring and let him shovel through my brains.Well,I need to know he won't crack in the middle of it. It's real simple." He reached across to the table and grabbed some small tagboard boxes of extra ammo to slip into the side carrier of his pack for good measure.

"You've really been giving him the treatment, are you at least going to stop that?"

"No. If he wants to let his guard down I'm on it like yesterday. Why, are you interested?"

"Of course, but not in him." It was gradually dawning on Raidou that, if this trip enabled the doctor to help Gen, in the long run it might solve Rai's problem as well. Well, maybe this wasn't a bad idea after all, especially since he'd be there to supervise.

"If he wants a threesome I'll let you know." He took a last look through his things, rummaging gently to keep from disturbing his careful organization. "You ready?"

"I've been ready."

"Come on, we have to go see what he's got and what he needs . Tsunade says we should teach him to pack himself. She's thinking he might start traveling on some of the recoveries further down the line. I can see where that could make sense." He shouldered his bag and waited for Raidou to precede him through the door, locking it up behind them.

"So, you plan to keep your appointments now?" He tried not to sound too encouraging. It might provoke that infuriating obstinacy again.

"If it works out." He looked up wide-eyed and unguarded at Raidou, catching his partner's steady gaze. "Hey, Rai - I really am glad that she picked you this time."

He sighed inwardly at way those eyes still shook him to the core.

"So am I."

o0o0o0o0o

It didn't help that Iruka had been upset at losing his doctor for the week or two ahead, fearing that he might not return to him alive. At least Marsh had insisted on waiting to leave until he held a departure session and supervised his release papers. Seeing the man in field garb, his pack by the door, was almost too much to bear as a last impression. At least he had indulged Iruka by wearing one of his uniforms, giving in to the argument that the stiff new one would be too uncomfortable. He looked good in it, it fit fine - if just a little loosely, and maybe it would remind him to be careful. At least, Iruka hoped it would.

O0o0o0o

He waited until the door was safely shut, waiting for the click of the latch. It wouldn't have been appropriate if anyone had seen the way Marsh buried his nose in the sleeve of the borrowed clothing and closed his eyes, breathing in deeply and remembering being very close to the body associated with that faint but intoxicating scent. His mind replayed the expression in the eyes that belonged to a man that under any other circumstances would have been worth fighting to hang on to.

It was absolutely never to be. It wasn't in him to violate his oath, loophole-crazy Hokages notwithstanding. But it was still a breathtaking dream to have in private. A man in his profession knew that fantasy is a fine thing when it prevents you from doing wrong in reality. And it would be wrong to tangle Iruka's recovery up in his selfish, unrealistic desires.

He was going to have to find an excuse to borrow another shirt and keep it. He doubted this one would have the same smells by the time he returned to Konoha.

Raidou and Genma waited jovially by the entrance and lit up when they saw Iruka. Raidou gave him an encouraging squeeze on the shoulder , and Genma flat busted him with an over-enthusiastic hug, cheek rubbing against his neck.

"Oh, man it's so good to see you going home! As soon as we get back we're all going out to have some fun, okay?" Gen grinned, holding him at arms length now to get a better look at him.

Iruka smiled, half-genuine, half-forced, and caught the hands resting on his sleeves.

"Don't let anything happen to him, or to you guys. Please." He was just not up to putting on his professional face yet. But of all people, these two wouldn't hold it against him.

Genma squeezed his hands gently before releasing them, but Iruka held on tight a few beats too long.

"We're going to be careful with him. You just make sure you take good care of yourself. We'll be back before you know it."

One last look around, and Kakashi was nowhere in sight. His throat tightened at the thought of heading out alone as he gave Sakura a hug goodbye, collecting his bag of belongings. He had to leave right now, because he really didn't think he could stand to be there and watch the team walk away first.

Back to his true life, to slip it back on and see how well it still fit. He reluctantly admitted to himself just how appropriate it was that he should be alone for the first steps back. The rest of his days would surely be no different.

o0o0o0o0o0o

"IRUKA-SENSEI!" His name screamed from a block away could have passed for the chorus of angels. It dredged his heart up in a flash and filled it with light.

Naruto yelped in joy at the sight, Iruka walking away from the hospital in his street clothes. He was still thin and moving slowly, but a genuine smile flashed in response to his name. He was carrying a bag with his initials and 113 on the front, confirmation that he had finally been released. "They made you walk alone?"

"Walking is good for me, Naruto-kun," Iruka sighed, feeling strange on a street he'd known his whole adult life, somehow naked to be out in the real world again. "I'm perfectly fine now."

"I was hoping to stay over on your first night home but the old perv wants us to leave this afternoon. Granny's mad because he won't pay up on one of their bets, and he doesn't want to stay the night now. I don't get it!"

"Show some respect, Naruto, say Jiraiya-sensei, or Jiraiya-sama, please."

"Then I'd have to find something even more respectful to call you. That's too complicated! You're my sensei, always!" Naruto snatched the bag away. "And I'll carry your stuff."

Iruka chuckled. "I'm fine. But thank you for helping me."

"I was worried. And mad! I hate hearing this stuff second-hand. I should have been there to get you back again and kick that guy's ass. I can't stand it when I think about that creep wanting to hurt you so much."

"He's back in prison now, Naruto, he can't hurt us anymore."

They turned down the side street, and Iruka noted how old and charming his apartment was. All the small four-plexes around it looked different from one another, and it gave a pleasant Bohemian feel to the neighborhood. He had stopped actively noticing how it looked over time. The little bits of gingerbread on the fascia outside , the comfortable covered front porch, the built in hutches and bookcases inside…a little fussy, but not a bit scary. He'd be okay here, really. He had another couple of weeks before he was slated to return to work, plenty of time to adjust to being unsupervised. No need for anyone to check in on him.

After his disagreement with the copy-nin he'd been noticeably absent. Now it seemed he must have changed his mind about staying for the first week. Not that it was needed. But at least the he could have had the courtesy of letting him know that he wasn't coming…but, well, they hadn't made any arrangements specifically. No time to meet, no day even. So it wasn't a completely promised promise. More of an agreed idea than a commitment. Iruka's tensely turning mind let the copy-nin off the hook and then hooked him again repeatedly for the possible slight.

Maybe if he offered a night's lodging to Jiraiya, he and Naruto would stay. He no doubt was fleeing because the apparently disgruntled Hokage rescinded her hospitality for the night. No, that was silly. The older man was too important and wealthy to find sleeping on some vaguely familiar chunin's futon to be acceptable.

But as they set his things down in the chilly, deathly quiet living room he hovered silently in discomfort, then fled for the kitchen.

"Tea, Naruto?" he asked, pulling out the pot and peering in to be sure it was clean before rinsing and filling it with water.

"Sure, I guess. You can tell you haven't been here in a while. Weird. It's like your chakra wore off the place. Guess it's like getting in a clean bed, it takes a while to warm it up so's your comfortable."

Iruka nodded, proud of the boy's ability to make so astute an observation in such an offhanded manner.

"My feelings in your words, exactly," he agreed. With the heat on the burner turned up, he fetched cups and shook out a fresh towel from the drawer to wipe them with in case dust had settled.

A knock at the door gave him pause as he poured the hot water, smiling at Naruto on his favorite perch on the kitchen counter, his legs now so long they nearly reached the floor as he sat.

"Don't kick the cabinets," he said mildly and went to the door, taking a deep breath before opening it.

His senses already knew who was there.

"Yo," the mask said, the curve of eye somehow reaching out with warmth. How does he do that? A duffle at his feet, he picked it up and stepped tentatively forward.

Iruka stepped back, a relieved and excited little tickle in his stomach from the idea that they weren't at war. That it looked like he was being cared for a bit after all. "Please, come in. Let me help you."

"I can manage, where do you want me?" he stood as the door closed, expectantly waiting for instructions on where to place his belongings.

"Um, why don't you share my bedroom closet? No need letting your things get wrinkled. Come on, I'll get some hangers."

Kakashi followed and smiled at that inwardly, Iruka sounding so normal and letting him close without worry. The thumping of approaching feet he knew would be Naruto's came to observe them hanging his things,stopping to stare from the doorway.

"You're staying here?" he demanded, frowning. "Is it because I'm not? I'll go tell the perv I'm staying then. You'll just make things worse, coming and going at all hours and such."

"Coming and going at all hours? I don't think Kakashi-sensei is going to be doing such things frivolously, Naruto. He can't help it if he has mission work with odd schedules."

"And as you recall, I am not rostered this week, Iruka-sensei. So if you, Naruto-kun, would be so kind as to stop trying to make him worry, I would appreciate it." He finished hanging the last overshirt, and he sensed the scowl.

"How long are you staying? You look like you're moving in!" the blond pointed accusingly. Naruto could hardly believe it! Didn't Iruka see how he was horning in? Didn't he want to protect himself now that he saw how bad these guys could get when they wanted to own him? He had this special way about him, it made you want to hold onto him. You couldn't fault others for being drawn into it, but he needed to remember to keep them at arm's length. Who could be trusted to let go once they got close to him and tapped into his warmth, so precious and rare in this place and time?

"Don't get all worked up, it's just for a week or two, until we make sure things are stable." Kakashi frowned at him. He was here to protect Iruka; he wasn't the threat. "It's for my peace of mind as much as his."

Iruka watched them stare each other down, but his mind was busy running ahead two weeks to the thought of being there alone. It must have shown on his face, because peripheral vision turned them both to him and they stumbled on each others sentences to ask if he was all right.

They sat him on the futon and squeezed through the doorway to the kitchen simultaneously to bring his tea.

"I guess it's a good thing you're staying," Naruto said in a hushed, reluctant aside. "He's really not well yet is he?"

"No, it's going to be a while. It's good for him to be home, though."

Naruto nodded. "You make sure to keep a good eye on him. Hah, that sounds funny , saying it to you. Good eye!"

The copy-nin thunked him on top of the head and picked up the tea cup. "Just try to behave and don't say anything else to upset him, all right?"

O0o0o0oo0o

Naruto left shortly after Kakashi put away the groceries, thankful that the boy had been there to keep an eye on his shaky charge while he was gone. The gravely responsible jounin had gone through the hospital bag and pulled out the medication and aftercare instructions. A starter card of anti-depressants to administer only if needed, in case he developed certain symptoms before the doctor returned, and some sleeping aids with specific instructions as well. Surprisingly, his only regular meds right now were the patches.

He herded Iruka into the bathroom and left him to undress and rest in a hot bath, making plenty of noise, and occasionally calling in to him with questions about the location of various utensils and his meal preferences. His intent was to reassure the apprehensive sensei that he wasn't alone, and to make it clear everything was calm and under control. It seemed to work just fine.

Now, see, thought Kakashi. I'm a better therapist than that clown Marsh any day. That was just the thing to help him settle back in.

Iruka looked much, much better wrapped in his thick robe and meandering back into the bedroom. He had insisted he wasn't hungry at lunchtime but Kakaski sensed he'd been too nervous to eat. He'd ply him with snacks shortly.

"You need help with that?" he watched from the doorway as Iruka was fumbling to rewrap his wrist.

"Um…sure. Thanks."

Making sure he wasn't causing any tension by entering the bedroom, he made his way to the bed and sat down next to the intently watching chunin. Taking the arm and elastic bandage in a businesslike manner, he soon had the wrist securely wrapped and returned to the sole possession of its owner.

"Your hair - it's, uh, kind of…" Kakashi looked at the lopsided, damp ponytail.

"Well, it was hard to do with one hand." he said in bemused defense.

The copy-nin raised his hands. "May I?"

Iruka shrugged but his eyes glinted with amusement. "You're going to fix my hair?"

"Why not?" Kakashi went back to the bathroom and returned with the brush. It hadn't occurred to him what a nice thing it was to have someone brush your hair until he had a very rubbery chunin gradually leaning further and further over until he was in danger of falling from his perch on the edge of the bed. That might also have lead to some robe slippage, which would normally be a heavenly thing, but would no doubt be a disaster right now.

He reluctantly stopped making Iruka melt away and pulled up the hair into a proper, symmetrical tail and did the band just so. Slipping a hand to catch the drooping elbow, just below the ridges of deep scarring, he guided Iruka over backwards and down onto the bed.

"I want you to take a few minutes to rest for me. Are you feeling all right?"

A smile and a nod were his reward , and when he pulled the blanket up to the tanned chin, the brown eyes were already hidden behind closed, relaxed eyelids. The trust was almost tangible.

It was as satisfying as it was a relief. It seemed like his battered friend would be able to bounce back once more, with time. He still had complete faith in Kakashi. And now, knowing what it was like to wander through days and weeks without him, the jounin was determined to be more deserving of it.

OO

After the evening meal Kakashi installed Iruka on the futon, too early for bed, but too worn from the long stressful day to go on much longer. He planned to sit in the other chair but, surprisingly, Iruka caught his sleeve and tugged as he went to walk past. He made it clear he wanted Kakashi to sit by him. It would have been the signal to attack under normal circumstances. Tonight it made the jounin feel a bit sad. He was needed, being drawn closer than before. But it felt as if he was being applied like salve to a wound. It was the very definition of bittersweet. The opening he had sought for so long had been delivered courtesy of the near-destruction of his closest friend. And now that it made him hesitate, he was being asked to come closer. Life was such a bitch, always.

Circumstances aside, if Iruka had any clue about the power of his doe-eyes, he was being merciless with them. Leaning on the older man and peering up through his tousled bangs, slightly sleepy and insecure, those eyes performed the heart-quake no jutsu with deadly accuracy.

He was determined not to touch Iruka but now his arms circled him protectively. He absolutely was not going to indulge in any amorous thoughts but the shop-worn perv's mind was actually making him blush. And he swore he would cut out his tongue before he would say anything that might be misconstrued or inappropriately personal…yet the words that eventually tumbled out of his mouth were some of the most provoking he'd voiced ever in his life. It was official. Iruka had rendered him completely senseless.

His only prayer was to come clean now and explain himself, if that was possible. On the futon, holding the bashful sensei as requested. Now or never.

"Iruka, I have a secret that I'll share with you. I find scars to be unbearably sexy. It's not about the violence, or the pain that caused them. it's about the strength of the person bearing the scar. The mark that means you're stronger for having survived and now there's this visible sign…and scar tissue is so sensitive. Your scar - the one on your nose - has been driving me mad for years."

"Huhn?" Iruka's breath caught as Kakashi drew him closer, gently, pulling the mask aside and tipping his head down to place a tiny kiss on the scar crossing the bridge of his nose.

Then slowly, ever so carefully, his tongue traced the path of the scar, once, and then again, from tip to tip.

He blew gently on the line of wet flesh and smiled as he saw that Iruka was frozen in total concentration, stunned at the dizzying feeling of his sensuous attentions to that highly perceptive area.

"I want to make new memories for these," Kakashi soothed, his tone deep and husky. "So that, when you see them, you'll think of me - of us - and how amazed you were that this could bring you so much pleasure."

"That's a lot of work though, Iruka. You have all of these amazing scars, and I want to take my time and get to know each and every one of them, one at a time, as slowly and as long as it takes. Weeks. Months. Years, if you'll let me."

His tongue traced the scar again, then retreated as his lips murmured in a low, longing sound and caressed softly down along the tan cheek to meet Iruka's breathless, slightly parted lips. There he applied the kind of kiss that Iruka was afraid he'd never experience, the one he only discovered that he sought with the help of therapy. He responded in kind, and for several long moments they shared a fluttering heartbeat and the sweet pain of nervous excitement. Somehow his hands, frozen in mid-air since he felt the first touch to his scar, found the courage to reach out and hold onto Kakashi's neck, to reveal that he wanted to keep holding him close and not let go. He felt the lips against his curve up in a smile at the sign of acceptance, even while passionately claiming him and connecting as deeply as separate bodies are capable. The jounin's loose hold grew tighter, and the warmth grew exponentially everywhere the two bodies met in their embrace.

_Incredible_, Kakashi's enraptured mind glowed. He's amazing, how can he be so nakedly sensitive still, after being subjected so much pain and cruelty. The reaction to his touching and kissing was so raw and unguarded, so honest it seemed he was able to telegraph the impact of his caresses to the scarred chunin's very soul. No lover, man or woman, had revealed this level of responsiveness, even in the throes of lovemaking. It almost made him afraid of the idea of more intimate relations, of bringing such strong emotions into play with someone so sweetly defenseless.

He backed off, pulling gently away, stroking the now-clouding face with a comforting hand, smiling at the sight of those soulful, slightly dazed eyes.

"Such a sexy, sexy kisser. If we keep this up it's going to be too difficult to stop." He nuzzled the brown bangs, and the blushing face tipped down and away.

No, that won't do.

"When you look down I can't see those beautiful eyes," Kakashi encouraged, slipping the fingers of one hand under his partner's chin, trying to tilt his head up. The resistance told him that breaking the kiss had thrown Iruka out of the moment; a little or a lot he couldn't tell yet.

"I don't feel beautiful, I feel foolish, and my scars are just broken parts that didn't heal right. And I don't even know if I can do any of the things you expect a lover to do, and I'm strange and broken in all the wrong places. Why do you want to be so kind to me? Why would you give up a week of your life to babysit me, when I've already caused so much trouble for you already? You touch me like a lover, but I'm not…I'm not normal like that. I'm not going to be able to do all those things now, maybe ever, and then you won't be happy with me. And…"

"Shh-h-h-h-…" the lips were hushed with tenderly placed fingertips. "Iruka, you are beautiful, and there's no one less foolish than you. I know you're embarrassed, but believe me, your strength and courage are not in question. It's an testament to your strength that you're still walking and talking and breathing; it's nothing short of a miracle that you're still able to function as a shinobi, a teacher, a friend and a mentor. There would be nothing left of most people if they'd gone through everything you have. I honestly don't think that I could have survived it myself."

"And as far as being different and broken - do you honestly think it makes a difference to me that you're not smuggling plums? As a matter of fact, Iruka, I'll tell you another secret - once we've done every other scar, every other square inch of your body - that scar is the one I want to please you with the most. I want to find a way to drive you wild and make it your favorite erogenous zone."

"You - you almost make it sound like a good thing," he sounded mildly stunned. The jounin was even conjuring ways to make him feel better about his ugliest secret? They were connecting and it seemed that it was at the level of the heart - at least, that's where it hurt. The acute and breathtaking pain of opening up was something he'd fought away successfully for so long. But maybe, like the pain of suffocation, bearing it bravely would bring a reward. A feeling of unequaled joy when the initial pain was released. It would explain why people sought after it. With so little experience in this game, he could only cling to blind faith and endure.

"I want to make it better than a good thing. I want to make it something that, when you touch it or think about it, your toes curl from the memory of the sheer ecstasy of it. But that's what I want, and I can be insensitive when I really want something. So you have to help me, too, Iruka. You have to tell me if I'm out if line. The last thing I want to do is run over you."

"Well…there is one thing."

Kakashi stiffened a little, worry cropping up quickly. Here it comes, the resistance to their becoming more than just friends. He steeled for it. "What is it?"  
_"Not 'smuggling plums' …_where on earth did you get that euphemism?"

"Oh. I heard it in a song, actually. Seriously." he suppressed a relieved sigh.

Iruka did sigh, burrowing into his chest warmly, perhaps implying things could go further. Kakashi disentangled himself reluctantly and rose, holding a hand out to him. "I've pushed far enough for tonight, we're going to stop here. Let's get you to bed. I'll be right out here on the futon tonight if you need me for anything. I want you to let me know if anything starts to bother you."

"I'll take the futon, Kakashi. You take the bed."

"No way, I'm perfectly fine on the futon. You need to spend a night in your own bed after all this time. You have a pill to take, Doc's note said it was so your first night home is peaceful. I want you in bed before you take it. But there is one other thing. Before you take that pill…kiss me goodnight? Promise you'll kiss me goodnight every night?"

It was the good blush, the one that meant he'd suggested something that was already an unspoken desire for the open-hearted chunin. He was answered with a goodnight kiss to die for.

The End.

(Or as much of "the end" as an ongoing manga ever arrives at…)

Now, how about a closing song: listen to Puddle of Mudd's "We Don't Have To Look Back Now."…

_Please stop by the the review page so we can say goodbye! I hope you had fun too...K_


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